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The Friend Zone for dummies. watch

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    (Original post by SunderX)
    Are you settling? Do you think you're settling? If not, why on earth did it take a year for you to go out with him?

    This is an honest question - I'm curious to know the answer.
    Because I wasn't sure of my feelings for him, and he gets on my nerves all the time for asking me to go out with him all the time. I was still in love with my ex before, he saw me when I was broken before when my ex left me and stuff. Now when I gave him a chance to go out with him I realised I do like him and that I should have said yes to him the first time he asked me out. But anyway, I'm a really hard to get person.
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    (Original post by MagicNMedicine)
    Girls generally enjoy the fact that (from about the ages of 16-26) they enjoy social power of selection when it comes to a mate. During this age the average girl is going to get a lot more male attention, than the average male gets female attention, so she can exercise this power in a lot of ways. So as a male you have to wise up to this and retain your self respect.

    Unfortunately social interaction has some harsh truths. Males in the ages 16-26 generally don't have much power of selection, unless they are at least two out of the three of: good looking/self-confident/high social status. By high social status I mean they are 'something' which gets them respect from other men as well as women, ie in a band, have a good job, in a professional sports club's junior teams and so on. If a man does have two of those (and there are quite a lot who have the first two) then he will have a lot of power of selection over women, he will usually be able to sleep around and have women hanging round texting him scrapping for his attention.

    But unfortunately for our fellow male bretheren there are many men who don't have any of those things, they are just ordinary blokes who would like to have a girlfriend. Sometimes they act in a manipulative way and get bitter when their female friends don't reciprocate their feelings....this is just them lashing out at the frustration of never being able to get in a relationship. And this is the key point for the type of guy who gets friend zoned, he pretty much never gets with girls, EVER.

    By and large males prefer the friendship and company of other males, so it's not as common to get girls in a guy's "friend zone". Guys will hang around girls who they find attractive, but in general guys find girls boring, they don't have interest in talking about the general gossip and chit chat that girls do, they will only maintain a female friendship if there is some level of sexual spark and banter. Now its possible to have female friends even if the guy has a girlfriend, if he finds the girls semi attractive because he can have that slight undertone of playful flirtatiousness, but if he doesn't find the girl attractive on any level then he won't be motivated to flirt with her so he won't bother befriending her. If a guy meets a girl who he is not attracted to, who he senses is interested in him, he will run for the hills, he can't be doing with that, what if his mates find out and take the mick out of it.

    Girls on the other hand have a different concept of friendship and are more open to friendships with the opposite sex so they will happily accept a male friend who they are not attracted to. It will be an easy uncomplicated friendship because she won't need to worry about him being *****y in the way girls have issues with their female friends, and also as she doesn't fancy him, she won't feel nervous or uncomfortable round him. If she senses he fancies her then she will be even more motivated to keep him around, as long as he isn't too full on and put her in an embarrassing situation. Secretly she will find his attention an ego boost and all girls suffer from self confidence issues sometimes so having a friend-zoned admirer helps keep her confidence levels up.

    Most girls have some form of friend-zoned male admirer in their lives at some point. The ideal one is one who is either too shy to ever confess his true feelings, or socially astute enough to realise he doesn't have a chance and will just accept friendship from the girl.

    In some cases the friend zone arrangement suits the guy as well, if he's not very sexually experienced he will be nervous and worried about anything escalating with a girl, but if he's got some female who he fancies, who is willing to spend time with him, he can be almost as happy as though he had a real girlfriend because he gets to do all those 'hanging out' companionship things without exposing his sexual nervousness. But that will be a temporary arrangement at best as in time the girl is going to find a proper boyfriend and that will be a crushing blow to the friend-zoned guy who will feel like he has had a relationship break up of sorts.

    That is the sum of my social observation on the friend-zone.
    Now that is true TSR commitment!
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    (Original post by moaty...it's gazza)
    It's a bit like if you were to apply for a job, be told you have all the right credentials but they're not going to hire you. Instead they wish to use your application as a point of comparison to compare all future applicants to. They are likely to accept applicants who aren't as qualified as you, as long as it's not you, and then phone you up to complain that these new employees aren't working out; "if only they were more like you" (but obviously not you). Even if no more people apply, they will not hire you, instead they will phone to complain about noone else applying. You will never get the job, perserverance will not pay off.

    Just avoid being trapped in the friendzone at all costs, nothing good can come of it.
    (Original post by MagicNMedicine)
    Girls generally enjoy the fact that (from about the ages of 16-26) they enjoy social power of selection when it comes to a mate. During this age the average girl is going to get a lot more male attention, than the average male gets female attention, so she can exercise this power in a lot of ways. So as a male you have to wise up to this and retain your self respect.

    Unfortunately social interaction has some harsh truths. Males in the ages 16-26 generally don't have much power of selection, unless they are at least two out of the three of: good looking/self-confident/high social status. By high social status I mean they are 'something' which gets them respect from other men as well as women, ie in a band, have a good job, in a professional sports club's junior teams and so on. If a man does have two of those (and there are quite a lot who have the first two) then he will have a lot of power of selection over women, he will usually be able to sleep around and have women hanging round texting him scrapping for his attention.

    But unfortunately for our fellow male bretheren there are many men who don't have any of those things, they are just ordinary blokes who would like to have a girlfriend. Sometimes they act in a manipulative way and get bitter when their female friends don't reciprocate their feelings....this is just them lashing out at the frustration of never being able to get in a relationship. And this is the key point for the type of guy who gets friend zoned, he pretty much never gets with girls, EVER.

    By and large males prefer the friendship and company of other males, so it's not as common to get girls in a guy's "friend zone". Guys will hang around girls who they find attractive, but in general guys find girls boring, they don't have interest in talking about the general gossip and chit chat that girls do, they will only maintain a female friendship if there is some level of sexual spark and banter. Now its possible to have female friends even if the guy has a girlfriend, if he finds the girls semi attractive because he can have that slight undertone of playful flirtatiousness, but if he doesn't find the girl attractive on any level then he won't be motivated to flirt with her so he won't bother befriending her. If a guy meets a girl who he is not attracted to, who he senses is interested in him, he will run for the hills, he can't be doing with that, what if his mates find out and take the mick out of it.

    Girls on the other hand have a different concept of friendship and are more open to friendships with the opposite sex so they will happily accept a male friend who they are not attracted to. It will be an easy uncomplicated friendship because she won't need to worry about him being *****y in the way girls have issues with their female friends, and also as she doesn't fancy him, she won't feel nervous or uncomfortable round him. If she senses he fancies her then she will be even more motivated to keep him around, as long as he isn't too full on and put her in an embarrassing situation. Secretly she will find his attention an ego boost and all girls suffer from self confidence issues sometimes so having a friend-zoned admirer helps keep her confidence levels up.

    Most girls have some form of friend-zoned male admirer in their lives at some point. The ideal one is one who is either too shy to ever confess his true feelings, or socially astute enough to realise he doesn't have a chance and will just accept friendship from the girl.

    In some cases the friend zone arrangement suits the guy as well, if he's not very sexually experienced he will be nervous and worried about anything escalating with a girl, but if he's got some female who he fancies, who is willing to spend time with him, he can be almost as happy as though he had a real girlfriend because he gets to do all those 'hanging out' companionship things without exposing his sexual nervousness. But that will be a temporary arrangement at best as in time the girl is going to find a proper boyfriend and that will be a crushing blow to the friend-zoned guy who will feel like he has had a relationship break up of sorts.

    That is the sum of my social observation on the friend-zone.
    These two NEED to be stickied somewhere. 1st as a quick tl;dr meataphor definition. The 2nd one for a full on description.
    Well said both of you, repped!
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    (Original post by MagicNMedicine)
    Girls generally enjoy the fact that (from about the ages of 16-26) they enjoy social power of selection when it comes to a mate. During this age the average girl is going to get a lot more male attention, than the average male gets female attention, so she can exercise this power in a lot of ways. So as a male you have to wise up to this and retain your self respect.

    Unfortunately social interaction has some harsh truths. Males in the ages 16-26 generally don't have much power of selection, unless they are at least two out of the three of: good looking/self-confident/high social status. By high social status I mean they are 'something' which gets them respect from other men as well as women, ie in a band, have a good job, in a professional sports club's junior teams and so on. If a man does have two of those (and there are quite a lot who have the first two) then he will have a lot of power of selection over women, he will usually be able to sleep around and have women hanging round texting him scrapping for his attention.

    But unfortunately for our fellow male bretheren there are many men who don't have any of those things, they are just ordinary blokes who would like to have a girlfriend. Sometimes they act in a manipulative way and get bitter when their female friends don't reciprocate their feelings....this is just them lashing out at the frustration of never being able to get in a relationship. And this is the key point for the type of guy who gets friend zoned, he pretty much never gets with girls, EVER.

    By and large males prefer the friendship and company of other males, so it's not as common to get girls in a guy's "friend zone". Guys will hang around girls who they find attractive, but in general guys find girls boring, they don't have interest in talking about the general gossip and chit chat that girls do, they will only maintain a female friendship if there is some level of sexual spark and banter. Now its possible to have female friends even if the guy has a girlfriend, if he finds the girls semi attractive because he can have that slight undertone of playful flirtatiousness, but if he doesn't find the girl attractive on any level then he won't be motivated to flirt with her so he won't bother befriending her. If a guy meets a girl who he is not attracted to, who he senses is interested in him, he will run for the hills, he can't be doing with that, what if his mates find out and take the mick out of it.

    Girls on the other hand have a different concept of friendship and are more open to friendships with the opposite sex so they will happily accept a male friend who they are not attracted to. It will be an easy uncomplicated friendship because she won't need to worry about him being *****y in the way girls have issues with their female friends, and also as she doesn't fancy him, she won't feel nervous or uncomfortable round him. If she senses he fancies her then she will be even more motivated to keep him around, as long as he isn't too full on and put her in an embarrassing situation. Secretly she will find his attention an ego boost and all girls suffer from self confidence issues sometimes so having a friend-zoned admirer helps keep her confidence levels up.

    Most girls have some form of friend-zoned male admirer in their lives at some point. The ideal one is one who is either too shy to ever confess his true feelings, or socially astute enough to realise he doesn't have a chance and will just accept friendship from the girl.

    In some cases the friend zone arrangement suits the guy as well, if he's not very sexually experienced he will be nervous and worried about anything escalating with a girl, but if he's got some female who he fancies, who is willing to spend time with him, he can be almost as happy as though he had a real girlfriend because he gets to do all those 'hanging out' companionship things without exposing his sexual nervousness. But that will be a temporary arrangement at best as in time the girl is going to find a proper boyfriend and that will be a crushing blow to the friend-zoned guy who will feel like he has had a relationship break up of sorts.

    That is the sum of my social observation on the friend-zone.
    Reached rep limit, remind me to +1 this later.
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    The friendzone isnt that hard to get out of for guys, first just tell her how you feel and see if something could happen in the future. If not, all you need is 6 word; "You look fat in those pants" and you are out for good..
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    Basically it means you're screwed.
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    I've been dropped in the Friendzone a few times, but as I've gotten older, not anymore.
    If you are in the friendzone, there's pretty much no way out. It's no good for you, because you'll see all these other guys passing through, then when she cusses about them, you're going to get vex because she didn't pick you.

    To test this, you need to ask yourself 'If the opportunity came up, would I shag her brains out?'. If that answer is yes, and you're just friends, that's not really a friendship.
    Personally, when I get put in the friendzone, them long conversations about their relationship get chucked out the window, and they might get a text once in a blue moon.

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    More people need to see this thread.
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    >?
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    Friend Zone for Dummies who like illustrations

    Why you're in the Zone:

    http://pixelatedgeek.com/wp-content/.../howinzone.jpg

    How you get out:

    http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6O-04EZSZd...iend+zone2.jpg
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    (Original post by MagicNMedicine)
    Girls generally enjoy the fact that (from about the ages of 16-26) they enjoy social power of selection when it comes to a mate. During this age the average girl is going to get a lot more male attention, than the average male gets female attention, so she can exercise this power in a lot of ways. So as a male you have to wise up to this and retain your self respect.

    Unfortunately social interaction has some harsh truths. Males in the ages 16-26 generally don't have much power of selection, unless they are at least two out of the three of: good looking/self-confident/high social status. By high social status I mean they are 'something' which gets them respect from other men as well as women, ie in a band, have a good job, in a professional sports club's junior teams and so on. If a man does have two of those (and there are quite a lot who have the first two) then he will have a lot of power of selection over women, he will usually be able to sleep around and have women hanging round texting him scrapping for his attention.

    But unfortunately for our fellow male bretheren there are many men who don't have any of those things, they are just ordinary blokes who would like to have a girlfriend. Sometimes they act in a manipulative way and get bitter when their female friends don't reciprocate their feelings....this is just them lashing out at the frustration of never being able to get in a relationship. And this is the key point for the type of guy who gets friend zoned, he pretty much never gets with girls, EVER.

    By and large males prefer the friendship and company of other males, so it's not as common to get girls in a guy's "friend zone". Guys will hang around girls who they find attractive, but in general guys find girls boring, they don't have interest in talking about the general gossip and chit chat that girls do, they will only maintain a female friendship if there is some level of sexual spark and banter. Now its possible to have female friends even if the guy has a girlfriend, if he finds the girls semi attractive because he can have that slight undertone of playful flirtatiousness, but if he doesn't find the girl attractive on any level then he won't be motivated to flirt with her so he won't bother befriending her. If a guy meets a girl who he is not attracted to, who he senses is interested in him, he will run for the hills, he can't be doing with that, what if his mates find out and take the mick out of it.

    Girls on the other hand have a different concept of friendship and are more open to friendships with the opposite sex so they will happily accept a male friend who they are not attracted to. It will be an easy uncomplicated friendship because she won't need to worry about him being *****y in the way girls have issues with their female friends, and also as she doesn't fancy him, she won't feel nervous or uncomfortable round him. If she senses he fancies her then she will be even more motivated to keep him around, as long as he isn't too full on and put her in an embarrassing situation. Secretly she will find his attention an ego boost and all girls suffer from self confidence issues sometimes so having a friend-zoned admirer helps keep her confidence levels up.

    Most girls have some form of friend-zoned male admirer in their lives at some point. The ideal one is one who is either too shy to ever confess his true feelings, or socially astute enough to realise he doesn't have a chance and will just accept friendship from the girl.

    In some cases the friend zone arrangement suits the guy as well, if he's not very sexually experienced he will be nervous and worried about anything escalating with a girl, but if he's got some female who he fancies, who is willing to spend time with him, he can be almost as happy as though he had a real girlfriend because he gets to do all those 'hanging out' companionship things without exposing his sexual nervousness. But that will be a temporary arrangement at best as in time the girl is going to find a proper boyfriend and that will be a crushing blow to the friend-zoned guy who will feel like he has had a relationship break up of sorts.

    That is the sum of my social observation on the friend-zone.

    Very astute post, and you succeeded in showing me just how cruel I am. Along with the rest of my sex.
    Also, guys don't want to be friends with girls that they don't fancy just a bit? Hmmmm.
    + rep good sir.
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    To be honest, I could do with getting into the friendzone with some girls at the moment. As it stands, I have very few female friends - only my mates' girlfriends and one or two more. There's a fair few acquaintances that I'll have a little chat with when I bump into them - but I'd never think of calling them up randomly and seeing if they wanted to do anything.

    In the past, I've had a couple of good female friends who I've found attractive but never made moves on because they had boyfriends. I knew nothing was going to happen but thought it was better to be just friends than nothing at all.

    At the moment I don't even have that. There are literally no girls in my class at college, so there's no chance of making female friends there. Obviously I can meet girls in other places, e.g. accomodation - but they're generally a fair bit younger than me and we have very little in common. It sounds bad, but if they're not attractive, there's very little incentive to talk to them. On the other hand, if I find a girl I'm chatting to attractive and think she might be single, I'll always try my luck - pretending to be only interested in friendship isn't really my style. So then it's an all or nothing situation. The sum total of all this = hardly any female friends. Which is a bit sad really, cause I know they can be just as good friends as men.
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    There is no such thing as the friend zone.

    There are guys with self respect and there are guys with none.
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    (Original post by Eveiebaby)
    It's a bit more complicated than that unfortunately. Without the 'spark', even the cocky guy wont get any further. It's just about chemistry for us girls. We either feel it with guys or we don't. We have ideas about what we want in a bloke (almost to the point of a list of checkpoints in some cases) but then a guy who has perhaps only 1 or 2 of those essential points will come in and blow your head off with chemistry that just works well.

    There's no reason to it. You just can't fake it. It just works with some people and not with others.
    I see what you mean but its about more than a spark, the spark could be there but one of the 2(normally the guy) is afraid to ask the girl out or take it further so though the girl may still care for the guy shes so used to having him as a friend she doesnt want to either risk it changing or is just so used to being in the friend zone

    I have had girls even meeting me for the first time basically be putty in my hands but I am a shy guy so dont take it further.

    They are sweet on me as I am shy and have a constant cute grin on my face(as I am almost blushing around women even in my mid 20's) so they call me cute and sweet.

    I have even had girls coming up to me saying one of their friends really likes me but wants me to ask them out!

    So its hugely determined by women more than men.
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    (Original post by moaty...it's gazza)
    It's a bit like if you were to apply for a job, be told you have all the right credentials but they're not going to hire you. Instead they wish to use your application as a point of comparison to compare all future applicants to. They are likely to accept applicants who aren't as qualified as you, as long as it's not you, and then phone you up to complain that these new employees aren't working out; "if only they were more like you" (but obviously not you). Even if no more people apply, they will not hire you, instead they will phone to complain about noone else applying. You will never get the job, perserverance will not pay off.
    Accept for the rather important criterion of being attractive to the other person, a vital part of any relationship. A better analogy might be Stephen Hawking, a very bright chap by all accounts and clearly a man of some talents, applying for a job as a builder's labourer.
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    (Original post by Pink Bullets)
    facing the fact that some girls just don't find them attractive enough to date.
    Bull****. You should see the guy this girl I liked started going out with. This argument just doesn't stand up, in any way whatsoever.
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    (Original post by drbluebox)
    I see what you mean but its about more than a spark, the spark could be there but one of the 2(normally the guy) is afraid to ask the girl out or take it further so though the girl may still care for the guy shes so used to having him as a friend she doesnt want to either risk it changing or is just so used to being in the friend zone

    I have had girls even meeting me for the first time basically be putty in my hands but I am a shy guy so dont take it further.

    They are sweet on me as I am shy and have a constant cute grin on my face(as I am almost blushing around women even in my mid 20's) so they call me cute and sweet.

    I have even had girls coming up to me saying one of their friends really likes me but wants me to ask them out!

    So its hugely determined by women more than men.
    If the spark is a real spark, it is powerful. Too powerful to ignore. Seriously. A spark blows your head off and you have to do something about it. It's about real animal magnetism and intense need to be close to someone. It's not the same as just 'liking' someone.

    The case that you speak of bolded, is a one way spark. If you really really liked them as much as they liked you, you wouldn't even hesitate to organise a second date.
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    (Original post by 8086)
    Bull****. You should see the guy this girl I liked started going out with. This argument just doesn't stand up, in any way whatsoever.
    Maybe she found the bloke attractive and other people not-so-much. Finding someone attractive isnt about what other people find attractive, or universal attractiveness. Everyone have very different ideas about aesthetic appeal, so at that moment, she (for whatever reason) preferred this other guy.
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    Very interesting thread so far...
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    (Original post by L i b)
    Accept for the rather important criterion of being attractive to the other person, a vital part of any relationship. A better analogy might be Stephen Hawking, a very bright chap by all accounts and clearly a man of some talents, applying for a job as a builder's labourer.
    The analogy does leave that part out but girls are quite good at not demanding stereotypically good looks as much as males do. Think of it more as an analogy for a majority of guys. I know it doesn't work for the really ugly guys but the OP just asked for what the 'friendzone' is and I thought it was a good description.
 
 
 
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