This is just something I want to get off my chest.
I've always been an angry young man growing up. Growing up in secondary school very isolated with very few friends, feeling alone, often not achieving things I really tried hard, being dumped or rejects by girls, and the constant tension I have with my parents are all things that have all made me angry. No I don't go around beating and mugging people because of it, but for about five years I have felt a burning resentment about all these things which I tend to keep hidden and have dealt with through controlled martial arts and constant loud music on my headphones.
This anger was really damaging my relationships with any new friends and my family and was ruining my frame of mind, and my self-esteem. It all came to boil last year in my second year of uni when I was dumped by a girl I really liked while struggling with a lot of other things such as course, health and career issues. I realised I would get very angry quickly to cover up my unhappiness. I saw counsellors who may have helped in the long-run but over the course of 2010 it did not feel like they made any difference at all.
By the summer of last year I could see how exhausting being pissed-off all the time was. It took me about 7 months to think over and forgive (in my mind) a lot of people who I feel have hurt me a lot. I also got over a lot of things that I was unjustly angry about - often you fail to realise how you blame others for things beyond anyone's contol and also for some of your own mistakes. Importantly I had to let go of my own past mistakes. This made a huge difference to my life. That knawing, irritating feeling in my chest that made me constantly angry is gone. My friends can see I'm more outgoing and relaxed and things have been going great.
HOWEVER, being angry has been my way of life for the last 6-7 years (im 21 now). Having such a constant feeling gone has actually left something of a hole. Whilst I've talked about the negative things about being angry, it was also my greatest driving force. I always harboured an 'I'll show you!' mentality when people doubted me. My focus on work and sports was entirely driven by being pissed off! Things are going great with my family and friends and romantic relationships yet I can't help feeling a little lost - sometimes I search for something to make me angry to have that familiar feeling again so that I can focus on my work and sports training etc.
In the long-run I realise that the feeling of anger will actually be detrimental to my ability to focus but I was hoping any of you who have been through something similar know how to deal with the situation after? Once you have let go of you anger? What do you replace it with? Fruity suggestions like love I just can't take seriously but I need to find something that drives me in the same way.
Thanks (and sorry it turned out to be so long)
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Anger and the hidden difficulty of letting go watch
- Thread Starter
- 28-03-2011 00:44
- 28-03-2011 00:48
I haven't go of my anger as I can't, there is something about flipping out that I like (also it is hormonal imbalance and I am not having injections or whatever).
I'm not sure what to suggest as like you said anger can (and does) help with focus, maybe doing something that gives you an adrenaline rush might help perhaps?
- 28-03-2011 00:50
I wouldn't look for a replacement - just let your life take a new shape.