juggling depression and boyfriend

I'm feeling really really low at the moment, and i keep breaking down. i have on various occasions tried talking to my boyfriend of 18 months about whats wrong, but i can never explain it rationally, its just everything , im under a lot of strain and facing loads of uncertainty, and he always ends up being frustrated and pissed off that i dont actually seem to be able to work out whats wrong. all i know is that i've suffered from depression before, that i'm quite negative but that i do try really hard to keep going and do things that'll make me feel better. the problem is, i keep telling him after i break down for the umpteenth time that i'll be ok and then two days after i;m a wreck again. i've now stopped even bothering telling him, he's under alot of pressure too and i dont want to add to it, but feel it's really bad for our relationship. i really really can;t talk to him about it as it;s always the same old story, i'm worrying about everything, and also things like where our relationship will go next year at uni. i used to be able to cope and pull myself out of these little bad phases but at the moment i can;t and i feel so lonely. i love him so much but i cant seem to force myself to be stable and happy, and i end up not even wanting to talk to him as i hate being fake. we always used to talk so much, but he's so focused on his studies and refuses to talk about anything serious, which i understand, but i feel we've lost what we used to have. being without him would be worse but at the moment being with him is making me so unhappy too... what to do?

Reply 1

tbm

13

If you cant talk to him, why not try writing him a letter/email explaining how you feel and what is going on for you? Hopefully then he will have some understanding of what you are going through and be able to offer the support you need, and if he cant, Im sure he can help you find someone who can.

Have you tried speaking to anyone else about your depression, perhaps a third party who isnt involved with you personally, or a friend you trust? Speaking to someone else might help you face the issues that have triggered your depression, then you can look at your relationship with your boyfriend and where to go from there. If you are feeling lonely then the best thing to do is to find someone to talk to, either informal or professionally; have a look in your local area and see if there are any organisations who can help young people like yourself.

Hope you manage to get the support you need, good luck with everything x

Reply 2

lovelee-jublee

12

OP, I'm exactly the same!!! I'm in a longterm r.ship of 2 and a half years and I've been so down lately. I just have days where I want to sit and cry and do nothing else. My boyfriend gets annoyed with me because I can't pinpoint exactly what is wrong with me. He tries his best to help, and recently he's been a great help by just asking me questions. He'll suggest things that could be wrong, and I tell him either yes or no. I think it's because of exams, university applications, I do a lot of sport and lots outsde of school. I'm probably doing too much. Get your boyfriend to do the same, and you should hopefully find that it helps, even just a little bit. Or just have a good cry on his shoulder!

Reply 3

fruitcake

OP

2

yeh thanks you guys. i talk alot to people anyway, so it helps in a way but im just sick of only talking about depressing things with everyone. i have even spoken to a few adults, and the thing is, i know its not that bad, and just a phase etc, but i dont need people repeating that! its made difficult by the fact that i dont see my boyfriend that often so when i do dont want to spoil it with me crying when i do, so i feel trapped. its got to the point where i even cry in the morning and at work, cant bring myself to do anything. and i know that its not all that bad, but it just seems so bleak at the moment... ideally, spending lots of time with him might help me back on track but thats not going to happen so i just have to stay like this. i've tried being less dependant on him but i love him so much and i miss him so much when i dont see him. whatever i do my thoughts are so negative and its just damaging our relationship. He says he'd rather know when im upset but i know that when i do tel him it just frustrates him and leaves me even worse as there's nothing he can do and i'm just creating even more problems. it's all a bit of a viscious circle.

Reply 4

Monkey_Maiden

11

That is exactly my current situation, ive been at uni for a couple of months and have recently become very down and negative about things. im not motivated to go to lectures etc. and often spend most of the day crying and missing my bf. at first my bf was really good and supportive but he is under a huge amount of pressure at work and gets so pissed off when he gets home and talks on msn to me (long distance) and i tell him how down and depressed i am. he hates the pressure and the fact i depend on him too much. i can talk to other people but feel most comfortable talking to him coz when we see each pother its amazing and everythings ok. but when i break down again he gets angry, this is slowly ruining the relationship.
sorry not much help :frown:

just too let you know your not alone.

Reply 5

Logan

4

Give your bf time,from what you have described i can see that he is having a hard time. Ive been there, i know how women love to cling onto their loved one and depend on them.. my gf told me that it makes her feel good that she has someone to always lean on. Although I know this, sometimes even my patience breaks when i am so stressed. Probably give him time to adjust, just as what i have requested with my gf, serious relationship is new to me, and sometimes men cant cope up with the needs of a woman. :smile:

Reply 6

mousey

2

Just a quick point. Don't focus too much on what might or might not happen with uni, just enjoy every day with your boyfriend as it comes. If you want to be together when you leave for uni then you will be, and it will be very hard to know how you will both feel until then. xx

Reply 7

loopyloo243

1

Hey, something similar has been happening with me as well. My unhappiness caused me to stop seeing the point in life, and put a strain on my relationship as well, since I'm really heavily dependent on my boyfriend as well.

Try to think hard about all the possible reasons for why you're feeling upset - what's stressing you, what are you feeling uncertain about, etc. Then tell them to your boyfriend, so he has an idea, and try to work at any possible solution for each? It's so much harder when you think about everything that's been depressing you, that way you can't even think clearly at all and just end up feeling helpless and worse. So, try to isolate any possible reason, and handle it from there?

Don't focus on imaging negative things such as feeling you've lost a part of your relationship - it's probably just paranoia and your unhappiness. The more you concentrate on such negative things, the more likely it may come true!

Sometimes you don't have to try hard to feel happier again. No matter how serious the problem is at times, when I think about sentimental things, or simply when my boyfriend just says something sweet, it can make all the difference. :smile:

If it's any comfort/hope - I'm a lot better now :smile:

You can do it, you've got the support of your boyfriend who cares for you, and you're obviously willing to try very hard for yourself and for your relationship. At times I just didn't feel like I had the energy to face the next day. I'm sorry I can't really be of more help, since I don't really understand/know very much about your situation. But I really hope you feel better. :hugs:

Reply 8

fruitcake

OP

2

hey thank you and i think you're absolutely right... i was feeling so bad yesterday i went straight to sleep without calling him and he rang me and woke me up all worried i was ok, and that he didnt have anything to say he just wanted to hear my voice... so that was a nice thing to go to sleep to. suddenly i feel better today... but i still cant stop being negative. ive tried like you said to pin point whats wrong, but the thing is when i write it down it all seems so paltry, everyone at this age goes through the stress of leaving home, applications etc, i sometimes think im over reacting and i think my boyfriend thinks that too, but i have a feeling its more deeprooted than that...

Reply 9

lovelee-jublee

12

fruitcake

hey thank you and i think you're absolutely right... i was feeling so bad yesterday i went straight to sleep without calling him and he rang me and woke me up all worried i was ok, and that he didnt have anything to say he just wanted to hear my voice... so that was a nice thing to go to sleep to. suddenly i feel better today... but i still cant stop being negative. ive tried like you said to pin point whats wrong, but the thing is when i write it down it all seems so paltry, everyone at this age goes through the stress of leaving home, applications etc, i sometimes think im over reacting and i think my boyfriend thinks that too, but i have a feeling its more deeprooted than that...

It's good you felt happy when your boyfriend rang you. Things will get better in time. You're not over-reacting. You're going through a stressful time, with so much coming at you all at once. But it will all calm down soon enough, and hopefully you will start to feel better about yourself.

Reply 10

fruitcake

OP

2

lil_lee

It's good you felt happy when your boyfriend rang you. Things will get better in time. You're not over-reacting. You're going through a stressful time, with so much coming at you all at once. But it will all calm down soon enough, and hopefully you will start to feel better about yourself.

thank you ... i hope you;re right, i can't seem to keep in the same mood/state of mind about it for 5 minutes!

juggling depression and boyfriend

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