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My boyfriend says no sex before marriage BUT... asking for Christians/any advice!? watch

    • #1
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    #1

    I'm 18, non religious and have been with my boyfriend who I completely and utterly love for over a year, he shares my love yet is Christian.
    Ever since we first met, I have always understood the rule - no sex before marriage. Never have I ever tried to change this for him.
    However, a few months into our relationship he told me that he previously had sex with his ex girlfriend, of which he said was the biggest mistake of his life - he went on to repent his sin and ask for Gods forgiveness, he now see's himself as a virgin again. For me being non - religious, this is hard to understand and the fact he gave himself to another girl and won't with me makes me feel... well y'know, it's been hard.
    I learned to accept it and over the past year we have done everything sexually apart from pentrative sex.
    Over the past few weeks, things seem to of got more and more sexual between us so I decided to ask him what he thought about the fact we couldn't have sex. We have never spoken about it before.
    He says that he loves me so much, that everytime we're intimate he wishes he could, yet the only thing stopping him is that he doesn't want to let God or his family down - I understand. Yet I find it highly frustrating when he says that he can't wait until marriage and he wants to be my first no matter what. He's getting confused about what the right thing to do is - he's can't understand why some Christians believe that even to kiss before marriage is wrong and others think differently. He also thinks that the bible is hugely outdated and how can sex before marriage possibly apply to this century!
    So basically, it's a huge muddle!

    I love him to the bottom of my heart, I see sex as LOVE. I have never felt the need to give my virginity away before but with him, it's just different - it feels soooo right.
    The fact that he has before and is confused about what is right and wrong is frustrating - yet never would I push him into anything and the bottom line is I don't want him to go against God.
    I want him to do what HE wants rather than what he THINKS he has to do in the expectations of others.

    If anybody can offer me any advice then I would be so grateful, whether I am being out of order or what Christians are allowed to do - I mean so many Christians do have sex before marriage - is it up to them?

    Please help, thankyou!
    And sorry it's so long!
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    1. You're boyfriend is a dumbass;
    2. That's religious bull**** of his is going to seriously affect your life somewhere down the road;
    3. Ask him why he is arrogant enough to assume that god gives a **** what he does with his penis. Isn't humility a virtue of a true christian?
    4. Break up.
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    He has a small wheiner.
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    (Original post by idontthinkso)
    1. You're boyfriend is a dumbass;
    2. That's religious bull**** of his is going to seriously affect your life somewhere down the road;
    3. Ask him why he is arrogant enough to assume that god gives a **** what he does with his penis. Isn't humility a virtue of a true christian?
    4. Break up.
    I think it's you whose actually lost the plot.

    Atleast he's not getting pissed and shagin anything that moves.

    If he's got certain religious values than good for him.

    Live and let live.
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    OP, you'd probably feel guilty if you managed to talk him into it. It's a decision he has to come to on his own.

    You say you love him, so try to relax about sex and enjoy the relationship.

    But no matter how much he thinks he is, he is not a virgin!
    • #2
    #2

    How far have you two gone without actually doing the deed?
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    They've done 'everything sexually apart from penetrative sex.'
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    What is the point in doing "everything else" but not having sex, oral sex IS sex....
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    So you're not a virgin if you have oral sex?......
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    For be well assured that no fornicator or immoral person and no money-grubber--or in other words idol-worshipper--has any share awaiting him in the Kingdom of Christ and of God
    - Ephesians 5:5

    It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister.The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.
    1 thessalonians 4:3 - 7

    so yeah... if you shag him it is W...R...O...N...G.
    but man turn your face to the Light and obey God! if you love this dude, and want to spent your lifewith him, then marry!

    It is better for you to marry than to burn
    1 corinthians 7:9
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm 18, non religious and have been with my boyfriend who I completely and utterly love for over a year, he shares my love yet is Christian.
    Ever since we first met, I have always understood the rule - no sex before marriage. Never have I ever tried to change this for him.
    However, a few months into our relationship he told me that he previously had sex with his ex girlfriend, of which he said was the biggest mistake of his life - he went on to repent his sin and ask for Gods forgiveness, he now see's himself as a virgin again. For me being non - religious, this is hard to understand and the fact he gave himself to another girl and won't with me makes me feel... well y'know, it's been hard.
    I learned to accept it and over the past year we have done everything sexually apart from pentrative sex.
    Over the past few weeks, things seem to of got more and more sexual between us so I decided to ask him what he thought about the fact we couldn't have sex. We have never spoken about it before.
    He says that he loves me so much, that everytime we're intimate he wishes he could, yet the only thing stopping him is that he doesn't want to let God or his family down - I understand. Yet I find it highly frustrating when he says that he can't wait until marriage and he wants to be my first no matter what. He's getting confused about what the right thing to do is - he's can't understand why some Christians believe that even to kiss before marriage is wrong and others think differently. He also thinks that the bible is hugely outdated and how can sex before marriage possibly apply to this century!
    So basically, it's a huge muddle!

    I love him to the bottom of my heart, I see sex as LOVE. I have never felt the need to give my virginity away before but with him, it's just different - it feels soooo right.
    The fact that he has before and is confused about what is right and wrong is frustrating - yet never would I push him into anything and the bottom line is I don't want him to go against God.
    I want him to do what HE wants rather than what he THINKS he has to do in the expectations of others.

    If anybody can offer me any advice then I would be so grateful, whether I am being out of order or what Christians are allowed to do - I mean so many Christians do have sex before marriage - is it up to them?

    Please help, thankyou!
    And sorry it's so long!
    So you are non-religious? Does that mean you don't believe in God or don't care either way? Because if you don't care then this relationship can work. You can adopt his religion and be accepted by his family and belief system. If you don't believe in God and don't want to change your beliefs, then it will ultimately lead to frustration or huge, huge, and one sided compromise on your part.

    One thing is for sure, you cannot make him change his mind. If you keep trying to convince him, he'll either cave in and become really (in my opinion, unnecessarily) depressed and regretful, or he'll try to fight your advances, which will ultimately lead to damage of your relationship.

    That leaves you with 2 options. Hope that he changes his mind ON HIS OWN or you marry him.

    Both of those are possible if you love him. And when I say love I mean sticking with him for the end of your days even if at some points you absolutely hate his point of view, etc.

    One thing you need to remember though, the world is absolutely massive. 6.5 billion people, half of whom are men. You're 18 so if you haven't been in many relationships up to this point, you are basically choosing him over many, many other men who do share your point of view and belief system.

    Life can be soo long and you have all the time in the world. What you need to ask yourself is whether you'd stick with this man, who you obviously love at 18, and put up with all the pain and compromise that you may go through if you do marry him or rather endure the pain of leaving him and working from scratch with a guy who you may find a little later on in life who shares your views more closely and therefore have a better chance of an easier love life later on.

    One thing is for sure: you have to choose now! Leaving it and waiting unhappily will lead to damage to your relationship, because you will become bitter from the fact that he had sex with someone else and not you, but if you do realise later on in life that he's not for you, it will be never IMPOSSIBLE to leave or get over him.

    You will feel like you lost a part of yourself and it will hurt.

    Just remember, do something. Doing something is always, always better than doing nothing. Make a choice and stick with it.
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    LOL When you consider what St. Paul actually wrote - technical virginity is the stupidest thing if you've already done everything else with him...
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm 18, non religious and have been with my boyfriend who I completely and utterly love for over a year, he shares my love yet is Christian.
    Ever since we first met, I have always understood the rule - no sex before marriage. Never have I ever tried to change this for him.
    However, a few months into our relationship he told me that he previously had sex with his ex girlfriend, of which he said was the biggest mistake of his life - he went on to repent his sin and ask for Gods forgiveness, he now see's himself as a virgin again. For me being non - religious, this is hard to understand and the fact he gave himself to another girl and won't with me makes me feel... well y'know, it's been hard.
    I learned to accept it and over the past year we have done everything sexually apart from pentrative sex.
    Over the past few weeks, things seem to of got more and more sexual between us so I decided to ask him what he thought about the fact we couldn't have sex. We have never spoken about it before.
    He says that he loves me so much, that everytime we're intimate he wishes he could, yet the only thing stopping him is that he doesn't want to let God or his family down - I understand. Yet I find it highly frustrating when he says that he can't wait until marriage and he wants to be my first no matter what. He's getting confused about what the right thing to do is - he's can't understand why some Christians believe that even to kiss before marriage is wrong and others think differently. He also thinks that the bible is hugely outdated and how can sex before marriage possibly apply to this century!
    So basically, it's a huge muddle!

    I love him to the bottom of my heart, I see sex as LOVE. I have never felt the need to give my virginity away before but with him, it's just different - it feels soooo right.
    The fact that he has before and is confused about what is right and wrong is frustrating - yet never would I push him into anything and the bottom line is I don't want him to go against God.
    I want him to do what HE wants rather than what he THINKS he has to do in the expectations of others.

    If anybody can offer me any advice then I would be so grateful, whether I am being out of order or what Christians are allowed to do - I mean so many Christians do have sex before marriage - is it up to them?

    Please help, thankyou!
    And sorry it's so long!
    Im in the same kind of position as your bf im still a virgin but am kinda unclear about where the lines are drawn. Personally i will try and wait at least til i am engaged if i can but it kinda makes me think my bf will leave me if i dont put out
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    ^then let him
    • #4
    #4

    hey op, i think your post demonstrates how understanding you are being. You don't pressure him which i really admire. You don't try and change his ways.

    In terms of his past experiences, i would try not to let it get to you. If he does change his mind by your persuasion he will probably feel guilty and may even then break up..

    In terms of sex.. from the a person in the same boat as your bf (i'm waiting, my bf is in your shoes) it is most likely really hard for him to, to wait. But for me if i had a bf who decided to wait and not have sex with any other girl bar me (till he met me and got married) i would be over joyed. In today's world there is so much temptation around and just knowing that someone is holding out for you to give this part of yourself i find is really magical.. Maybe for practical terms lay off the whole physical side for a while.. You have to ask yourself can you love him enough to wait or do you need that level of intimacy in a relationship. Good luck whatever you decide.
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    OP he's not a virgin for a start, hes had sex so that ones a no no, if i kill someone but feel really bad about it would still make me a murderer - the same logic (yes i realise the irony of using logic with religion) applies.

    I think you need to re-evaluate your relationship, sex is a big part of a relationship and if its important to you then you need to think about where this relationship is going
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    ask him to do you then ask God for forgiveness again..after all he is a forgiving God
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    (Original post by SpunkyVanDros)
    ask him to do you then ask God for forgiveness again..after all he is a forgiving God
    ^Terrible advice. As a Christian you are supposed to not want to do the things that are sins. So everytime he imagines f***ing you he's already sinned but that is harder to control, so to actualy do it fully knowing what he's doing is wrong doesn't show much love for God and would make a person wonder why he even bothers (apart from fear of Hell)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    he told me that he previously had sex with his ex girlfriend, of which he said was the biggest mistake of his life - he went on to repent his sin and ask for Gods forgiveness, he now see's himself as a virgin again.
    This is utterly retarded.
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    (Original post by SpunkyVanDros)
    ask him to do you then ask God for forgiveness again..after all he is a forgiving God
    It doesn't work like that. If you knowingly and willingly sin because you intend on asking God for forgiveness, then you're not really sorry. I'm pretty sure God wouldn't be so forgiving then.
 
 
 
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