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What have I done?

Ok - sorry that this will probably be quite long, but i'm rather upset about this and can't think of a way to shorten it. Please bear with me.

I live in uni halls, and the girl in the room next to me is always on my course. Normally we get on ok as friends, although we tend to light-heartedly insult each other quite a bit, and we occaisionally go to far and one of us ends up upsetting the other (ok, usually i go to far and end up upsetting her).

The last few days she's been really tired, seems to be depressed, ad hasnt been talking to me at all. I didnt really think anything much of it for a day or two as i thought it may be nothing to do with me at all, but after 4 days I thought I ought to try to find out what I'd done to upset her, so I asked her on MSN.

I got the reply that she doesnt "like being spoken to like a piece of crap", and that i'd done something to really upset her on Friday night - which, having checked with someone else who was there, I can't see anything that would have upset her.

I've been told by another friend that I do sometimes "talk down to people" - i can see where this is coming from, but its not something I do on purpose.

She has commented on "theres a lot of stuff happening at the moment", which I take to mean things that are upsetting her (problems at home or something). If she had mentioned something to me before then I'd have been careful to avoid saying anything that might upset her, but obviously I didnt know that she was feeling upset til today. I've not exactly had the best week of my life either, so was probably too absorbed in feeling depressed myself to notice - which i know is rather shameful.

I've tried to apologise, but of course I can't unless i know what it is that I've done!

Should I just leave her alone until she feels like talking to me or what should I do?

Reply 1

Sarky

18

Write down how you feel and that you didn't mean to upset her. She may not want to talk or listen but if you write it she can look at it if/when she wants to.

Reply 2

peperharow

2

What you might wanna consider is making a really decent gesture to her. Words probably won't solve the issue, but if you demonstrate it with something more it might help. Try to think what she'd appreciate, and if it involves effort and your time (rather than simply money), this might cheer her up.

By all means apologise with whatever you do for her.

hope that helps on some level.

Reply 3

recneps

OP

10

peperharow

What you might wanna consider is making a really decent gesture to her. Words probably won't solve the issue, but if you demonstrate it with something more it might help. Try to think what she'd appreciate, and if it involves effort and your time (rather than simply money), this might cheer her up.

By all means apologise with whatever you do for her.

hope that helps on some level.

Like the idea - but frankly I can't imagine anything that would work. Why is it that when it comes to female friends things are suddenly so much more complicated than with male ones - who will just tell you what you've done to upset them, rant bout it for a while, and then let it drop.

I know that I'm not always the easiest person to live with - but things have never got like this before.

Reply 4

Indus1986

4

Write an apology note and slide it under her door then run away... to your room... which is next door.... humm.

Reply 5

recneps

OP

10

Indus1986

Write an apology note and slide it under her door then run away... to your room... which is next door.... humm.

If i do that it will be later this evening while she is out - that way she will get back, find it, and have the time to read it properly and think abot it before seeing me tomorrow... i suppose it may work - if i write anything i'll post it on here first for opinions, as i'm not always good with words.

Reply 6

recneps

OP

10

Right - hows this for a note of apology. Obviously i'll hand write it to make it seem more personal etc...

I'm really sorry that I've upset you, and just want you to know that I would not deliberately say anything to you to upset you. I apologise for whatever it was that I said. I know that I am very good at saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, and that when I say things I don't always think about what effect the words will have. In particular, last week I was feeling depressed, and was rather selfishly absorbed in my own worries when I perhaps should have noticed that other people were unhappy with things that I had said to them.

I can only hope that you will accept my sincerest apologies.

Any comments, improvements, suggestions, etc would be greatly appreciated - i won't be able to send it until about 9.00 anyway.

Reply 7

marmitebagel

7

Its good, but personally I would just write "I can only hope that you will accept my apology"

Reply 8

IzzTheGreat

10

Note sounds like a very good idea :smile:

Some chocolate cake might also help :wink:

Reply 9

recneps

OP

10

Hi All,

Thanks for the great advice. I don't know whether the note helped or not, but she has forgiven me, amid profuse apologies. Of course I have her some of the cake ;-)

Reply 10

IzzTheGreat

10

recneps

Hi All,

Thanks for the great advice. I don't know whether the note helped or not, but she has forgiven me, amid profuse apologies. Of course I have her some of the cake ;-)

It was quite obviously the cake that did it. That was very good cake. By the way, pass on my compliments about the cheesecake too, that was excellent.

Reply 11

Fire Point

12

I'm glad to see it all worked out. Goodmess, woman are so sonfusing.

What have I done?

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