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Should I be worried about this? watch

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    This is going to be quite a long post and idk if I can do a TL;DR for this tbh. The bold is the most relevant and the italicised is the least.

    But yeah. Around a year ago I dated this guy for two weeks who I'll call Zoom(I was going to say X but it feels a bit detached and Zoom's the first word that came into my head, and I doubt anyone is called Zoom). Now I probably should give some background information on him. I don't want to come across as critical, but he is somewhat of a 'loner'(I dislike the negative connotations applied to the term but yeah) and to my knowledge he only has one friend(bar me and his current girlfriend), and three other 'acquaintances' which he claims to hate, but yeah.

    [/i] Okay the following in italics is relevant in my opinion but it's became apparent that I'll be here several hours typing up everything I find to be relevant so read it at your leisure/it's relevant but relative to the entire post not relevant.

    His friend and two of his acquaintances go to the same group therapy thing(it's not group therapy as such, it's hard to explain, and if I were to go into why we go there it'd be too tedious) as I do and so does he, which is the only real reason why I ever really knew him(he met his current girlfriend from primary school and started talking to her on facebook and then met up)(not to imply I'm ashamed to be affiliated with him or whatever, just to place emphasis on how much of a 'recluse' he is as such, since it is somewhat relevant).

    To be honest, even in the sessions(which were/are weekly) I didn't really know him that well, he only really talked when he had to and I don't think we never really had a direct conversation.

    Then one day he said, 'Hi' to me when I was having lunch or something, I can't really remember. This probably seems insignificant, an in truth, it probably would be, but it struck me as a bit odd because he's not the sort of person to talk to someone out of free-will alone.

    Anyway, fast-forward a week later and a total of maybe one conversation, his friend, and one of his acquaintances basically tell me that Zoom likes me. Which was somewhat surprising.

    What really was quite odd was when he'd start to sit with me at lunch when I didn't really know him that well and it just seemed a bit random. And I'd try my best to make conversation but he's quite hard to make conversation with if I'm honest.

    But yeah and so then eventually he basically asks me out and I basically say yes(I can't be bothered going into what happened since it's sort of embarrassing and tedious to explain). Regardless of the technicalities we identified our relationship as a relationship/dating.

    It probably sounds selfish, but I wasn't particularly interested in him at the time and thought it was more a trial than a proper relationship as such. I made this clear to his friend who was doing a back and forth between us via phone(I know that sounds ridiculous but yeah) and I assumed he'd have made Zoom aware of this but I don't know. Even if he did it became apparent later on that he only really hears what he wants to(not physically, more acknowledge). So I thought it was more dating than anything.

    Anyway, for the most part we talked over email and stuff...[/i]

    So yeah anyway I basically break up with him because he was quite controlling(told, who I'll call Frederick[acquaintance(not in group therapy[explained in first paragraph of relative irrelevance])] and Picaso[friend] that they couldn't talk to me), really emotional(told me he loved me before the first date) and it turned out he'd been border-line-obsessed with me for around a year before saying hi to me- Picaso told me this and I think Frederick might have done too.

    So yeah, he takes it quite badly and started to email me several times a day, I'd say around 5 usually, and would stop for a week or so because I wouldn't reply to them. Every now and then I would. The emails were pretty much: 1st email talking about how he still loves me(because two weeks is enough >_<), 2nd email talking about how he wished everything could go back, 3rd email talking about how he's depressed, 4th email quite abusive, 5th email very abusive and then the next day in the first email he'd apologise and be self-deprecating and go on about how he loves me and yeah. This resulted in me pretty much ignoring him for several weeks, and he'd often not turn up to group therapy because of it.

    Then after a couple of months the therapist talks to Zoom in private and then in the session(with the 2 other acquaintances :/) brings it up and yeah it's really awkward and then I start talking to him again, then it gets ridiculous again and I start to ignore him again.
    The parts high-lighted in bold are very relevant in relation to the other content of this post so please read them
    ---
    So then fast forward around a year from the first date and it's quite obvious he's having a really hard time and depressed, even though his romantic life is fine and stuff, but yeah, so I decide to unblock him on Facebook and I just tell him I'm here for him and that if he needs any help dealing with the **** he's getting just tell me.

    Then we end up talking for around 4 hours straight about everything and he seems to have changed a lot.

    Anyway, he's still a fairly strange fellow and I don't know really sometimes I get confused why he says certain things and the reason why I explained all of the above is to give you an idea of his personality so you can take this into account when I mention the following.

    • He seems to care a lot about what I think of him, if I compliment him he'll say a self-depricating comment which requires me to compliment him further and justify my compliments, etc.
    • Sometimes when I'll see him he'll pretend he doesn't see me and will walk fast, and sometimes he'll even smile and walk faster and avoid eye contact and look at the ground.
    • He'll bring up the past and go on about how he's so sorry about everything that happened and him harrassing me
    • He constantly insults Federick, who I'm quite good friends with, and will often come up with at least exagerations of how Federick has acted towards him
    • He'll bring up the 'good times' of our dates and stuff and it's confusing as to why he does this
    • He places a lot of emphasis on how strong our friendship is(note: I've only really been on talking terms with him for around 3 weeks after months of ignoring him)
    • He'll respond to things in a very ambiguous manner, like once I said, 'Yeah, tbh, I think it's best to just keep the past in the past when it's bad', and he then said, 'Well, surely, the past can sometimes be better than the present?'(despite the quotation marks, this isn't for verbatim)
    • He asked to meet up with me in the Easter Holidays when he has Picaso and his new girlfriend to meet up with?


    But in spite of this he seems happy with his girlfriend and so I really don't know how to interpret this? I'm a bit slow socially but I'm pretty sure a lot of the things he said are suggestive of some sort of liking of me idk. But yeah. I can tell he's happy with his girlfriend through a lot of rather strange indicators.

    Also, I'm not sure whether to meet up with him over the Easter Holidays since I doubt he's aware that it's strange to meet up with other girls on your own when you're in a relationship and male? And I could always meet up with my other friends? But at the same time I enjoy his company and he enjoys mine so yeah?


    For some reason whenever I talk about me and guys people always think I'm strange so yeah, I genuinely don't think this is the case, I just think I have a hard time talking about me and guys.
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    lol
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    Autistic?
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    Jesus ****ing christ that is long!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ZOOM?!?!?!? HAHAHA! Anyone else instantly assume he couldn't last in bed?
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    (Original post by crofy)
    lol
    Epic
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    what does all that say? can someone tell me in one sentence
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    (Original post by KNOB-head)
    what does all that say? can someone tell me in one sentence
    Too long did not read.


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    (Original post by KNOB-head)
    what does all that say? can someone tell me in one sentence
    OP dated a guy (kinda a recluse) a year ago, OP dumped him as he was controlling/obsessive ended up blocking him on FB (due to obsessiveness) but unblocked recently as OP wanted to be friendly (guy has a new gf now) but how would you interpret this:
    - he seems to want her to keep complimenting him
    - avoids her sometimes when seeing her
    - goes on about how sorry he is for the past
    - insults her good friend (male)
    - talks about previous dates with OP about 'good times'
    - said "well surely the past can sometimes be better than the present"
    - wants to meet up (alone) in the Easter hols with OP, yet could hang out with gf/other friend.

    ^Is one (admittedly very long) sentence. Not all details are included as that would be impossible and they're not all that relevant TBH.

    I don't have much good advice here. It does seem odd the guy wanting to meet you alone though. I've only met up with two guys alone before. Once was because we were meeting up from online (as friends!) and so mutual friends lived miles away so couldn't etc. The other guy I ended up in a relationship with. Guys don't usually meet up with girls on their own. However, this guy doesn't exactly sound like most guys to be honest. If you want to meet up with him, then go for it. Do you know his current gf, out of curiosity? But meet up with him if you want, make it obvious it's as friends. Y'know, say things like 'I just want to be here for you, I want to be a good friend,' etc. But since you said he liked you for a year last time before making a move, I honestly doubt he'd do anything when meeting up once anyway. Basically, if you want to be a good friend/support him as he's not doing so well atm/etc. then meet up with him. However if it LOOKS like he might like you as more than a friend from that meet up, then I'd advise not meeting him alone in the future. Will be easier to tell what his feelings actually are when you're meeting him in person, surely?
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    (Original post by Magical.Malteaser)
    OP dated a guy (kinda a recluse) a year ago, OP dumped him as he was controlling/obsessive ended up blocking him on FB (due to obsessiveness) but unblocked recently as OP wanted to be friendly (guy has a new gf now) but how would you interpret this:
    - he seems to want her to keep complimenting him
    - avoids her sometimes when seeing her
    - goes on about how sorry he is for the past
    - insults her good friend (male)
    - talks about previous dates with OP about 'good times'
    - said "well surely the past can sometimes be better than the present"
    - wants to meet up (alone) in the Easter hols with OP, yet could hang out with gf/other friend.

    ^Is one (admittedly very long) sentence. Not all details are included as that would be impossible and they're not all that relevant TBH.

    I don't have much good advice here. It does seem odd the guy wanting to meet you alone though. I've only met up with two guys alone before. Once was because we were meeting up from online (as friends!) and so mutual friends lived miles away so couldn't etc. The other guy I ended up in a relationship with. Guys don't usually meet up with girls on their own. However, this guy doesn't exactly sound like most guys to be honest. If you want to meet up with him, then go for it. Do you know his current gf, out of curiosity? But meet up with him if you want, make it obvious it's as friends. Y'know, say things like 'I just want to be here for you, I want to be a good friend,' etc. But since you said he liked you for a year last time before making a move, I honestly doubt he'd do anything when meeting up once anyway. Basically, if you want to be a good friend/support him as he's not doing so well atm/etc. then meet up with him. However if it LOOKS like he might like you as more than a friend from that meet up, then I'd advise not meeting him alone in the future. Will be easier to tell what his feelings actually are when you're meeting him in person, surely?
    Oh, I'm not worried about him doing anything if I meet up with him I'm just worried about him having the wrong idea.

    And maybe but we talk daily/almost daily face-to-face anyway, but other people are around, so yeah maybe I suppose.

    And yeah okay I'll place emphasis on it being a friendly gesture(my meeting him up).

    And no, I don't know his girlfriend. I was contemplating adding her on Facebook but I figured that'd be controversial and my intents for doing so could be questioned.

    And I've met up with guys alone a couple of times and nothing bad has really happened. I think it's because a lot of my friends are males who I don't have any mutual friends with. Though a lot of the time this was dating, though a couple of times it wasn't.

    Thans for the constructive reply.
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    Sorry I did read it, but to summarize are you worried about meeting up with him because he may think you want to be more than friends? I understand some of the things he says may be a bit flirty, but you don't have any real "proof" if you like that this is the case. I know plenty of people do cheat on their bfs/gfs, but putting that aside, he has a girlfriend so it's most likely that he just wants to meet up as friends. Also even if he is a bit of a loner, or recluse or whatever you want to say, why does that automatically mean he'll only want to meet up with his gf and "Picaso"? I imagine plenty of guys in relationships wouldn't mind meeting up with girl mates alone, it's just often the girlfriends get all jealous and upset and so they don't. You've obviously been friends for a while, and it may have gotten a bit rocky in the middle, but hopefully you can be just friends again now!
 
 
 
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