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do you think my boyfriend is pressuring me or am i being silly? Any advice.. Watch

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    I always find it hilarious that chicks are willing to suck a dude's ****, but not have sex, as though there is a magical and crucial difference.
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    (Original post by im so academic)
    Excuse me? And you say that losing your virginity at 20 is "quite old"?

    How dare you. You're the one making prejudiced statements if anything; what's wrong with losing your virginity above the age of 20?

    OP: Just ask him if he wants to be with you. If he wants sex, let him find another person tbh.
    Go back and read.

    I never said anything about 20 being quite old.

    I merely said that if someone is going to make sweeping judgements on British girls, they can have the balls to do it without using the anon button.

    Christ.
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    (Original post by in_vogue)
    Go back and read.

    I never said anything about 20 being quite old.

    I merely said that if someone is going to make sweeping judgements on British girls, they can have the balls to do it without using the anon button.

    Christ.
    No, I was making a reference to your earlier comment you made, as it is hypocritical for you to criticise that user when you should look at your own posts.

    You complain about him "making sweeping judgement on British girls", yet you made a sweeping judgement about the age of virginity.
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    (Original post by AtDusk)
    I always find it hilarious that chicks are willing to suck a dude's ****, but not have sex, as though there is a magical and crucial difference.
    This. I have a friend who's doing the whole 'saving herself until marriage' thing but will quite happily have oral sex with her boyfriend or let him do the same on her :teehee:
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    If you don't want to do it, then you don't have to. You should never feel pressured into having sex if you're not ready, but unless you're getting married in the next few months I wouldn't expect him to stick around. It's been two months and he already wants it, and it's clear he doesn't care about the sex before marriage thing whereas you do. There's no point lying and saying everything will be fine, false hope doesn't get you anywhere, I'm a guy, I know how guys think and what guys want, I for one certainly couldn't do it. If he really loves you, he will wait, but people say 'I love you' all the time.

    And just for the record, 20 is quite old to lose your virginity, not a controversial statement, just a fact anyone could find by looking at the statistics.
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    (Original post by tasia)
    Hi there, I just wanted to say that I think it's brilliant that you're saving yourself for the person you marry.

    He knew before you got together so to be honest I think he's actually being a (lots of profanities that I prefer not to say) by trying to get you to go back on what you said. If I was in your shoes I'd be telling him where to get off. He's showing a serious lack of respect for your wishes. As for the saying he loves you, might he be just saying it? Obviously I don't know anything about your relationship, how long you've been together, how much time you spend together etc but some guys have a serious thing for virgins, might be he'd say anything? If he's stuck around for a couple of years then ignore that, but a few months or so, I'd be questioning that..

    Please ignore anyone who tries to tell you that sex isn't a big deal and there's no point waiting. It may feel like what you want to do at the time, but if you've really decided to wait until marriage then you'll feel dreadful if you just go ahead and do it in a moment of weakness.

    I've not slept with many people at all but I regret the ones that I wasn't in a long term relationship with. My current boyfriend (of nearly three years) was a virgin at 20 and I wish I had been too.

    There is no age too old to lose your virginity to the person you marry.

    In summary: Yes, he's pressuring you. No, you're not being silly. Yes, sex is a big deal. And my advice would be to give him an ultimatum:
    "I told you before we started dating that I don't want to have sex until I get married. Either stop pressuring me or go find someone else."
    It might hurt to lose him, but at the end of the day if he's showing no respect for you now over this, then what's he going to be like further down the line?
    This isn't personal criticism, but rather more aimed at this kind of attitude. If you ask me, it's borne entirely out of immaturity and wishful thinking.

    I concede that it is nice and romantic notion that people want to "save themselves for marriage", but what is that founded on? Two virgins getting it on on their wedding night, and then being blissfully monogamously happy forever? It sounds good at first glance - but the reality is so different. In reality - people get married, and very often become dissatisfied because they don't sexually fulfil one another.

    Let's say for example a girl just absolutely does not do oral sex - and extremely common thing for married women. If you aren't having sex up until marriage, then how are you going to find that out? You get married, and are now going to have a life without head. If only you had found that out earlier.... It might be the same for women - if a man doesn't want to go down on a woman, it might be a big deal for her, and once you're married - that's it basically.

    From my own opinion, never mind the sex, but it is absolutely crazy to marry someone, and promise to spend the rest of your life with someone without co-habiting with them first. Sharing a flat for six months or so. Otherwise, how can you actually know them? And in reality, it's entirely unrealistic to live with someone without a sexual relationship.

    To the general question, I think the only reasonable answer is to decide within oneself whether or not you want to have sex. If not, this has to be communicated in absolutely certain terms, otherwise he will continually pester you. And you have to be absolutely ready for him to walk away. Why shouldn't he? He's being offered half a relationship, the other half to be delivered if he makes a life commitment, with no opportunity to sample.
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    Sex is a big part of a relationship. You've got to accept that he doesn't have the same views as you. Equally, he's obviously not a bad guy and he's doing what is natural to do. So you have to ask yourself. If the situations were reversed, how would you feel?

    A lot of people on here seem to support women in these cases all the time. But for guys, sexuality is a big part of a relationship, you can have one without it sure. But, it is a big part. And when people say he's being selfish for trying it on, I'd say you are also being selfish to an extent witholding it from him. In these cases, if you want to stick by your original convictions, then tell him in no uncertain terms. But don't complain if at some point he loses interest. Being constantly rejected is a hurtful thing to bear.
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    (Original post by Steevee)
    Sex is a big part of a relationship. You've got to accept that he doesn't have the same views as you. Equally, he's obviously not a bad guy and he's doing what is natural to do. So you have to ask yourself. If the situations were reversed, how would you feel?

    A lot of people on here seem to support women in these cases all the time. But for guys, sexuality is a big part of a relationship, you can have one without it sure. But, it is a big part. And when people say he's being selfish for trying it on, I'd say you are also being selfish to an extent witholding it from him. In these cases, if you want to stick by your original convictions, then tell him in no uncertain terms. But don't complain if at some point he loses interest. Being constantly rejected is a hurtful thing to bear.
    You've loaded that sentence. Sex is not something that is 'owed' to anyone. And not something that someone 'deserves'. Or 'needs'. But if he wants to satisfy himself he can do it with his own two hands.

    And it's not natural to pressure someone. And it's not only guys who want sex. And not all guys. Guys always say that they can't help it. It's something they need. Well I'd like sex but I don't pressure anyone. I respect women. Guys like this don't.
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    FFS, OP. Just let him dunt you.

    This is how domestic violence starts. Lack of shagging.
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    (Original post by Sorani)
    This, pretty much. If you're deadset that you don't want to lose your virginity before marriage then I can't see how you're going to make this work with someone who doesn't believe the same.



    Yeah! I mean, we lose our virginity later than countries like Iceland, Denmark, Sweden, New Zealand and Germany...and at about the same time as the US, Australia, Israel, Finland...and even India's average is under 20...but omg British sluts! Amirite?? (men have sex at the same age but who cares!)
    Actually Finland is 18 just throwing that out there
    Slovakia 18, Singapore 19, India 20, Hong Kong 18, Greece 19, Portugal 19
    Iceland, Denmark and Sweden, Germany are very liberal countries so they tend to lose it at 15/16 but they also have a better awareness of sex than the UK that's why they have less teenage pregnancies.

    By the way I don't care what age you lose it it's the individuals business at the end of the day but like people have said do it when you want OP there is no average age (culture tends to play a big part in it) So someone from a liberal culture might find someone from a conservative culture old at 20 when someone from a conservative culture might find someone 15/6 young.
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    (Original post by Clip)
    This isn't personal criticism, but rather more aimed at this kind of attitude. If you ask me, it's borne entirely out of immaturity and wishful thinking.

    I concede that it is nice and romantic notion that people want to "save themselves for marriage", but what is that founded on? Two virgins getting it on on their wedding night, and then being blissfully monogamously happy forever? It sounds good at first glance - but the reality is so different. In reality - people get married, and very often become dissatisfied because they don't sexually fulfil one another.

    Let's say for example a girl just absolutely does not do oral sex - and extremely common thing for married women. If you aren't having sex up until marriage, then how are you going to find that out? You get married, and are now going to have a life without head. If only you had found that out earlier.... It might be the same for women - if a man doesn't want to go down on a woman, it might be a big deal for her, and once you're married - that's it basically.

    From my own opinion, never mind the sex, but it is absolutely crazy to marry someone, and promise to spend the rest of your life with someone without co-habiting with them first. Sharing a flat for six months or so. Otherwise, how can you actually know them? And in reality, it's entirely unrealistic to live with someone without a sexual relationship.

    To the general question, I think the only reasonable answer is to decide within oneself whether or not you want to have sex. If not, this has to be communicated in absolutely certain terms, otherwise he will continually pester you. And you have to be absolutely ready for him to walk away. Why shouldn't he? He's being offered half a relationship, the other half to be delivered if he makes a life commitment, with no opportunity to sample.
    Don't get me wrong, at no point in my life have I thought about saving myself for marriage.
    "In reality - people get married, and very often become dissatisfied because they don't sexually fulfil one another." I believe that has no bearing in this argument as it can happen whether you have sex before marriage or not.
    A couple can be together for years, having sex and then get married and eventually become bored of the sex and then split up. Whereas if you start having sex when you get married then it makes sense that you could potentially get much further into the marriage before becoming bored. A lot of the fun in sex is the learning each other and experimenting, if you do all that before you even get married then yes you know how to please each other, but that could eventually grow boring anyway.
    As for the oral sex example, this is a very common problem regardless of whether you marry a virgin who turns out to refuse point blank to go down on you. But couples compromise, I personally have a real distaste for the "outcome" of oral sex. Therefore I agree to still do it now and then in return for him warning me when I need to move!
    "And in reality, it's entirely unrealistic to live with someone without a sexual relationship." I disagree. If you're in a serious long term relationship where there is an understanding that there is no sex before marriage then whether you live together or not there is always going to be that urge to have sex. If you're determined to fight it then you can do it whatever the situation.

    Anyway, the reasons I'm for marriage before sex on this occasion:
    This isn't a case of this girl wanting "Two virgins getting it on on their wedding night, and then being blissfully monogamously happy forever" she's basing her decision mainly on her religion not on it being a "nice and romantic notion" which is why I think she should stick to her guns.
    In this case, this girl has made the decision "more religious reasons" not to have sex until she gets married. She told the guy two months before they started dating and has repeatedly reminded him through the relationship. He knows what he's gotten himself into and now he's decided he doesn't like it and he's trying to wear her down. In this situation I would have told him where to get off a long time ago, but obviously she hasn't done and his continuous pestering is beginning to make her question her decision and so her beliefs.
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    Sex is a natural thing, and not having it puts unnecessary strain on a relationship. Marriage is an unnatural thing, so waiting for it is just retarded, as its forcing you to go against what nature is telling you to do.
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    I dont think you really love him if you're not sure whether to have sex or not. I'm 21 years old and 'waiting for marriage' (not for religious reasons). But I do know if I was crazy in love with someone I would have no hesitation in forgetting about it and giving in. And if you know for sure that you dont love him yet then DONT give in. You will regret it badly.
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    It's a good thing that you told him from the start that you want to wait till marriage to have sex. You've gotta understand that the majority of men have a very high libido and this will probably put a strain on your relationship...

    If he's not willing to wait to have sex with you then there's no point staying in a relationship with him. But you've gotta know that most men won't be willing to wait (unless they're really religious and their religion forbits sex before marriage).

    Sorry it's not good advice! It'll be hard for him but if he loves you then he should stop pressuring you. Just explain to him that it's important to you and that you don't want to have sex. Maybe having oral sex will settle him down more (if you're willing to have it), he'll be less likely to stray and look for sex elsewhere that way.
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    (Original post by Barden)
    Sex is a natural thing, and not having it puts unnecessary strain on a relationship. Marriage is an unnatural thing, so waiting for it is just retarded, as its forcing you to go against what nature is telling you to do.
    Imagine you're married, and your wife completely loses interest in sex for a period of time, maybe after the birth of your first child. There's an attractive woman where you work who wants to have sex with you, and you're attracted to her. Should you have sex with her? Or should you wait until your wife is ready again? Is it natural to refuse sex in this case? After all, the institution of marriage is 'unnatural', so there's no reason to be bound by anything like love, respect or honour :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by dreiviergrenadier)
    Imagine you're married, and your wife completely loses interest in sex for a period of time, maybe after the birth of your first child. There's an attractive woman where you work who wants to have sex with you, and you're attracted to her. Should you have sex with her? Or should you wait until your wife is ready again? Is it natural to refuse sex in this case? After all, the institution of marriage is 'unnatural', so there's no reason to be bound by anything like love, respect or honour :rolleyes:
    I meant natural between two people in a loving relationship.

    Being 'married' doesn't modify how two people feel for each other: if they want to have sex they should.
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    (Original post by Barden)
    I meant natural between two people in a loving relationship.

    Being 'married' doesn't modify how two people feel for each other: if they want to have sex they should.
    So to be clear, you think that all people should always put the desire to have sex above anything else, like promises to other people? Does the same apply for other human desires, like the urge to eat? Or to be violent?
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    (Original post by dreiviergrenadier)
    So to be clear, you think that all people should always put the desire to have sex above anything else, like promises to other people? Does the same apply for other human desires, like the urge to eat? Or to be violent?
    Erm, straw man argument much?

    You've completely ignored what I said.


    I said that abstinence, when both parties want sex, puts strain on a relationship. Strain which is unnecessary since marriage is merely a social construct.
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    (Original post by Barden)
    Erm, straw man argument much?

    You've completely ignored what I said.


    I said that abstinence, when both parties want sex, puts strain on a relationship. Strain which is unnecessary since marriage is merely a social construct.
    Yes, but take your view a little bit further. If you think marriage is a just a social construct, what is a relationship? It's still an abstract idea. I mean, being in a 'relationship' doesn't change how two people feel about each other, so if they want to have sex they should, right?

    So in my example, the man wants to have sex, and the woman is offering sex. It would be silly of him to turn that sex down because there's no abstract 'relationship' between them. After all, it's only natural to want sex.

    Unless, of course, your view is that it's only natural to have sex in a loving relationship. This would move your view a lot closer to being opposed to pre-marital sex than I think you're willing to admit.
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    (Original post by dreiviergrenadier)
    Yes, but take your view a little bit further. If you think marriage is a just a social construct, what is a relationship? It's still an abstract idea. I mean, being in a 'relationship' doesn't change how two people feel about each other, so if they want to have sex they should, right?

    So in my example, the man wants to have sex, and the woman is offering sex. It would be silly of him to turn that sex down because there's no abstract 'relationship' between them. After all, it's only natural to want sex.

    Unless, of course, your view is that it's only natural to have sex in a loving relationship. This would move your view a lot closer to being opposed to pre-marital sex than I think you're willing to admit.
    Humans are naturally monogamous...
 
 
 
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