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Problem with grandmother...can't go on holidays as a family watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That's not the only reason why she doesn't know English.After a certain age the human brain is not able to learn anything new. A 10 year old can easily learn new languages while a 60+ would have difficulties.
    This is probably going to sound very unsympathetic to some of you but I wonder what we're doing letting people that sort of age with no english come live in our country. It does seem actually cruel to me.

    PS No I don't think it's racist to take into account peoples age and language, education and skills - the factors determining their ability to make a life for themselves here - when we're deciding whether to let them come live here.
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    (Original post by Joinedup)
    This is probably going to sound very unsympathetic to some of you but I wonder what we're doing letting people that sort of age with no english come live in our country. It does seem actually cruel to me.

    PS No I don't think it's racist to take into account peoples age and language, education and skills - the factors determining their ability to make a life for themselves here - when we're deciding whether to let them come live here.
    Because my grandad was here and worked in this country and could speak fluent English. So she had to just come. It was sometime in 1980 or so when she came here.
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    (Original post by Hylean)
    Stop thinking about yourself, man up and live with the circumstances. Your grandmother won't be alive for much longer, unless you're really lucky. America, Canada and Egypt will all be there after she's dead.
    I agree with this, you really don't sound like you care about her that much. Your grandmother raised and looked after either your mother or father and it is only right that they are repaying the favour. You have the rest of your life to go on holiday and do as you like, I think you should concentrate on spending as much time with her as possible or you may regret it. And isn't it really your parents decision whether you go on holiday or not?

    If you do go on holiday, your only option is to leave her in a care home for a couple of weeks or get a live in carer. I know you said she doesn't speak English but when my grandmother stayed in a care home temporarily most of the staff weren't English so I imagine you'd be able to find somebody who can speak the same language. This was in a rural town, so if you live in a city I'm sure it will be easier.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anon please because its a personal matter and don't want anyone to know about it, especially not my friends who are here.

    Basically, we haven't been on holidays as a family since 2003. This is because my grandmother (aged 86) is living with us now and we can't go with her on holidays and can't leave her alone at home. She is disabled, so needs attention at all times. And for that reason she can't leave the house with us because she can hardly walk and it would be a problem if she needed to go to toilet.

    We can't send her to an old people home because she doesn't speak English (only speaks punjabi) or leave her with someone else at home (we don't have any THAT close relatives here that could look after her).

    So, is there any solution to this problem? We so wanted to go see USA & Canada and Egypt, but can't because of her.

    tl;dr: My grandmother is 86 and we can't go on holidays with her and can't leave her back home alone. How can we go on holidays as a family?

    Thanks.
    Lovingly apply a pillow to your grandmothers nose and mouth for 3 - 5 minutes before replacing it under her head.
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    You could arrange for a carer to come in during the week or two while you're away or perhaps find a home or something for her to stay in just for that time. Surely there'll be carers that can speak Punjabi.
    It's not selfish at all - you've been looking after her for years and are planning to continue to do so, a short holiday is not much to ask for.
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    I don't understand in some posts you say you have looked after her for 7 years and in some you say only your mum looks after her.
    and if she is 86 and came in the 80s that would mean she was between 55 and 65 when she came. people that age can learn languages if they really try they haven't reached an age where they suddenly can't learn anything it obviously was because it wasn't important enough for her to put in the effort and she didn't need to. and thats fine but saying she was just to old to learn is just ridiculous and degrading.
    if its really that important for you to go away find a care place with someone to speak the language where she can stay for the week, yes it will be difficult but not impossible.
    or alternatively you could realise that not being able to go on holidays isn't a big sacrifice at all me and pleantly of people I know have never been on holiday with our family so this "problem" really don't seem worth the stress it would 'cause your grandma to me.
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    (Original post by boba)
    I don't understand in some posts you say you have looked after her for 7 years and in some you say only your mum looks after her.
    and if she is 86 and came in the 80s that would mean she was between 55 and 65 when she came. people that age can learn languages if they really try they haven't reached an age where they suddenly can't learn anything it obviously was because it wasn't important enough for her to put in the effort and she didn't need to. and thats fine but saying she was just to old to learn is just ridiculous and degrading.
    if its really that important for you to go away find a care place with someone to speak the language where she can stay for the week, yes it will be difficult but not impossible.
    or alternatively you could realise that not being able to go on holidays isn't a big sacrifice at all me and pleantly of people I know have never been on holiday with our family so this "problem" really don't seem worth the stress it would 'cause your grandma to me.
    Yes, she was around that age, but not everyone has the ability to learn new languages. She wasn't mentally able to do so and the fact that she never needed to leave the house for anything, it wasn't really needed for her either...

    I think the fact that you can get home carer for a week is a good answer from everyone who said that. Gonna look into that. Wasn't aware of that, so that answers my question fully tbh.
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    (Original post by Hylean)
    Stop thinking about yourself, man up and live with the circumstances. Your grandmother won't be alive for much longer, unless you're really lucky. America, Canada and Egypt will all be there after she's dead.
    QFT.

    OP, you are being ridiculously selfish here and you'll regret the way you thought when she dies. I've only been on holiday as a family once but duty to my elders came first and I, along with my parents, did so without complaint. I'd much rather rest in the knowledge that I cared for the people who mattered rather than go off to see places that will be around for years. If you're like this now, I'd hate to think what you'll be like when your parents get older.
 
 
 
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