Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Went for my first session today and my counsellor seemed very cold and distant and very professional. Are all counsellors like this? I am sure she is very good but I am going for many reasons, one being my low confidence so her acting so distant didn't really help. Any advice?
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    It may just not be a good fit for you - this specific counsellor. A counsellor should be able to be warm and open with you if that's what you need from the situation. So no, they're not all like this. Is it a possibility for you to request a different counsellor? Or to bring this up in some way?
    It can be highly destructive for your wellbeing to have someone put you off treatment like this.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    It may just take time to build up that relationship. I found counselling incredibly supportive.

    It wasn't easy though, my counsellor challenged me constantly, asked really tough questions and wasn't always "nice and friendly" . If you want someone to just tell you everything is going to be ok, better off being on prozac!

    I expect he will let you talk for the first few sessions without much input, to let him build up a picture of where you are. If he tries to direct the questioning to early the problem may be that he misses what you really want to discuss. By letting you do the talking in the first sessions and the things you talk about will help the counsellor to put together their thoughts on how to approach any problems you might have
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Went for my first session today and my counsellor seemed very cold and distant and very professional. Are all counsellors like this? I am sure she is very good but I am going for many reasons, one being my low confidence so her acting so distant didn't really help. Any advice?
    Hello!

    I would advise you to definitely change your counsellor - although I appreciate that having low confidence doesn't help with doing things like this! They are meant to make you feel better not worse.

    I had counselling after a bad break up and it really helped. A good counsellor should be empathetic but also able to guide you in how you can make changes in your own actions and attitudes in order to be happier in your life. i.e. they shouldn't be harsh, but neither should they let you wallow too much! My counsellor did just that and I am extremely grateful to her for it.

    Counselling can be difficult as it can really makes you look hard at yourself, but it is worth it. I came out of it the other end feeling refreshed, more positive and able to take the crap from my past and use it positively to drive myself forward.

    All that being said, it is not for everyone. Not everyone likes the idea of openning up to a stranger, but since you have taken the first steps I think you just need a counsellor who is more suited to you.

    All the best,

    CJ x

    Edit: Actually since you've only had one session, I would give another one a go at least - I didn't warm to mine right away either! Sorry for the change around, I clearly didn't read your post properly the first time.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    They're not all like that, and has already been suggested, you might be better trying to see someone else I've had 4 lots of counselling, and can usually tell quite quickly whether I'll click and be able to work with the counsellor or not.
    • #2
    #2

    It can do, depends on your problem and counsellor.
    I went for four months and saw no improvment, if anything I thought I was geting worse. Then another two weeks and suddenly everything is flipped upside down and in one important session I suddenly realise my apparent symptoms of Depression or Bipolar disorder despite my constant positive outlook and happy nature are caused by an underlying PTSD I wasn't aware of, caused by memories I haven't suppressed or repressed, but possibly just completely annihilated (I still know roughly what they probably are based on the things I do remember). ****ed up **** right, it's taken me years to get here - and the last several months of counselling were an essential part.

    Whatever your problem, I doubt it could be doing any harm at least. Unless it is enforcing negative thought patterns because your counsellor is just forcing you to recount them constantly and then not even slightly challenging - but it doesn't sound like it is. Personally I don't mind the cold, stepped back and professional approach.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by SeaJay)
    Hello!

    I would advise you to definitely change your counsellor - although I appreciate that having low confidence doesn't help with doing things like this! They are meant to make you feel better not worse.

    I had counselling after a bad break up and it really helped. A good counsellor should be empathetic but also able to guide you in how you can make changes in your own actions and attitudes in order to be happier in your life. i.e. they shouldn't be harsh, but neither should they let you wallow too much! My counsellor did just that and I am extremely grateful to her for it.

    Counselling can be difficult as it can really makes you look hard at yourself, but it is worth it. I came out of it the other end feeling refreshed, more positive and able to take the crap from my past and use it positively to drive myself forward.

    All that being said, it is not for everyone. Not everyone likes the idea of openning up to a stranger, but since you have taken the first steps I think you just need a counsellor who is more suited to you.

    All the best,

    CJ x

    Edit: Actually since you've only had one session, I would give another one a go at least - I didn't warm to mine right away either! Sorry for the change around, I clearly didn't read your post properly the first time.
    Yes I think I probably will stick with it for one or two more sessions. It wouldn't be fair to judge straight away. It's just in my mind, I want someone bubby and warm, friendly and kind. To me, she just seems like a strict headmistress. I didn't mind opening up to her but I felt her reactions were too cold. Ah I don't know, going to have to wait and see!
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    Change her if not happy, warmth is commonly found to determinant of whether counselling works or not.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Reflexive)
    Change her if not happy, warmth is commonly found to determinant of whether counselling works or not.
    Yes, it's hard to warm to her. I wanted to ask her where her accent was from but I felt too nervous. I have problems with my father being cold and distant from me as was my ex boyfriend so her being like that too is not ideal.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes, it's hard to warm to her. I wanted to ask her where her accent was from but I felt too nervous. I have problems with my father being cold and distant from me as was my ex boyfriend so her being like that too is not ideal.
    Yes I would definitely ask to see someone else. Well done for having the courage to go though.. it's a difficult step.
    • PS Reviewer
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    PS Reviewer
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes, it's hard to warm to her. I wanted to ask her where her accent was from but I felt too nervous. I have problems with my father being cold and distant from me as was my ex boyfriend so her being like that too is not ideal.
    Would you feel comfortable telling her that her behaviour makes you feel uncomfortable?
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: April 1, 2011
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Would you rather give up salt or pepper?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Write a reply...
    Reply
    Hide
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.