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    Right, here's the thing. I'm a pretty awful Girlfriend.

    I've had quite a troubled past (I hate that term :P) and I'm a bit confused in myself as a person at the moment, but here goes:

    There're other people I've started to be attracted to, and even though I know on paper (as it were) he is amazing and sweet and lovely, I don't think I deserve him. And then I end up getting mad at him for it and trying to break up with him. And being attracted to other people and getting all the guilt of being a cheater. It's a mess. So on one hand, I want more, but I don't even feel like I'm enough for him. Well, I'm not. How horrible of me is that?

    He's so sweet and kind, but we just don't seem to be on the same page at all anymore, and I don't understand why at all. And I think I love him. I know I used to. I just don't know how to feel anymore really.

    I'll be going quite far away to uni in September aswell, and I just don't want to drag it out if it won't work. And I'm so scared of the thought of never having that first relationship feeling again. I know that's horrible, but I'm so young, and there's all these expectations of us that just seem so terrifying.

    That said, I think the world of him, and with everything that's happened in my life, he's been there for me. I don't think I could actually bear to break his heart. However dramatic that sounds...

    Any advice on the matter would be greatly appreciated and thankyou if you read all that!
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    Well, do you honestly want to break up with him? Maybe you're just going through a rough patch :/
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    I keep thinking that, but it's lasted for so long now. We've been together for 2 years now, and about a year of it has been like this... I don't know what to do
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    Been like what?
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    Stop thinking you're not good enough for him and just be happy you're together. If you don't want it, then end it. If you do, then stay. Your choice in the end. Man up and make a decision.
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    To be honest, LDRs are hardest at the best of times, but if your heart isn't in it, then it's going to be nearly impossible. Have you ever spoken to your boyfriend about the way you feel? Just because someone is perfect for you on paper, doesn't mean they will be in real life, and equally just because someone used to be perfect for you, doesn't mean they will be forever. He sounds like he has treated you really well, so I can completely understand not wanting to hurt him, but stringing him along is only going to hurt him more in the long run. From your post it's not clear whether you want to be with him or not, and I'm assuming it's not clear in your own mind either. It's certainly not horrible to say you can't imagine never having that "first relationship" feeling either, you are still very young and you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself and on your relationship. I would suggest talking to your boyfriend, although I would pick your words carefully. You might just need some time to yourself to clear your head, but whether he'd be willing to wait while you figure things out, you'll have to find out. All the best.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I want more, but I don't even feel like I'm enough for him I don't feel like he's/one person is enough to satisfy me
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm so scared of the thought of never having that first relationship feeling again
    Any relationship built or maintained through fear is an unhealthy/volatile and hence ultimately unsustainable and ill advised one

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That said, I think the world of him, and with everything that's happened in my life, he's been there for me
    Been there but really you have to be pragmatic, talk to him - tell him you love/value him and still want him to be a part of your life in so much as he is comfortable with but that you're not sure you want to/will be able to hold down an exclusive relationship :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by Georgiahoneybee)
    To be honest, LDRs are hardest at the best of times, but if your heart isn't in it, then it's going to be nearly impossible. Have you ever spoken to your boyfriend about the way you feel? Just because someone is perfect for you on paper, doesn't mean they will be in real life, and equally just because someone used to be perfect for you, doesn't mean they will be forever. He sounds like he has treated you really well, so I can completely understand not wanting to hurt him, but stringing him along is only going to hurt him more in the long run. From your post it's not clear whether you want to be with him or not, and I'm assuming it's not clear in your own mind either. It's certainly not horrible to say you can't imagine never having that "first relationship" feeling either, you are still very young and you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself and on your relationship. I would suggest talking to your boyfriend, although I would pick your words carefully. You might just need some time to yourself to clear your head, but whether he'd be willing to wait while you figure things out, you'll have to find out. All the best.

    We have spoken about it, but I can never carry the conversation on because he starts to get upset. And then I feel bad and I try to break up with him because I don't want to string him along, but that makes it worse so I take him back and it just feels a little bit more fake every time. So I can't ask him to wait, because of the amount of times I've hurt him. I don't really have a right to ask anything of him!
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    Been there but really you have to be pragmatic, talk to him - tell him you love/value him and still want him to be a part of your life in so much as he is comfortable with but that you're not sure you want to/will be able to hold down an exclusive relationship :rolleyes:
    But what if I lose him completely? After all I've done, I'd probably deserve it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    We have spoken about it, but I can never carry the conversation on because he starts to get upset. And then I feel bad and I try to break up with him because I don't want to string him along, but that makes it worse so I take him back and it just feels a little bit more fake every time. So I can't ask him to wait, because of the amount of times I've hurt him. I don't really have a right to ask anything of him!
    Ok, so when you get back with him is it because you realise you do want to be with him or is it because you don't want him to be upset? Because if it's just the latter then it's never going to work, no matter how hard you try. I think you know a relationship shouldn't feel "fake" and if there is no solution to improving the relationship, then in the long run you are both better off out of it.
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    It sounds like you really need to learn to love yourself.

    If you struggle to love, or even like yourself, how can you possibly accept the love of another.

    You will seek the love and affection of others to try to prove to yourself that you are loveable, but then when love is shown to you, you will reject it, you won't believe it.

    This state of mind is not conducive to a healthy romantic relationship
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    Slut.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    But what if I lose him completely? After all I've done, I'd probably deserve it
    Like I said be pragmatic. If you lose someone who's never likely to actually be there for you what have you lost? A: Nadda :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    Like I said be pragmatic. If you lose someone who's never likely to actually be there for you what have you lost? A: Nadda :rolleyes:
    But this is the point. All he's ever done is be there for me! He's probably the nicest person I know :/
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    (Original post by Kabloomybuzz)
    It sounds like you really need to learn to love yourself.

    If you struggle to love, or even like yourself, how can you possibly accept the love of another.

    You will seek the love and affection of others to try to prove to yourself that you are loveable, but then when love is shown to you, you will reject it, you won't believe it.

    This state of mind is not conducive to a healthy romantic relationship
    How does someone do this?
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    I'm not going to pretend its easy, it isn't and its not immediate either. You need to change your thought processes, your thinking habits.

    What are your thoughts about yourself, positive and negative? write them down. How do you see yourself as a person.

    For every negative thought, see if you can find a reason why you think it, who or what made you think that about yourself
    Think of a positive thought in its place. Every time you catch yourself thinking the negative thought, stop, think again, repeat your positive replacement to yourself.

    You are capable of more than you think you are. Right now, in this moment, given how you feel and what you know you are doing your best. You have it in you to change things If you wholeheartedly want to. I believe this of all people.

    If you want help, someone to talk through it, work with on this, PM me. I'll be happy to help.
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    Okay so basically you've got a bf that you don't think you're good enough for, and you think you're a cheater because you find other people attractive, and because now you're confused and you don't know if you love him anymore, that coupled with you finding other people attractive makes you even more feel that you don't deserve him. Am I right?

    So here's the deal: it's ok to find other people attractive as long as you don't act on your feelings. You're insecure because you feel you aren't deserving of him. But think of all the positives in the relationship. Does he love/care for you? Are you still together? If yes then you've gotta see that he does think you're deserving of him!! If he didn't love you then after 2 years do you think he'd still be with you?!

    Have you talked with him about your insecurities? If not then you need to, pronto! Communication is the key to a successful relationship!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    But this is the point. All he's ever done is be there for me! He's probably the nicest person I know :/
    No dear, "the point", is one of pragmatic rationale: Clearly someone 'nice', 'being there for you', is not enough to tick all your boxes.. the sooner you're honest with yourself having realised that (as you seem to have already) and prepare him for that reality the better, trust me :rolleyes:
 
 
 
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