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    Keep anon please.

    I'm not sure how to convey what I'm thinking eloquently but here's my best shot..

    I've been with my boyfriend for a bit but known him far longer and there have been times when he's just said things or done things and I remember just feeling this deep sense of admiration for him and possibly, love? This happened quite a few times before I eventually said the three words to him. The moment was right and it felt right too.

    But here's the thing.. those are just heightened moments of emotion. I don't think that feeling is ever continuous. Sometimes I'm very numb, even to the point, where I think if I wasn't with him I wouldn't be devastated.. I'd just miss him a lot because I like talking to him and being around him. But then other times, when I am feeling the admiration, (the 'love?') I feel guilty for ever thinking that I would be hardly affected by losing him. It's like it's nice to have him but if I didn't, no harm done. That's when I'm at my most apathetic. But I do know that when I said that I loved him, I did mean it and since then, I've only said it a handful of times.. but only at times where it came from the heart.. I never just said because he said it (at times, I have left him hanging. This sounds meaner than it is but I've already told him 'I'm going to only say it when I feel it, not just because you said it. I don't want it to lose meaning') or I have never just used it as a replacement for bye.

    Once, we had spoken on the phone at around 11 at night and then both went to sleep. I woke up later that night around 3 and I just felt like telling him I loved him so I texted him that and that was that. Like, I just wanted to express myself. Not hear it back, not any other extravagant gesture. I just wanted him to wake up to that and know that I said it because I felt it and that it was completely from me, not provoked by him saying it or doing something. Simply, because I felt it.

    I'm just confused.. how can I go from that to absolutely feeling like my life wouldn't be fine without him.. that I'd just miss him for a bit and then get over it? I'm beginning to think I jumped the gun and said it too early but then again, I also took my time with it and didn't say it the first time I thought I should. I held back, let myself feel that feeling a couple more times before I actually did say it and I knew I meant it so I don't know why the feeling isn't more consistent. I just didn't expect it to be so much like a mood that comes and goes. I feel like I've been unfair on him somehow by even saying anything now.

    I don't know how much of that even relays like I mean it and how much will get lost in translation. I guess I just want to know if it's normal or I'm bonkers for even analysing it as much as I have or if I'm just a really really mean selfish person who should have thought more about it before saying anything at all. Kudos to anyone who reads this and understands where I am coming from.
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    Yes.
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    Possibly
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    Love is a feeling, but lust is a mood..?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)

    But here's the thing.. those are just heightened moments of emotion. I don't think that feeling is ever continuous. Sometimes I'm very numb, even to the point, where I think if I wasn't with him I wouldn't be devastated.. I'd just miss him a lot because I like talking to him and being around him. But then other times, when I am feeling the admiration, (the 'love?') I feel guilty for ever thinking that I would be hardly affected by losing him. It's like it's nice to have him but if I didn't, no harm done. That's when I'm at my most apathetic. But I do know that when I said that I loved him, I did mean it and since then, I've only said it a handful of times.. but only at times where it came from the heart.. I never just said because he said it (at times, I have left him hanging. This sounds meaner than it is but I've already told him 'I'm going to only say it when I feel it, not just because you said it. I don't want it to lose meaning') or I have never just used it as a replacement for bye.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8i8cy6beDw
    sorry that just made me think of it.

    OP, I kinda get where you're coming from, try not to worry too much about it. Love is not some perfect thing and I imagine there are very few people who love their partner wholeheartedly every hour of every day. If you feel it actually is becoming a problem in your relationship - that one of you is consequently not getting something you need from it - then maybe you need to re-evaluate where you're going. Until then, just see where it leads you?
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    I completely understand. No one is going to feel the heady buzz of love 24/7, it doesn't mean that you don't care about your boyfriend just because you don't have butterflies in your stomach every time you think of him. Maybe in the initial stages it's more common, but as the relationship settles the feelings can become more comfortable.

    Obviously there are some people who will be overwhelmed with love every second of the day but the vast majority of us enjoy moments of 'admiration and love', which are potentially more special because of their rarity. I think it's nice that you only tell him you love him when you feel it, and that you don't need to hear it back.

    Sometimes I will be thinking about my boyfriend and just have to tell him I love him, completely randomly, and the thought of breaking up is hellish. Other times in all honesty I have thought, well, if we did break up I would survive, of course I would, that's just realism. It doesn't mean you want to break up with him, or that if he broke up with you that second you would still feel apathy! It's probably because you know your relationship is secure and you have nothing to worry about that you're not hit by a fear of a potential break up.
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    Post #2 to #4 - what a beautiful example of considered dialectics!
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    (Original post by Jake22)
    Post #2 to #4 - what a beautiful example of considered dialectics!
    lol reminds of the malcolm in the middle theme song.. "yes, no, maybe...."
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    (Original post by I'm_Unsafe.)
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8i8cy6beDw
    sorry that just made me think of it.

    OP, I kinda get where you're coming from, try not to worry too much about it. Love is not some perfect thing and I imagine there are very few people who love their partner wholeheartedly every hour of every day. If you feel it actually is becoming a problem in your relationship - that one of you is consequently not getting something you need from it - then maybe you need to re-evaluate where you're going. Until then, just see where it leads you?
    I love Tim Minchin and that was really funny. My apathy hasn't quite reached that point :p:

    It's not a problem as such.. I just can't help but feel guilty a little bit. I never ever thought of it as a mood before.. just presumed it is meant to be constant. Guess you never know some stuff till you're in the situation but it just feels like its so much more constant from his side but a relatively rare mood swing from my side which means I hardly ever want to say it to him when he does however whenever I say it first, he will always say it back... It just makes me feel guilty for not doing enough somehow.
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    (Original post by I'm_Unsafe.)
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8i8cy6beDw
    sorry that just made me think of it.
    I love you
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    It's proven somewhere (i don't really feel like googling it right now) that love is the product of a chemical reaction of some substances in your brain. So, if anything, love is the product of a chemical reaction.
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    I'm exactly the same, so I think/hope it's normal too! I haven't said the words yet, because I'm a bit nervous, but sometimes I have to stop myself from blurting it out. Other times I could care less. It does fluctuate. I think overall the 'mood' is growing though, and becoming more constant. We're in an LDR and I just returned from a long period with him and now can't wait to see him again. But then I don't feel that way 24/7. And even when we're in the same room together we'll happily do our own thing without having to be in each others' arms the entire time. I think that's nice. I agree with someone above who said it shows security. I also notice that when I do feel lovey, I feel really insecure. Or I dunno, vice versa? Maybe if I took down all my 'walls' I'd feel that mood most of the time rather than sometimes, but I like that I can function on my own! It's long distance so I don't want to be consumed by 'love' all the time, it's too hard! But when I'm in that 'mood', I do want that. Haha typical! :/
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    i get this too
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I love Tim Minchin and that was really funny. My apathy hasn't quite reached that point :p:

    It's not a problem as such.. I just can't help but feel guilty a little bit. I never ever thought of it as a mood before.. just presumed it is meant to be constant. Guess you never know some stuff till you're in the situation but it just feels like its so much more constant from his side but a relatively rare mood swing from my side which means I hardly ever want to say it to him when he does however whenever I say it first, he will always say it back... It just makes me feel guilty for not doing enough somehow.
    It depends on the person, as long as he's not thinking 'OMG! SHE DOESN'T ACTUALLY LIKE ME!', everyone has different ways of going about things.
    For example, on a completely different but related note - I am a very generous person most of the time, I will nearly always offer someone a bit of chocolate/a crisp or whatever, but I tend to dislike when people go 'oooh give us one' just because they always offer you their food - even though I was intending to offer it anyway, I feel the need to make them wait okay that sounds completely random but my point is I don't like to just give biscuits because someone yells 'BISCUITS!' at me just like you don't like to say I love you just because someone says 'I love you!' to you.
    :cookie:

    (Original post by RequiemForADream)
    I love you
    :blush:
 
 
 
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