I'm pretty sure it's time to just give up and cut the ties with my old school friends.
During towards the very end of school and throughout sixth form, I became shyer and more withdrawn than I ever was. I would stay with my group of friends (that I had since year 7) and I'd never say a bad word about them, but I felt as though I was just 'there' in sixth form, almost tagging along.
Of course, during sixth form you'd get asked to go out to all these 18th birthday parties and nights up town and I had no interest in doing that. I was actually pretty scared about the social aspects of it and I always thought it just wouldn't be for me - so I'd politely decline. I'd keep getting pestered and I just didn't know what to say, I'd make excuses sometimes but other times I'd just be like, "I don't know yet".
I was still able to talk to them as friends throughout sixth form but I knew they were beginning to get fed up with me and were starting to see me as a bit weird. For instance, they'd be talking about this and that night out and how drunk they got, but when it came to me I could tell they found it awkward as they didn't know what to talk to me about. It was almost patronising.
I remember on two or three occasions throughout the two years that I just started crying in front of them, simply because of everything. Most people in the year weren't on friendly terms with me anymore (not that I'd done something to them - because I was so quiet) and I'd see them often talking openly to all of my popular friends.
Anyway, I decided I wouldn't be able to face University and so I took a gap year to try to get my head sorted. I began to cry when I sat down in front of the doctor before I had even said anything; she said that she thought I had depression and social anxiety and prescribed me medication. I later went on to have therapy.
I came off both the medication and the therapy last summer. I began having a relationship with someone from my year group on my gap year (he fortunately stayed at a local University) and he helped me gain the confidence to come out a bit more and help me with my issues. I've done a lot since, including going to University, getting my first job and often meeting new people - more than I could ever have done before.
But here's the problem. I meet up with those friends described above every so often when they're back from University (xmas, easter blahblah), but they only ever ask through my boyfriend ("are you and x up town tomorrow", "want to come out for an Indian, ask x too). They still text him, despite him not strictly being in our group of friends at school. They never text me. When we're out they don't seem interested in talking to me at all. I have to do the asking of questions to even get a response most of the time. I remember when we went to have a meal at Christmas, something like 5 out of the 7 didn't even say hello when I walked in, just carried on talking amongst themselves. Last night we went out and were talking about people who used to go to our school and I said "X dropped out of Uni a few months ago" and I got the response, "How do you know all this??" with some emphasis on the 'you' (probably alluding to the fact I don't have facebook). I just don't know whether I should bother anymore.
P.S. I did actually try to talk to 2 of my closest friends of the group whilst on my gap year about how I'd been diagnosed with depression and social anxiety to try to explain my behaviour at school, but they seemed to just brush it off ("Everyone goes through rough patches") and haven't mentioned it since.
Thanks if you read all this.. should I just let the friendship go?
Old friends and Depression/Anxiety Watch
- Thread Starter
Last edited by Froobie; 01-04-2011 at 12:09.
- 01-04-2011 12:08
- 01-04-2011 12:28
tl ; dr
- 01-04-2011 12:31
make more of an effort. you can't expect unconditional friendship
- 01-04-2011 12:55
Well you got your confidence now and really at the end of the day i think you have to ask yourself do you want to spend time with them, if so they you do have to put some effort in to be more involved, talk more, go out with them more (doesnt have to be drinking, like a nice meal or shopping) etc. but if you dont then well its up to you what you want to to do. everyone moves on. its not the end of the world......just yet.
I'm in a similar situation were due to a major trust issue and my confidence shattered in just 2 days because of a group of friends i made at uni (it hurt...alot), before I was quite shy still but i always put effort in talking to people and making friends-------without the nightlife style--------pretty much a tea total person. I'm not depressed about it, I'm more synnical about the ideaolgy of friendship though, but lesson learned and now I'm more careful.
be happy and always be yourself.