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Why can't people accept that attractiveness is a major part in a relationship... Watch

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    Disagree.
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    (Original post by Jelkin)
    Man, people really need to read the OP before they post smart-alec comments about how the OP is pointing out the obvious ...

    Not much you can do OP. I think you're doing the right thing. You might have to admit that you don't find him attractive to get him off your back, but then of course you will be demonised as the girl who called him ugly. It's kind of lose-lose.
    THANK YOU. I did think my post was quite clearly not saying "I've just discovered attractiveness is a major part in a relationship", but saying "Why don't some people realise this".

    Yeah that's what I'm worrying about, really. I don't know what to do about it. I have a lot of friends he knows, and they're closer to him because it's kind of a separate friendship group to mine but we integrate sometimes (and my ex is part of it), so if I was made to look like a ***** there'd be tension between the groups and I don't like that at all.
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    (Original post by o Rebecca o)
    Give him a chance.

    I can understand how looks can be important but he sounds like a really nice guy.

    Go on a few dates with him, and if it doesn't work out then at least he would be happy to have been given the chance....and you can definitely reassure yourself that he isn't the one for you.

    Maybe when you get to really know him and he treats you really well, you could end up falling for him.

    Just don't dismiss him without giving him a chance.
    Bad move, nothing worse than leading someone on.
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    meh, if someone was trying to get me with a girl that i didnt find remotely attractive, nothing they said could make me 'try it out' or whatever.
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    (Original post by Gemma16)
    i disagree, anyone willing to be in a relationship with someone cares less about looks. yes it may matter at first for the attraction, but it wears off.
    if people are that bothered about looks, they won't bother with relationships and just have ONS with people they are attracted to, because looks matter to them.
    That's a load of ****.

    My ex boyfriend was someone I was immediately attracted to, and most of my relationships have been like that. My ex and I had a really good relationship that lasted almost a year, despite the fact we could rarely see eachother. We met randomly on a night out, instantly felt attracted to eachother and our personalities clicked and we spent the entire night together as though we'd known eachother for years, when we'd only just met and we went to seperate universities and had seperate groups of friends at the time.
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    tl;dr

    Personality trumps looks IMO. Always.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That's a load of ****.

    My ex boyfriend was someone I was immediately attracted to, and most of my relationships have been like that. My ex and I had a really good relationship that lasted almost a year, despite the fact we could rarely see eachother. We met randomly on a night out, instantly felt attracted to eachother and our personalities clicked and we spent the entire night together as though we'd known eachother for years, when we'd only just met and we went to seperate universities and had seperate groups of friends at the time.
    theres not even any reason for you to be anon.
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    (Original post by chlobofro)
    tl;dr

    Personality trumps looks IMO. Always.
    Yes, personality does trump looks. I'd be quite happy to enter a relationship with someone who I wasn't immediately attracted to in looks but they were good enoguh and had a good enough personality, and I have done before. However, if I get to know someone, and I STILL don't find them attractive but we get along, then there's still something that stops you wanting to enter a relationship with them. There's also a spark between people in terms of personality that makes you want to be with them no matter what they look like sometimes, and unfortunately I just don't have that with him.

    Attractiveness is a package, it's not just looks nor is it just personality. And you can love someone's personality without wanting to enter a relationship with them/**** them.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is the thing. People say "give him a chance" but imagine if you were in the situation I'm in, with someone you're not attracted to at all and is usually not your type at all, and you were told to give them a chance but you can't imagine yourself ever wanting to be with them sexually. Is there really any point? Is it not just leading said person on? Also, the idea of being physical at all with him just doesn't appeal to me, so what should I do, cringe when he tries to hold my hand on a date or if he tries to kiss me?

    It's a foundation for a friendship. not a relationship. And whilst he's a sweet guy and I've tried to see another side to him that I hadn't seen before my heart just says "friend, friend, friend" and nothing more. As I said, it's about attraction. I've found people more attractive the more I got to know them, but there's a difference between that and not finding someone attractive physically and then suddenly being physically attracted to them.

    I feel like I have no control in the situation whatsoever and if I spend time alone with him he'll get the wrong idea and try it on with me and I don't want that to happen.
    Like I said, I know looks are a bonus.

    Ask yourself this

    Would you rather be with someone who is ugly but has a heart of gold, or a hot guy who treats you like crap?

    I honestly would go for the less attractive guy.

    A few years ago I went out with a guy who wasn't exactly prince charming but we lasted for about a year. I honestly thought we weren't going to last for a week, so I was surprised.

    Put yourself in his shoes. If you liked an attractive guy who thought you were ugly, wouldn't you have at least been happy to be given a chance for a few dates? And it is only a few dates, it's not like you're accepting a marriage proposal from him.
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    (Original post by Gemma16)
    theres not even any reason for you to be anon.
    Yes there is. I'm the thread starter, and I know people on here and possibly people are on here that know us both/know him and recognise me/the situation.
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    Anyone who thinks you can have a relationship with no attraction whatsoever is deluded. Yes, its not the most important thing, but if you aren't attracted there's nothing you can do. Just be honest with him like you have been doing and don't lead him on besides, if he's friends with your ex thats not a good idea... things like that tend to get messy!
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    (Original post by o Rebecca o)
    Like I said, I know looks are a bonus.

    Ask yourself this

    Would you rather be with someone who is ugly but has a heart of gold, or a hot guy who treats you like crap?

    I honestly would go for the less attractive guy.

    A few years ago I went out with a guy who wasn't exactly prince charming but we lasted for about a year. I honestly thought we weren't going to last for a week, so I was surprised.

    Put yourself in his shoes. If you liked an attractive guy who thought you were ugly, wouldn't you have at least been happy to be given a chance for a few dates? And it is only a few dates, it's not like you're accepting a marriage proposal from him.
    It's never that simple.

    OP doesn't mean that she only wants to go out with a guy who is really hot; she means she wants to go out with a guy SHE finds attractive. It's in this aspect that attractiveness is important. I've known a lot of guys whom I haven't found attractive at first, who haven't been especially good-looking at all, but whom I've grown to find really attractive due to their having great personalities. Then there are other guys I'm friends with, whom I don't find attractive even though we're friends, and whom I don't think I'd ever want to go out with.

    I think giving this guy a chance is a terrible idea - she would only end up rejecting him, and he'd probably get all pissy about it and blame her for leading him on.
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    (Original post by o Rebecca o)
    Like I said, I know looks are a bonus.

    Ask yourself this

    Would you rather be with someone who is ugly but has a heart of gold, or a hot guy who treats you like crap?

    I honestly would go for the less attractive guy.

    A few years ago I went out with a guy who wasn't exactly prince charming but we lasted for about a year. I honestly thought we weren't going to last for a week, so I was surprised.

    Put yourself in his shoes. If you liked an attractive guy who thought you were ugly, wouldn't you have at least been happy to be given a chance for a few dates? And it is only a few dates, it's not like you're accepting a marriage proposal from him.
    Yes, I'd prefer to be with someone who has a heart of gold rather than a hot guy who doesn't but those aren't the only options in life so as a scenario that makes no sense. There are also good looking, sweet guys out there and people who are average looking but good enough and have a heart of gold. I'm sorry, I just don't find this guy attractive. His personality is lovely but I'm not sure we click on THAT level and I'm not sexually/physically attracted to him. There aren't only two options in life, I'm sorry, and I'm alright being single until I find someone who's got personality and I find physically attractive.

    I've put myself in his shoes but I should be able to enter a relationship only if I want to and I shouldn't be made to feel bad for it. I don't want to lead him on, and I don't think that's right. If I accept a few dates it's more than likely that I'll be doing it solely for his benefit and it's a 99.9% chance that I'll come out with the same conclusion as we've been on what are like "friend dates" before, as we've been to dinner/coffees/the cinema as friends and if the dynamic was suddenly changed to "date", the actual event would be the same.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes, I'd prefer to be with someone who has a heart of gold rather than a hot guy who doesn't but those aren't the only options in life so as a scenario that makes no sense. There are also good looking, sweet guys out there and people who are average looking but good enough and have a heart of gold. I'm sorry, I just don't find this guy attractive. His personality is lovely but I'm not sure we click on THAT level and I'm not sexually/physically attracted to him. There aren't only two options in life, I'm sorry, and I'm alright being single until I find someone who's got personality and I find physically attractive.

    I've put myself in his shoes but I should be able to enter a relationship only if I want to and I shouldn't be made to feel bad for it. I don't want to lead him on, and I don't think that's right. If I accept a few dates it's more than likely that I'll be doing it solely for his benefit and it's a 99.9% chance that I'll come out with the same conclusion as we've been on what are like "friend dates" before, as we've been to dinner/coffees/the cinema as friends and if the dynamic was suddenly changed to "date", the actual event would be the same.
    Well, I'm just simply saying give him a chance and stating my reasons why.

    You seem really reluctant to try, so as the saying goes "you have to be cruel to be kind" and just tell him you're not interested in him and there's absolutely no chance of a relationship. It may hurt him but hopefully he'll move on to someone else. Either way, not giving him an answer is just giving him a reason to hang on to you.
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    (Original post by o Rebecca o)
    Give him a chance.

    I can understand how looks can be important but he sounds like a really nice guy.

    Go on a few dates with him, and if it doesn't work out then at least he would be happy to have been given the chance....and you can definitely reassure yourself that he isn't the one for you.

    Maybe when you get to really know him and he treats you really well, you could end up falling for him.

    Just don't dismiss him without giving him a chance.
    This.

    I don't really get your reasons for not giving him a go tbh.

    And if it just because of looks, but you like him as a person, then you are shallow.
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    ****-tease
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    OP, I bet you're banging your head against the wall reading some of these posts.
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    ive been in this situation... i gave him a chance, we had this crazy long make-out session... but it just felt too weird. i just didnt fancy him and so the kissing was weird and the thought of sex was weirder.

    i mean i felt 'weird'... not that he's 'weird' or anything... he's actually brilliant, but i just cant see him in that way, even though i tried. the friendship between us became awkward and we stopped talking for a while.

    to the OP... you and him might not be able to continue being friends, if he feels that way about you, it might make it too hard for him to just be friends with you. even if you make your intentions clear, its hard to switch off those feelings. tbh, it might be even harder because he knows he cant 'have' you, kinda thing. you've done the right thing, by telling him there's no chance between you two... but i guess you just gotta leave it to him, to see if you can continue as friends or not.

    i totally get your dilemma though, its such a rubbish situation to be in... but at the end of the day, if you cant imagine having sex with him... then you cant be more than friends. its harsh but its true.
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    (Original post by Jelkin)
    OP, I bet you're banging your head against the wall reading some of these posts.
    I really, really am.
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    (Original post by imperial maniac)
    This.

    I don't really get your reasons for not giving him a go tbh.

    And if it just because of looks, but you like him as a person, then you are shallow.
    I will give you some extremes:

    I don't know your sexuality, but if you were asked out by someone who really liked you of the sex you're not interested in, but you got along really well in terms of personality and you recognised they were good looking, but obviously the thing holding you back is the fact you don't swing that way. Would you "give it a chance", despite you knowing you're not really sexually compatible?

    I think that's abit of an extreme chance and as someone who's bisexual it probably makes a lot more sense to me, from an outside perspective (obviously I wouldn't mind about the sex too much...).

    To another extreme, if you're male and straight, if this girl:

    http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:A...AP5SktP5R-xsmQ

    who's quite stereotypically unattractive, especially in this photo, asked you out on a date and was really nice and you got along well, would you think there was any chance of you changing your mind? If there was no chance of you changing your mind and becoming attracted to her, would you get her hopes up and accept a date? Even if you had a brilliant friendship and it's possible leading her on would destroy it?

    Obviously the guy isn't THIS level of unattractive, but the attractive switch in my mind, when I see him, is just "off".
 
 
 
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