Fell in love at uni

I met a girl during the first week of uni. We clicked completely, I've never gotten on wiht someone that easily before. She was having trouble settling in at uni, and we ended up spending a LOT of time together, since her halls are abt 2 minutes away from mine.

We became completely inseperable, and soon enough we became more than friends. However, she decided we couldn't date, since i come from a muslim family, although am not muslim myself, and she is a tamil with a hindu family. I found this hard to accept, and stupidly pushed it, and we carried on. We basically dated for about a month or 2, although we knew it was going nowhere and never called it dating. But if
we had been dating we wouldn't really have been doing much differently at all.

I was a complete idiot, and realised that it wasn't going anywhere, and that i was going t get hurt. I developed a crush on another girl at uni, who wasnt interested anyway, and tried to move on and push her away. It never went anywhere, and simply caused trouble between us, but i realised i was only doing it because i was scared - i'd fallen for a girl that i could never have.

she began to develop genuine feelings for another guy, just before xmas. he claerly liked her, and for some stupid reason, i told him to tell her how he felt, since he IS tamil and hindu, so they'd have a real shot. god knows why i did it, i was just depserately trying to get out of the hole i'd dug for myself i think.

anyway, they actually hit it off, and whilst they're not together now, they're very close. he's replaced me as her best friend really, he's a lot taller and better looking (superficial i know), a lot funnier, and a lot more cultured than i am, jsut a better fit for her in every way. I've been trying to accept things, and to make it easy for them, even though they're not actually together. But i don't want to stand in the way of something good for her. It's culminated in us growing apart, trying to keep our frienship up, and tonight i rang her up and told her i can't do it, and that i need a break over easter, no contact etc.

She told me no break, i won't get a second chance. I said so be it. Now i'm sitting here having deactivated my fb and deleted her number, and i can't sleep at all.

My life has become a massive mess. I've not got a home to go back to since my parents won't let me stay over easter due to the whole religious issue, so i'm stuck in uni for 4 weeks with one my mates for company. Just needed to vent. I know i brought a lot of this upon myself, and that she deserved a heck of a lot better. I know i was selfish and foolish. I also now know why they call it heartbreak lol

x