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How to explain self harm scars to friends watch

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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Hi,

    I'm meant to be going to Turkey in the summer with some friends and also some of their family. Unfortunatly I have old self harm scars on my fore arms and thighs. I really want to be able to swim etc. whilst I'm away but I don't know how to explain my scars to my friends, the scars are quite pale but they're still pretty obvious given how many there are.
    How do I explain them to my freinds with out freaking them out or should I just keep covered up on holiday?

    Thanks
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    Why do you have to explain them? Does a blind man with a stick have to answer questions from passers by? Does an amputee have to constantly regale people with tales of how they lost their limb? Do people with acne have to constantly tell people don't worry it's not contagious?

    You shouldn't worry about people seeing them if they're old and fading, everyone has a past. If they ask just tell them it's part of your past and not a part of your present, I'm sure they wont push you on the issue.


    Me I don't bother covering them up any more, if I did I'd have to walk around in a burqa constantly. Most people don't even bat an eyelid or take a second glance. If people directly ask me about them, I talk to them about it as I don't really mind any more. I'm part of Rethink & Minds time to change campaign to educate people about mental illnesses, their symptoms, behaviours, etc thus I think it's important to engage people in conversation to help educate them if they don't understand and want to know why, how, and what. Obviously you don't have to do that with your friends, you can just say you don't want to talk about it, however my experience is that most people ask out of genuine curiosity and concern rather than revulsion.
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    I'd lie. Some of my friends are not emotionally deep enough to understand the implications of my self harm.
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    Cat or dog scratches ? Or make up some story about a hostage situation...
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    I find that 'I used to self-harm' works fine. But then you do get people who think that taking the mick makes them big and clever, or they say '... oh', or they go 'oh my God! Are you ok? Let's drag up everything you hate talking about for half an hour!' or whatever. I prefer honesty, but other peoples' reactions make it hard.

    It depends what the scars look like. A lot of mine are oval-shaped, so I've actually managed to say that they're scars from chickenpox :awesome:
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    You had a fight with a mountain lion.
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    Just say you can't tell them. If they're mature enough, they won't push for an answer.
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    My friends must think me and my cat must've had a serious falling out if they believe me. But it does usually work, or maybe drunken injuries, it depends how bad they are really!
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    iff you own a cat or dog rather simply state it was them otherwise

    say you trip and you didn't put your hands out quick enough resulting in your wrists scrapping down a wall (my friends thought id cut myself for weeks after this happened to me)
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    Unprotected sex with a porcupine was always my fave :L
    But yeah, if you don't want to tell them, don't. If you do want to talk about it then just make sure you have time for a proper convo and let them know you used to self-harm. If you don't do it anymore they shouldn't make a big deal out of it.
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    You fell into a thorn bush with a tiger.
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    "I was casually browsing in boots when I repeatedly fell all over the razor blade aisle."

    In all seriousness though, I'm sure they're mature enough to understand, or wouldn't want the awkwardness of bringing it up.

    If they do bring it up, just tell them, they'll be thinking it anyway. If they probe further, tell them to stfu, you're on your holidays :P
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    I doubt they would bring it up. It may be that the scars are really obvious to you because you know they're there, but are almost invisible to other people unless you point them out. They're part of your past and therefore part of what made you you, so don't feel like you have to cover them up in front of other people.
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    attacked by a dog when you were younger, if they look like big scratch marks
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    When people brought it up I just said a really uncomfortable "just ****".

    That normally got them to stop asking.
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    Well i wouldn't use the explanation a person i used to know gave me it just didnt pass and that was....
    he fell on a pile of razor blades whilst picking up her pencil

    To be honhest I would suggest you just say the truth if they are your real friends no matter what you tell them it will come back to you .I know id rather be friends with someone that used to do self harming that a person that lies to me straight to my face.
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    I tell the true, there is nothing to be ashamed of, everybody has their own past, good ones, bad ones all life experiences. If they are real friends, they wouldn't be freaked out and would probably appreciate your honesty. But then again, there is no need to actively tell them, only tell if they ask, this is what I have done and will do.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Thanks for all the advice. It's pretty obvious what they are but if I went for the whole being savaged by a lion thing, my freinds would probably just leave it. I just don't know whether mentioning it before we go would make it more/less awkard?
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    (Original post by fire2burn)
    Why do you have to explain them? Does a blind man with a stick have to answer questions from passers by? Does an amputee have to constantly regale people with tales of how they lost their limb? Do people with acne have to constantly tell people don't worry it's not contagious?

    You shouldn't worry about people seeing them if they're old and fading, everyone has a past. If they ask just tell them it's part of your past and not a part of your present, I'm sure they wont push you on the issue.


    Me I don't bother covering them up any more, if I did I'd have to walk around in a burqa constantly. Most people don't even bat an eyelid or take a second glance. If people directly ask me about them, I talk to them about it as I don't really mind any more. I'm part of Rethink & Minds time to change campaign to educate people about mental illnesses, their symptoms, behaviours, etc thus I think it's important to engage people in conversation to help educate them if they don't understand and want to know why, how, and what. Obviously you don't have to do that with your friends, you can just say you don't want to talk about it, however my experience is that most people ask out of genuine curiosity and concern rather than revulsion.
    this.

    when people asked me, i told them the truth. that i used to self harm, and that i dont do it anymore so they have nothing to worry about. if they drag the conversation, i entertain them for a while. im all about educating people about self harm, even if it means me recalling some terrible memories. the more people understand, the less stigma there will be about self harm.

    there is no reason to say "hey before i get undressed, i want to tell you that i used to self harm". just dress however you want to, dont hide anything, and IF they pick up on the scars and ONLY when they ask about it do you tell them whats up.
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    Stage a fake shark attack.
 
 
 
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