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Problem with grandmother...can't go on holidays as a family Watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Since I'm Muslim, you should understand that it is difficult to leave during the summer holidays and will be the case for quite some time now. Reason for that is that Ramadhan is during summer these days and it only goes back ~10 days every year (Islamic calendar is slightly shorter). So, we would have to wait quite long until the time would be convenient.

    And during ramadhan its not forbidden to travel, but it shouldn't be done unless absolutely necessary, which that wouldn't be the case for. And it would be impossible to really enjoy holidays when having to fast...
    travel before ramadan, to somewhere where its winter. then because if wont be necessary to travel back you get longer away, plus your fast will be shorter if its a winter place with shorter days
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's not quite like that to be honest. I mean we have been spending time with her since 2003/4. That's since when she is living at our house. If it was just a few months gone, I would think like that, but now its been quite a long time and she is mentally not very well either now. She hardly leaves her bed and is half-deaf, so can't talk to her much.
    A holiday is not essential to you living. When my grandma was slowly deteriorating from cancer, I spent every single day by her bedside caring for her loving her reassuring her . Just because she is deaf and her mental health is deteriorating does not mean that she doesn't want to feel loved and cared for. If my grandma was like that and I was throwing a paddy about not being able to go on fabulous holiday I would be ashamed of myself. I care for my dad every single day and I'm having to change my life plans , but I don't mind one bit because at the end of the day family is most important to me rather than a job.
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    (Original post by boba)
    you could take her with you if you spend more time picking somewhere suitable to stay, if you manage to look after her at home I'm sure you could away and she would probably enjoy being away as much as you
    Thanks for trying, but that's impossible. She stayed at my uncle's house for a few days and was homesick after 2 days. She can't travel either and if we go on holidays, we'll not be having any problem eating something from 'outside', i.e. from restaurants, hotels,... but she only eats Pakistani food and her stomach would go 'wrong' if she ate anything else.

    Happened a few times when we gave her Pizza and her stomach couldn't cope with that and it ended in her getting diarrhoea and being unable to hold it in to the toilet and doing it all on the floor... not something we would like to have on our holidays tbh.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've never really thought about that, because I don't know if there are carers who would actually look after her for throughout the entire holidays (min 7 days) that includes day and night. She sometimes goes to the toilet and it goes all over the place...if you know what I mean. Who is going to clean that then? She can't control it and I don't blame her for that.

    Are there actually carers that would look after her day and night?
    Yes, there are. It would probably be two individuals on shifts caring for her. Who do you think would be cleaning up her accidents if she didn't have you? Carers exist for a reason.
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    (Original post by boba)
    travel before ramadan, to somewhere where its winter. then because if wont be necessary to travel back you get longer away, plus your fast will be shorter if its a winter place with shorter days
    You won't understand it. Would you really enjoy holidays if you go somewhere and will have to fast? Fasting is not just for the food, but you're meant to spend most time of the day praying. So we should go on holidays and spend most time praying? That's a waste of holidays, because we can do that at home much better.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for trying, but that's impossible. She stayed at my uncle's house for a few days and was homesick after 2 days. She can't travel either and if we go on holidays, we'll not be having any problem eating something from 'outside', i.e. from restaurants, hotels,... but she only eats Pakistani food and her stomach would go 'wrong' if she ate anything else.

    Happened a few times when we gave her Pizza and her stomach couldn't cope with that and it ended in her getting diarrhoea and being unable to hold it in to the toilet and doing it all on the floor... not something we would like to have on our holidays tbh.
    I would suggest taking her to pakisan then but if she can't travel at all hmm. can you not go on holidays within the country or maybe go on holidays and take turns staying at home with her?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You won't understand it. Would you really enjoy holidays if you go somewhere and will have to fast? Fasting is not just for the food, but you're meant to spend most time of the day praying. So we should go on holidays and spend most time praying? That's a waste of holidays, because we can do that at home much better.
    well I don't know some muslims take it a lot more seriously than others and do literally just not eat because they think they should follow what there parents say. but since you don't seem to be like this and actually seem to take it seriously then no it wouldn't seem like a good idea sorry
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You won't understand it. Would you really enjoy holidays if you go somewhere and will have to fast? Fasting is not just for the food, but you're meant to spend most time of the day praying. So we should go on holidays and spend most time praying? That's a waste of holidays, because we can do that at home much better.
    Ramadam this year is for the month of august. You still have June and July when your at uni to go somewhere.
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    (Original post by boba)
    I would suggest taking her to pakisan then but if she can't travel at all hmm. can you not go on holidays within the country or maybe go on holidays and take turns staying at home with her?
    That's what we've been doing since. Sometimes my mum stays at home and we all go to Wales, sometimes my dad stays home and we go to Scotland and and and...but we really wanted a complete family trip together.

    And last time we took her to Pakistan she got homesick after 2 days and wanted to go home. She really isn't mentally well and doesn't understand things. That's nothing I'm upset about or anything because I don't know what will happen to me at that age. I might be same or worse...and we've taken her to Pakistan anyway, so we wanted some new places as well.
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    and theres noone else in your family willing to look after her for ONE WEEK? ;/
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    (Original post by insignificant)
    Ramadam this year is for the month of august. You still have June and July when your at uni to go somewhere.
    The problem is however, that I don't know how long she will be alive for. If its quite long, then it might be after a time I'm married and then things will be just more difficult and all. I don't know if I'll be staying in the UK after my degree or not. I might get a job somewhere outside the UK away from parents...
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    (Original post by boba)
    and theres noone else in your family willing to look after her for ONE WEEK? ;/
    Looking after her is not easy and my mum is very brave and strong to do that. I could never do all that. Things that are included in looking after her is looking after her diet, making sure she doesn't eat anything wrong, cleaning the feces off her bed, when she does it unintentionally in the bed, cleaning her after that happens, cleaning the toilet if she does it over the seat,... all of this happens a lot.

    I doubt it anyone could give up an entire week looking after her. A few hours wouldn't be a problem but a week day and night is indeed quite a big issue.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Looking after her is not easy and my mum is very brave and strong to do that. I could never do all that. Things that are included in looking after her is looking after her diet, making sure she doesn't eat anything wrong, cleaning the feces off her bed, when she does it unintentionally in the bed, cleaning her after that happens, cleaning the toilet if she does it over the seat,... all of this happens a lot.

    I doubt it anyone could give up an entire week looking after her. A few hours wouldn't be a problem but a week day and night is indeed quite a big issue.
    but if they are your family and they know what your mum does every day surely one week of it to allow her to go on holiday with her husband and children for a, clearly well deserved, rest and for your grandmother still to be cared for wouldn't be to much to ask?

    does your grandmother have any other children?
    because that does sound like a lot but if your mother can do it all all year surely they can for such a short period of time
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The problem is however, that I don't know how long she will be alive for. If its quite long, then it might be after a time I'm married and then things will be just more difficult and all. I don't know if I'll be staying in the UK after my degree or not. I might get a job somewhere outside the UK away from parents...
    Why would you contemplate moving away after uni to a different country and abandon your mum and leave her completely alone to care for her? Why wouldn't you stay and help and then move abroad?

    I really can't understand people like you...
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    (Original post by boba)
    but if they are your family and they know what your mum does every day surely one week of it to allow her to go on holiday with her husband and children for a, clearly well deserved, rest and for your grandmother still to be cared for wouldn't be to much to ask?

    does your grandmother have any other children?
    because that does sound like a lot but if your mother can do it all all year surely they can for such a short period of time
    Yeah, she has another son, but he lives in Pakistan and she can't go to Pakistan and live there because the water and food there isn't good for her health. The relatives she has here are all too busy to have any time for her really. My mum is a carer and gets carers allowance for that and this only allows her to stay at home for the whole time. And all other relatives have work to go to.
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    (Original post by insignificant)
    Why would you contemplate moving away after uni to a different country and abandon your mum and leave her completely alone to care for her? Why wouldn't you stay and help and then move abroad?

    I really can't understand people like you...
    You know, my situation is a bit different. I don't think you will understand it until you know it fully. My mum is already doing it all by herself and regarding whether I will stay in this country or not is a difficult thing to understand for someone who doesn't know me fully. I myself don't have the slightest of clues whether I will stay in this country or will be sent to somewhere outside it, due to some commitments...a bit too personal for me to say that in detail.

    Until you don't get my full situation, you won't be able to understand 'people like me'
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You know, my situation is a bit different. I don't think you will understand it until you know it fully. My mum is already doing it all by herself and regarding whether I will stay in this country or not is a difficult thing to understand for someone who doesn't know me fully. I myself don't have the slightest of clues whether I will stay in this country or will be sent to somewhere outside it, due to some commitments...a bit too personal for me to say that in detail.

    Until you don't get my full situation, you won't be able to understand 'people like me'
    You can't possibly expect to get accurate advice then if you don't divulge all necessary information with which to give advice. All I know is, is that if I had a sick grandma, and my mum was the only one caring for her , I wouldn't leave the country for anything.
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    Kill her
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    erm... go on holidays with friends instead of family?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've never really thought about that, because I don't know if there are carers who would actually look after her for throughout the entire holidays (min 7 days) that includes day and night. She sometimes goes to the toilet and it goes all over the place...if you know what I mean. Who is going to clean that then? She can't control it and I don't blame her for that.

    Are there actually carers that would look after her day and night?
    Yes I refer you to my post and would like to add the carers for my grandparents have to do that stuff^ that you mentioned. My Grandad has Alzheimers, it renders you like a baby in some instances - he cant get dressed, eat, shower, toilet etc.. without getting any help.
 
 
 
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