Can somone grade this and tell me how to improve and tell me the positive and the negatives.
Compare two metaphors
"Grey Iron Hair" - Two Scavs in a truck Writer = Ferlinghetti
"Hands burn for a stone, a bomb to shiver down the glass" - Nothings Changed - Writer = Africa
The writers of “Ferlinghetti” and “Africa” both write metaphorically to describe the angry, harsh, upsetting feeling of the pair. “Ferlinghetti” describes the persons hair as “Iron”, suggesting that the person is poor, and has a very low standard of living; “iron” suggests that the persons hair is dry and is worn off and is the same colour as grey therefore, this clearly indicates that the person can’t treat his hair because he can’t afford to pay for the hair treatment therefore, he is angry due to bad living condition. In addition, all three of these words are mono syllabic, this emphasizes the reader to have sympathy for that person; he has a very bad standard of living. In the same way, “Africa” describes the wrath and low standard of the person by metaphorically stating “Hands burn for a stone, a bomb to shiver down the glass”. “Bomb” acts as a metaphor, “Africa” describes the “stone” as a “bomb”, this is to show that the person wants incredible violence with the people inside the glass as he has an incredible urge to smash the glass because he wants a better lifestyle “glass” is acting as a barrier and preventing him to get past it. In contrast with “Two Scavs”, “Africa” describes the stone as being a bomb which designate the amount of devastation to be caused by the stone whereas, in “Two Scavs”, “Ferlinghetti” describes the hair as iron to show how awful the person’s hair is. However, in an overall way, both of these people have anger and wrath for different particular reasons, the person described as “iron hair” suggests that he is in anger because he can’t afford to pay for his hair treatment, similarly in “Nothing’s Changed”, the person wants to smash the glass; he is poor and therefore, wants to steal everything in there, so In comparison the main theme of both of the quotes would be the awful stand of living.
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GCSE English comparing language - (Metaphors) watch
- Thread Starter
- 27-03-2011 18:47
- 28-03-2011 18:10
You have some good analysis, but this is what I would say:
1) Organisation could be clearer. What is the point you are making? Both writers use metaphor but in contrasting ways? Both writers use metaphor for the same effect? State this point clearly and then move forwards.
2) Make sure it follows through logically: does iron really suggest poverty? Why? If it does then explain it. You said 'In the same way, “Africa” describes the wrath and low standard of the person...' but your first point had nothing to do with wrath! You did say that he was angry due to living in a bad condition but, really, there was nothing in the text to suggest this. If you think there was then you need to explain it.
Try to only make one point at a time, in short.
Also: 'monosyllabic' is one word and you don't need to put the names of writers in quotes.
However, you seem to have a solid foundation and I'd say you are on the right lines.
Hope that helps, I found English really hard last year but with a LOAD of practice I got two A*s, it was worth it, so keep practising!
Last year I gave, quite literally, about 50 poetry essays to my teachers to mark. Do you do this as well?