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    • #1
    #1

    I got very worked up and depressed and angry about certain things, like parents, school, friends, and my mother had died when I was 3 so I always felt very angry about it and 'why me' and how unfair it was etc... so when everything got really built up in me I would cut myself, and I poured boiled water once, and various other stuff I used to do. It used to be a release from it all, and I found that the more emotional and worked up I was, the less I felt it, and the more I got a kind of high.
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    Self hatred and punishment and also dealing with anger. It becomes an addiction though and you begin doing it for no reason other than the thought just popped in your mind (which can be terribly often when your body is covered in scars). It becomes a compulsion. Even when you think it is pathetic and pointless you find your self compelled. Like a smoker who hates smoking.

    I'm surprised that no one has said that they did it for attention. As lets be honest, some people do.
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    (Original post by kerily)
    I take it I'm the only one who actively enjoyed it then? :awesome:

    It's also very addictive, which isn't a tremendous reason to start, but tends to keep you going once you have.
    Nah I used to get a kind of high from it as well, and yeah it is really addictive. I sort of just fell into a habit of doing it as well, where I didn't really think of it as weird or anything, just part of my routine!
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    It's an emotional thing mainly.
    People criticize it, saying they "just want attention". This can be partly true, but that's not a reason to NOT help them! Sometimes the whole point is that they feel un-loved, or they just need that feeling when someone says "oo, how'd you hurt yourself?" or "are you okay?"
    It's a horrible position to be in.
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    A physical outlet and release for the emotional pain.

    In other words, by turing the emotional pain into physical pain (e.g through self-harm) it is easier to release and control.
    • #2
    #2

    As far as I know, there are (broadly speaking) two types of self harmer. One type feels dissociated, numb and disconnected - for them, self harm is something to feel, even if it's bad. A tether to the real world. A reminder you're alive.

    The other type (this would be my side of it, back when I did it), do it because they find themselves overwhelmed by life, upset, stressed and unable to cope with their feelings. Injuries prompt a release of endorphins from the brain, which act as natural painkillers can reduce tension and emotional stress.

    So basically, some do it to feel something, even if bad. Others, do it to temporarily lessen the crap they feel.
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by kerily)
    I take it I'm the only one who actively enjoyed it then? :awesome:

    It's also very addictive, which isn't a tremendous reason to start, but tends to keep you going once you have.
    I enjoy it too.

    The sensation of cutting and the blood from it can turn me on - sometimes I'll stop SHing and masturbate.
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    People self-harm so they come across as abstruse and 'deep'.
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    (Original post by kerily)
    I take it I'm the only one who actively enjoyed it then? :awesome:

    It's also very addictive, which isn't a tremendous reason to start, but tends to keep you going once you have.

    I can join you where I enjoyed it!! Is like drugs and very addictive, especially when you get caught up in it for years without people noticing and then do it as a matter of habit even when the problems have gone. Very hard to escape and I can truly say that I will never again be normal as in not self harm. Yes, I havent for a year or so now however I can imagine when I'm stressed I will go back to it over and over. Even with therapy such a vicious cycle when your left to cope alone!
    • #4
    #4

    It was my way of coping with child abuse (physical and emotional) for 5 years. When things got closer to boiling point I was self harming twice a day, I literally couldn't manage without it. Luckily I'm out of that situation now and very shortly after I left my home, I managed to stop, and haven't self harmed for two months now.

    It's very difficult to explain why people self harm and I believe it's different for each individual. For myself it was because it was the only way I could make myself hurt physically as much as I was hurting emotionally. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but essentially, I felt like I needed to hurt myself more than I was already being hurt, in order to cope with it. I'm not saying it's a good coping mechanism, it's not at all, but it was the only way I got by. I self harmed for the first time when I was 12 and I just came to rely upon it more and more.

    Others, I believe, self harm because of mental illnesses such as depression and the pain release makes them feel better for a short while, however, of course in the long term it doesn't help at all. For some, if they feel numb or cold in life, then self harm makes them feel 'something', as an earlier poster has said. I found it was a way to express the pain I was feeling, that I couldn't tell anyone else about. Self harm was my secret, and many people use it as a way of controlling their emotions without anyone else finding out. It's a dangerous thing to get hooked on, and can obviously have disastrous consequences if something goes wrong, so I would recommend anyone who does self harm to seek help if they can. I'm not going to say it's difficult to stop, but it is possible, and life is so much brighter for me now
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I enjoy it too.

    The sensation of cutting and the blood from it can turn me on - sometimes I'll stop SHing and masturbate.
    I don't find it sexually arousing, but a lot of people do - there's a strong connection between pain and pleasure. I don't actually think that self-harm is necessarily a bad thing. If you're doing it to cope with negative emotions, then it sucks that your life is hard and that you need a coping mechanism, and if you're physically addicted to it (I was for over a year, had to self-harm every few hours or I would actually shake and feel faint and get headaches, it was pretty bad) that's also harmful. But just as something one might do every now and then, it doesn't have to be a bad things.
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    (Original post by Oswald Mosley)
    People self-harm so they come across as abstruse and 'deep'.
    Your username tells me quite a lot about you as a person :awesome:

    (Original post by mad-cow18)
    I can join you where I enjoyed it!! Is like drugs and very addictive, especially when you get caught up in it for years without people noticing and then do it as a matter of habit even when the problems have gone. Very hard to escape and I can truly say that I will never again be normal as in not self harm. Yes, I havent for a year or so now however I can imagine when I'm stressed I will go back to it over and over. Even with therapy such a vicious cycle when your left to cope alone!
    Once you know it's there, I think you're always likely to go back to it - I'd be interested to know if anyone who was properly addicted ever truly quits. Therapy was mostly useless to be honest - just a load of middle-aged women (when I have a problem with people of that demographic due to my relationship with my mother) insisting on seeing my limbs :dontknow:
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    (Original post by chemical_bex)
    It was like, the only way to release all that 'pressure' built up inside.
    It's difficult to explain.
    That
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    (Original post by chemical_bex)
    It was like, the only way to release all that 'pressure' built up inside.
    It's difficult to explain.
    Kind of like you're drowning, or suffocating inside your skin. By cutting you're opening up and allowing yourself to take a massive breath of air. Well, i don't know about you but for me it felt like this. Sort of like a release. It was a frighteningly good feeling

    It usually started with self hate and a way of punishing yourself. That didn't feel so good.

    Edit: Now i'm thinking about it and trying to work out why i like it, i think there's a certain amount of self control in it as well. Kind of like "you can't hurt me that much, only i can hurt myself properly". That sort of thing.
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    The sting of razors edge,
    The rush of all that blood,
    Self-control over the dread
    I thought maybe I could:
    Find a high to numb the low,
    A release of all the pain,
    Self-punished scars to show,
    I could still feel...someway
    • #5
    #5

    Stops me killing myself. :dontknow:

    Has worked pretty well so far. Gotta do something about stuff, slicing myself open is probably marginally better than hanging myself.
    • #6
    #6

    It's different for everyone and the people who mock it don't understand. It's not a way of getting attention, in fact for me it was one of the most private things I had.

    It was a way for me to scream silently at the world that they didn't know me, that I wasn't perfect, I was hurting so much. It was a way to make myself feel the pain I knew I deserved to feel... I'd always do it after an argument, and it calmed me down a lot. Not so much the actual cutting, but the cleaning up... almost medical. It was a coping mechanism and as a previous poster said, definitely a way to show people I could hurt myself far more than they could.

    No matter how much anyone hates me, I hate myself more. The scars were a big thing for me, too. They most definitely mean a lot, and it felt good seeing the scar form after the act.

    Odd that I'd see this thread now, I came very close to cutting again yesterday. I haven't for two and a half years, and only once then... I properly stopped about, wow, four years ago now. But it's addictive. I haven't been cutting, but I've picked, scratched, punched, slapped and bit myself. I don't know if I'll ever stop. I don't know if I can, or if I want to.

    (I really hope this stays anon.)
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    (Original post by chemical_bex)
    It was like, the only way to release all that 'pressure' built up inside.
    It's difficult to explain.
    This.
    • #7
    #7

    (Original post by xarcul)
    Just out of interest, who on here has self harmed, and what were your personal reasons for doing so?

    Do you see a logical reason for doing so, or is it just uncontrollable emotion entirely?
    it was uncontrollable emotion, i had lost two grandparents within a week a friend had tried to commit suicide and i was not coping at all. was a stupid thing to do however i got help and am totally fine now
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    It was for a number of reasons, I was getting bullied really bad at school and by my family, my 'friends' has deserted me and were nasty. I'd begun having seizures that doctors couldn't explain, I went for all types of tests and they still couldn't figure it out, I was seeing a useless child psychologist too that only made me feel worse.

    It's hard to describe how it made me feel, I did it after a particuarly nasty argument with my 'best friend' who has a amazing ability to twist words and make herself appear the innocent one. I got my older brother's razor and just went to town on my arm.

    It hurt but it made me feel powerful, I remember thinking 'I did this." Like I had regained some of the control I'd lost, especially against my own body, which in my mind was beginning to betray me.

    I don't really regret it, looking back I needed that outlet for my emotions although I've come close to doing it again, but I wouldn't be the person I am today hadn't I done it.
 
 
 
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