My mum is as controlling as **** & so uptight, it makes me feel like ****.
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Original post by anonperson
I would neg you if I had any rep left. Just because it's the anniversary of her daughter's death, it gives her no right to be completely irrational. There is no excuse.
oh no not neg rep
no, i never said it was ok to be irrational, i said she has a right to be upset and emotional on that particular day, your child dying isn't something you ever get over, especially on their death anniversary, so she should be cut some slack.
OP, I think you should talk to your mother about the way you feel and how it's affecting you. Communication is generally key in situations like this.
I know that it must be difficult for you to go through this but I hope that you understand that it is equally difficult for a mother to lose a child no matter how long it's been. I think that you tearing up the card and throwing it at her face was disrespectful, you could have easily just thrown it away instead of throwing it at her.
I understand that you feel that your wishes/rights aren't being respected but I guess like you've mentioned you should realize that your mother probably feels like she has no one. More than anything, I think you should be there to support her and let her know that you will always be there. She's probably facing an incredible amount of stress and has directed that to cleaning the house and towards you. She probably feels like she's losing control so she's trying to control everything that she thinks she can. You can talk to her about this. She'll probably be angry at first, even deny it but when she sits down to think about it, she'll probably realize it's true.
There should obviously be an understanding from both sides and if it doesn't start from your mother's side, it could start from yours. (:
I know that it must be difficult for you to go through this but I hope that you understand that it is equally difficult for a mother to lose a child no matter how long it's been. I think that you tearing up the card and throwing it at her face was disrespectful, you could have easily just thrown it away instead of throwing it at her.
I understand that you feel that your wishes/rights aren't being respected but I guess like you've mentioned you should realize that your mother probably feels like she has no one. More than anything, I think you should be there to support her and let her know that you will always be there. She's probably facing an incredible amount of stress and has directed that to cleaning the house and towards you. She probably feels like she's losing control so she's trying to control everything that she thinks she can. You can talk to her about this. She'll probably be angry at first, even deny it but when she sits down to think about it, she'll probably realize it's true.
There should obviously be an understanding from both sides and if it doesn't start from your mother's side, it could start from yours. (:
Original post by U.S Lecce
Don't be too harsh on op. Obviously she is saying this because it happens all the time, and today was obviously a tipping point. Aslo it was her sister aswell, im sure they both have a right to be sad.
also didn't say she couldn't feel upset, but it's going to be much worse for her mum, she also still obivously hasn't gotten over it and is very emotional, i think ripping up a card and throwing it at her was very rude and inconsiderate as what her mum said was probably in the heat of the moment/due to messed up emotions, and her mum didn't even say it to her! if the OP had just given her the card and pretended she hadn't heard her mum would probably have been very grateful. OP sounds like a brat to me even though she's supposed to be an adult and also quite insensative.
the other things she said don't sound like too much to be upset over, especially at 20, she's an adult, she can either move out or tell her mum that not letting her shave is unfair and do it anyway or just buy a razor in secret, or if she's that desparate use her dads razor. and not being allowed a cup of tea, really, big deal.
Original post by Anonymous
Okay, so my mum is obsessed with cleaning. She's so house proud because it's all that she has. She has no friends & doesn't work. So she's become obsessed with cleaniliness. I'm not even allowed to make a cup of tea because I'll "make a mess" not allowed to use a razor because I cut myself a tiny bit once, & i'm not allowed to use fake tan because it has "a horrible smell" and "ruins the sheets" (when I have used it before I've been very careful in making sure that it hasn't gone on the sheets so she just uses this as an excuse)
Today was pretty bad. She's never liked me to be honest. The anniversary of my sisters death was today, and she's just being a total bitch. I heard her talking to my dad saying that she didn't want anything from mothers day off me so I just ripped up the card i had for her and threw it at her, and then so my dad hit me & my hand won't stop bleeding now :/
Anyway, I know we'll never get on. I just want to get out of this whole restriction thing. I mean I have to use disgusting hair removal cream instead of a razor! And I just want to be able to make a bloody tea for myself at home! (I work at a coffee shop ironically!)
Today was pretty bad. She's never liked me to be honest. The anniversary of my sisters death was today, and she's just being a total bitch. I heard her talking to my dad saying that she didn't want anything from mothers day off me so I just ripped up the card i had for her and threw it at her, and then so my dad hit me & my hand won't stop bleeding now :/
Anyway, I know we'll never get on. I just want to get out of this whole restriction thing. I mean I have to use disgusting hair removal cream instead of a razor! And I just want to be able to make a bloody tea for myself at home! (I work at a coffee shop ironically!)
Doesn't hair removal cream smell just as much, if not more, than fake tan?
leave.
Mothers are a waste of space after you reach 16.
Wait till uni an never come back.
Go uni abroad to make sure that women cant get to you so easily
Mothers are a waste of space after you reach 16.
Wait till uni an never come back.
Go uni abroad to make sure that women cant get to you so easily
Firstly, you sound exactly like me.
Tbh, your mum is probably very depressed. The fact she has no friends and doesn't work probably makes this worse as she has no 'focus' in life. I say you should probably sit down and try and talk about the tea situation with her... it does sound a bit stupid!
Maybe with the razor she is just a bit worried about you using it if she feels you can't? She may not like the idea you are growing up (I once accidently caught my skin in the razor near my ankle and ripped it off halfway up my leg - my mum didn't want me using razors for a while
) But tbh, using a razor isn't great anyway - a pretty **** way of hair removing because of ingrown hairs etc. Have you thought about waxing or something else???
I know what you mean about the sisters death. In my family it's the situation where we have never talked about it etc so it's a mixture of thrown about anger/emotions. My mum has stolen the few pictures I had of her and wants to erase her totally.
Yeah well how long is it before you go to uni? That will get you out of this situation? Otherwise it will be a case of 'just doing it' and pissing your mum off
Tbh, your mum is probably very depressed. The fact she has no friends and doesn't work probably makes this worse as she has no 'focus' in life. I say you should probably sit down and try and talk about the tea situation with her... it does sound a bit stupid!
Maybe with the razor she is just a bit worried about you using it if she feels you can't? She may not like the idea you are growing up (I once accidently caught my skin in the razor near my ankle and ripped it off halfway up my leg - my mum didn't want me using razors for a while
) But tbh, using a razor isn't great anyway - a pretty **** way of hair removing because of ingrown hairs etc. Have you thought about waxing or something else??? I know what you mean about the sisters death. In my family it's the situation where we have never talked about it etc so it's a mixture of thrown about anger/emotions. My mum has stolen the few pictures I had of her and wants to erase her totally.
Yeah well how long is it before you go to uni? That will get you out of this situation? Otherwise it will be a case of 'just doing it' and pissing your mum off
Original post by Bellissima
also didn't say she couldn't feel upset, but it's going to be much worse for her mum, she also still obivously hasn't gotten over it and is very emotional, i think ripping up a card and throwing it at her was very rude and inconsiderate as what her mum said was probably in the heat of the moment/due to messed up emotions, and her mum didn't even say it to her! if the OP had just given her the card and pretended she hadn't heard her mum would probably have been very grateful. OP sounds like a brat to me even though she's supposed to be an adult and also quite insensative.
the other things she said don't sound like too much to be upset over, especially at 20, she's an adult, she can either move out or tell her mum that not letting her shave is unfair and do it anyway or just buy a razor in secret, or if she's that desparate use her dads razor. and not being allowed a cup of tea, really, big deal.
the other things she said don't sound like too much to be upset over, especially at 20, she's an adult, she can either move out or tell her mum that not letting her shave is unfair and do it anyway or just buy a razor in secret, or if she's that desparate use her dads razor. and not being allowed a cup of tea, really, big deal.
You don't ever get over the death of your child. You don't ever get over the death of your sister. It's not "in the heat of the moment" she behaves like that ALL the time. You don't know my mother, so stop acting like you do please!
I'm not a brat & you don't have any right to judge me. So please if you're just going to insult me, get out of my thread. Telling someone who has ocd that something is 'unfair' doesn't work. You don't know the amount of razors I've bought or the amount of fake tan that I've bought for it to just be found and be put in the bin.
Original post by Persephone9
Doesn't hair removal cream smell just as much, if not more, than fake tan?
I didn't comment of the smell of it. I don't like it, it doesn't even remove the hair properly and you have to stand about for like 10 mins.
Thanks for that.
Original post by Anonymous
It's not a troll. She died 14 years ago. My mums just like that in general. I'm not selfish at all.
You don't know what it's like to lose a child. Time doesn't heal all wounds.
Original post by Bellissima
also didn't say she couldn't feel upset, but it's going to be much worse for her mum, she also still obivously hasn't gotten over it and is very emotional, i think ripping up a card and throwing it at her was very rude and inconsiderate as what her mum said was probably in the heat of the moment/due to messed up emotions, and her mum didn't even say it to her! if the OP had just given her the card and pretended she hadn't heard her mum would probably have been very grateful. OP sounds like a brat to me even though she's supposed to be an adult and also quite insensative.
the other things she said don't sound like too much to be upset over, especially at 20, she's an adult, she can either move out or tell her mum that not letting her shave is unfair and do it anyway or just buy a razor in secret, or if she's that desparate use her dads razor. and not being allowed a cup of tea, really, big deal.
the other things she said don't sound like too much to be upset over, especially at 20, she's an adult, she can either move out or tell her mum that not letting her shave is unfair and do it anyway or just buy a razor in secret, or if she's that desparate use her dads razor. and not being allowed a cup of tea, really, big deal.
Exactly she is 20 and she is being told what she is and isn't allowed to use. Fair enough her mum might still be upset, but she can't keep taking her emotions out on other people. Obviously op has been experiencing this for a while now and has started to lose sympathy.
I know how she feels, I have a similar type of mother. She takes her emotions out on everyone else. At first you realise this and you just let it go, but after a while it becomes very tedious (and that's putting it very lightly) and you stop sympathising. But even in mysituation where my mum uses her controling powers to get her own way, she wouldn't tell me what i was and wasn't allowed to use. As I am not a child. That's completly out of oreder.
It's like poking a placid dog with a stick, eventually the dog is going to bite!
(edited 13 years ago)
Original post by Persephone9
Doesn't hair removal cream smell just as much, if not more, than fake tan?
Yes but the smell of fake tan lingers whereas you can only smell hair removal cream whilst you're using it.
Original post by Anonymous
You don't ever get over the death of your child. You don't ever get over the death of your sister. It's not "in the heat of the moment" she behaves like that ALL the time. You don't know my mother, so stop acting like you do please!
I'm not a brat & you don't have any right to judge me. So please if you're just going to insult me, get out of my thread. Telling someone who has ocd that something is 'unfair' doesn't work. You don't know the amount of razors I've bought or the amount of fake tan that I've bought for it to just be found and be put in the bin.
I'm not a brat & you don't have any right to judge me. So please if you're just going to insult me, get out of my thread. Telling someone who has ocd that something is 'unfair' doesn't work. You don't know the amount of razors I've bought or the amount of fake tan that I've bought for it to just be found and be put in the bin.
I completely see your point of view and I think the people saying 'be more respectful to your mother' etc obviously don't know what it's like to have irrational parents. They also need to remember that she was your sister as well as your mum's daughter and tbh like you said it has been 14 years which indicates that your mum is not dealing with things properly. Obviously she will still be sad but her behaviour is ridiculous
Original post by ElMoro
You don't know what it's like to lose a child. Time doesn't heal all wounds.
No, but I'm pretty sure that I have a better idea than you do. I lost my sister, who was also my best friend. You don't forget about them but you have to find a way to cope with it or else you might just as well be dead too,
Original post by Anonymous
You don't ever get over the death of your child. You don't ever get over the death of your sister. It's not "in the heat of the moment" she behaves like that ALL the time. You don't know my mother, so stop acting like you do please!
I'm not a brat & you don't have any right to judge me. So please if you're just going to insult me, get out of my thread. Telling someone who has ocd that something is 'unfair' doesn't work. You don't know the amount of razors I've bought or the amount of fake tan that I've bought for it to just be found and be put in the bin.
I'm not a brat & you don't have any right to judge me. So please if you're just going to insult me, get out of my thread. Telling someone who has ocd that something is 'unfair' doesn't work. You don't know the amount of razors I've bought or the amount of fake tan that I've bought for it to just be found and be put in the bin.
look, did i say you get over the death of your sister? no. but losing your own child is different, and i am really sorry about your and your mums and your whole family's loss, but i don't think that excuses your behaviour.
as for the heat in the moment she wasn't even talking to you and you were irrational, ripping up a card and throwing it at her.
you want us to judge your mother, that's why you posted this and are talking about her like this, you want everyone to be like "omg she is sooo bad and this is sooo unfair you poor little thing"... i'm giving my honest opinion and if you don't like it because it doesn't fit in with what you want to hear that's your problem.
you never said she had OCD and tbh that doesn't help how you're coming across because it's not like she can help her obsessive behaviour. i can understand why you're frustrated but there was no need to act the way you did.
if you don't want me to comment any more then i won't.
Original post by U.S Lecce
Exactly she is 20 and she is being told what she is and isn't allowed to use. Fair enough her mum might still be upset, but she can't keep taking her emotions out on other people. Obviously op has been experiencing this for a while now and has started to lose sympathy.
I know how she feels, I have a similar type of mother. She takes her emotions out on everyone else. At first you realise this and you just let it go, but after a while it becomes very tedious (and that's putting it very lightly) and you stop sympathising. But even in mysituation where my mum uses her controling powers to get her own way, she wouldn't tell me what i was and wasn't allowed to use. As I am not a child. That's completly out of oreder.
It's like poking a placid dog with a stick, eventually the dog is going to bite!
I know how she feels, I have a similar type of mother. She takes her emotions out on everyone else. At first you realise this and you just let it go, but after a while it becomes very tedious (and that's putting it very lightly) and you stop sympathising. But even in mysituation where my mum uses her controling powers to get her own way, she wouldn't tell me what i was and wasn't allowed to use. As I am not a child. That's completly out of oreder.
It's like poking a placid dog with a stick, eventually the dog is going to bite!
she lives in her parents house, if she's living with them she's being supported by them, so it's their rules, she's of an age where she can move out if she doesn't like them.
Original post by Anonymous
Most people here stay at home for uni. None of my friends really want to move out! Don't wanna live on my own!
Living on your own is as scary as it seems. I thought it would be too, but it was the best thing I ever did. Obviously you need to see if you are able to do this financially, otherwise it's difficult, but surely you could find someone at your university to share with? People are usually advertising for extra housemates.
You need to decide if you think you are able to carry on living like this. Maybe leave it a few days, and then talk to your mother about how you are feeling and that you feel you need more freedom. The whole tea thing seems very odd - you are 20 years old, you should be able to drink what you like. Same with the razor. Either way, if you are this unhappy, something needs to be done. Please stay safe
Original post by Acromida
Living on your own is as scary as it seems. I thought it would be too, but it was the best thing I ever did. Obviously you need to see if you are able to do this financially, otherwise it's difficult, but surely you could find someone at your university to share with? People are usually advertising for extra housemates.
You need to decide if you think you are able to carry on living like this. Maybe leave it a few days, and then talk to your mother about how you are feeling and that you feel you need more freedom. The whole tea thing seems very odd - you are 20 years old, you should be able to drink what you like. Same with the razor. Either way, if you are this unhappy, something needs to be done. Please stay safe
You need to decide if you think you are able to carry on living like this. Maybe leave it a few days, and then talk to your mother about how you are feeling and that you feel you need more freedom. The whole tea thing seems very odd - you are 20 years old, you should be able to drink what you like. Same with the razor. Either way, if you are this unhappy, something needs to be done. Please stay safe
Yeah I know what you mean, I really need to move out. Thanks.
Original post by Bellissima
she lives in her parents house, if she's living with them she's being supported by them, so it's their rules, she's of an age where she can move out if she doesn't like them.
Yeah and this isn't 1901. There's a difference between reasonable house rules and being an utter dictorial ****.
Original post by Anonymous
I didn't comment of the smell of it. I don't like it, it doesn't even remove the hair properly and you have to stand about for like 10 mins.
Thanks for that.
Thanks for that.
I was saying that it was confusing, as hair removal cream is a smelly product, not commenting on the efficacy or practicalities of its usage.
Although, I can see why your mum might not want you using fake tan in the house. It can make a mess, even when you're careful, especially the spray on kind.
Original post by -honeybee-
Yes but the smell of fake tan lingers whereas you can only smell hair removal cream whilst you're using it.
Ahh, I didn't know that. I've never actually used fake tan (other than gradual tanner moisturisers) before.
Original post by U.S Lecce
Yeah and this isn't 1901. There's a difference between reasonable house rules and being an utter dictorial ****.
ok well i disagree, maybe it's just the way i've been brought up.
Original post by Bellissima
ok well i disagree, maybe it's just the way i've been brought up.
Or you've never lived in a disfunctional household. Not that it's a bad thing living in a good home, but you can't really comment on situations that you have never experienced.
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