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I'm a guy and I'm worried that I was raped. watch

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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Please stick with this.

    Two nights ago i went out with some friends. It was a very heavy night and I was told i had something like the equivalent to 15 pints in beer and vodka. After we left, my memory gets very hazy. I remember i went separate ways to my friends and then it blacks out. The next thing i remember is being in a car talking to this guy, a third year student (i'm first year). Now, as i recall i think he was helping me out because i was falling about. I have cuts round most of my body and my hands hurt from breaking the falls, so i guess i couldn't stand up.

    Anyway, i started talking to him and i broke down crying. I'm having issues with a break up and am probably gay and not dealing with it very well. So i remember the talking and him being very nice about it. He then must have drove me back to his and i was in his bed. He started doing stuff but I remember not wanting to, so i asked him to stop. I very vaguely remember him saying that it was not a problem and he didn't mind. When I woke up he was asleep in the opposite direction, which makes me think he probably honoured that request. I got up, had a brief small talk and left embarrassingly.

    As i remember him trying and me asking him to stop and him stopping (at least for then), it seems unlikely that he could've had sex with me without me remembering. And he did seem a very nice guy. But the things that don't add up:

    1. What was he doing at 3am sober in the city (he was driving so guessing he wasn't drunk
    2. My arse is sore. It feels like a bruise from when i was falling over which is most likely, but even still it doesn't hurt if i push on the bone at the top (where the pain is).
    3. My memory is really bad. Now that could easily be the 15 pints, or he could've saw me in the club.
    4. It's a massive coincidence that the guy that saw me in a state and helped me was gay. More likely that at 3am he's around clubs because there are vulnerable guys surely.
    5. I do have memory flashes of him trying it on a few more times, and in the morning he was rubbing my leg before i nudged him to stop.
    6. The decent thing to do if you had a car would be to ask me where I lived and take me there. I couldn't stand up, so even if he didn't do anything there is a sinister feel i can't shake.

    I might be being melodramatic i don't know. I also feel it's my fault. 15 pints is just silly. What do you think?
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    Doesn't sound like he raped you ...
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    Don't be stupid, he was probably a designated driver. Also your tailbone would not hurt if you'd been raped....
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Liam 09)
    Doesn't sound like he raped you ...
    Good, i'm probably just worried. The pain in my backside is probably a red herring, just worrying. I hope you mean that genuinely though and not "because you wanted it". I have no memory of hardly any of it, couldn't stand up (completely cut up body at the min) and asked him to stop. Perhaps rape isn't the right word, but I was paralytic and didn't want it to happen, which I was just coming on here for reassurance either way.
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    Nah you didn't get raped brah.
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    The joys of alcohol


    Besides, even if he did rape you, you can't exactly prove it - regardless of the copious amounts of circumstantial evidence you have (a sore arse doesn't count)
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    You didn't get raped OP. Calm down.

    Have a :cookie: or a cup of :tea:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Good, i'm probably just worried. The pain in my backside is probably a red herring, just worrying. I hope you mean that genuinely though and not "because you wanted it". I have no memory of hardly any of it, couldn't stand up (completely cut up body at the min) and asked him to stop. Perhaps rape isn't the right word, but I was paralytic and didn't want it to happen, which I was just coming on here for reassurance either way.
    I don't think you were, I wouldn't worry about it.
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    sounds like you've probably bruised the coccyx or however it's spelt when you've fallen over
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Please stick with this.

    It was a very heavy night and I was told i had something like the equivalent to 15 pints in beer and vodka.
    If this is true you really should consider not drinking that much alcohol in one night ever again!
    • #2
    #2

    I imagine that if you had been raped, and that had been your first time having anal pentration, you would be in a lot more noticeable pain than you are now.

    Please don't worry - it doesn't sound like you were!

    His rubbing your leg in the morning was probably him trying it on again, and then respecting your wishes and stopping.

    Did he not take you home because you were too drunk to remember the way/had lost your keys or something? There could be lots of reasons.

    But really, it's good that you're aware but I think you sound fine
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    I'm pretty sure you would know for sure if he raped you.. he'd be putting his penis up your bumbum. There would be no way you couldn't feel that!
    Fair enough, he kinda took advantage of you but i'm pretty sure he didn't rape you.
    And its possible he works until late and his friends ask him to pick them up after work.
    It's also possible that you were too drunk to remember/tell him where you live.. but hey, lesson learnt right?
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    you're not stupid for being worried... it's scary waking up next to a stranger and not remembering what happened! especially when you were in such a vulnerable state. like others have said though, the bum-pain sounds like you fell over and bruised your tailbone... you would feel pain *elsewhere* otherwise (trying to not be too crude).

    do you know this guy generally or did you meet him on the night? maybe you could ask him what happened, if you feel comfortable enough to do that?

    only you can really know what happened though OP, try your best to remember... it may come back to you as time goes on. if you cant remember, then the best thing to do is to try and forget about it and never again get so drunk!

    hope your ok! :hugs:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    3. My memory is really bad. Now that could easily be the 15 pints, or he could've saw me in the club.
    Alright, bad man. We get it, you can drink a lot.

    To answer your question: I don't think you were raped. If you're still worried - go to your GP and tell him what you think happened and they can surely check for DNA.
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    lol @ sore tailbone
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    and there i thought u wer going to say you were raped by a female and she forced sex upon you
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Please stick with this.

    Two nights ago i went out with some friends. It was a very heavy night and I was told i had something like the equivalent to 15 pints in beer and vodka. After we left, my memory gets very hazy. I remember i went separate ways to my friends and then it blacks out. The next thing i remember is being in a car talking to this guy, a third year student (i'm first year). Now, as i recall i think he was helping me out because i was falling about. I have cuts round most of my body and my hands hurt from breaking the falls, so i guess i couldn't stand up.

    Anyway, i started talking to him and i broke down crying. I'm having issues with a break up and am probably gay and not dealing with it very well. So i remember the talking and him being very nice about it. He then must have drove me back to his and i was in his bed. He started doing stuff but I remember not wanting to, so i asked him to stop. I very vaguely remember him saying that it was not a problem and he didn't mind. When I woke up he was asleep in the opposite direction, which makes me think he probably honoured that request. I got up, had a brief small talk and left embarrassingly.

    As i remember him trying and me asking him to stop and him stopping (at least for then), it seems unlikely that he could've had sex with me without me remembering. And he did seem a very nice guy. But the things that don't add up:

    1. What was he doing at 3am sober in the city (he was driving so guessing he wasn't drunk
    2. My arse is sore. It feels like a bruise from when i was falling over which is most likely, but even still it doesn't hurt if i push on the bone at the top (where the pain is).
    3. My memory is really bad. Now that could easily be the 15 pints, or he could've saw me in the club.
    4. It's a massive coincidence that the guy that saw me in a state and helped me was gay. More likely that at 3am he's around clubs because there are vulnerable guys surely.
    5. I do have memory flashes of him trying it on a few more times, and in the morning he was rubbing my leg before i nudged him to stop.
    6. The decent thing to do if you had a car would be to ask me where I lived and take me there. I couldn't stand up, so even if he didn't do anything there is a sinister feel i can't shake.

    I might be being melodramatic i don't know. I also feel it's my fault. 15 pints is just silly. What do you think?
    Don't drink as much if you can't handle it. Don't go down the road of falsely accusing someone of something as serious as rape just because you couldn't control yourself and you're not even sure what happened. Go see a doctor if you want to know what would cause your injuries if you are convinced you were attacked.
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    A few points to consider:

    - Rape is an extremely serious crime. Be very careful of what you say- even allegations can destroy people. If you're not careful, you could end up completely wrecking an innocent guy's life.

    - If that was the first time you had been penetrated, you would most likely feel pain in that area... different to the pain you get from falling on your ass. You can say from that that he almost certainly did not rape you.

    - Taking someone back to your house and seeing if they want to have sex is NOT rape. AT ALL. You may feel pissed that he tried to "take advantage" of you or whatever (your fault for being so drunk), but that is in no way, shape or form a rape incident.

    - You have absolutely zero genuine proof. In the event that you do conclude he raped you, what are you going to do... go to the police and tell them you woke up in a gay guy's bed? If it was as simple as going to a doctor and getting them to inspect you to see if someone had sex with you, then rape cases would be fairly straightforward. The vast majority of rape cases don't get a conviction because of a lack of evidence- and you're not even sure this guy raped you! I would get this thought out of your head, go and thank the guy for looking after you when you chose to get ridiculously drunk, and then leave it at that.
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    Generally is seems very unlikely. Like someone above just said: The pain on your arse doesn't really sound, as you described it, like the result of anal penetration. Anything that's not purely on the inside of your anus (sorry to be graphic) is likely the result of you falling over. As for him taking you home: He has a genuine insentive of trying to get laid, it sounds like he fancied you... Again as someone said above, it may not be a motivation that you agree with, maybe you think he was a bit of a perv- but it's not indicative in the slightest of him having raped you. Unless you have information to suggest he was out to commit a sexual offence, it is not reasonable to draw suspicion on this and to add it to other factors that together lead you to think you were raped- you were drunk and so if you don't know what happened chances are it's because you were drunk and that's why you don't know why he was there. Another thing is that drink itself can cause anxiety that follows and I can tell you that I am always worrying about things for like two days after drinking. My hangovers are so bad that I was to stop drinking all together because of it. On top of that, the human mind works in clever ways: Chances are that your mind doesn't want you to put this incident behind you before addressing and learning from what happened. As well as the rape suspicion in your mind is the fact that your probably worried it might happen again- and that it a legitimate and reasonable thing to worry about. You need to separate the rape suspicion thing from issue of having put yourself in a vulnerable position. Once that you have dealt with the fact that you did put yourself in a vulnerable position and make effort to see you don't put yourself in such a position again, the worrying should stop and it should be easier to see it rationally and see things more clearly: that it is highly unlikely that you were raped but that you should not drink to such excess. Hope this helps.
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    If you can't remember, what does it matter?

    Just go to a sexual health clinic and then you can forget all about it afterwards.
 
 
 
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