This is extremely embarassing, but basically, I have been seeing this guy for around 3 months and we've been in a "proper" relationship for about a month.
Anyway, for some reason with my exams and then periods etc, we didn't end up having sex until Friday. We planned it, but when it came down to it, I just couldn't get it in. I wasn't wet enough and my muscles were just so tense that only a bit of it would go in. I was so embarassed which made it a lot worse when we kept on trying.
Now I'm worried that when we try again, it'll happen again. I just feel like a complete idiot.
I want to try some lube, but then I know this isn't going to help my muscles relax. He tried getting me "excited" but that didn't particularly help either.
In the past though, when it's the first time with someone, I have never planned it before. It's always just been on a spur of the moment type thing and with someone I wasn't particularly in a relationship. I worry that this time it's just been so built up and I don't know what to do now
Any suggestions would be much appreciated.
Can't get "it" in watch
- Thread Starter
- 27-03-2011 10:06
- 27-03-2011 12:25
Its like that with everyone I was in a similar situation last week.....
Try not to make it so awkwarrd.. help him up.... Do other things first to get urself wet. No point when its dry.
- 27-03-2011 17:21
I was in the similar situation last week!
Everytime he got on top he'd lose his erection slightly and then it would go too soft to enable penetration :| We tried it three times but still no luck. We had oral sex twice before (neither one of us had protection on us at the time so decided to do oral instead) and then by the time we went out to get condoms and got back it was too rushed.
- make sure he's really hard, the more foreplay the better - for both you and him.
- lube, lube, lube! cannot stress how important this is especially for penetration.
- and most importantly, relax!
Try not to think about it happening again, otherwise you'll be setting yourself up for it to happen.
- 27-03-2011 18:09
I'm scared the same thing's gonna happen to me too... I just hope that i'm relaxed enough before hand and it all runs smoothly
- 27-03-2011 19:37
hey, ill be breaking a dry spell (about 3 months) in about a week, and im terrified i'll PE. Id rather it not go in than PE...
- 27-03-2011 19:49
Sex is enjoyable. That's the key. The more you plan and build it up and worry about pe or going soft or not being relaxed and wet enough for it to happen the more likely it will go wrong! I know telling someone to get over it and to just relax never works lol. So sorry. But it's just the way it is :/ you need to find a way with your partner for it to be relaxed and hot. Not planned and stressy.
- 27-03-2011 21:44
Plan to have fun, but not necessarily sex. Take the pressure away and enjoy playing with each other, and if it happens, great. If not, there's always next time.
- 27-03-2011 22:35
- Thread Starter
- 28-03-2011 14:43
Thanks everyone! The advice is much appreciated.. I realise most of it is common sense.. I think I just needed some confidence that it does happen to everyone and it's something we'll get through!
I just need to be less stressy and not worry too much.. might have to bring out the wine!
(Original post by Anonymous)
- 28-03-2011 15:30
suppose that would help, but i've got a week or so window to get it on, so hopefully we get it first time without having to take a second run at it...
This is when the muscles around the vagina tighten involuntarily when penetration of the vagina is attempted. It makes sexual intercourse difficult or impossible.,
You must have secondary vaginismus which is when you have previously been able to have sex but now find it difficult or impossible. The symptoms of vaginismus vary between women.
For some women, it may be caused by a traumatic past experience, such as a difficult childbirth or sexual abuse. They may associate sexual activity with pain and learn to avoid intercourse as a way of avoiding further pain.
The condition is fairly common, especially from the late teens until the thirties. It is likely that many women will experience it at some point, even if they have had a history of enjoyable and painless sex.
Vaginismus is very treatable. If the cause is psychological, it may be treated using sex therapy, where you are helped to gradually overcome it using vaginal trainers and relaxation techniques. You will be given counselling or cognitive behavioural therapy if necessary.
I only know about this because my first ever girlfriend suffered from it when we first started having sex (we were about 16 or 17). It took lots of patience, oral sex, foreplay, lube and not forgetting a few glasses of wine to relax her, but after a littlw while it stopped being an issue.
Hope this helps :-)
- 28-03-2011 23:28
Lube will make it slip in easier. Also try and open yourself up a little bit beforehand...
- 29-03-2011 00:41
well i don't know about the OP but i most definitely am not getting anytime soon... i've just been ditched
- 29-03-2011 11:18
- 08-06-2011 16:33
You planning it in advance is making you nervous this wont help just relax ... go with the flow as they say