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Trying to make myself believe he doesn't like me watch

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    I met a guy a while ago who doesn't go to the same uni as me, but we're part of a society who socialise together a lot.

    The day after I met him, he added me on facebook, and a couple of days later he started talking to me. He spent a few hours talking to me that night even though he was planning ongoing to bed originally,and then asked for my number and I gave it him, but was starting to worry he was interested.

    The next morning I had received a text from him and we started a text conversation, these text conversations always seem to last a while with us and we've got to becoming quite good friends but I want nothing more.

    I'm the ex of his friend, who goes to his uni, and I've had casual flings with 2 of his friends and dated another of them (not as bad as it seems, it's a very large social network).

    Despite knowing all this, he asked me to the cinema. First time I said I was busy just because I didn't want to lead him on, then it wasn't discussed for a while and at the time I was having a fling with one of the guys and he knew it. He also said he was really interested in a girl and was asking me for advice etc.

    Then because I thought he wasn't interested and it was clear I was going for one of his friends I said I'd go to the cinema (mainly because I wanted to see the film myself), we had a good time, and he came back to my flat on the way back and we all just chatted.

    Then the texting occurred more, and on saturday he invited me to an event with some of his friends and I brought a friend of mine along. Then we went to the cinema etc afterwards and for food. At one point I was stretching my hands as they'd gone numb with cold and he said "you should have said they were cold", which was the first flirty comment, then later when he came back to mine to chat to me and my flatmate, I was sat at the other end of the sofa and kind of hunched up and he pointed out that I was distancing myself from him and looked awkward. I said I wasn't, but in reality I was.

    When he'd left, my friend said that he seemed "REALLY seriously" into me, and I think it's possibly true. Since then the texts have been coming more and more and he's been making comments. For example, we were both invited to a fairly formal event and I said it was possible I wouldn't be able to make it, and he said it was a shame because he'd like to see me "dressed up" before I go home for easter. Then he mentioned that it'd be possibly a good thing anyway because a couple of his group probably wouldn't be able to "resist me" if I was there and "dressed to kill". When I was with him I noticed in the cinema he kept turning to look at me for a while and then he'd turn away, but I'd make a point of not turning to look at him. He often makes comments about how nice I look and how much things suit me etc.

    I'm trying to fool myself into thinking that I'm giving him clear messages, but I can't help but think I'm leading him on and I don't know what to do about it. It seems a bit crass just saying "I hope you know I'm only interested in you as a friend", and I've shown so many times that I'm interested in other guys, but he seems to be clinging on to the hope that something could happen with me and the advances are a bit full-on for me at the moment.
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    you sound kind of self involved but just jump on top and ride away
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    I'd love it if he were just being nice and you were just flattering yourself in the belief that he may be interested :ahee:

    Btw, I've had a friend say stuff like that to me. He's gay.
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    My guy mates and I talk like this the entire time... I wouldn't worry about it tbh
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    (Original post by aeterno)
    I'd love it if he were just being nice and you were just flattering yourself in the belief that he may be interested :ahee:

    Btw, I've had a friend say stuff like that to me. He's gay.
    This guy is definitely not gay, and I would think otherwise if people didn't keep telling me he was really interested in me. I also have a gay friend who says such things, it's always quite a clear distinction between someone saying it as a friend PARTICULARLY if they're gay :rolleyes:

    I don't really feel the need to "flatter myself" tbh, I've got other interest and I'm happy with it that way. I'm more concerned about, if he does like me, that I'll end up hurting him and we'll lose our friendship which tbh I'm quite happy with.

    Typical TSR responses tbh. I was more asking what I should do to ensure I'm not leading him on at all, rather than looking for an ego boost.
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    (Original post by dol:))
    My guy mates and I talk like this the entire time... I wouldn't worry about it tbh
    I have guy mates who tell me stuff too, but I don't jump to the conclusion they like me unless they act like this guy does around me and people keep telling me he's quite obviously interested.
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    I don't think anyone can really tell without seeing what he's like with you. All the stuff he's said and done could be seen to be simply friendly - that's the thing with boy/girl friendships, there's almost always this undercurrent whereby you don't know whether it's just banter or if it's flirting. Just try not to be flirty with him so it's not like you're leading him on.
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    (Original post by abc101)
    I don't think anyone can really tell without seeing what he's like with you. All the stuff he's said and done could be seen to be simply friendly - that's the thing with boy/girl friendships, there's almost always this undercurrent whereby you don't know whether it's just banter or if it's flirting. Just try not to be flirty with him so it's not like you're leading him on.
    That's the thing though, I've tried. Last night, I said something about not being able to find my glasses and he mentioned that he didn't know I needed them, when I said I don't wear them much he just started with "I wonder what you'd look like in them", then said something a bit more flirty later, along the lines of how he likes women in glasses and stuff, then when I didn't reply he sent another text a few minutes later saying "Wrong thing to say?"

    This practice happens quite often, like I'll ignore a flirty comment and he'll text back worried he's overstepped some sort of mark. The text won't be long after, though. It'll be a few minutes. He also sends me a text as soon as he wakes up and before he goes to bed.

    The fact he was adament that he wanted me at the formal party I think I mentioned in the OP, saying things like he wanted to see me dressed up and then "It'd make my evening considerably better than it would be otherwise if you did come", and then as soon as I joked about me awkwardly propping up the bar and drinking he said "actually, on second thoughts some of our members would take that as an opportunity to go for you, if you were dressed to kill, and that wouldn't be nice to watch", even though I protested and said I do have self-control and would say no he seemed to then try and convince me out of going, contrary to his ideas in the first place, saying things along the lines of how they wouldn't probably be able to resist doing it. I found this a bit weird, just because he wanted me there at first and then suddenly as soon as he even considered the idea that other people might show interest, even though I'd say no and it probably wouldn't happen anyway, he was convinced I shouldn't go. Which I found a bit weird. If he wanted me there as a friend, why would he be so bothered about someone trying it on with me if I would probably say no, or I'd only reciprocate if genuinely interested (it's not as though these guys are exactly rapists...)
 
 
 
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