Turn on thread page Beta

help! shy, anxious and introverted guy starting uni in student accommodation! watch

    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    In september I'm starting uni in liverpool and I'll be staying in student accommodation in flats. but i'm really really starting to wonder if I've done the right thing. (I've got my grades and on a gap year btw)I've been offered my accommodation but I am panicking over whether or not I should accept it or even go at all.
    The problem is I'm incredibly shy. Beyond just being shy, it's a situation where I have no friends AT ALL and sturggle to make conversations with more than one person at a time. If it's a group, I just can't really speak. It feels as if my words won't come out well or clear, will be very mumbled and too quiet and I'd rather spare myself the embarassment. I also feel very anxious when around people socialising , when I am for example stuck in a small space, I feel as if everyone can see my feelings and anxiety being broadcasted and it's genuinely an awful feeling to be seen as so timid and weak.

    In general this has been the case for many years, having no friends and desperately wanting some and a social life. However just over a year ago all that changed and I actually decided that I didn't want a social life. i just wanted to be alone all the time, and felt as if socialising was just stressful in itself, even if the anxiety were to go completely. since I started to think like that I have still been like that since . I think what made me like this was when I challenged myself too hard and just lost energy and motivation, i dunno.

    So I'm at uni in september in halls. How do I actually cope?! I mean, I don't feel comfortable dancing or going to clubs and it just feels like a living hell and even if I had no anxiety, it feels like the anti-social side would put me off too. I don't particularly want to sit around and feel as if I have to socialise with people in my flats,at least not for hours on end. If I need something from the kitchen then I wouldn't have a problem talking (or I'd try my best) but apart from that I don't really want to befriend anyone! but if people are nagging me too go places or join them how can i sort of get the message across that I don't actually have anything against them personally, I just don't want to socialise! I just wanna be on my own!

    Also been reading a few other posts here about loud music blasting out till 3 in the morning on a week day. Sounds like hell! is there anyway you can make a complaint about this and get the property managers to stop them? I must sound like a complete bore I guess I am but if I'm paying so much I should have the right to at least not be disturbed so early in the morning when sleeping! Btw I'll accept there'll be noise on Friday and Sat, I know I'd have to just cope with that.
    so preferably if anyone has been to student accommodation in flats and experienced it, what do you reckon?

    thanks
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    The answer is simple: Vodka.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    I can't think of a nice way to put this so I'll just say it. If you lack the confidence and ability to make even basic social interactions, you will get nowhere in life, not just university, but in job interviews, work situations, finding a partner, making contacts, etc.

    If it's any consolation, uni is a new start - you won't know anyone and they won't know you, so you don't have to worry about people have pre-determined views. Make a good impression, fake confidence, whatever.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by ChazSingh)
    The answer is simple: Vodka.
    not very good at holding down booze! 7 pints is the most I've had in one night and I couldn't touch any beer for almost 4 months without feeling sick!
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    Man the **** up.







    P.s. I didn't go in to student accomodation last year an had to drop out because I just found it really tough to make friends. I should have taken my advice but I was blind. Just man up and swallow your pride. student accompdation will be the best decision you have ever made! ( though I have heard liverpools is pretty gypo!)
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    maybe you need to find more people who share your interests???generally more similar to you???
    • #1
    #1

    (Original post by Jeester)
    Man the **** up.







    P.s. I didn't go in to student accomodation last year an had to drop out because I just found it really tough to make friends. I should have taken my advice but I was blind. Just man up and swallow your pride. student accompdation will be the best decision you have ever made! ( though I have heard liverpools is pretty gypo!)
    bit harsh tbh I don't think it can be helped. he won't just change overnight! People have all sorts of complex psychological issues and I think he's got social anxiety disorder. it's really no different to being bi-polar or having depression to be honest it's just not taken as seriously by society.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    drink whatever's put infront of you

    chat **** with whoever's put infront of you

    in no time at all you'll be a lot more chilled out and gravitate towards peeps you can have good banter with

    remember lots of kids are in the same boat, very few go to uni totally clued/independent etc and you meet all sorts in halls
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    I was in EXACTLY the same postion as you mate and even worse as i'd had no contact with anybody for a whole year i just stayed in my house for all that time.
    One thing i did was to tell myself that i'm in a new place, nobody knows me so just go for it. Everyone will be in the same boat so it's fine. Booze helps a LOT. I had a pint of Apple Sourz and had the best time of my life!
    I also met this great girl and we were pretty much ****ing on the dancefloor. I did things that night i could never have imagined doing.
    Just go for it mate and try and get there early so that you can get used to it and familiarise yourself with the place.
    Go out with ur flatmates and just drink and don't be scared to talk to people even if its just to say hi
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    My brothers a bit like you, I haven't gone to uni yet but I know when talking to people even if your shy try to look like you interested in what they have to say. Work on your posture, make it appear confident not antisocial. This does make a difference, you'll be more approachable and confident if you know how to do this even if your not.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqSBmHAR-Sc
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Dut0...eature=related
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=COXcQ...eature=related
    You can look others up, but I thought these three were good.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by ManaX)
    My brothers a bit like you, I haven't gone to uni yet but I know when talking to people even if your shy try to look like you interested in what they have to say. Work on your posture, make it appear confident not antisocial. This does make a difference, you'll be more approachable and confident if you know how to do this even if your not.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqSBmHAR-Sc
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Dut0...eature=related
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=COXcQ...eature=related
    You can look others up, but I thought these three were good.
    cheers for the links
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    bit harsh tbh I don't think it can be helped. he won't just change overnight! People have all sorts of complex psychological issues and I think he's got social anxiety disorder. it's really no different to being bi-polar or having depression to be honest it's just not taken as seriously by society.
    Thanks, you are so right I can't help it at all. It's easier to lose 20 stone than completely change yor pesronality
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: March 31, 2011
The home of Results and Clearing

2,411

people online now

1,567,000

students helped last year
Poll
A-level students - how do you feel about your results?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.