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do you think my boyfriend is pressuring me or am i being silly? Any advice.. watch

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    I think if you're that set on not having sex until marriage, you need to find a man who feels the same. I doubt that a man who doesn't share your views can have a fulfilling relationship without sex.
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    (Original post by Singularity)
    I think if you're that set on not having sex until marriage, you need to find a man who feels the same. I doubt that a man who doesn't share your views can have a fulfilling relationship without sex.
    This, pretty much. If you're deadset that you don't want to lose your virginity before marriage then I can't see how you're going to make this work with someone who doesn't believe the same.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How is it old? :facepalm2:

    No wonder British girls have a reputation for being easy :rolleyes:
    Yeah! I mean, we lose our virginity later than countries like Iceland, Denmark, Sweden, New Zealand and Germany...and at about the same time as the US, Australia, Israel, Finland...and even India's average is under 20...but omg British sluts! Amirite?? (men have sex at the same age but who cares!)
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    (Original post by Singularity)
    I think if you're that set on not having sex until marriage, you need to find a man who feels the same. I doubt that a man who doesn't share your views can have a fulfilling relationship without sex.
    This is very true. Certain (probably a huge number of) guys need a sexual aspect to a relationship for it to feel completely fulfilling to them. It's not necessarily that they are just using you for sex, or only care about it, it's just the way their brains have been wired.

    And if he is one of those guys, even though he says he is "okay" with not having sex before marriage, deep inside he is probably feeling like a part of the relationship is empty.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Apologies about length but really need advice

    Hey everyone I would really need your advice. I just feel like I need a bit of perspective…

    So my plan is to wait until marriage to lose my virginity I already explained this to my boyfriend of about two months before we started going out. He said he was alright with it.. Now I was thinking of doing other stuff like oral but now I’m not so sure I haven’t told him that I have fully changed my mind yet..

    The thing is he says he loves me, he said it first, not me! But yet I feel like I am feeling pressurised to have sex. He tells me some nights I stay over that he really wants to have sex and stuff and when I said 'I know but you know how I feel about that' he gets a bit huffy and tuts. I don’t know if he is intentionally trying to pressure me maybe he is just being really honest because he seems really honest in every other way. So last night I was saying that all this talk about sex is making me feel pressurised and he didn’t reply. I know it must be hard for him as he is used to having sex in a relationship, its hard for me too not to have sex too but I know I want to do it when and if we get married, I think it would really hurt me if I gave him my virginity and we ended up splitting up. So last night he tried to put his hand down my below just on my pants and I was like no, but yeah he kept going after i kept living it off so I just got fed up in the end and didn’t bother saying it anymore. Cause it wasn’t making much of a difference. Thinking back now I should have put my foot down and just left.

    Sometimes I feel so weird for not wanting to have sex yet like him saying that girls don’t get as much sexual need than guys. Its not like I don’t want to have sex its just I want to wait.

    In saying all that stuff, he is really kind to me. He tries to cheer me up when I’m down about uni stuff and helps me in other ways like to find a house. Sometimes though he says stuff like why do I eat that, and why do I say that? I’m not use to all this questioning about my behaviour! I am probably painting him in a bad light. But he is a nice guy and when I am with him I am happy most of the time its just this sex stuff that is so annoying me right now. I am being the best girlfriend I can be to him bar all the sex stuff. I’m there for him when he needs me and I try and help him if he is stuck with uni work if I can..

    I dunno is not having sex such a big deal? Any advice? I’m planning not to spend so much time over at his house…I’m 20 and he is a little bit older if that makes a difference. .. I do love him though i would even more he could understand and appreciate my what this means to me.. Its just getting to me... I can't even concentrate on my uni work...
    Yes, his behaviour definitely counts as 'pressuring you', and quite frankly, if he was touching you when you asked him to stop, he was sexually assaulting you too.

    I think you're being a bit naive here. Wanting to wait until after marriage is fair enough and you have the right to stick to that policy. But you also have to accept that the majority of people these days expect sex as a normal feature of relationships. If your boyfriend is finding it hard to wait after just 2 months, do you really expect him to wait for years - or for however long it takes to get to a point where the two of you are ready to marry? It's probably better for you to find someone else who has the same attitude as you, because there seems to be a basic compatability problem here.

    Just because your boyfriend initially seemed ok with the 'waiting' idea doesn't mean that he'll be satisfied with it long-term. He might have agreed to it on the assumption that he could change your mind later on.

    And whatever you do, don't take the advice of the people here who seem to be suggesting that you should have sex with your boyfriend as a way of stopping him from leaving you. It's not a tactic that's guaranteed to work and whatever your feelings for this guy might be, 2 months is NOT long enough to know that you want to spend the rest of your life with this person. Especially not if he's asking creepy, controlling questions about your eating habits and refusing to discuss your worries about sex with you. Ask yourself this: if he really loves and cares for you so much, why won't he engage with your concerns or stop pressuring you? Why won't he listen to you when you say 'no'?

    (Original post by bethanysmith)
    you dont paint him in a bad light at all he seems like a saint!
    Why does he seem like a saint exactly? The girl made it clear to him from the start that she didn't want sex until marriage, but he still tries to guilt-trip her into doing it. He even shoved his hand down her pants and wouldn't take it out EVEN WHEN SHE ASKED HIM TO. I know it's hard going without sex but he knew that he was getting into, so why did he get into a relationship with her?

    Imagine you're obsessed with cocopops and that I hate them. I ask you out and tell you I hate cocopops. You say yes, you're fine with that and want to be my girlfriend. You then spend every day telling me that it would make you happier if I'd eat cocopops. That would make you a moron, right? It's the same ****ing thing.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How is it old? :facepalm2:

    No wonder British girls have a reputation for being easy :rolleyes:
    A perfect example as to why the anon system needs urgent reform.
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    Abstinence before marriage is one of the stupidest ideas in the world.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Apologies about length but really need advice

    Hey everyone I would really need your advice. I just feel like I need a bit of perspective…

    So my plan is to wait until marriage to lose my virginity I already explained this to my boyfriend of about two months before we started going out. He said he was alright with it.. Now I was thinking of doing other stuff like oral but now I’m not so sure I haven’t told him that I have fully changed my mind yet..

    The thing is he says he loves me, he said it first, not me! But yet I feel like I am feeling pressurised to have sex. He tells me some nights I stay over that he really wants to have sex and stuff and when I said 'I know but you know how I feel about that' he gets a bit huffy and tuts. I don’t know if he is intentionally trying to pressure me maybe he is just being really honest because he seems really honest in every other way. So last night I was saying that all this talk about sex is making me feel pressurised and he didn’t reply. I know it must be hard for him as he is used to having sex in a relationship, its hard for me too not to have sex too but I know I want to do it when and if we get married, I think it would really hurt me if I gave him my virginity and we ended up splitting up. So last night he tried to put his hand down my below just on my pants and I was like no, but yeah he kept going after i kept living it off so I just got fed up in the end and didn’t bother saying it anymore. Cause it wasn’t making much of a difference. Thinking back now I should have put my foot down and just left.

    Sometimes I feel so weird for not wanting to have sex yet like him saying that girls don’t get as much sexual need than guys. Its not like I don’t want to have sex its just I want to wait.

    In saying all that stuff, he is really kind to me. He tries to cheer me up when I’m down about uni stuff and helps me in other ways like to find a house. Sometimes though he says stuff like why do I eat that, and why do I say that? I’m not use to all this questioning about my behaviour! I am probably painting him in a bad light. But he is a nice guy and when I am with him I am happy most of the time its just this sex stuff that is so annoying me right now. I am being the best girlfriend I can be to him bar all the sex stuff. I’m there for him when he needs me and I try and help him if he is stuck with uni work if I can..

    I dunno is not having sex such a big deal? Any advice? I’m planning not to spend so much time over at his house…I’m 20 and he is a little bit older if that makes a difference. .. I do love him though i would even more he could understand and appreciate my what this means to me.. Its just getting to me... I can't even concentrate on my uni work...
    Hi there, I just wanted to say that I think it's brilliant that you're saving yourself for the person you marry.

    He knew before you got together so to be honest I think he's actually being a (lots of profanities that I prefer not to say) by trying to get you to go back on what you said. If I was in your shoes I'd be telling him where to get off. He's showing a serious lack of respect for your wishes. As for the saying he loves you, might he be just saying it? Obviously I don't know anything about your relationship, how long you've been together, how much time you spend together etc but some guys have a serious thing for virgins, might be he'd say anything? If he's stuck around for a couple of years then ignore that, but a few months or so, I'd be questioning that..

    Please ignore anyone who tries to tell you that sex isn't a big deal and there's no point waiting. It may feel like what you want to do at the time, but if you've really decided to wait until marriage then you'll feel dreadful if you just go ahead and do it in a moment of weakness.

    I've not slept with many people at all but I regret the ones that I wasn't in a long term relationship with. My current boyfriend (of nearly three years) was a virgin at 20 and I wish I had been too.

    There is no age too old to lose your virginity to the person you marry.

    In summary: Yes, he's pressuring you. No, you're not being silly. Yes, sex is a big deal. And my advice would be to give him an ultimatum:
    "I told you before we started dating that I don't want to have sex until I get married. Either stop pressuring me or go find someone else."
    It might hurt to lose him, but at the end of the day if he's showing no respect for you now over this, then what's he going to be like further down the line?
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    (Original post by in_vogue)
    Screw your opinion.

    No-one so cowardly they have to go anon to make sexist and prejudiced statements deserves to have their opinion listened to.
    Just the way it is, by the time people are 17/18 you just presume that they are not a virgin, seeing as the age of consent is 16
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    Don't do it. Why bow into his pressure? If he's a good guy who loves you more than his urge to upset you by sex he won't push it further. You should really tell him this though, don't just leave it unsaid in the relationship.
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    Yes, he is pressurising you and no, you're not being silly.

    Regarding waiting till marriage, there ARE still some guys out there who are willing to wait, but as many people on here have said, sex is a normal part of the majority of adult relationships these days, so you really need to think about your decision and whether it's right for you. If you are just saying you want to wait till marriage because the Bible/Qu'ran/whatever tells you so, then I think you need to think deeper. Think about why they say that, and whether your personal view of your religion and your place in society fits with that. You will have to accept that unless you exclusively date men of the same religion as you, the sex before marriage question will arise again and again, so you must be completely comfortable with your decision and ready to stick by it, if that is what you truly believe (not if it's just what you've been told to do). Then again your opinion may slowly change if you're in a really strong relationship, but if it doesn't and you decide to wait till marriage still, that's great, as long as it's the right decision for you.

    Regarding this particular boyfriend, I think he doesn't quite get the message at the moment. You need to be absolutely clear to him, and give him the choice to either get out or stay but knowing there WILL be no sex.
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    if you dont want to then don't. You don't want to end up doing something you may regret in future, to satisfy a guy you may not stay with.:dontknow::no:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    *snip*
    So you're waiting for marriage, knowing full well statistically speaking you stand a good chance of ending up divorced anyway?

    Meh, your life, but be honest with your boyfriend and sit him down and talk.

    If he really can't handle not having sex he should probably be allowed to move on.

    You shouldn't feel pressured.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Apologies about length but really need advice

    Hey everyone I would really need your advice. I just feel like I need a bit of perspective…

    So my plan is to wait until marriage to lose my virginity I already explained this to my boyfriend of about two months before we started going out. He said he was alright with it.. Now I was thinking of doing other stuff like oral but now I’m not so sure I haven’t told him that I have fully changed my mind yet..

    The thing is he says he loves me, he said it first, not me! But yet I feel like I am feeling pressurised to have sex. He tells me some nights I stay over that he really wants to have sex and stuff and when I said 'I know but you know how I feel about that' he gets a bit huffy and tuts. I don’t know if he is intentionally trying to pressure me maybe he is just being really honest because he seems really honest in every other way. So last night I was saying that all this talk about sex is making me feel pressurised and he didn’t reply. I know it must be hard for him as he is used to having sex in a relationship, its hard for me too not to have sex too but I know I want to do it when and if we get married, I think it would really hurt me if I gave him my virginity and we ended up splitting up. So last night he tried to put his hand down my below just on my pants and I was like no, but yeah he kept going after i kept living it off so I just got fed up in the end and didn’t bother saying it anymore. Cause it wasn’t making much of a difference. Thinking back now I should have put my foot down and just left.

    Sometimes I feel so weird for not wanting to have sex yet like him saying that girls don’t get as much sexual need than guys. Its not like I don’t want to have sex its just I want to wait.

    In saying all that stuff, he is really kind to me. He tries to cheer me up when I’m down about uni stuff and helps me in other ways like to find a house. Sometimes though he says stuff like why do I eat that, and why do I say that? I’m not use to all this questioning about my behaviour! I am probably painting him in a bad light. But he is a nice guy and when I am with him I am happy most of the time its just this sex stuff that is so annoying me right now. I am being the best girlfriend I can be to him bar all the sex stuff. I’m there for him when he needs me and I try and help him if he is stuck with uni work if I can..

    I dunno is not having sex such a big deal? Any advice? I’m planning not to spend so much time over at his house…I’m 20 and he is a little bit older if that makes a difference. .. I do love him though i would even more he could understand and appreciate my what this means to me.. Its just getting to me... I can't even concentrate on my uni work...
    These four words are for him to help:
    PROPOSE TO HER NOW
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    Don't do anything you are not 100% ready for. You were honest about it from the beginning and he needs to respect that.
    He needs to decide what is more important to him - sex or his relationship with you.
    It doesn't matter what other people do in a relationship, it is about what you believe in and are comfortable with and ready for.
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    My opinion is this....no sex before marriage isn't something I'd subscribe to, because to have a successful relationship you have to be compatible on a number of levels and this includes sexually.

    Sex isn't the be all and end all of a relationship, but its a big part because of the intimacy.

    However him resting his hand where you described when you have said you aren't ready, isn't fair...if you have said no you have said no. I would be wary that at some point he isn't going to want to wait. Therefore you have a decision, what you believe or your boyfriend.

    And that decision is only one you can make, don't be scared to take the decision but make sure, the one that you decide isn't one you will regret.

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    (Original post by Helenia)
    Yes, he is pressurising you and no, you're not being silly.

    Regarding waiting till marriage, there ARE still some guys out there who are willing to wait, but as many people on here have said, sex is a normal part of the majority of adult relationships these days, so you really need to think about your decision and whether it's right for you. If you are just saying you want to wait till marriage because the Bible/Qu'ran/whatever tells you so, then I think you need to think deeper. Think about why they say that, and whether your personal view of your religion and your place in society fits with that. You will have to accept that unless you exclusively date men of the same religion as you, the sex before marriage question will arise again and again, so you must be completely comfortable with your decision and ready to stick by it, if that is what you truly believe (not if it's just what you've been told to do). Then again your opinion may slowly change if you're in a really strong relationship, but if it doesn't and you decide to wait till marriage still, that's great, as long as it's the right decision for you.

    Regarding this particular boyfriend, I think he doesn't quite get the message at the moment. You need to be absolutely clear to him, and give him the choice to either get out or stay but knowing there WILL be no sex.
    This, this and this tbh.
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    whether people agree with them or not, these are your principles, stick to them, and on a side note, if he really, really and truly loved you, this simpy wouldn't be an issue, because he would respect you enough to put you above his needs
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    I was pressurised into losing my virginity by my boyfriend, and I regret it even now - 4 years later!

    Don't give in, and stick to what you believe in. You have done nothing wrong - you told him how you felt about sex right at the start of the relationship, and he agreed to it. He is going back on his word (I reckon he thought he could get you to change your mind...)

    Stand your ground, and if he EVER says anything about how he loves and wants to show you how much, get out of the relationshp. I know its hard because you want to make him happy, and you don't want to be a bad girlfriend, but you really aren't.

    I know I'm basing this a lot on my own experience, but it sounds very similiar to my situation. I promise you will regret it afterwards, especially if it is for religious reasons. There are guys who will think the same as you, and if your boyfriend isn't one of them, and isn't willing to wait, then he's not good enough for you.
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    (Original post by in_vogue)
    Screw your opinion.

    No-one so cowardly they have to go anon to make sexist and prejudiced statements deserves to have their opinion listened to.
    Excuse me? And you say that losing your virginity at 20 is "quite old"?

    How dare you. You're the one making prejudiced statements if anything; what's wrong with losing your virginity above the age of 20?

    OP: Just ask him if he wants to be with you. If he wants sex, let him find another person tbh.
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    (Original post by Sorani)
    Yeah! I mean, we lose our virginity later than countries like Iceland, Denmark, Sweden, New Zealand and Germany...and at about the same time as the US, Australia, Israel, Finland...and even India's average is under 20...but omg British sluts! Amirite?? (men have sex at the same age but who cares!)
    Jesus Christ, it's not a race.
 
 
 
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