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Is counselling for me...? watch

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    I just went to my counsellor this morning - the second 'assessment' session, and she told me I needed to think about whether counselling is for me.

    The thing is, I thought it was. I'm not quite sure if I'm depressed as she hasn't told me black-and-white, and I don't want to label myself as one if I'm not but I've been feeling down/low and suicidal for the past, I'd say, three to four years now, and it's only since this year that I've plucked up the courage to go and see someone about it.

    I have issues talking about my feelings, with the fear of that person judging me for who I am, and because of this, she thinks I'm playing 'games' and don't know what I actually want - which is true, I suppose.

    I think I know why I feel the way I do, but I don't think it's such a big deal to anyone else, which is why I have a hard time opening up - Plus, thanks to my mother, I have trust issues.

    Also, I have a fear in the back of my mind, that if I tell her my thoughts, and that I've contemplated acting out my thoughts, she'll refer me to someone else. I know people who are crazy say they aren't, but I know what I'm thinking is stupid, and I WANT to change this, because I hate feeling this way, but I am not in any way, crazy! I know the consequences of my actions.

    I had this idea of just writing down what was going on in my life, and why I felt the way I did - she thought I was just giving her my problems and asking her to sort it out for me.

    I really don't know where I'm going with this thread... I just need someone, preferably someone who is currently undergoing therapy, or someone in the same situation as I am, to tell me if counselling is for me; and if not, what are the alternatives? Because, after my 'session-that-was-not-quite-deemed-a-session' I took a long walk thinking about what she said, and all it did was make me cry.

    I need help, I need to talk to someone who I can trust and who won't judge me...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I need help, I need to talk to someone who I can trust and who won't judge me...
    Do you not have anyone like that?
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    If they're professional they'll help you without making you feel any worse. They shouldn't make judgements on you nor gossip about you and I would think they see people in much worse situations than yourself. If you think counselling will help you (even in the slightest way) then it is for you, otherwise it probably isn't.
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    I don't know where counsellors get off on being like this. I've had a similar response from counsellors too. I have trust issues (especially with females around the same age as my mother, which I told them before they assigned me a counsellor, and which they assigned me anyway :rolleyes:) and I just got the idea that they didn't want to put in the effort to build a relationship with me so that I could actually talk about them.

    Have you told her your fears about counselling? I'd recommend trying this. If you can't get on with her, I'd also recommend asking for a different counsellor - your NHS trust should have more than one to go at.

    I don't know if there actually are any alternatives to counselling either, aside from 'not getting any help at all' which isn't usually an option.
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    She sounds like a *****, change up. Tell her first you think she's in the wrong profession.

    Find someone who you can tell cares
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    Get a different counsellor.
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    (Original post by ForensicShoe)
    Do you not have anyone like that?
    I trust a few of my friends, I suppose, but then I feel like I'd annoy them talking about how I feel, and that they don't really care but will just listen, because 'that's what friends do'

    I don't know about you, but I feel that talking to someone you don't really know is a lot more easier than talking to someone close to you.

    (Original post by Broderss)
    If they're professional they'll help you without making you feel any worse. They shouldn't make judgements on you nor gossip about you and I would think they see people in much worse situations than yourself. If you think counselling will help you (even in the slightest way) then it is for you, otherwise it probably isn't.
    I thought it was for me, until today when she made me think twice

    (Original post by kerily)
    I don't know where counsellors get off on being like this. I've had a similar response from counsellors too. I have trust issues (especially with females around the same age as my mother, which I told them before they assigned me a counsellor, and which they assigned me anyway :rolleyes:) and I just got the idea that they didn't want to put in the effort to build a relationship with me so that I could actually talk about them.

    Have you told her your fears about counselling? I'd recommend trying this. If you can't get on with her, I'd also recommend asking for a different counsellor - your NHS trust should have more than one to go at.

    I don't know if there actually are any alternatives to counselling either, aside from 'not getting any help at all' which isn't usually an option.
    I also feel like she doesn't want to put the effort in building a relationship, which then goes back to my issue of trust. I've told her this, and I've also told her that I have an issue with opening up but she thinks (assuming because of this) that counselling isn't for me, and that if I continue to see her, she's just going to have to refer me to someone else - and I don't want to start all over again.

    She did advise me to see someone out of the NHS, which might be easier for me apparently, and it wouldn't be such a bad idea considering I've only had two sessions with her but I'm afraid I'm going to be to through the process of referral over and over again - it's like (forgive my poor metaphor) being adopted; you get used to one 'parent' and learn to trust them, only to be sent to someone else.

    (Original post by Reflexive)
    She sounds like a *****, change up. Tell her first you think she's in the wrong profession.

    Find someone who you can tell cares
    (Original post by BambieWambie)
    Get a different counsellor.
    I'll consider it - the only thing putting me off is the waiting list
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    it sounds like you could really do with counciling. try asking for a new counsellor.
    i had major trust issues, and now not as much due to help i got in school. mine was with guys though. and one teacher i trusted the most, happened to be a guy. but he knew where i was coming from and helped me massively.

    if your in school is there a teacher you can speak to.

    i honestly feel, and i know deep down you KNOW you want and need help, i think its just that counsellor that you dont get on with and she doesnt get on with you for whatever reasons.

    you will find away around this. and good luck with it all [=
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    I agree with PonchoKid, if your in school is there a teacher you can relate to or are comfortable talking with?

    I have a counsellor who i haven't quite clicked with and i tend to close up a lot with her rather than open up, however i found a big help in one of my teachers who listens and supports and comes along with me to my sessions to get me to talk more. I have other issues rather than depression but i found talking to my teacher, who i see as someone half way between a counsellor and a friend, really helped.

    Hope you can find someone your comfortable with and get everything sorted!
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    You could ask for her reasons why she thinks counselling isn’t for you. You are free to challenge any reasons she gives. For instance, if she says “You won’t talk about your feelings” you might respond “I want to talk about my emotions, but whenever I try to I feel anxious, my mouth dries up and I think I am going to be judged”

    There are genuine reasons that she may feel her type of therapy is unsuitable for you, however unless you are being deliberately obstructive (which I don't think you are) it's important to realise that this is not your fault. By the way, how unethical is it to say that someone is unsuitable for counselling then suggest that they spend their own money on a private counsellor!

    You may find it easier to open up to different counsellor or you might think a different sort of therapy could be more useful to you. You could ask your GP to refer you to the IAPT service (which provides psychological therapies).

    Feel free to PM me if you need to talk further.
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    I obviously can't say whether it's for you or not but I've personally found working weekly with a psychologist (cognitive behavioural therapy) far more personal and far more constructive than the year of university counselling that I had. I don't know whether all counsellors are trained to be distant and impersonal but I think the ones in Oxford are and I also found that a bit unnerving.

    I completely get what you mean about the adoption analogy but given you've only had two sessions try to see it less as adoption and more moving to a better foster home, if that makes any sense!

    I think she's been a bit presumptuous about the whole writing it down thing. Maybe you two could work on a compromise if she feels like you're dumping your problems onto her and expecting her to wave a magic wand. Maybe you could read it aloud to her and work on it in bite-sized chunks: talk through it and work out how your behaviour stems from what's happened to you in the past, etc?

    Btw my CBT therapist is NHS-provided and she's really lovely, so that could be worth investigating
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    You sound a lot like me at the moment. to be honest she sounds horrible and should give you time to trust her fully to open up completely. what your saying doesnt make you sound crazy you have the right to feel. if shes proffesional she shouldn't judge you. ive changed councellor recently and even though im on the long waiting list i know that eventually there will be someone who is right to help me get better and the same will be for you. my opinion.. change councellor or a different method.
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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    it sounds like you could really do with counciling. try asking for a new counsellor.
    i had major trust issues, and now not as much due to help i got in school. mine was with guys though. and one teacher i trusted the most, happened to be a guy. but he knew where i was coming from and helped me massively.

    if your in school is there a teacher you can speak to.

    i honestly feel, and i know deep down you KNOW you want and need help, i think its just that counsellor that you dont get on with and she doesnt get on with you for whatever reasons.

    you will find away around this. and good luck with it all [=
    (Original post by ChemFreak)
    I agree with PonchoKid, if your in school is there a teacher you can relate to or are comfortable talking with?

    I have a counsellor who i haven't quite clicked with and i tend to close up a lot with her rather than open up, however i found a big help in one of my teachers who listens and supports and comes along with me to my sessions to get me to talk more. I have other issues rather than depression but i found talking to my teacher, who i see as someone half way between a counsellor and a friend, really helped.

    Hope you can find someone your comfortable with and get everything sorted!
    I actually do feel comfortable talking to my tutor - he teaches psychology which is a bonus as he can understand what I'm going through, but since exams are coming closer, and he's tied up with more important things, I haven't talked to him much this year.

    We do have a counsellor at the college that I go to atm, but it took me so long to pluck up the courage to make an appt with my current counsellor, that I don't feel like doing it again - especially since she's made me question the need for therapy (but that's my problem :rolleyes:)


    (Original post by maturestudy)
    You could ask for her reasons why she thinks counselling isn’t for you. You are free to challenge any reasons she gives. For instance, if she says “You won’t talk about your feelings” you might respond “I want to talk about my emotions, but whenever I try to I feel anxious, my mouth dries up and I think I am going to be judged”

    There are genuine reasons that she may feel her type of therapy is unsuitable for you, however unless you are being deliberately obstructive (which I don't think you are) it's important to realise that this is not your fault. By the way, how unethical is it to say that someone is unsuitable for counselling then suggest that they spend their own money on a private counsellor!

    You may find it easier to open up to different counsellor or you might think a different sort of therapy could be more useful to you. You could ask your GP to refer you to the IAPT service (which provides psychological therapies).

    Feel free to PM me if you need to talk further.
    I have told her why I find it hard to open up when I first met her, but like I said before, she just thought I was 'playing games' with her and didn't know what I actually want (that bit is true, I suppose) and so recommended I see someone else, outside of the NHS as they'll be less likely (or so I've been told) to refer you, if you mention acting out on suicidal thoughts and so forth.

    This is the first time I've tried counselling, and I'm aware different counsellors have different techniques, but within two sessions I feel like she's completely given up hope on me. I'll research more about said IAPT service, if it's the right route for me.

    Thanks for your advice and the offer to PM (which I just might do)

    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    I obviously can't say whether it's for you or not but I've personally found working weekly with a psychologist (cognitive behavioural therapy) far more personal and far more constructive than the year of university counselling that I had. I don't know whether all counsellors are trained to be distant and impersonal but I think the ones in Oxford are and I also found that a bit unnerving.

    I completely get what you mean about the adoption analogy but given you've only had two sessions try to see it less as adoption and more moving to a better foster home, if that makes any sense!

    I think she's been a bit presumptuous about the whole writing it down thing. Maybe you two could work on a compromise if she feels like you're dumping your problems onto her and expecting her to wave a magic wand. Maybe you could read it aloud to her and work on it in bite-sized chunks: talk through it and work out how your behaviour stems from what's happened to you in the past, etc?

    Btw my CBT therapist is NHS-provided and she's really lovely, so that could be worth investigating
    Someone on TSR gave me a brief summary on what CBT was about and what it involved and since then I've researched more into it and I'm beginning to think it will help me. Would you know how I can go about getting a CBT therapist without going to my GP or counsellor for that matter? And I completely relate to the coldness of the therapist - my current one doesn't even know my name! (granted it's just two sessions, but shouldn't she have my name of file or something?)

    She's left me in a situation where I don't know what to do now. She hasn't booked our next appointment, but she wants me to find another counsellor and also consider whether it's the right route for me.

    Basically, I think I'm back at square one.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You sound a lot like me at the moment. to be honest she sounds horrible and should give you time to trust her fully to open up completely. what your saying doesnt make you sound crazy you have the right to feel. if shes proffesional she shouldn't judge you. ive changed councellor recently and even though im on the long waiting list i know that eventually there will be someone who is right to help me get better and the same will be for you. my opinion.. change councellor or a different method.
    I might just do that, thanks
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Someone on TSR gave me a brief summary on what CBT was about and what it involved and since then I've researched more into it and I'm beginning to think it will help me. Would you know how I can go about getting a CBT therapist without going to my GP or counsellor for that matter? And I completely relate to the coldness of the therapist - my current one doesn't even know my name! (granted it's just two sessions, but shouldn't she have my name of file or something?)

    She's left me in a situation where I don't know what to do now. She hasn't booked our next appointment, but she wants me to find another counsellor and also consider whether it's the right route for me.

    Basically, I think I'm back at square one.
    Afaik, one of those two would need to refer you. It's something you have to be referred to, rather than something you can just go and ask for from anyone. In my case, it was recommended by my psychiatrist and there was a psychological assessment to determine whether it would benefit me or not and whether it could be offered :yes:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I actually do feel comfortable talking to my tutor - he teaches psychology which is a bonus as he can understand what I'm going through, but since exams are coming closer, and he's tied up with more important things, I haven't talked to him much this year.

    We do have a counsellor at the college that I go to atm, but it took me so long to pluck up the courage to make an appt with my current counsellor, that I don't feel like doing it again - especially since she's made me question the need for therapy (but that's my problem :rolleyes:))
    the tutor should make extra time for you if you stress you really need to see him. dont feel like your bugging him, if it helps you out do what YOU need to do. even if its for 15 mins at lunch, just so he can catch up with you and see how everything's going...

    give it another go with the councellor just incase, and if not try with your teacher again [=

    hope this works and you get the help you deserve!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I just went to my counsellor this morning - the second 'assessment' session, and she told me I needed to think about whether counselling is for me.

    The thing is, I thought it was. I'm not quite sure if I'm depressed as she hasn't told me black-and-white, and I don't want to label myself as one if I'm not but I've been feeling down/low and suicidal for the past, I'd say, three to four years now, and it's only since this year that I've plucked up the courage to go and see someone about it.

    I have issues talking about my feelings, with the fear of that person judging me for who I am, and because of this, she thinks I'm playing 'games' and don't know what I actually want - which is true, I suppose.

    I think I know why I feel the way I do, but I don't think it's such a big deal to anyone else, which is why I have a hard time opening up - Plus, thanks to my mother, I have trust issues.

    Also, I have a fear in the back of my mind, that if I tell her my thoughts, and that I've contemplated acting out my thoughts, she'll refer me to someone else. I know people who are crazy say they aren't, but I know what I'm thinking is stupid, and I WANT to change this, because I hate feeling this way, but I am not in any way, crazy! I know the consequences of my actions.

    I had this idea of just writing down what was going on in my life, and why I felt the way I did - she thought I was just giving her my problems and asking her to sort it out for me.

    I really don't know where I'm going with this thread... I just need someone, preferably someone who is currently undergoing therapy, or someone in the same situation as I am, to tell me if counselling is for me; and if not, what are the alternatives? Because, after my 'session-that-was-not-quite-deemed-a-session' I took a long walk thinking about what she said, and all it did was make me cry.

    I need help, I need to talk to someone who I can trust and who won't judge me...
    you dont need to justyfy that your not crazzy, deprestion is a thing that you feel so you instinctily know when your depressed, i would imagine your depresstion is deep rooted in your past, if it is speeking to a counselor may hlp you unlock it but you must remain honest, depresstion has nothing to do with madness its often a a lack of a certan chemical inbalance in the brain
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    You shouldn't be friends with your therapist. Your therapist isn't a substitute and cannot be a replacement for lack of interpersonal relationships in your life.

    You can trust pretty much most therapist not to tell anyone else what you say and to act in your best interests.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Someone on TSR gave me a brief summary on what CBT was about and what it involved and since then I've researched more into it and I'm beginning to think it will help me. Would you know how I can go about getting a CBT therapist without going to my GP or counsellor for that matter? And I completely relate to the coldness of the therapist - my current one doesn't even know my name! (granted it's just two sessions, but shouldn't she have my name of file or something?)
    You may be able to self-refer to the IAPT service for CBT - but it's probably best to talk it over with your GP anyway. I see no reason for your counsellor to be involved.
    Self-referral means that people who prefer not to talk to their GP can go directly to a professional therapist (though where possible and, if there isn't a specific reason not to, it's better to discuss it with your GP first). The service is already available in some parts of England.
    Accessing therapy
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    (Original post by maturestudy)
    You may be able to self-refer to the IAPT service for CBT - but it's probably best to talk it over with your GP anyway. I see no reason for your counsellor to be involved.

    Accessing therapy
    I stand corrected then
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    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    I stand corrected then
    Oh I wasn't meaning to correct anyone - sorry if it came across like that.

    It's still best to go through the GP IMO as there is bound to be a waiting list and he/she may be able to suggest other ideas in the meantime.
 
 
 
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