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My ex broke my heart, but I miss her so much watch

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    I started writing a ridiculously long post on the whole story of our relationship from start to finish, but soon realised I'd written enough to produce a small novel and noone would actually read it. So...

    Long story short, in the summer of last year whilst away from Uni I met a girl online from Spain. We talked for a ridiculous length of time, instantly connected and within two days we'd arranged to meet, and I booked a flight to Barcelona to go and see her. Stupid, but it felt right and I had nothing to lose. Although ridiculously nervous, I didn't collapse or projectile vomit, and things soon escalated before we knew it we were in a relationship.

    Thanks to Ryanair, we managed to fly out and see each other every weekend. More often me to her due to her having Uni on Fridays, whereas I didn't, and I didn't want to get in the way of her education. Things were going well up until around November/December when her ex boyfriend got in contact with her (who didn't live in Spain either) and they started chatting. He told her that he was still in love with her. She told me about this, and told him that she wasn't in love with him and nothing was going to happen. However, they kept chatting. She said he was still a friend and that she didn't want to just break all contact with him, and that hopefully he would eventually move on.

    Obviously I wasn't entirely comfortable with this but I didn't want to start dictating who she could and couldn't talk to so I tried to hide my feelings on the matter as much as I could, but sometimes it was too much and my jealousy was clear to see. Things got worse when I went to meet her family at Christmas. He started texting her alot more often. When I went over to be with her on her birthday in January, he was texting her constantly. At one point on the train into the city centre, he rang her to wish her happy birthday. Fair enough. But they continued to talk for 40 minutes, while I stood next to her. I couldn't understand what they were saying but her tone of voice didn't seem right for someone who didn't have feelings for him.

    As it was, our relationship was already in crisis thanks to quite a few petty arguments over the past few weeks. I was growing more and more exhausted as I was going to work Monday/Tuesday, Uni Wednesday/Thursday as well as the extra uni work on top and studying Spanish whenever I could in preparation for moving to Barcelona to be with her in summer. I was then flying out on Friday and returning on Sunday. This went on every week. This was getting more and more difficult to balance, to the point where several people close to me were becoming concerned for my wellbeing. I didn't listen because all I cared about was being with her. But she was becoming more and more demanding and started getting angry with me for silly reasons (such as complaining during one of our skype conversations that I was going to bed at 11pm rather than the usual 12, when I had to get up for work at 5.30) which upset me given how much I was giving to be with her.

    At this point I was very upset. I decided that given I was potentially risking everything by moving countries, I had to find out what was going on. I checked her conversation history on MSN. I really regret doing this but my head was a complete mess at the time. I discovered that she and her ex boyfriend had been having cybersex (no, I don't get it either) by webcam. I died a bit inside. When I approached her about this she said that she was frustrated and that he had manipulated her and that she was going to break all contact with him. But at this point I'd just had enough and broke up with her. Probably quite a while after I should have done.

    That was two months ago. I now find myself in the odd situation of not wanting to get back into that kind of heartbreak, but equally missing her more than I can bear. She wasn't just my girlfriend, she was my best friend, and I'm finding it hard not having her there to confide in or talk to. To add to the problem, I've never really been good at making friends and I hate clubbing which at 20 makes me about as socially attractive as dysentery.

    I know this is stupid given what she did, and I am completely heartbroken, but I still care for her more than anything and the thought that I might never see her again is really upsetting me and I don't know what to do. But I know that any relationship probably wouldn't work as I could never really trust her again.

    A part of me is also aware that she is a very impulsive and confused person, and she does have some pretty serious issues, due to a range of different things, but it's something that I only really began to see towards the end of our relationship. This is probably why I don't hate her.

    I keep hovering over her name in my phone, fighting the urge to call her. Just to know how she is, and make sure that she's ok. Just to hear her voice, really. But I know it would upset me and I know it would be the worst thing for both of us. But I still can't stop thinking about it.

    In summary, wtf do I do?
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    Try to forget about her. It'll be hard, but I really think you did the best thing calling it off. You seemed to have trust issues whilst dating and if you got back together you'd still have that issue (if not worse due to her cybering).
    Delete her number so that you dont have the urge to call her! You already sound busy with work and uni so try focusing on that
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    that was quite a nice read. i know how u feel. i broke up with my bf like two months ago. i found it really hard cos he was my best friend...i cracked after a month and contacted him, and we've been casually speaking over the phone...and 2 months later..we are still not official..but have slipped out the occasional 'i love you'.. ... but i guess if its meant to be its meant to be. dont force it..just continue with your life as normal..if u contact her...its either going to go terrible..or ur back to where you left off. depends on what you want.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I started writing a ridiculously long post on the whole story of our relationship from start to finish, but soon realised I'd written enough to produce a small novel and noone would actually read it. So...

    Long story short, in the summer of last year whilst away from Uni I met a girl online from Spain. We talked for a ridiculous length of time, instantly connected and within two days we'd arranged to meet, and I booked a flight to Barcelona to go and see her. Stupid, but it felt right and I had nothing to lose. Although ridiculously nervous, I didn't collapse or projectile vomit, and things soon escalated before we knew it we were in a relationship.

    Thanks to Ryanair, we managed to fly out and see each other every weekend. More often me to her due to her having Uni on Fridays, whereas I didn't, and I didn't want to get in the way of her education. Things were going well up until around November/December when her ex boyfriend got in contact with her (who didn't live in Spain either) and they started chatting. He told her that he was still in love with her. She told me about this, and told him that she wasn't in love with him and nothing was going to happen. However, they kept chatting. She said he was still a friend and that she didn't want to just break all contact with him, and that hopefully he would eventually move on.

    Obviously I wasn't entirely comfortable with this but I didn't want to start dictating who she could and couldn't talk to so I tried to hide my feelings on the matter as much as I could, but sometimes it was too much and my jealousy was clear to see. Things got worse when I went to meet her family at Christmas. He started texting her alot more often. When I went over to be with her on her birthday in January, he was texting her constantly. At one point on the train into the city centre, he rang her to wish her happy birthday. Fair enough. But they continued to talk for 40 minutes, while I stood next to her. I couldn't understand what they were saying but her tone of voice didn't seem right for someone who didn't have feelings for him.

    As it was, our relationship was already in crisis thanks to quite a few petty arguments over the past few weeks. I was growing more and more exhausted as I was going to work Monday/Tuesday, Uni Wednesday/Thursday as well as the extra uni work on top and studying Spanish whenever I could in preparation for moving to Barcelona to be with her in summer. I was then flying out on Friday and returning on Sunday. This went on every week. This was getting more and more difficult to balance, to the point where several people close to me were becoming concerned for my wellbeing. I didn't listen because all I cared about was being with her. But she was becoming more and more demanding and started getting angry with me for silly reasons (such as complaining during one of our skype conversations that I was going to bed at 11pm rather than the usual 12, when I had to get up for work at 5.30) which upset me given how much I was giving to be with her.

    At this point I was very upset. I decided that given I was potentially risking everything by moving countries, I had to find out what was going on. I checked her conversation history on MSN. I really regret doing this but my head was a complete mess at the time. I discovered that she and her ex boyfriend had been having cybersex (no, I don't get it either) by webcam. I died a bit inside. When I approached her about this she said that she was frustrated and that he had manipulated her and that she was going to break all contact with him. But at this point I'd just had enough and broke up with her. Probably quite a while after I should have done.

    That was two months ago. I now find myself in the odd situation of not wanting to get back into that kind of heartbreak, but equally missing her more than I can bear. She wasn't just my girlfriend, she was my best friend, and I'm finding it hard not having her there to confide in or talk to. To add to the problem, I've never really been good at making friends and I hate clubbing which at 20 makes me about as socially attractive as dysentery.

    I know this is stupid given what she did, and I am completely heartbroken, but I still care for her more than anything and the thought that I might never see her again is really upsetting me and I don't know what to do. But I know that any relationship probably wouldn't work as I could never really trust her again.

    A part of me is also aware that she is a very impulsive and confused person, and she does have some pretty serious issues, due to a range of different things, but it's something that I only really began to see towards the end of our relationship. This is probably why I don't hate her.

    I keep hovering over her name in my phone, fighting the urge to call her. Just to know how she is, and make sure that she's ok. Just to hear her voice, really. But I know it would upset me and I know it would be the worst thing for both of us. But I still can't stop thinking about it.

    In summary, wtf do I do?
    wooah thats so sweet that you flew out to see her every weekend, to be honest she dosn't deserve you if you have cyber sex with an ex that means you still have feelings for them. I know its hard to move on but sometimes you just have to let it go
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    I'm not going to read the post because I should be doing my essay but if there is one thing I can tell you it's that if anybody ever hurts you, breaks your trust or makes you feel like **** and then doesn't fight for you with all the strength in the world then they aren't worth it.

    It's called a break-up because it's broken. Piece your heart back together yourself and remember why you're better off without her and why she'll be the one regretting losing you at some point down the line.

    Stay sexy
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I started writing a ridiculously long post on the whole story of our relationship from start to finish, but soon realised I'd written enough to produce a small novel and noone would actually read it. So...

    Long story short, in the summer of last year whilst away from Uni I met a girl online from Spain. We talked for a ridiculous length of time, instantly connected and within two days we'd arranged to meet, and I booked a flight to Barcelona to go and see her. Stupid, but it felt right and I had nothing to lose. Although ridiculously nervous, I didn't collapse or projectile vomit, and things soon escalated before we knew it we were in a relationship.

    Thanks to Ryanair, we managed to fly out and see each other every weekend. More often me to her due to her having Uni on Fridays, whereas I didn't, and I didn't want to get in the way of her education. Things were going well up until around November/December when her ex boyfriend got in contact with her (who didn't live in Spain either) and they started chatting. He told her that he was still in love with her. She told me about this, and told him that she wasn't in love with him and nothing was going to happen. However, they kept chatting. She said he was still a friend and that she didn't want to just break all contact with him, and that hopefully he would eventually move on.

    Obviously I wasn't entirely comfortable with this but I didn't want to start dictating who she could and couldn't talk to so I tried to hide my feelings on the matter as much as I could, but sometimes it was too much and my jealousy was clear to see. Things got worse when I went to meet her family at Christmas. He started texting her alot more often. When I went over to be with her on her birthday in January, he was texting her constantly. At one point on the train into the city centre, he rang her to wish her happy birthday. Fair enough. But they continued to talk for 40 minutes, while I stood next to her. I couldn't understand what they were saying but her tone of voice didn't seem right for someone who didn't have feelings for him.

    As it was, our relationship was already in crisis thanks to quite a few petty arguments over the past few weeks. I was growing more and more exhausted as I was going to work Monday/Tuesday, Uni Wednesday/Thursday as well as the extra uni work on top and studying Spanish whenever I could in preparation for moving to Barcelona to be with her in summer. I was then flying out on Friday and returning on Sunday. This went on every week. This was getting more and more difficult to balance, to the point where several people close to me were becoming concerned for my wellbeing. I didn't listen because all I cared about was being with her. But she was becoming more and more demanding and started getting angry with me for silly reasons (such as complaining during one of our skype conversations that I was going to bed at 11pm rather than the usual 12, when I had to get up for work at 5.30) which upset me given how much I was giving to be with her.

    At this point I was very upset. I decided that given I was potentially risking everything by moving countries, I had to find out what was going on. I checked her conversation history on MSN. I really regret doing this but my head was a complete mess at the time. I discovered that she and her ex boyfriend had been having cybersex (no, I don't get it either) by webcam. I died a bit inside. When I approached her about this she said that she was frustrated and that he had manipulated her and that she was going to break all contact with him. But at this point I'd just had enough and broke up with her. Probably quite a while after I should have done.

    That was two months ago. I now find myself in the odd situation of not wanting to get back into that kind of heartbreak, but equally missing her more than I can bear. She wasn't just my girlfriend, she was my best friend, and I'm finding it hard not having her there to confide in or talk to. To add to the problem, I've never really been good at making friends and I hate clubbing which at 20 makes me about as socially attractive as dysentery.

    I know this is stupid given what she did, and I am completely heartbroken, but I still care for her more than anything and the thought that I might never see her again is really upsetting me and I don't know what to do. But I know that any relationship probably wouldn't work as I could never really trust her again.

    A part of me is also aware that she is a very impulsive and confused person, and she does have some pretty serious issues, due to a range of different things, but it's something that I only really began to see towards the end of our relationship. This is probably why I don't hate her.

    I keep hovering over her name in my phone, fighting the urge to call her. Just to know how she is, and make sure that she's ok. Just to hear her voice, really. But I know it would upset me and I know it would be the worst thing for both of us. But I still can't stop thinking about it.

    In summary, wtf do I do?
    This is so similar in some ways to what happened with my and my ex two years ago. I loved her more than anything in the world and ignored the fact that the problems were piling up and we just weren't enjoying it anymore. We argued over petty things, and I became more and more paranoid and Jealous about her new friends at uni, whereas I'm normally a calm laid back person I became obsessed, and didn't think about anything else. Eventually I checked her facebook messages and found out she had cheated on me once whilst drunk, I didn't confront her but instead tried to get back at her by cheating on her, and since then we've hardly spoken. From best friend and love of my life to nothing.

    Two years on the only advice to you is it does get easier with time. Early on you feel like you love her so much that nothing else matters, and you try to think of every excuse to give yourself to make it seem okay, you have to stay strong and not contact her, that will only make it harder. Then its the fact that she was the one person in your entire life you could speak to any time, about anything. Your friends can help you, speak to them about it (don't do what I did though and go on about it for months, think they were pretty bored with it!). Eventually you realise not everything needs talking about anyway, and the whole in your heart you thought you had doesn't really exist.

    The love I have for those special ones, will stay with you forever, I have come to terms with that, but its not painful anymore, I see myself as a stronger and more together person than before, I saw what I happens to me when things aren't going well and it helped me with deal with those issues. Life goes on, so will you.
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    (Original post by Superfrank)
    I'm not going to read the post because I should be doing my essay but if there is one thing I can tell you it's that if anybody ever hurts you, breaks your trust or makes you feel like **** and then doesn't fight for you with all the strength in the world then they aren't worth it.

    It's called a break-up because it's broken. Piece your heart back together yourself and remember why you're better off without her and why she'll be the one regretting losing you at some point down the line.

    Stay sexy
    hah I quite like this

    and I agree OP you must move on.

    I've been considering getting back with my ex after he broke up with me completely out of the blue and really hurt me.
    (and then said he'd made a mistake)

    I was so tempted and still am a bit, but at the end of the day, break ups do happen for a reason (not always but for the most part) and I think with your situation it sounds like it would have gotten worse.

    Just concentrate on yourself and uni and eventually you will be able to look back on it and....i'm not gonna say smile...but at least know you did the right thing and you're better off without her

    it's a hard lesson to learn esp when u loved someone but i think we all have to go through it. and what doesn't kill you n all that... haha

    stay positive
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    Sounds faintly similar to what happened between me and an ex of mine, though we were just living on opposite sides of the country rather than in different countries altogether. It'll get easier in time; I found the best thing for me to do was to spend a lot of time with friends... if you can, try to find something else to immerse yourself in, be it socialising, sport, dating. And you definitely don't have to be into clubbing at 20; if you have friends who make you feel like that, you need some new friends.

    Something you might want to consider is that - from the sounds of it - she hasn't tried to contact you since you broke up with her? Harsh as it's going to sound, if she hasn't tried to sort things out with you, it's probably because she doesn't want to. Sorry that that's probably not very nice to hear; I'm just thinking maybe it might act as an incentive to move on.

    PM me if you want to chat - I have plenty of experience of getting emotionally battered by relationships...

    Hope you start to feel better soon.
    • #2
    #2

    I know what you can do...

    Give us a hug!
    *Sweet story!

    Your options are limited though. I wouldn't bother going back to her. You know that trust would be an issue and considering you two live in different countries, it simply wouldn't work.

    Saying that, have you got closure? If you haven't, you aren't going to move on. Having "what ifs" on your mind will honestly tear you apart. You have to come to terms with situation you've found yourself in and accept it.

    As for the whole socialising thing, I personally don't think if I was as heartbroken as you I'd want to be out clubbing etc. Don't try and fit into the mould of your standard twenty year old if it doesn't make you happy. Wait for people who understand you and appreciate you for who you are to come into your life!

    My advice to you would be to wait until you can handle it, however long it takes and then call her and make sure she's okay etc. I mean, you don't really want to cut all contact do you?

    Oh, and one more thing: I'm pretty sure that everyone experiences heartbreak at some point in their life. You're a small fish in a big sea! Remember what you're going through is hard but time will pass and it'll heal. Of course you're gonna miss her, you gave her your all and what you had was good at the time...

    When was the last time you spoke?

    Wish you all the best OP!
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    aww, i dont think many people will not find this sweet.
    what everyones said so far is right
    and i'll basically just be repeating them
    but best of luck with everything
    be happy
    x
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    (Original post by Superfrank)
    I'm not going to read the post because I should be doing my essay but if there is one thing I can tell you it's that if anybody ever hurts you, breaks your trust or makes you feel like **** and then doesn't fight for you with all the strength in the world then they aren't worth it.

    It's called a break-up because it's broken. Piece your heart back together yourself and remember why you're better off without her and why she'll be the one regretting losing you at some point down the line.

    Stay sexy
    + I like this, + rep

    and OP, you need to move on. At the end of the day she lied to you about just being friends with her ex, as you know yourself from the amount they texted, talked and cybered in the end. She's not trustworthy and if she isn't chasing you and begging you to forgive her and give her another chance, then forget about her. If she hasn't said anything in the couple of months since the break up, or apologized, then it obviously isn't making her feel that bad.

    I know its hard as hell, but you need to do it. Go out more, join a gym, spend time with friends, whatever works in getting your mind off her, happier and past it.
    • #1
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    #1

    Thanks everyone, some good advice here

    I probably should have mentioned in my initial post (although it was long enough already..) that after I broke up with her she did call me and apologised andsaid she knew she'd made a huge mistake. I was heartbroken though and knew I needed space so I said I was over. She then emailed me two weeks later pretty much repeating what she said before. But she started talking about how he had 'manipulated' her, and I just thought that she seemed incapable of taking responsibility for her own mistakes, which is a pretty immature trait to have and probably meant she was n't ready for a serious relationship anyway.

    Since then, there hasn't been any contact, and she removed me from facebook and I think she blocked me on msn/skype.
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    Oh OP...you need a hug!!

    I totally agree with what others have said though, it's her who made the mistake, and therefore she should be the one fighting for you. I've read your post above and even though she sent a few emails and called you once, if she really loved you as deeply as you loved her and losing you hurt her as much as it's hurting you, she would have fought harder than that. She would have taken a flight over to see you for once. An email and a phone call is nothing considering what she did to you. I'm also quite shocked she's removed you from fb and blocked you from things. I can understanding wanting to remove the pain from your life by cutting off all contact but that's usually what the person who's been screwed over in the relationship does, not the person who did the screwing over! She seems to be acting like a victim in this, like you said above, refusing to take responsibility for her mistakes, when if she really cared about saving the relationship she'd stop being so self-centred and focus on what you must have been feeling.

    It sounds to me like you were the one who put all the effort in anyway, you sound like a really decent, loving person who considered her needs but seems like she was quite happy to let you rape your bank balance by making the majority of the visits (even though it was Ryanair ).

    Bottom line OP, you deserve better, and by the sounds of it, you will find better .
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    (Original post by AlPacinoIsLush)
    Oh OP...you need a hug!!

    I totally agree with what others have said though, it's her who made the mistake, and therefore she should be the one fighting for you. I've read your post above and even though she sent a few emails and called you once, if she really loved you as deeply as you loved her and losing you hurt her as much as it's hurting you, she would have fought harder than that. She would have taken a flight over to see you for once. An email and a phone call is nothing considering what she did to you. I'm also quite shocked she's removed you from fb and blocked you from things. I can understanding wanting to remove the pain from your life by cutting off all contact but that's usually what the person who's been screwed over in the relationship does, not the person who did the screwing over! She seems to be acting like a victim in this, like you said above, refusing to take responsibility for her mistakes, when if she really cared about saving the relationship she'd stop being so self-centred and focus on what you must have been feeling.

    It sounds to me like you were the one who put all the effort in anyway, you sound like a really decent, loving person who considered her needs but seems like she was quite happy to let you rape your bank balance by making the majority of the visits (even though it was Ryanair ).

    Bottom line OP, you deserve better, and by the sounds of it, you will find better .
    I need several

    Thankyou for your lovely post To be fair she did offer to fly over after we initially broke up, but I said no because I knew it would upset me seeing her and I needed space to try and think things through rationally.

    The money actually doesn't bother me (we actually split the cost of travel most of the time). It cost a fair amount but money is ultimately replaceable and it was worth the experience, I'd do it again given the choice. What bothers me is putting as much effort as I did in and it still not being good enough.
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    delete her number....get drunk and cry =]
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    (Original post by gingerben)
    delete her number....get drunk and cry =]
    Already been there.. soon remembered why I stopped drinking in the first place

    edit: Also just realised I made a double major anon fail. Not that it really matters.
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    *hugs* there is nothing you could have done better, you were so sweet to her but she obviously has HUGE issues. Don't contact her as thats the worst thing you can do as it will only prolong things, move on and keep yourself busy with friends, sport that kind of thing and you will be really suprised how quickly you will feel better, trust me been there done that! My heart really does go to you as I can totally relate to this, I really hope you feel better soon and pm if want to chat about it. keep strong. x
 
 
 
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