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Parents want me to marry my cousin... watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi guys op here, writing on a phone again so apologies in advance for poor English.

    Since the time I made the op I've managed to convinced my mum that we aren't a good match and I wouldn't be happy with her.. After all those arguments and hours wasted giving her scientific facts thats all it took. I'm very close to my mum and she to me (miracle child) so I guess my happiness was of some value to her.

    BUT

    While at uni ive controlled myself and not done anything that might seem unethical to Muslim parents because no matter how bad I still believe in Islam.

    But now for me it's turned into a case of damned if you do damned if you don't. Relatives clocked on that I'm going to a good uni doing a good course and that my future doesn't look too bleak and paired with the fact that I actually look healthy now (did drugs before, looked like male Amy winehouse) people have started asking my parents to get me married to their daughters wtf. They had like 3 proposals this year but good thing is they were all from people in uk and one of the girls was SEXY so maybe who knows. She doesn't like me tho I dont think so fack her.

    Anyway just thought I'd update everyone who posted in this thread.

    /life of a paki
    Lol, you make it sound like the life of a Pakistani is really hard!

    Good on you for getting all them rishtey ,, you should be buzzing not complaining about it
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi guys op here, writing on a phone again so apologies in advance for poor English.

    Since the time I made the op I've managed to convinced my mum that we aren't a good match and I wouldn't be happy with her.. After all those arguments and hours wasted giving her scientific facts thats all it took. I'm very close to my mum and she to me (miracle child) so I guess my happiness was of some value to her.

    BUT

    While at uni ive controlled myself and not done anything that might seem unethical to Muslim parents because no matter how bad I still believe in Islam.

    But now for me it's turned into a case of damned if you do damned if you don't. Relatives clocked on that I'm going to a good uni doing a good course and that my future doesn't look too bleak and paired with the fact that I actually look healthy now (did drugs before, looked like male Amy winehouse) people have started asking my parents to get me married to their daughters wtf. They had like 3 proposals this year but good thing is they were all from people in uk and one of the girls was SEXY so maybe who knows. She doesn't like me tho I dont think so fack her.

    Anyway just thought I'd update everyone who posted in this thread.

    /life of a paki
    What course and what uni are you doing/going to?
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    having to invite only one family will save you some money at the wedding atleast.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    What I'll try to do now is find someone who was born into a cousin marriage and has a disability and ask them to somehow reason with my mum.
    Brilliant idea OP!!!!


    (Original post by James4d)
    .... because they force tourists to marry their cousins?
    Ha Ha Ha James..... :rofl3:
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    This is an old ass thread.
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    Dude say no! Point blank! I've seen this happen all around me where I live and it's bloody awful for the kids they have. The amount of kids that go to my school that have a disability because of such marriages are astonishingly high. In fact I wouldn't be exaggerating if I said that the ratio was 1 in every 7. The amount of kids that go home for the summer and come back with a wedding band is scary!! And it's always their cousin! Once even their brother *shudders*. If you love each other like that then that's different but if it's forced or the 'norm' then that's flipping crazy! Imagine growing up knowing that one of the cousins you have now will end up being your husband? Brings forth a whole new meaning to bathtime with the siblings (or in this case cousins)...But forget that.

    You don't want to marry the girl you shouldn't have to. If you love her then that's a different story but from your description it doesn't seem so unless I missed something.

    So bottome line? Do what you have to do. Don't get guilt into it cause that would suck for you later no doubt. Your life at the end of the day and although it may seem hard to say no and face the disappointment in the long run you'll be doing everyone and yourself a favour.
    Peace! xo
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    (Original post by jerichi)
    Dude say no! Point blank! I've seen this happen all around me where I live and it's bloody awful for the kids they have. The amount of kids that go to my school that have a disability because of such marriages are astonishingly high. In fact I wouldn't be exaggerating if I said that the ratio was 1 in every 7. The amount of kids that go home for the summer and come back with a wedding band is scary!! And it's always their cousin! Once even their brother *shudders*. If you love each other like that then that's different but if it's forced or the 'norm' then that's flipping crazy! Imagine growing up knowing that one of the cousins you have now will end up being your husband? Brings forth a whole new meaning to bathtime with the siblings (or in this case cousins)...But forget that.

    You don't want to marry the girl you shouldn't have to. If you love her then that's a different story but from your description it doesn't seem so unless I missed something.

    So bottome line? Do what you have to do. Don't get guilt into it cause that would suck for you later no doubt. Your life at the end of the day and although it may seem hard to say no and face the disappointment in the long run you'll be doing everyone and yourself a favour.
    Peace! xo
    yup i agree

    you could tell the girl you like someone else? becasue if she`s how you have described her, its probably the first guy she`s "liked" and you are simply something to pass time- make life interesting?...

    dont marry your cousin- it is weird, especially since you dont know her and the whole disability stuff- it must be horrible coping with disability espeically if your choices have contributed to it.
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    (Original post by didgeridoo12uk)
    bloody hell! learn to summarise!

    i've had a rough scan... personally my issue wouldn't be with the potential issues of marrying your cousin. more the fact my parents are choosing who i get married to!

    um its a really hard situation :/ if you don't want to do something your parents can't force you to do it. obviously i've grown up in a different culture, but if my parents tried to do anything like that i'd just refuse and if need be leave home and break contact with them.

    maybe try talking to your cousin and try turn her off the idea of marrying you.
    Learn to be patient.
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    Stick to your guns, dont even compromise or say yes thinking you can back out at a later date. Just say NO, you are right, it is wrong.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Come on... you kinda knew this thread was from an Asian, didn't you?

    Long read ahead sorry so apologies in advance.

    So, I'm a British Asian. Pakistani to be exact. I've lived in Britain all my life but was born in Pakistan. Both my parents have large families in Pakistan (6 or 7 siblings each) and before you ask, no my parents aren't cousins, thankfully. This marrying one's cousin thing is quite popular in Pakistan since they want to "keep things in the family" and it's apparantly promoted by Quran as well, although I'm only a moderate Muslim so can't tell if it is or not myself. My aunties and uncles, on my mum's side as far as I know, have married some of their children to each other. Now these children aren't some uneducated layabouts in a tiny village in Pakistan. These people are either aborad and have a university education or have taken over their family business and taken it to new heights. So I'm assuming that they knew the risks and dangers of having children with their cousin...

    Now, I'm 19 and went to Pakistan for the first time in 10 years last year. We stayed at my auntie's house (more of a mansion tbh...) where they had about 5 staff working for them and a driver and 2 bodyguards/watchmen. I felt very uncomfortable about that but that's another topic for another time. So we were there for about a month and the only person my age in that house was their daughter, my cousin, who turned 18 recently I think. I hadn't seen this girl for 10/12 years and couldn't remember how she looked like. Now this girl is very spoilt. She has everything a girl could possibly ask for. She went to a £10k/pa international school in Pakistan and since she's the only daughter in a family with 4 sons they are very protective of her, etc.

    Ok so this girl. When we landed they all came to pick us up from the airport. It was an emotional reunion between my mum and my auntie and there was a lot of greeting/hugging etc and my siser and my cousin, being the only girls there, were talking and from the corner of my eye I could see tha see that the girl was staring at me. She was staring at me the entire time, 20 or so mminutes, that we were there and then for 3 days afterwards but I naturally assumed that this was because she hadn't seen me for so long. After about a week the awkwardness went away and I spoke to her and she seemed very friendly and was the only person there I could actually be around who was in any way similar to me. So for the next 3 weeks she showed me her town, with a bodyguard and the driver with us, and basically I was around her for about 10 hours each day but always thought of her as my cousin. When we were leaving she hugged me and started crying but I again assumed it's because she probably wouldn't see me for a long time and had no attraction topwards her whatsoever and didn't think she did either.

    Last month my mum got a call from my auntie and after a long phonecall my mum told me that my cousin really likes me and wants to marry me. Apparantly she hasn't been herself since I left and has been crying in her room quite often. My mum forced me to call her and I spoke to her and I could notice she was happy to speak to me but she's always been happy so I didn't notice anything different.

    This girl is very nice, caring and attractive to an extent that I'm sure any guy on TSR would be happy to date her. She's been very shielded so I think she's attracted to the idea of a relationship rather than me.

    Anyway, my mum has since been trying to get me to agree to the marriage. She says that I don't have to marry her until I finish my degree but that we have to get engaged this year. I've explained the reasons why it's so wrong but she always manages to mind**** me into a guilt trap somehow. She always gets emotional everytime I try to tell her the reasons, scientific reasons of what would be wrong with out children, I've even shown her studies and examples but she just refuses to listen to me. I love my mum more than anything in the world, she's done a lot for me but I'm running out of time and I really don't know what to do.

    I wrote all this on an iPhone lol so don't give me that tl;dr crap please. Took me agesss to type all that so really need some solid advice.
    I'm white so tis a bit more unusual, but my half cousin (my mothers cousin) married her full cousin. So closely related they even shared the same surname BEFORE they married.

    They now have 3 children each with their own special needs.

    Sadly I'm not even making this up...
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    (Original post by Petro_99)
    yup i agree

    you could tell the girl you like someone else? becasue if she`s how you have described her, its probably the first guy she`s "liked" and you are simply something to pass time- make life interesting?...

    dont marry your cousin- it is weird, especially since you dont know her and the whole disability stuff- it must be horrible coping with disability espeically if your choices have contributed to it.
    Yeah that is actually a good point. You might be her first crush and she's gone over board. Or maybe it's the idea that you're not living where she is that excites her.
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    or you could tell your parents you are NOW having an identity crisis because of the whole forcing-you-to-get-married and they should back off

    oh and stick to your point- if you show an ounce of compromise they will probably interpret it as yes and start making plans!
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    (Original post by firestar101)
    What course and what uni are you doing/going to?
    The fourth rishta coming up.
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    If you don't want to marry him, don't. Simple.

    Cut your parents off if you have to. I can't stand over-controlling parents- religion or otherwise.
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    (Original post by s_libra)
    omg I totally forgot its April fools today But I don't think this is a joke sadly alot of this kind of stuff happens in asian families, one of the reasons I refuse to go to pakistan!
    Sad you stereotype, these ghetto Pakistanis are probs from villages tbh. My parents are doctors and have 2 kids not 50 so i guess we're more typically 'indian.' The more elite you are the less backward you tend to be
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    Arrange marriages are ok, as long as they are not your cousin and your parents ain't picking for you, it should be your decision, solely your decision
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    Er guys...? This thread is 6 years old
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    (Original post by Nirah)
    x

    (Original post by Miser101)
    x
    Your advice is about 5 years late lmao
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    (Original post by Zargabaath)
    Your advice is about 5 years late lmao
    LMFAOOO wth is it doing here on my feed
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    (Original post by Zargabaath)
    Your advice is about 5 years late lmao
    Realized when I posted it haha
 
 
 
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