Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

do you think my boyfriend is pressuring me or am i being silly? Any advice.. Watch

    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Apologies about length but really need advice

    Hey everyone I would really need your advice. I just feel like I need a bit of perspective…

    So my plan is to wait until marriage to lose my virginity I already explained this to my boyfriend of about two months before we started going out. He said he was alright with it.. Now I was thinking of doing other stuff like oral but now I’m not so sure I haven’t told him that I have fully changed my mind yet..

    The thing is he says he loves me, he said it first, not me! But yet I feel like I am feeling pressurised to have sex. He tells me some nights I stay over that he really wants to have sex and stuff and when I said 'I know but you know how I feel about that' he gets a bit huffy and tuts. I don’t know if he is intentionally trying to pressure me maybe he is just being really honest because he seems really honest in every other way. So last night I was saying that all this talk about sex is making me feel pressurised and he didn’t reply. I know it must be hard for him as he is used to having sex in a relationship, its hard for me too not to have sex too but I know I want to do it when and if we get married, I think it would really hurt me if I gave him my virginity and we ended up splitting up. So last night he tried to put his hand down my below just on my pants and I was like no, but yeah he kept going after i kept living it off so I just got fed up in the end and didn’t bother saying it anymore. Cause it wasn’t making much of a difference. Thinking back now I should have put my foot down and just left.

    Sometimes I feel so weird for not wanting to have sex yet like him saying that girls don’t get as much sexual need than guys. Its not like I don’t want to have sex its just I want to wait.

    In saying all that stuff, he is really kind to me. He tries to cheer me up when I’m down about uni stuff and helps me in other ways like to find a house. Sometimes though he says stuff like why do I eat that, and why do I say that? I’m not use to all this questioning about my behaviour! I am probably painting him in a bad light. But he is a nice guy and when I am with him I am happy most of the time its just this sex stuff that is so annoying me right now. I am being the best girlfriend I can be to him bar all the sex stuff. I’m there for him when he needs me and I try and help him if he is stuck with uni work if I can..

    I dunno is not having sex such a big deal? Any advice? I’m planning not to spend so much time over at his house…I’m 20 and he is a little bit older if that makes a difference. .. I do love him though i would even more he could understand and appreciate my what this means to me.. Its just getting to me... I can't even concentrate on my uni work...
    If you're not ready, then he needs to respect that! Otherwise he's being a manipulative jerk. And why is he questioning your behavior? That's not ok.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Barden)
    Humans are naturally monogamous...
    I'd be inclined to agree, but I don't think you'll find much support for that statement on this forum!

    However, this still doesn't mean that the modern notion of 'relationship' is equally natural. You seemed to want to restrict sex to loving relationships. Assuming you agree that a loving relationship takes a while to develop, there will necessarily be a [probably] lengthy period of time in the relationship before sex is acceptable [maybe couples should get married when they're in a loving relationship...]. Monogamy could equally allow sex to happen from the very beginning of the relationship, before it qualifies as loving.

    As for my example, it still seems to stand. The man, although monogamous, could leave his wife and form another monogamous relationship with the other woman. But the example serves to show that there are times when an 'unnatural' marriage should be sustained without sex. Therefore appeals to the 'naturalness' of sex and the 'socialness' of marriage aren't decisive in this case, and further arguments would be needed to show whether or not premarital sex ought to fall into that category.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    Oral is sex.

    Nuff said.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by SmallTownGirl)
    You've loaded that sentence. Sex is not something that is 'owed' to anyone. And not something that someone 'deserves'. Or 'needs'. But if he wants to satisfy himself he can do it with his own two hands.

    And it's not natural to pressure someone. And it's not only guys who want sex. And not all guys. Guys always say that they can't help it. It's something they need. Well I'd like sex but I don't pressure anyone. I respect women. Guys like this don't.
    Riigghhtt.

    Ok, well the way I see it, relationships are give and take. How would you feel if someone just wouldn't have you in their house? Or just wouldn't go places with you or something? In a relationship you should want to help your partner out. I understand she doesn't want sex before marriage. But, he clearly does want sex. Why is he the bad one in this situation? Clearly he's not giving her an ultimatum or anything.

    Eugh. It's not that he doesn't respect them. And you are in no way better than him. He wants to have sex as a part of a healthy relationship, she doesn't. Essentially, she is not seeing to his needs. That sounds really harsh, but that's what it boils down to. And that's her perogative, but that doesn't make him the bad guy.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Steevee)
    Riigghhtt.

    Ok, well the way I see it, relationships are give and take. How would you feel if someone just wouldn't have you in their house? Or just wouldn't go places with you or something? In a relationship you should want to help your partner out. I understand she doesn't want sex before marriage. But, he clearly does want sex. Why is he the bad one in this situation? Clearly he's not giving her an ultimatum or anything.

    Eugh. It's not that he doesn't respect them. And you are in no way better than him. He wants to have sex as a part of a healthy relationship, she doesn't. Essentially, she is not seeing to his needs. That sounds really harsh, but that's what it boils down to. And that's her perogative, but that doesn't make him the bad guy.
    This.

    Men who want sex from a relationship are so easy to target as being imposing or forceful, but a sexual aspect is usually extremely important for a healthy relationship. Not giving him this (or at least coming to some sort of compromise) would cause him to feel unfulfilled with his relationship, which is a terrible thing to do to your partner, no matter what the issue.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Don't let him pressure you. It's more likely to mess up your relationship than make it stronger.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: April 4, 2011
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Would you rather give up salt or pepper?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Write a reply...
    Reply
    Hide
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.