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    Basically, towards the end of last year, I started feeling a bit crazy... It's hard to explain, but the symptoms included random mood swings, not sleeping well, worrying a lot, feeling paranoid, and I even stared hallucinating (seeing things rather than hearing things).

    Even more recently, my hair's started falling out in clumps and I've started grinding my teeth at night, which my dentist has given me a mouthguard for.

    I went to the doctors last week and have to go in for a blood test. She said it seemed like it was all stress related, which I get. Only, I don't feel like I have much to be stressed about, other than money, which I'm sure most people stress about!

    Witin the last week or so, I've been feeling really down for no apparent reason, and I'm getting fed up of people asking me what's wrong, because I can't give them an answer! Today I got sent home from work because I couldn't stop crying!

    I've been reading about bipolar disorder on the nhs website, and I'm worried I might have it... obviously, I won't worry TOO much about it until I see the doctor again. But I've realised that this may be something that I've had for a while, because, for years I've had random episodes of being either really low or being 'manic' (during which time I'd party too hard, drink a lot, take drugs, have ONS's, spend too much money). I've been like this since the age of about 16 (I am now 22). The 'episodes' could last weeks or months, or sometimes just a couple of days.

    ANYWAY. The biggest problem I have is that I feel like can't talk to anyone about this. Again when I was about 16, I stopped talking about my feelings or problems, because people just seemed to gossip about it or make jokes, so I assumed no one cared. So I now just bottle everything up and pretend it's all ok rather than dealing with anything. There's not one single person I could imagine talking to about this, not even my mum, who I am actually really close to.

    I know I've rambled on, but it feels so good to let it out (sort of). Any kind of advice would be good. I've been considering getting in touch with a counsellor, but I don't understand how I'm meant to talk to a complete stranger about this when I can't even talk to my closest friends or family.

    I feel like I'm going insane, so please help!
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    Anyone? I hate sounding like a whiney miserable *****, but I really need to know what to do here.
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    Wait and see what the doctor says, perhaps you have bipolar, perhaps you don't, only a qualified doctor can tell you the answer to that, you're only going to worry yourself a lot more by looking up stuff online. For what it's worth, it does sound an awful lot like stress to me, I get a lot of the same symptoms when I get overly stressed, are there any ways you can try to reduce the stress in your life to see if that helps?

    I get that it often feels good to let things out, and it can be difficult to talk to people close to you which can be the positive side of talking to a counsellor - they don't know you personally so it's a less judgemental and less "I'm burdening you" kind of situation. It sounds like it might be worth you asking about seeing a counsellor and if you find you can't talk to them either then at least you tried.
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    If you can't imagine talking to your loved ones about this, would writing it out and reading it to them/giving it to them to read be an option? Often when I'm too ill or upset to make sense verbally or if things are too difficult for me to put into words, I write out mini-speeches and read them to people :yes:
 
 
 
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