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My boyfriend says no sex before marriage BUT... asking for Christians/any advice!? watch

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    If he's a serious enough Christian to put off sex until marriage, then is he really someone you want to spend the rest of your life with? If it was up to me, I'd say move on. You don't really seem compatible, because sex is a pretty big part of most relationships.

    Also, since you said you've done everything but full intercourse, you may want to point out that oral sex and masturbation, whether solo or accompanied (alright, a handjob), is also condemned in the Bible. Just as Hell worthy. I would know, I used to be a Christian, and I've read the whole thing several times. I'm now an atheist. You say he's confused - and yes, the Bible is outdated, so why is he still sticking to this particular point of it?

    The way he's behaving isn't even very Christian. You can't just pick and choose the best bits from the Bible and ignore the rest. And he most certainly is not a virgin, not in God's eyes, and not in anyone else's either. God may forgive him, but he doesn't re-virginise him.

    /rant over.
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    It sounds like you really love him. I completely sympathise with your boyfriend, I am in his shoes. It's really hard to keep your virginity when your partner doesn't share your views and when there is so much social pressure telling you it's normal and a good thing to have pre-marital sex. I know it's hard for you too but he's sticking to it for a reason. If you really love him and respect him for it you could encourage him. It sounds like he is really confused about it himself and that's understandable too, as a guy it must be really difficult for him to resist you. However what is making it hardest for him is the feeling of disappointing you. He doesn't want you to lose interest so he is giving away as much as he feels he can which really isn't right of him to do. He will regret it later. Just withholding from penetration sort of misses the point. If you encourage him in his beliefs and help him in his resolve (try not to tempt him too much or get into situations that are really physically intimate) he will really appreciate it and respect you so much for it. I had a bf once who knew i wouldn't have sex with him but he still struggled and when we started getting too passionate he would wrap me up in a blanket and just cuddle me instead :P

    So just try to help him with it. Don't throw away a happy, loving relationship over sex (that you will eventually get if you marry him). Just remember not to feel rejected or insecure. he absolutely is into you and really does want to sleep with you. don't get upset about his ex, he regrets that and you don't want to be one of his regrets. The more you support him and the more you push him to be a better christian the more he will love and respect you for it.

    Hope that helps
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm 18, non religious and have been with my boyfriend who I completely and utterly love for over a year, he shares my love yet is Christian.
    Ever since we first met, I have always understood the rule - no sex before marriage. Never have I ever tried to change this for him.
    However, a few months into our relationship he told me that he previously had sex with his ex girlfriend, of which he said was the biggest mistake of his life - he went on to repent his sin and ask for Gods forgiveness, he now see's himself as a virgin again. For me being non - religious, this is hard to understand and the fact he gave himself to another girl and won't with me makes me feel... well y'know, it's been hard.
    I learned to accept it and over the past year we have done everything sexually apart from pentrative sex.
    Over the past few weeks, things seem to of got more and more sexual between us so I decided to ask him what he thought about the fact we couldn't have sex. We have never spoken about it before.
    He says that he loves me so much, that everytime we're intimate he wishes he could, yet the only thing stopping him is that he doesn't want to let God or his family down - I understand. Yet I find it highly frustrating when he says that he can't wait until marriage and he wants to be my first no matter what. He's getting confused about what the right thing to do is - he's can't understand why some Christians believe that even to kiss before marriage is wrong and others think differently. He also thinks that the bible is hugely outdated and how can sex before marriage possibly apply to this century!
    So basically, it's a huge muddle!

    I love him to the bottom of my heart, I see sex as LOVE. I have never felt the need to give my virginity away before but with him, it's just different - it feels soooo right.
    The fact that he has before and is confused about what is right and wrong is frustrating - yet never would I push him into anything and the bottom line is I don't want him to go against God.
    I want him to do what HE wants rather than what he THINKS he has to do in the expectations of others.

    If anybody can offer me any advice then I would be so grateful, whether I am being out of order or what Christians are allowed to do - I mean so many Christians do have sex before marriage - is it up to them?

    Please help, thankyou!
    And sorry it's so long!
    Ha, I thought only girls used that sort of logic!

    It sounds a bit like he wants to have his pie and eat it too.

    I knew a Christian girl, she was really nice, she was with her boyfriend for something like eighteen months, the most they ever did was touch each other I think, which she felt bad about. They break up, then she goes and shags some other guy after two weeks.
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    Haha it was me who posted this like two years ago! Just scrolling through this thread and find this title... start reading and it turns out to look familiar and it was me who wrote it haha! Thanks for the advice guys, we did have sex and were together for two and a half years, but he dumped me for another girl a few months ago... no doubt he's
    f*****g her too! Hahaha he really is going to hell!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm 18, non religious and have been with my boyfriend who I completely and utterly love for over a year, he shares my love yet is Christian.
    Ever since we first met, I have always understood the rule - no sex before marriage. Never have I ever tried to change this for him.
    However, a few months into our relationship he told me that he previously had sex with his ex girlfriend, of which he said was the biggest mistake of his life - he went on to repent his sin and ask for Gods forgiveness, he now see's himself as a virgin again. For me being non - religious, this is hard to understand and the fact he gave himself to another girl and won't with me makes me feel... well y'know, it's been hard.
    I learned to accept it and over the past year we have done everything sexually apart from pentrative sex.
    Over the past few weeks, things seem to of got more and more sexual between us so I decided to ask him what he thought about the fact we couldn't have sex. We have never spoken about it before.
    He says that he loves me so much, that everytime we're intimate he wishes he could, yet the only thing stopping him is that he doesn't want to let God or his family down - I understand. Yet I find it highly frustrating when he says that he can't wait until marriage and he wants to be my first no matter what. He's getting confused about what the right thing to do is - he's can't understand why some Christians believe that even to kiss before marriage is wrong and others think differently. He also thinks that the bible is hugely outdated and how can sex before marriage possibly apply to this century!
    So basically, it's a huge muddle!

    I love him to the bottom of my heart, I see sex as LOVE. I have never felt the need to give my virginity away before but with him, it's just different - it feels soooo right.
    The fact that he has before and is confused about what is right and wrong is frustrating - yet never would I push him into anything and the bottom line is I don't want him to go against God.
    I want him to do what HE wants rather than what he THINKS he has to do in the expectations of others.

    If anybody can offer me any advice then I would be so grateful, whether I am being out of order or what Christians are allowed to do - I mean so many Christians do have sex before marriage - is it up to them?

    Please help, thankyou!
    And sorry it's so long!
    Hello,
    Before I answer you, I just want you to know i chose the name "bottlehat" because those were the two items in my room I saw first and I was so tired of trying to find any cool usernames that weren't already taken. :P so don't judge me from the name, my real name is Esther. Since I don't know your name I will just call you "my friend". I actually am engaged to a Christian guy, we are both Christian missionaries. He found your post because we were looking for "engagement questions about sex" and some how your post popped up. He shared what you wrote with me, and I thought I might be able to maybe clear some things up for you. I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but you wrote that you were confused a lot about Christian faith and what the bible has to say about sex, so I'm just going to try and help you understand more of this point of view, okay?
    The following will be about the Christian faith out of scripture:
    So, it all begins with God being the Creator of man and woman. God created everything, and then creates man in his own image (like how when we're born we look like our parents) and God loved man and while he called mountains, the sky, and the sea "good, he said that man was VERY good! (Genesis 1). Then God said it is not good for man to be alone, so he created a helper for man, which is woman. Now, many people think of "helper" like "sidekick", but actually the meaning of this word "helper" is more like how a teacher helps a student- it is not making the woman weaker, it is showing that she has different gifts to help man fulfill his purpose, which in Christianity is to glorify God and love Him and love others.
    So, God intended for man and woman to help each other, and God also gave them the desire to have sex and even gives them the command to be fruitful and multiply- God is the one who invented sex! And you can read about how lovely God intended sex to be between a man and woman in Song of Solomon or Song of Songs. A lot of people think God is against sex and this is COMPLETELY untrue. God designed sex! Sex is a good thing! But, like most things- if it isn't done properly, a good thing can turn into a really bad thing.
    This is why God advises certain boundaries on sex. And by the way, any sort of sexual pleasure is considered a "sexual sin" outside of marriage. So I'm sorry to say, but your boyfriend who is a Christian is walking in sin if you both are having a "sexual" relationship- even if you haven't gone all the way. BUT- please don't let that make you feel like "well, might as well just have sex then!" because that really isn't going to make it better. As a sister in Christ, I want to support your boyfriend, who is my brother, to stop walking in sin- but again, I will let you manage your relationship. He just needs to have it clear that he is allowing sin into his life but he can also repent and stop out of love for God. And also, to encourage him- God doesn't love him ANY less or ANY more by anything He does. However, we should not take advantage of the grace of God by walking out in a life of sin. This grace and love should instead bring us into God's arms and living a righteous life. Also in Ephesians 2 it says we are saved by grace through FAITH so that we cannot boast about works. However, in James 3 it says that faith without works is dead- basically meaning you're just fooling yourself to think you actually believe something that you're not doing. So idk, maybe this will help your boyfriend make his heart right with God and understand more the concept of God's grace and the concept of walking out His faith out of respect for God.
    So, going back to our point about sex-
    God puts boundaries on sex not because He is a "fun sucker" but because He knows us better than we do and He loves us more than we love ourselves. I understand that as a girl, we really want to be loved and have someone pay attention to us and want us. Sometimes we can be kinda dumb and when something SO intimate and emotional as sex gets involved, there are some battle scars! God's idea of sex is that one man and one woman would be committed to loving God and loving others and having a selfless attitude, and when they are in love, that they would leave their mother and father and begin their own family with love and selflessness. Love isn't an emotion, Love is sacrifice! Jesus, God's son was our SACRIFICE so that WE could have relationship with God. <--This is what love is supposed to look like in Christianity, is laying your life down for one another. Of course, as humans, we're pretty selfish- so it would really take a lot to actually be able to lay your life down for someone. You would really have to love them- and not just the "emotional" stuff- but the hard core- LOVE them. Well, marriage in the Christian faith, the husband and wife are supposed to have already died to themselves and live for Christ, and then when married again, die to themselves and serve their spouce. The man is to love his wife as his own body, and the woman is to respect and support her husband (Ephesians 5). And this kind of love and commitment, you don't find in dating- it is exclusive, it is the kind of love worth your life and worth the wait. This is why sex is saved for marriage. It's not because God was like "stupid teenagers- I'll make them suffer- muhahahaha!". It's more like God being the awesome and perfect dad that He is and saying "WOAH, Esther, my daughter my love! WAIT! Don't give yourself to this guy unless he is ready to love you in the way that I LOVED YOU. Do not unify yourself in sex with this guy (because God made sex a POWERFUL thing) unless he is willing to lay down his life and put you above himself". And you know, it was really hard, but I have never had sex with a guy. OF COURSE there were times when I just wanted to "live it up" and "have fun" but God has been so good to me, that always He just told me to trust Him- and I don't regret it AT ALL. Now I'm engaged to a wonderful man who also loves God and is willing to lay down his life for me- and we will have sex for the first time on our wedding night and it is going to be AWESOME, and I thank God and his love and wisdom that I could give this gift to my husband of purity. My fiance is not pure, he did not become a Christian until his mid- twenties, and he has been hurt (just as your boyfriend was) to give himself away physically and share sex with other women. But he made his heart right with God and walked away from all sexual sin (no porn, no sex, nothing related to sex) and it is a great and wonderful mystery- but God made him pure again. Read Psalm 51, it is my favorite- and it is how God purifies a man's heart. Maybe your boyfriend will find comfort in it.
    My friend, I want to encourage you that if you really do believe that sex is for love, that to go even further with it and ask yourself what love is. In the Christian faith, Love is sacrifice ultimately. Love is described in other places (check out 1 Corinthians 13) but ultimately love is to give up your own life for another. If you really feel that this is the kind of love you have for your boyfriend, that's awesome and you know, when sex is added (if in marriage) it is going to make things even greater! However, if you have a different definition of love and it's not exactly quite as intense of giving up your life for him- I would just continue growing in friendship with him (still being boyfriend and girlfriend) and hopefully your relationship will get to a point where you both could lay down your life for one another, commit in marriage, and then have lots of great sex without any guilt, fear, regret, shame, pain, insecuirty- etc. Because another great thing when you have sex with the guy you marry is that there isn't any comparison, you don't worry that the relationship will get weird or end because he's actually only wanted sex the whole time, you don't feel really stupid afterwards, you don't feel insecure because HELLO- this guy loves you so much he wants to spend his WHOLE LIFE with you- so all these regrets and stuff when you do marriage/sex God's way are not there! God really is a great God, I'm not trying to convince you- God doesn't need any of my help with that, He's pretty awesome ;D but I just encourage your boyfriend to continue to be faithful to God, trust in Him, and be amazed by his UNCONDITIONAL love for Him. I will be praying for him as a brother, and I will pray for your relationship. My hope is that you both would remain pure till marriage (even if you're not a christian, it really saves SO MUCH pain and it's a lovely gift!) and I also pray that perhaps you would think more about God's love and maybe ask more questions about Him. My fiance and I just finished a bible school where we read the bible 5 times in 9 months- yea, pretty intense! :P but i'm not saying that to be like "o0o0, look at me!" but more to just say if you have any questions we can chat about it and I will actually listen to everything you have to say and will genuinely just try to be of help to you.
    God bless you both, God's protection over your relationship and I hope you both have a great day! Sorry it was so long ;D
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    (Original post by Pindar)
    You've done everything BUT penetrative sex? Sorry but that doesn't count. You may still be a virgin, but the Bible is clear. No sexual contact until marriage.

    If you have done everything BUT sex you might as well there is no point continuing pretending your some God obeying innocent virgin, you might aswell lose your virginity and be done with it.
    This.
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    (Original post by ChocoCoatedLemons)
    If he's a serious enough Christian to put off sex until marriage, then is he really someone you want to spend the rest of your life with? If it was up to me, I'd say move on. You don't really seem compatible, because sex is a pretty big part of most relationships.

    Also, since you said you've done everything but full intercourse, you may want to point out that oral sex and masturbation, whether solo or accompanied (alright, a handjob), is also condemned in the Bible. Just as Hell worthy. I would know, I used to be a Christian, and I've read the whole thing several times. I'm now an atheist. You say he's confused - and yes, the Bible is outdated, so why is he still sticking to this particular point of it?

    The way he's behaving isn't even very Christian. You can't just pick and choose the best bits from the Bible and ignore the rest. And he most certainly is not a virgin, not in God's eyes, and not in anyone else's either. God may forgive him, but he doesn't re-virginise him.

    /rant over.
    Well, I just have a few things to say.
    1.It is true that oral sex and masturbation are sins and "hell worhty" but anyone who is saved by grace through faith in Christ is exactly that- Saved. You can read about it in Hebrews 10, Jesus's blood covers over ALL sin. So, to encourage the boyfriend who is saved by what Jesus did and not condemned by his own sins anymore, he should not feel like he just lost points with God. God's love is unconditional. This is not an excuse for sin, because we're saved through faith (Eph 2) and faith without works is dead (James 3). So you need to walk the talk, but again, your boyfriend is not endanger of hell because there is sin in his life. However, it is true that he needs to make sure that in every area of his life he is at least trying and asking for God's help to obey Him.

    And as for "sex being a big part of people's relationships", I do agree- but why does it have to be a big part of dating? I consider it to be a big part of marriage, because to me the purpose of sex is to unify two people together in love to serve, comfort, encourage, and enjoy each other. Sex is the most intimate thing humans are capable to do with their bodies- so why not save it for the most intimate relationship we have- which is marriage.

    And last thing... I just studied the bible intensely for 9 months, going through the history of the bible, the culture, the original meanings of hebrew and greek, studying the emperors, knowing the jewish laws- etc. In this school I had the priviledge to read the bible from cover to cover 5 times (that's reading it all the way through every month and a half). I can say with full confidence that the Bible most certainly is NOT outdated and there is so much truth! If you want, we can go through some passages together. It really breaks my heart that you would have been a Christian before and now become an atheist. I'm sure you have your reasons, but if your reasons are about the Bible and it's truth, I would really love to talk with you about it. I had been a Christian for 15 years before I studied in this school of the Bible, and I honestly felt like I was reading it for the first time knowing all the history and culture behind. Maybe you would want to give the bible a second chance? but if you don't want to, that's of course your choice and I won't bother you.
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    (Original post by bottlehat)
    Hello,
    Before I answer you, I just want you to know i chose the name "bottlehat" because those were the two items in my room I saw first and I was so tired of trying to find any cool usernames that weren't already taken. :P so don't judge me from the name, my real name is Esther. Since I don't know your name I will just call you "my friend". I actually am engaged to a Christian guy, we are both Christian missionaries. He found your post because we were looking for "engagement questions about sex" and some how your post popped up. He shared what you wrote with me, and I thought I might be able to maybe clear some things up for you. I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but you wrote that you were confused a lot about Christian faith and what the bible has to say about sex, so I'm just going to try and help you understand more of this point of view, okay?
    The following will be about the Christian faith out of scripture:
    So, it all begins with God being the Creator of man and woman. God created everything, and then creates man in his own image (like how when we're born we look like our parents) and God loved man and while he called mountains, the sky, and the sea "good, he said that man was VERY good! (Genesis 1). Then God said it is not good for man to be alone, so he created a helper for man, which is woman. Now, many people think of "helper" like "sidekick", but actually the meaning of this word "helper" is more like how a teacher helps a student- it is not making the woman weaker, it is showing that she has different gifts to help man fulfill his purpose, which in Christianity is to glorify God and love Him and love others.
    So, God intended for man and woman to help each other, and God also gave them the desire to have sex and even gives them the command to be fruitful and multiply- God is the one who invented sex! And you can read about how lovely God intended sex to be between a man and woman in Song of Solomon or Song of Songs. A lot of people think God is against sex and this is COMPLETELY untrue. God designed sex! Sex is a good thing! But, like most things- if it isn't done properly, a good thing can turn into a really bad thing.
    This is why God advises certain boundaries on sex. And by the way, any sort of sexual pleasure is considered a "sexual sin" outside of marriage. So I'm sorry to say, but your boyfriend who is a Christian is walking in sin if you both are having a "sexual" relationship- even if you haven't gone all the way. BUT- please don't let that make you feel like "well, might as well just have sex then!" because that really isn't going to make it better. As a sister in Christ, I want to support your boyfriend, who is my brother, to stop walking in sin- but again, I will let you manage your relationship. He just needs to have it clear that he is allowing sin into his life but he can also repent and stop out of love for God. And also, to encourage him- God doesn't love him ANY less or ANY more by anything He does. However, we should not take advantage of the grace of God by walking out in a life of sin. This grace and love should instead bring us into God's arms and living a righteous life. Also in Ephesians 2 it says we are saved by grace through FAITH so that we cannot boast about works. However, in James 3 it says that faith without works is dead- basically meaning you're just fooling yourself to think you actually believe something that you're not doing. So idk, maybe this will help your boyfriend make his heart right with God and understand more the concept of God's grace and the concept of walking out His faith out of respect for God.
    So, going back to our point about sex-
    God puts boundaries on sex not because He is a "fun sucker" but because He knows us better than we do and He loves us more than we love ourselves. I understand that as a girl, we really want to be loved and have someone pay attention to us and want us. Sometimes we can be kinda dumb and when something SO intimate and emotional as sex gets involved, there are some battle scars! God's idea of sex is that one man and one woman would be committed to loving God and loving others and having a selfless attitude, and when they are in love, that they would leave their mother and father and begin their own family with love and selflessness. Love isn't an emotion, Love is sacrifice! Jesus, God's son was our SACRIFICE so that WE could have relationship with God. <--This is what love is supposed to look like in Christianity, is laying your life down for one another. Of course, as humans, we're pretty selfish- so it would really take a lot to actually be able to lay your life down for someone. You would really have to love them- and not just the "emotional" stuff- but the hard core- LOVE them. Well, marriage in the Christian faith, the husband and wife are supposed to have already died to themselves and live for Christ, and then when married again, die to themselves and serve their spouce. The man is to love his wife as his own body, and the woman is to respect and support her husband (Ephesians 5). And this kind of love and commitment, you don't find in dating- it is exclusive, it is the kind of love worth your life and worth the wait. This is why sex is saved for marriage. It's not because God was like "stupid teenagers- I'll make them suffer- muhahahaha!". It's more like God being the awesome and perfect dad that He is and saying "WOAH, Esther, my daughter my love! WAIT! Don't give yourself to this guy unless he is ready to love you in the way that I LOVED YOU. Do not unify yourself in sex with this guy (because God made sex a POWERFUL thing) unless he is willing to lay down his life and put you above himself". And you know, it was really hard, but I have never had sex with a guy. OF COURSE there were times when I just wanted to "live it up" and "have fun" but God has been so good to me, that always He just told me to trust Him- and I don't regret it AT ALL. Now I'm engaged to a wonderful man who also loves God and is willing to lay down his life for me- and we will have sex for the first time on our wedding night and it is going to be AWESOME, and I thank God and his love and wisdom that I could give this gift to my husband of purity. My fiance is not pure, he did not become a Christian until his mid- twenties, and he has been hurt (just as your boyfriend was) to give himself away physically and share sex with other women. But he made his heart right with God and walked away from all sexual sin (no porn, no sex, nothing related to sex) and it is a great and wonderful mystery- but God made him pure again. Read Psalm 51, it is my favorite- and it is how God purifies a man's heart. Maybe your boyfriend will find comfort in it.
    My friend, I want to encourage you that if you really do believe that sex is for love, that to go even further with it and ask yourself what love is. In the Christian faith, Love is sacrifice ultimately. Love is described in other places (check out 1 Corinthians 13) but ultimately love is to give up your own life for another. If you really feel that this is the kind of love you have for your boyfriend, that's awesome and you know, when sex is added (if in marriage) it is going to make things even greater! However, if you have a different definition of love and it's not exactly quite as intense of giving up your life for him- I would just continue growing in friendship with him (still being boyfriend and girlfriend) and hopefully your relationship will get to a point where you both could lay down your life for one another, commit in marriage, and then have lots of great sex without any guilt, fear, regret, shame, pain, insecuirty- etc. Because another great thing when you have sex with the guy you marry is that there isn't any comparison, you don't worry that the relationship will get weird or end because he's actually only wanted sex the whole time, you don't feel really stupid afterwards, you don't feel insecure because HELLO- this guy loves you so much he wants to spend his WHOLE LIFE with you- so all these regrets and stuff when you do marriage/sex God's way are not there! God really is a great God, I'm not trying to convince you- God doesn't need any of my help with that, He's pretty awesome ;D but I just encourage your boyfriend to continue to be faithful to God, trust in Him, and be amazed by his UNCONDITIONAL love for Him. I will be praying for him as a brother, and I will pray for your relationship. My hope is that you both would remain pure till marriage (even if you're not a christian, it really saves SO MUCH pain and it's a lovely gift!) and I also pray that perhaps you would think more about God's love and maybe ask more questions about Him. My fiance and I just finished a bible school where we read the bible 5 times in 9 months- yea, pretty intense! :P but i'm not saying that to be like "o0o0, look at me!" but more to just say if you have any questions we can chat about it and I will actually listen to everything you have to say and will genuinely just try to be of help to you.
    God bless you both, God's protection over your relationship and I hope you both have a great day! Sorry it was so long ;D
    I read every word of that and have to say, as a Christian, I 100% agree with what you said.

    OP, as a non Christian it will probably be hard for you to understand this, but it is Biblical and the Christian view.

    To God, even kissing before marriage is wrong if it involves lustful thoughts, Esther, I just wonder, are you and your fiance waiting until the altar to kiss?

    Personally, I am a Christian and I really struggle with sexual sin. But I am a virgin (having done everything else) and I have fallen a lot of times into sexual sin. I have almost lost my virginity on a couple of occasions and looking back, I know its not something I wanted. But I have prayed about it and I am really trying to avoid it now. Ive also decided I am waiting for a Christian husband, and if he doesnt come, its clearly not in God's plan for me and its not something Im going to worry about. But I think I am going to save everything for my wedding night (except maybe kissing- even though it too is a sin in God's eyes, I just feel I need something, but everything else I really do want to wait).



    OP, I understand this is going to be difficult for you to comprehend because you are not a Christian. But Biblically, what Esther wrote are the facts.

    Good luck
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    (Original post by Dee Leigh)
    This.
    I don't understand why people when they realize that what they're doing is a mistake, instead of running in the opposite direction they just dig their grave even deeper! If the Bible is clear about not being sexually involved then the logic shouldn't be, then sin all the way! It should be, then stop sinning!
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    (Original post by pinkangelgirl)
    I read every word of that and have to say, as a Christian, I 100% agree with what you said.

    OP, as a non Christian it will probably be hard for you to understand this, but it is Biblical and the Christian view.

    To God, even kissing before marriage is wrong if it involves lustful thoughts, Esther, I just wonder, are you and your fiance waiting until the altar to kiss?

    Personally, I am a Christian and I really struggle with sexual sin. But I am a virgin (having done everything else) and I have fallen a lot of times into sexual sin. I have almost lost my virginity on a couple of occasions and looking back, I know its not something I wanted. But I have prayed about it and I am really trying to avoid it now. Ive also decided I am waiting for a Christian husband, and if he doesnt come, its clearly not in God's plan for me and its not something Im going to worry about. But I think I am going to save everything for my wedding night (except maybe kissing- even though it too is a sin in God's eyes, I just feel I need something, but everything else I really do want to wait).



    OP, I understand this is going to be difficult for you to comprehend because you are not a Christian. But Biblically, what Esther wrote are the facts.

    Good luck
    Thank you Pinkangelgirl for the affirmation. It is true that my fiance and I have never kissed yet, but our thinking was to save our first kiss for when we got engaged. However, he lives in europe and I live in Japan, so when he proposed he still went all out with roses, candles and getting down on one knee- but it was all over skype- so yea, no making out with the webcam for me! :P

    I do not think it is a sin to kiss because that does not create sexual pleasure- however the reason why my fiance and I were waiting to kiss was because it would help us stay away from temptation. I also struggle with lust- although I have done nothing very sexual it is only by God's strength and grace- I really can't get over how faithful God has been. So I think we agree about this, I just wanted to clarify for OP.

    Pinkangelgirl, if kissing for you creates lustful thoughts, I do think it is wisdom for you personally perhaps to try and put off kissing while you can- however, if I saw a Christian dating couple kiss I wouldn't think they were walking in sin unless there was more evidence of lust or one of them confessed it.

    By the way, that's great that you're going to save yourself for a Christian man but are also just following God wherever He leads you. Sometimes Christian girls are promised good christian boys and unfortunately it was a promise given by some sunday school teacher and not a promise from God. If God promises a man, rejoice- but if God didn't mention it, basically the safest place to be is walking in obedience with God and loving others. Paul was awesome, he wasn't married- I think it's 1 Corinthians 7 that talks all about that. Well anyways, I'll pray God's will over you and that your heart would be guarded. I know its hard sister! but with such a great love of God in our hearts we have nothing to fear or be dissapointed of! All in His hands.
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    (Original post by bottlehat)
    I don't understand why people when they realize that what they're doing is a mistake, instead of running in the opposite direction they just dig their grave even deeper! If the Bible is clear about not being sexually involved then the logic shouldn't be, then sin all the way! It should be, then stop sinning!
    Exactly, I don't get it either, but to be honest those people are just contradicting themselves.
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    (Original post by bottlehat)
    Thank you Pinkangelgirl for the affirmation. It is true that my fiance and I have never kissed yet, but our thinking was to save our first kiss for when we got engaged. However, he lives in europe and I live in Japan, so when he proposed he still went all out with roses, candles and getting down on one knee- but it was all over skype- so yea, no making out with the webcam for me! :P

    I do not think it is a sin to kiss because that does not create sexual pleasure- however the reason why my fiance and I were waiting to kiss was because it would help us stay away from temptation. I also struggle with lust- although I have done nothing very sexual it is only by God's strength and grace- I really can't get over how faithful God has been. So I think we agree about this, I just wanted to clarify for OP.

    Pinkangelgirl, if kissing for you creates lustful thoughts, I do think it is wisdom for you personally perhaps to try and put off kissing while you can- however, if I saw a Christian dating couple kiss I wouldn't think they were walking in sin unless there was more evidence of lust or one of them confessed it.

    By the way, that's great that you're going to save yourself for a Christian man but are also just following God wherever He leads you. Sometimes Christian girls are promised good christian boys and unfortunately it was a promise given by some sunday school teacher and not a promise from God. If God promises a man, rejoice- but if God didn't mention it, basically the safest place to be is walking in obedience with God and loving others. Paul was awesome, he wasn't married- I think it's 1 Corinthians 7 that talks all about that. Well anyways, I'll pray God's will over you and that your heart would be guarded. I know its hard sister! but with such a great love of God in our hearts we have nothing to fear or be dissapointed of! All in His hands.
    I think the kissing is a hard one to understand. In some cases, it can be like a hug, a show of affection. But then, one has to ask, would you kiss your family members in the same way you would kiss your 'boyfriend'? If you wouldn't, then surely there must be some sort of sexual or lustful element even if it just subconscious.

    I didnt think I found kissing arousing, but then when Im drunk (<<another sin Im trying to focus on) my desire to kiss becomes very strong. So I think there is a lustful element even without openly realising it.

    I am, obviously, talking about snogging/passionate kissing, rather than just a peck or something.
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    (Original post by Dee Leigh)
    Exactly, I don't get it either, but to be honest those people are just contradicting themselves.
    just clarification, who are "those people". Do you mean the people who wrote the thing about "might as well just have sex anyways"?
    and actually, I think i do know a reason why people do it- because honestly sometimes I want to also. I think it's because we all just want an excuse to try and get away with as much as we can- and we can really be dull enough to convince ourselves that it's justified. :P i know i've done it before and it's just really stupid. haha. this is what a child's way of thinking is- if I stole one cookie out of the cookie jar, I might as well just take the whole jar because I'm going to get spanked anyways! <-- yea... it's called immaturity. I was guilty, but luckily I think i've grown up more. by the way, I'm 20yrs.
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    [QUOTE=pinkangelgirl;41757049]I think the kissing is a hard one to understand. In some cases, it can be like a hug, a show of affection. But then, one has to ask, would you kiss your family members in the same way you would kiss your 'boyfriend'? If you wouldn't, then surely there must be some sort of sexual or lustful element even if it just subconscious. I didnt think I found kissing arousing, but then when Im drunk (
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    (Original post by pinkangelgirl)
    I think the kissing is a hard one to understand. In some cases, it can be like a hug, a show of affection. But then, one has to ask, would you kiss your family members in the same way you would kiss your 'boyfriend'? If you wouldn't, then surely there must be some sort of sexual or lustful element even if it just subconscious.

    I didnt think I found kissing arousing, but then when Im drunk (<<another sin Im trying to focus on) my desire to kiss becomes very strong. So I think there is a lustful element even without openly realising it.

    I am, obviously, talking about snogging/passionate kissing, rather than just a peck or something.
    OH NO! I just spent like 35 minutes writing this long reply! :/ meh...
    I suppose I will just highlight the main ideas of the e-mail i originally wrote.

    **God designed the relationship between a man and woman to be exclusive. I think it's silly that someone were to convince you it is lustful to think of your boyfriend differently than your family, because that is what God intended! I'm never going to have sex with anyone in my family and that's a GOOD thing! :P Yea, whoever tried to compare your relationship to your boyfriend to your dad i think is going about it in the wrong way...

    **As for the wanting to kiss while being drunk. I think you probably just have a natural tendency to be affectionate with others. I also show my care and love for others either out of touch or quality time. Of course I put my boundaries- giving the guys "side-hugs" -etc. However, when you are drunk, the frontal lobe goes to sleep basically and this is where you make your decisions and put up your boundaries. It's not a sin to be affectionate, but the fruit of the Spirit includes "self-control" which you lose when you're drunk (Galatians 5). So yea, you already know getting drunk is bad, but honestly even if I weren't a Christian I wouldn't drink- there is just so much that sucks about it. (expensive, calories, life scaring embarrassments- etc.)

    **Pinkangelgirl, there is nothing wrong with you. You desire physical touch and to be affectionate in a way that is sexual with a guy. Our bodies were created by God this way! BUT that is no permission to just start having sex whenever you want to- God puts boundaries on sex on on relationships to guard us and as long as you stay close to God, know truth and DO it, then you should be fine. If you do feel like you are struggling with lust, give these things to God and also cut off anything provoking lust (music, movies, people you hang around, places you go, drinking, porn- etc). This doesn't mean you have to give up everything you've ever loved- but just take care of yourself and listen to God. You know yourself well, and He knows you better. If you want to watch a movie, but it has a sex scene in it- you can probably still just watch the movie and fast forward through the sex. But just do whatever you feel like you need to do, you're smart. And don't be overly harsh with yourself, this will just make you feel guilty, ashamed, lonely, less valuable- and that couldn't be any further from God's truth about you. You are a daughter of God who is King of Kings! You know what that means? It sounds weird, but you are a princess. Being a princess in God's eyes is not like disney where you sing all the time and everything is happy and you talk to animals. BUT- being a princess in God's eyes is that you are of GREAT value (enough that the king would sacrifice the Prince for you), you are greatly LOVED, you are PRECIOUS, you are PROTECTED, you are LOVELY, you are BEAUTIFUL- all of these things. And there is nothing that will ever make you "damaged goods" in the eyes of God, you will always be His little princess that He loves so much. but in being a princess, remember that the Prince (Jesus) suffered a great death to pay the price of your sin. So being royalty doesn't mean life is always happy, the Bible says you will suffer and be hated by the world just as Jesus was- but royalty means that you're with the King- who is God, and there is no greater reward.

    So, that went into a rant about identity in Christ... idk how I got there :P but I pray that it is a good reminder in your heart of how blessed you are to be a daughter of the King and may it encourage you to treat yourself well and not settle. Of course don't develop this sense of entitlement where you feel like you deserve anything- because the only thing we as humans deserve is hell, nothing more. BUT- I do hope you treat yourself as someone greatly loved, precious, valuable- and that you are worth guarding and protecting. Blessings to you pinkangelgirl.
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    (Original post by RexyB)
    ^Terrible advice. As a Christian you are supposed to not want to do the things that are sins. So everytime he imagines f***ing you he's already sinned but that is harder to control, so to actualy do it fully knowing what he's doing is wrong doesn't show much love for God and would make a person wonder why he even bothers (apart from fear of Hell)
    Or you could argue that some parts of the Bible are symbolic, and if you truly love someone, then it is fine to have sex with them.

    It isn't up to you to say how someone should practice their faith and it certainly isn't up to you to decide how God would react.
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    (Original post by djpailo)
    Or you could argue that some parts of the Bible are symbolic, and if you truly love someone, then it is fine to have sex with them.

    It isn't up to you to say how someone should practice their faith and it certainly isn't up to you to decide how God would react.
    Dipailo, I do agree with you that there are some parts of the bible that are symbolic and there are many metaphors and other figures of speech used to make various points- HOWEVER, this idea that if we really love someone it is fine to have sex with them is NOT biblical truth. It is CLEAR in the Bible that sex is intended between ONE man and ONE woman completely unified and committed to one another in marriage before God.

    And I also agree, it isn't up to us how someone should practice the Christian faith- it is up to God and what He commands, and HIS word does clearly say to not be involved with sexual things out of the context of marriage. My intentions of correcting you are not to say "I know better", but purely to guard God's truth and not allow any manipulation of it that we would be rationalizing sin and claiming innocence. If I am in love with my boyfriend and sexually involved, I am walking in sin. That is truth whether I like it or not. If I really loved him so much- I would see our love through to marriage and have as much sex with him as our hearts desired. To me it's simple, if you "truly love someone" then marry them and then enjoy sex.
 
 
 
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