Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
x Turn on thread page Beta

... I don't know what I expect from you guys but it's nice to let off some steam! watch

Announcements
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Right....

    Basically ever since I was little I have been insecure about my looks... I remember being in year 5 and crying my eyes out until my mum let me shave my legs, cause I hated having hairs poke through my tights...and being in like year 8 and not being able to go out to town with my friends one day cause I woke up looking more ugly than usual...

    I have suffered from depression and an un diagnosed eating disorder (lasted for about a year, and parents found out about it before I could really get majorly bad..I was underweight and lost about a stone, bulimia and then more purging than binging). Well that was 2 years ago now (Im 19) and although I no longer 'am suffering' 2 years ago was not the last time I made myself sick, it acts as a bit of a release now and again.
    I also have asymmetrical breasts which really affect my self esteem :-( I'm trying to get a breast augmentation on the nhs to sort this.

    Anyway, the reason for me offloading that is basically I feel like my looks are affecting my life :-( I know it sounds really self absorbed and I know I'm probably going to get some 'there are more to life than looks' comments but it's really getting me down.
    I have never had a proper relationship with anyone, cause I'm too insecure and no one really fancies me..and I fear that I might become ever more of a recluse because of my insecurities.
    I have quite a large nose too and people always make comments on it and it's really upsetting me... It's my birthday next month and I don't even think I want to go out for it (I dont go out as it is) cause everytime I go out someone makes a comment about my appearance which makes me upset.

    I don't know what the aim of this post is, and thanks for reading it those that have...I just feel so ugly and it's ruining me


    xx
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    Join the Empire and wear a Stormtrooper helmet.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    The only way you can be happy is if you make yourself happy. No one else can do it for you. If you were a couple of years younger I'd probably put it down to the normal stresses of being a teenager, but if you're still feeling this way at 19...well, have you ever seen a counsellor?

    You have two choices really;

    1) Accept yourself the way you are - either by yourself (which is very difficult) or with a counsellor/therapist etc (which is still difficult but maybe not quite so, as you gain a neutral perspective)
    2) Change yourself in order to accept the way you are - but this is risky, because you don't know that plastic surgery will actually make you content in the end.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by I'm_Unsafe.)
    The only way you can be happy is if you make yourself happy. No one else can do it for you. If you were a couple of years younger I'd probably put it down to the normal stresses of being a teenager, but if you're still feeling this way at 19...well, have you ever seen a counsellor?

    You have two choices really;

    1) Accept yourself the way you are - either by yourself (which is very difficult) or with a counsellor/therapist etc (which is still difficult but maybe not quite so, as you gain a neutral perspective)
    2) Change yourself in order to accept the way you are - but this is risky, because you don't know that plastic surgery will actually make you content in the end.
    Hi thanks for your reply.

    No I have never seen a councelllor..I went to the doctor about the depression (it started about 9 months ago and since has got better now I have been accepted into uni- it kinda started to happen when i didnt get in to uni ...but thats a whole other story lol) but she told me if she diagnosed me they wouldnt give me breast augmentation on the nhs...as they would try and say im not sane enough to make a decision like that or something like that.
    I think if I had my boobs done and nose done I would be more content definitely, but there is no way that I am going to be able to save up for one/two surgeries soon.
    I'm 19 and I have never had a 'relationship', never done any of that kind of stuff, anytime anything comes up in the conversation about boyfriends, sex etc. I just feel awkward. x
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    We all have things that we don't like about ourselves, and probably most of these things go unnoticed by most others, as we are all so very self absorbed in our own individual looks and affairs. I'm positive that although you may have features you don't like, you will also have many that you do. No-one is created perfect, and therefore our imperfections are, in themselves, beautiful, as it makes us the individuals that we are. People probably only make comments about your nose, because it is clear you think there is a problem with it.. this is like my friend- everyone teases him about his nose, and its not actually even that much bigger or different, to anyone else's, people just know it gets to him, and so they keep teasing. As for the asymmetrical breasts, if you mean they're different sizes, this is completely common! Besides, men like breasts whatever the size or shape, so i wouldn't worry about it tbh. It sounds like you've been through some hard times, but you got through it, you faced a challenge and you overcame it. This is in itself an achievement, and will have made you a stronger person. In reality you can be whoever you want to be, you've just got to believe it. The limitations are only in your mind
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by lizmorg469)
    We all have things that we don't like about ourselves, and probably most of these things go unnoticed by most others, as we are all so very self absorbed in our own individual looks and affairs. I'm positive that although you may have features you don't like, you will also have many that you do. No-one is created perfect, and therefore our imperfections are, in themselves, beautiful, as it makes us the individuals that we are. People probably only make comments about your nose, because it is clear you think there is a problem with it.. this is like my friend- everyone teases him about his nose, and its not actually even that much bigger or different, to anyone else's, people just know it gets to him, and so they keep teasing. As for the asymmetrical breasts, if you mean they're different sizes, this is completely common! Besides, men like breasts whatever the size or shape, so i wouldn't worry about it tbh. It sounds like you've been through some hard times, but you got through it, you faced a challenge and you overcame it. This is in itself an achievement, and will have made you a stronger person. In reality you can be whoever you want to be, you've just got to believe it. The limitations are only in your mind
    Hi thanks for your reply,

    1) No there isn't really anything I like about myself honestly; my eyes are okay with makeup on but are overshadowed by my massive nose.
    2) People who I don't even know make comments about my nose, it genuinly is large. A guy at work asked me a question about my religion cause he thought I was a Jew :-/
    3) My breasts are 2 and a bit cup sizes different..it's very noticeable Even the plastic surgeon I have been referred to is very supportive of me having it done as there genuinely is a large difference.
    4) I wish you were right I really do!

    x
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Okay, so accepting your breasts, you have only mentioned that it is your nose you don't like. What's so wrong with the rest of you? I think these features are clouding your judgement of the rest of you. I have never met anyone, ever, that i failed to see one positive thing about them. You are your own harshest critic, this may be a cliche, but it is still very much true. Other people will view you a lot more positively than you view yourself, so you need to stop being so harsh on yourself, and make an effort to notice the good things.
    And your forgetting personality here, although i'm sure there's no doubt that your better looking than you think you are, personality gets you a long way, further than mere looks for sure. x
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by lizmorg469)
    Okay, so accepting your breasts, you have only mentioned that it is your nose you don't like. What's so wrong with the rest of you? I think these features are clouding your judgement of the rest of you. I have never met anyone, ever, that i failed to see one positive thing about them. You are your own harshest critic, this may be a cliche, but it is still very much true. Other people will view you a lot more positively than you view yourself, so you need to stop being so harsh on yourself, and make an effort to notice the good things.
    And your forgetting personality here, although i'm sure there's no doubt that your better looking than you think you are, personality gets you a long way, further than mere looks for sure. x
    Hi thanks for your reply.

    No I honestly promise you there is nothing that I like :-/

    Top to Bottom:
    -Narrow horse like face- looks worse with the large nose
    -Thin lips
    -Small eyes when no makeup is on
    -Backne
    -Bony scarred 'witch looking' hands
    -Assymetrical boobs
    - Short legs
    -Nobbly knees
    -I am very short

    I could write more but you get the idea! I'm just genuinly horrible to look at I can see why guys wouldn't find me attractive. I'm always the mate who is single. I never get hit on in clubs. And I know personality is important and this is going to sound down right shallow but I'm being honest....I could only go out with someone I'm attracted too, and no attractive people (Im not saying brad pitts but people who have quirks but are nice for it etc) are going to/or have ever fancied me.
    xx
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi thanks for your reply.

    No I have never seen a councelllor..I went to the doctor about the depression (it started about 9 months ago and since has got better now I have been accepted into uni- it kinda started to happen when i didnt get in to uni ...but thats a whole other story lol) but she told me if she diagnosed me they wouldnt give me breast augmentation on the nhs...as they would try and say im not sane enough to make a decision like that or something like that.
    I think if I had my boobs done and nose done I would be more content definitely, but there is no way that I am going to be able to save up for one/two surgeries soon.
    I'm 19 and I have never had a 'relationship', never done any of that kind of stuff, anytime anything comes up in the conversation about boyfriends, sex etc. I just feel awkward. x
    Hmm. Difficult. Okay well, first off you're not in a such a small minority re boyfriends/sex as you think. I mean, I know several people who've had a reasonable amount of sex but have never actually been in a proper relationship (and it's not because they don't want one). I also know people who are still virgins. If you want to talk about that particularly, PM me cuz I'd rather not go on about it on this thread.

    Also I read your other posts and maybe if the difference is that severe the breast surgery would be helpful for you, but the fact you can't list things you like about yourself suggests to me that even if you had your breasts/nose done you wouldn't really be that happy.
    As for your doctor saying you couldn't have the surgery if you were diagnosed...that seems a bit weird. I wouldn't have thought they could say you're not sane?!
    Anyway, it's your mental health that's of primary importance, maybe you should go back and talk to your doctor again/get a second opinion because you need to take some sort of action one way or another...doing nothing wont make you feel better. x
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Yes well most of us don't look as nice without make up on, that is not just you! Besides, many males like petite females, i've heard them say so myself. There is someone out there for everyone, whilst getting hit on in the clubs is nice, it never really leads into an actual relationship, the guys don't like the girls they hit on because of their character, they merely see them as meat. Is that really what you want? There will be a guy out there, several guys out there infact, that will like you for you, and then you will see that your being far too critical on yourself. And how do you know that guys don't find you attractive? do you let every guy that you like know that you like him?
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by I'm_Unsafe.)
    Hmm. Difficult. Okay well, first off you're not in a such a small minority re boyfriends/sex as you think. I mean, I know several people who've had a reasonable amount of sex but have never actually been in a proper relationship (and it's not because they don't want one). I also know people who are still virgins. If you want to talk about that particularly, PM me cuz I'd rather not go on about it on this thread.

    Also I read your other posts and maybe if the difference is that severe the breast surgery would be helpful for you, but the fact you can't list things you like about yourself suggests to me that even if you had your breasts/nose done you wouldn't really be that happy.
    As for your doctor saying you couldn't have the surgery if you were diagnosed...that seems a bit weird. I wouldn't have thought they could say you're not sane?!
    Anyway, it's your mental health that's of primary importance, maybe you should go back and talk to your doctor again/get a second opinion because you need to take some sort of action one way or another...doing nothing wont make you feel better. x
    Hey :-)

    I hate those other things on my body too, but I think if I had surgery on my nose and breasts I wouldn't mind as much...I get the whole 'no body is perfect' thing but my nose and my boobs are the two things are really CAN NOT stand. I know I can't do anything about my height etc.
    They didn't say I am not sane as such, but I brought it up and she basically said that to be honest. With any surgery they have to be really careful you are completely aware of what is going to happen etc and if your depressed they vcan turn around and say you are not in the best state of mind to deal with surgery.
    The last time I visited the plastic surgeon, he was lovely and said I should have been referred to him the first time (I was declined surgery and am now appealing) as he things I am a very worthy case. The plastic surgeon is regularly on Embarrassing Bodies (just found it out!) and so I guess he sees stuff like this a lot. And am waiting to hear back from my GP of any news on how my appeal is going, so many stages to it :-( x
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by lizmorg469)
    Yes well most of us don't look as nice without make up on, that is not just you! Besides, many males like petite females, i've heard them say so myself. There is someone out there for everyone, whilst getting hit on in the clubs is nice, it never really leads into an actual relationship, the guys don't like the girls they hit on because of their character, they merely see them as meat. Is that really what you want? There will be a guy out there, several guys out there infact, that will like you for you, and then you will see that your being far too critical on yourself. And how do you know that guys don't find you attractive? do you let every guy that you like know that you like him?
    I don't like many guys to be honest...purely for the fact it's been so long since I have had male interest I am used to it now and can't imagine being in relationships. It's like I have taken a default back seat.
    It's not just in clubs (I very rarely go out as I often end up crying about my appearance) it's just in day to day life. The way people treat you, the way people look at you. It's something you can tell.
    I can tell many people don't find me attractive for various reasons, one of them being that I very rarely get proper male attention. Wheras my friends, especially my best friend, gets lots. And she's not a **** or anything she's just pretty with an impressive body, so if I go out with her it's pointless even attempting to talk to guys!x
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Look, I'm a guy. Self confessed master of the friend zone. I, personally, have MANY friends (even best friends) who are girls, but I never get any further with them, just friends. My friends say that when a girl looks at a guy, then they either put them in their friend zone, on their fancy zone (ugly or good looking) - leading me to think of myself as ugly. Since then, my self esteem has got the better of me. Not depression, because I'm not one for wallowing in self-pity, but just.. well.. insecurity. Looking back on pictures of myself, I am ****ing ugly. Whenever I look in the mirror, I suck in my cheeks, I try to be good looking but just fail - and yes, I know, it feels ****. I'm fat, but can't lose weight for the life of me. And not like, fat fat; I'm that stage where you're not really classified as fat, but youre not skinny, so you dress like a skinny person, but (my) moobs and love handles just pertrude. I gave up on looks for a bit, but walking out of the house and seeing good looking people made me feel so ****. But then I learnt why am I trying to be something I am not [generic i know], but seriously. I manned the **** up and started accepting that I'm no male model, it's something that everyone who isn't (in the immortal words of Derek Zoolander) 'really, really, rediculously good-looking' has to come to terms with. But when you do, it feels ****ing great. There is someone there out for you, I'm a 16 year old guy, and never kissed a girl.
    Yeah letting off stream helps! x
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by AAJ)
    Look, I'm a guy. Self confessed master of the friend zone. I, personally, have MANY friends (even best friends) who are girls, but I never get any further with them, just friends. My friends say that when a girl looks at a guy, then they either put them in their friend zone, on their fancy zone (ugly or good looking) - leading me to think of myself as ugly. Since then, my self esteem has got the better of me. Not depression, because I'm not one for wallowing in self-pity, but just.. well.. insecurity. Looking back on pictures of myself, I am ****ing ugly. Whenever I look in the mirror, I suck in my cheeks, I try to be good looking but just fail - and yes, I know, it feels ****. I'm fat, but can't lose weight for the life of me. And not like, fat fat; I'm that stage where you're not really classified as fat, but youre not skinny, so you dress like a skinny person, but (my) moobs and love handles just pertrude. I gave up on looks for a bit, but walking out of the house and seeing good looking people made me feel so ****. But then I learnt why am I trying to be something I am not [generic i know], but seriously. I manned the **** up and started accepting that I'm no male model, it's something that everyone who isn't (in the immortal words of Derek Zoolander) 'really, really, rediculously good-looking' has to come to terms with. But when you do, it feels ****ing great. There is someone there out for you, I'm a 16 year old guy, and never kissed a girl.
    Yeah letting off stream helps! x
    Hey thanks for your response.
    I wish I could just choose to not care, i really wish I could!!!!! But it's not easy or I even think possible for me!
    I automatically put guys in the friends zone, not cause they are ugly, but because I know I have no chance with them so it's pointless embarrassing myself

    Don't worry I think I only kissed someone first when I was 16, and haven't kissed anyone for about 2 years now :-/

    I tell you how I feel, its like having BDD, but actually BEING that hideous.x
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Right....

    Basically ever since I was little I have been insecure about my looks... I remember being in year 5 and crying my eyes out until my mum let me shave my legs, cause I hated having hairs poke through my tights...and being in like year 8 and not being able to go out to town with my friends one day cause I woke up looking more ugly than usual...

    I have suffered from depression and an un diagnosed eating disorder (lasted for about a year, and parents found out about it before I could really get majorly bad..I was underweight and lost about a stone, bulimia and then more purging than binging). Well that was 2 years ago now (Im 19) and although I no longer 'am suffering' 2 years ago was not the last time I made myself sick, it acts as a bit of a release now and again.
    I also have asymmetrical breasts which really affect my self esteem :-( I'm trying to get a breast augmentation on the nhs to sort this.

    Anyway, the reason for me offloading that is basically I feel like my looks are affecting my life :-( I know it sounds really self absorbed and I know I'm probably going to get some 'there are more to life than looks' comments but it's really getting me down.
    I have never had a proper relationship with anyone, cause I'm too insecure and no one really fancies me..and I fear that I might become ever more of a recluse because of my insecurities.
    I have quite a large nose too and people always make comments on it and it's really upsetting me... It's my birthday next month and I don't even think I want to go out for it (I dont go out as it is) cause everytime I go out someone makes a comment about my appearance which makes me upset.

    I don't know what the aim of this post is, and thanks for reading it those that have...I just feel so ugly and it's ruining me


    xx

    I can empathise OP, i was similar to you when i went to uni. I have huge thighs, and a thin face and long neck, and my breasts are larger than normal (I'm 18 with a 36D bra! Biggest my GPs seen in my age range :eek:). I had never had a boyfriend or anything. I was bullied at school quite terribly mainly because people knew i didn't like myself.

    Then i came to uni, and saw a properly trained counsellor (paid for by the uni!) who made me see that i wasn't as ugly as i thought i was. I know have a boyfriend (as my sig says!) who says i'm the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.

    I advice you to see a counsellor too, and i also hope that the surgery makes you you happy. I'll never "love" myself like my friends do, but i am learning to like myself with the support of my boyfriend and my counsellor.

    Good Luck, and feel free to PM me whenever.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by bellacute)
    I can empathise OP, i was similar to you when i went to uni. I have huge thighs, and a thin face and long neck, and my breasts are larger than normal (I'm 18 with a 36D bra! Biggest my GPs seen in my age range :eek:). I had never had a boyfriend or anything. I was bullied at school quite terribly mainly because people knew i didn't like myself.

    Then i came to uni, and saw a properly trained counsellor (paid for by the uni!) who made me see that i wasn't as ugly as i thought i was. I know have a boyfriend (as my sig says!) who says i'm the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.

    I advice you to see a counsellor too, and i also hope that the surgery makes you you happy. I'll never "love" myself like my friends do, but i am learning to like myself with the support of my boyfriend and my counsellor.

    Good Luck, and feel free to PM me whenever.
    Hi thanks for your reply! Aww thats great for you :-)

    But when I read that I imagine your actually probably quite pretty... I;m worried I would go to a councellor and they would brainwash me into thinking I'm pretty and I'd have more confidence than I should, like a wanabee x factor hopeful! xx
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by bellacute)
    my breasts are larger than normal (I'm 18 with a 36D bra! Biggest my GPs seen in my age range :eek:)..

    Sorry, but that HAS to be a typo - 36D really isn't that large :erm:
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Sorry, but that HAS to be a typo - 36D really isn't that large :erm:
    Thats the average size of a women who's breastfeeding according to my gp!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi thanks for your reply! Aww thats great for you :-)

    But when I read that I imagine your actually probably quite pretty... I;m worried I would go to a councellor and they would brainwash me into thinking I'm pretty and I'd have more confidence than I should, like a wanabee x factor hopeful! xx
    I'm not pretty trust me, i don't get male interest at all. My boyfriends an outsider, tho i love him to bits

    Counsellors won't brainwash you, nor tell you what you want to hear. Mine wouldn't even advice on personal issues only academic, she just allowed me to talk things through and come to my own conclusions while inputting the correct questions at the right moments. I didn't think i needed or wouldn't even like going to see a counsellor, but it's worth a shot.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    i used to be very insecure about my appearance, about 3-4 years ago i was very insecure and actually believed i was below average, now i look at photos from 3-4 years ago and i think 'what the **** was i fussing over!?' for some reason I thought my face was too long, but it's really not, i don't know why i was seeing myself that way... It's a strange thing, you too may be seeing yourself differently to what you really are :x
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: April 3, 2011
Poll
Do you agree with the proposed ban on plastic straws and cotton buds?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.