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The Friend Zone for dummies. watch

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    (Original post by 8086)
    Bull****. You should see the guy this girl I liked started going out with. This argument just doesn't stand up, in any way whatsoever.
    Feel free to explain what's wrong with it, then. Whenever you're ready...
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    (Original post by kristinaalovesu)
    Because I wasn't sure of my feelings for him, and he gets on my nerves all the time for asking me to go out with him all the time. I was still in love with my ex before, he saw me when I was broken before when my ex left me and stuff. Now when I gave him a chance to go out with him I realised I do like him and that I should have said yes to him the first time he asked me out. But anyway, I'm a really hard to get person.
    Interesting. Goes to show how much women think from their emotions.

    Similar to your situation, my current girlfriend wasn't physically attracted to me at the start, but after a month I ended up sleeping with her - and now we are a couple.

    She later tells me it was my personality that pulled her.

    Basically the way I did it was by being very sexual with her (by that not hiding my intent AT ALL), but at the same time knowing how to ride her emotions, so when you girls talk about the spark. I created the spark by looking at things from her perspective, which in turn helped her connect with me.

    Did a little experiment on her at one point in the early days, I would change my states non-sexual, sexual, and would notice that depending on how I am feeling, the girl will mirror my state.

    The problem that many guys who get Friendzoned have, is that they are not CONFIDENT enough to escalate sexually, and by that not through saying "I like you", but through touch. They just dont know how to do it. With my girlfriend for example, it all began with a simple kiss, once she got used to me kissing her and my general touch in a more intimate manner (hugging, holding hands, arm around her), I was then able to sleep her and date her. Amazing considering she wasn't a touchy girl at all!

    Many guys who are friendzone don't have the bulls to even kiss the girl. Instead they repress their sexuality in the hope the girl will pull them. That's the problem, and probably why in your case it took ages for the guy to pull you because he wasn't being direct enough by leading you. Rather, he was just telling you he liked you, which ultimately made the decision fall in your shoulders...and as you say you were unsure. So he was stuffed until you made your mind up.

    If he had told you he liked you, and had the bulls to go for the kiss after having a great time with you on a night out (dont know if he did this or not), a year may have been cut down to 6 months.
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    (Original post by fat_hobbit)
    Interesting. Goes to show how much women think from their emotions.

    Similar to your situation, my current girlfriend wasn't physically attracted to me at the start, but after a month I ended up sleeping with her - and now we are a couple.

    She later tells me it was my personality that pulled her.

    Basically the way I did it was by being very sexual with her (by that not hiding my intent AT ALL), but at the same time knowing how to ride her emotions, so when you girls talk about the spark. I created the spark by looking at things from her perspective, which in turn helped her connect with me.

    Did a little experiment on her at one point in the early days, I would change my states non-sexual, sexual, and would notice that depending on how I am feeling, the girl will mirror my state.

    The problem that many guys who get Friendzoned have, is that they are not CONFIDENT enough to escalate sexually, and by that not through saying "I like you", but through touch. They just dont know how to do it. With my girlfriend for example, it all began with a simple kiss, once she got used to me kissing her and my general touch in a more intimate manner (hugging, holding hands, arm around her), I was then able to sleep her and date her. Amazing considering she wasn't a touchy girl at all!

    Many guys who are friendzone don't have the bulls to even kiss the girl. Instead they repress their sexuality in the hope the girl will pull them. That's the problem, and probably why in your case it took ages for the guy to pull you because he wasn't being direct enough by leading you. Rather, he was just telling you he liked you, which ultimately made the decision fall in your shoulders...and as you say you were unsure. So he was stuffed until you made your mind up.

    If he had told you he liked you, and had the bulls to go for the kiss after having a great time with you on a night out (dont know if he did this or not), a year may have been cut down to 6 months.
    This.

    I'm a confident person, but around men: feminine, and someone who likes to be led. Someone who can't "take control" or initiate things isn't just not a good thing for me, but it'll mean things won't go anywhere!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    being friend zoned isn't thaaaat bad. You're still a nice guy with a great personality. Just not, you know, just don't have *the spark*
    What are you on about?

    Of course it's "that bad" it's like playing the whole of portal having actually expected some cake at the end.

    And getting no cake. Ever.
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    (Original post by MagicNMedicine)
    Girls generally enjoy the fact that (from about the ages of 16-26) they enjoy social power of selection when it comes to a mate. During this age the average girl is going to get a lot more male attention, than the average male gets female attention, so she can exercise this power in a lot of ways. So as a male you have to wise up to this and retain your self respect.

    Unfortunately social interaction has some harsh truths. Males in the ages 16-26 generally don't have much power of selection, unless they are at least two out of the three of: good looking/self-confident/high social status. By high social status I mean they are 'something' which gets them respect from other men as well as women, ie in a band, have a good job, in a professional sports club's junior teams and so on. If a man does have two of those (and there are quite a lot who have the first two) then he will have a lot of power of selection over women, he will usually be able to sleep around and have women hanging round texting him scrapping for his attention.

    But unfortunately for our fellow male bretheren there are many men who don't have any of those things, they are just ordinary blokes who would like to have a girlfriend. Sometimes they act in a manipulative way and get bitter when their female friends don't reciprocate their feelings....this is just them lashing out at the frustration of never being able to get in a relationship. And this is the key point for the type of guy who gets friend zoned, he pretty much never gets with girls, EVER.

    By and large males prefer the friendship and company of other males, so it's not as common to get girls in a guy's "friend zone". Guys will hang around girls who they find attractive, but in general guys find girls boring, they don't have interest in talking about the general gossip and chit chat that girls do, they will only maintain a female friendship if there is some level of sexual spark and banter. Now its possible to have female friends even if the guy has a girlfriend, if he finds the girls semi attractive because he can have that slight undertone of playful flirtatiousness, but if he doesn't find the girl attractive on any level then he won't be motivated to flirt with her so he won't bother befriending her. If a guy meets a girl who he is not attracted to, who he senses is interested in him, he will run for the hills, he can't be doing with that, what if his mates find out and take the mick out of it.

    Girls on the other hand have a different concept of friendship and are more open to friendships with the opposite sex so they will happily accept a male friend who they are not attracted to. It will be an easy uncomplicated friendship because she won't need to worry about him being *****y in the way girls have issues with their female friends, and also as she doesn't fancy him, she won't feel nervous or uncomfortable round him. If she senses he fancies her then she will be even more motivated to keep him around, as long as he isn't too full on and put her in an embarrassing situation. Secretly she will find his attention an ego boost and all girls suffer from self confidence issues sometimes so having a friend-zoned admirer helps keep her confidence levels up.

    Most girls have some form of friend-zoned male admirer in their lives at some point. The ideal one is one who is either too shy to ever confess his true feelings, or socially astute enough to realise he doesn't have a chance and will just accept friendship from the girl.

    In some cases the friend zone arrangement suits the guy as well, if he's not very sexually experienced he will be nervous and worried about anything escalating with a girl, but if he's got some female who he fancies, who is willing to spend time with him, he can be almost as happy as though he had a real girlfriend because he gets to do all those 'hanging out' companionship things without exposing his sexual nervousness. But that will be a temporary arrangement at best as in time the girl is going to find a proper boyfriend and that will be a crushing blow to the friend-zoned guy who will feel like he has had a relationship break up of sorts.

    That is the sum of my social observation on the friend-zone.
    dems be some astute observations. I like the ladder theory way explaining this.
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    As told to me by a female friend:

    "ways to find out if one is in the friend zone:

    have u been her friend for ages..and shes never appeared to show any interest ever...

    if shes never ever made any suggestion about sleeping with u... then ur firmly in the friend zone

    if she tells u all her boy problems.. ur pretty much in the friend zone..

    if she talks to u about sex.. in a NON FLIRTY way the ur also in the friend zone

    if ur not in the friend zone..she either wants u.. or would at least consider it lol!

    if a girl gets pissed off with u and u cant work out why.. shes probably frustrated that you're not picking up hints"

    Help? Hinderance?
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    (Original post by imperial maniac)
    What are you on about?

    Of course it's "that bad" it's like playing the whole of portal having actually expected some cake at the end.

    And getting no cake. Ever.


    To be fair though, there were quite a number of hints saying that the cake is a lie.
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    (Original post by fat_hobbit)
    Interesting. Goes to show how much women think from their emotions.

    Similar to your situation, my current girlfriend wasn't physically attracted to me at the start, but after a month I ended up sleeping with her - and now we are a couple.

    She later tells me it was my personality that pulled her.

    Basically the way I did it was by being very sexual with her (by that not hiding my intent AT ALL), but at the same time knowing how to ride her emotions, so when you girls talk about the spark. I created the spark by looking at things from her perspective, which in turn helped her connect with me.

    Did a little experiment on her at one point in the early days, I would change my states non-sexual, sexual, and would notice that depending on how I am feeling, the girl will mirror my state.

    The problem that many guys who get Friendzoned have, is that they are not CONFIDENT enough to escalate sexually, and by that not through saying "I like you", but through touch. They just dont know how to do it. With my girlfriend for example, it all began with a simple kiss, once she got used to me kissing her and my general touch in a more intimate manner (hugging, holding hands, arm around her), I was then able to sleep her and date her. Amazing considering she wasn't a touchy girl at all!

    Many guys who are friendzone don't have the bulls to even kiss the girl. Instead they repress their sexuality in the hope the girl will pull them. That's the problem, and probably why in your case it took ages for the guy to pull you because he wasn't being direct enough by leading you. Rather, he was just telling you he liked you, which ultimately made the decision fall in your shoulders...and as you say you were unsure. So he was stuffed until you made your mind up.

    If he had told you he liked you, and had the bulls to go for the kiss after having a great time with you on a night out (dont know if he did this or not), a year may have been cut down to 6 months.
    You are right. Although he didn't said that he liked me though, he made me feel like it by the way he acts when were chatting/texting/calls before I even agreed to go out with him. And on our first proper date alone, we kissed. And thats where it all started, after that night that we kissed the next time we saw each other we started sleeping together until now. And me and him just started going out this february. So it's not that long ago. For now were not a couple yet, although I'm his first proper girl in his life he's getting worried because I'm leaving to go there to study and he's going to Paris this June. He wants us to be more than friends but everytime he thinks of me and him it's stressing him out. The same thing goes to me, but what I think is *I should just let this go on the flow and not think about the future and enjoy the moment*. But he doesn't get it. He still kept thinking that what if one of us get hurt? He was what I've been through when my ex left me and he's scared I'll be like that to him again. Which I told him I won't because I know how to handle my emotions now. He over thinks too much that it's making him really worried.

    It did took him a year even though he told me he liked me and by the way he always asked me out he sound so desperate lol I think it's really because he annoys me too much and I'm just stuck on my ex. :p: You have a nice story about your lady. I really hope I could do what you did to your gf. Like the experiment thingy.
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    (Original post by kristinaalovesu)
    You are right. Although he didn't said that he liked me though, he made me feel like it by the way he acts when were chatting/texting/calls before I even agreed to go out with him.
    So it took him a year to arrange a proper date? That is mental. What was he doing in all that time?

    And on our first proper date alone, we kissed. And thats where it all started, after that night that we kissed the next time we saw each other we started sleeping together until now. And me and him just started going out this february. So it's not that long ago.
    Yeah that's it. It ALWAYS begins with the kiss.

    If the guy can get the kiss, he is half way in with the girl and is definitely out of the friends zone, because for most girls psychologically when they kiss the guy, well true in my gf case, she knows something more can happen because the guy has the balls to be sexual with her, so it is hard to "friend zone" him.

    Most guys who get FZ dont even go for the kiss, or if they do they leave the kiss till really late when the foundations of the r/ship/f/ship have already been set. At which point it is very weird for the girl to kiss the guy, because often in her head the thought:

    "Oh no, he is trying to kiss me now. This is freaky, I better not in case I ruin our friendship"

    comes into play. And thus the classic line is dished out to the boy:

    "X I really think you are a nice guy. But I don't want to ruin our friendship"

    Leaving the guy to become bitter and angry with the world. Wondering why a nice guy like him has been FZ, whilst his mate Frodo has got the girl after 2 dates lol

    For now were not a couple yet, although I'm his first proper girl in his life he's getting worried because I'm leaving to go there to study and he's going to Paris this June. He wants us to be more than friends but everytime he thinks of me and him it's stressing him out.
    I'm in a long distance r/ship atm, so it can be done.

    It really depends on what you both want. I don't suggest a LDR unless you are both serious about each other. It's a lot of work, you have to communicate with each other everyday. You also have to control your emotions because you will both miss touching each other, and spend money going back and forth between countries for r/ship maintainence.
    Furthermore I don't really suggest friendship if you are not serious about each other; it is best to let each other go on a positive note. Otherwise, one person will get really infatuated with the other and it will be painful when he or you move onto the next person. Most likely that will be you first given his inexperience with women.

    The same thing goes to me, but what I think is *I should just let this go on the flow and not think about the future and enjoy the moment*. But he doesn't get it. He still kept thinking that what if one of us get hurt? He was what I've been through when my ex left me and he's scared I'll be like that to him again. Which I told him I won't because I know how to handle my emotions now. He over thinks too much that it's making him really worried.
    You both need to at one point, I suggest near the end, (June) NOT NOW have a proper discussion about the future.

    For now tell your boy to enjoy the moment and that you will both revisit the topic in June.

    It did took him a year even though he told me he liked me and by the way he always asked me out he sound so desperate lol I think it's really because he annoys me too much and I'm just stuck on my ex. :p: You have a nice story about your lady. I really hope I could do what you did to your gf. Like the experiment thingy.
    lol, she had so many reasons not to be with me, leaving the country for one.

    The other was that my GF, was also stuck up with her ex funnily enough. For the wrong reasons - she came out of a terrible r/ship with him, so distrusted men in general. Furthermore she also couldn't wait to leave the country. As a result I had real time constraints, 1-2 months to pull her despite all odds. Plus, her not finding me physically attractive at the start made things harder, as I couldn't rely on my looks which 999999% of guys do...

    Which is why not only did I compliment her beauty, hence signiling my intent, but I also made sure we spent a **** load of time together out and about in the city exploring it in ways she didn't before. By showing her all the cool spots I know as I am a native. That as a result, helped her forget about negative things like her ex; leaving the country, by helping her appreciate life a lot more in the sense that I showed her that it is all an adventure. An awesome adventure with me. Whilst I was doing that, I also built a mental connection with her. To the point she misses just being with me right now because I left such a positive impact on her mentally in many different ways. She'll be back in a few weeks.

    I take it your boy had a hard time asking you on a proper date and as a result sounded desperate, because in a way he was seeking for your approval first before he could do that. Rather what he should have done is ask you if you wanted to join him to do something cool as soon as he got your number. And then make the move after the 1st,2nd date, once he has shown his intent.

    That comes across as less desperate, and more manly.
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    Oh and also, say you and a girl are starting to get to know one another - long phone calls etc - ur essentially courting her, if you do not move in for the I-want-you-as-my-girlfriend-ryt-now and leave it too long so that u get too familiar, you WILL be friend-zoned. - and I have not ever seen someone come out of it.
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    (Original post by fat_hobbit)
    So it took him a year to arrange a proper date? That is mental. What was he doing in all that time?

    No, it took ME a year to go out with him. He's been asking me so much to hang out with him but I keep refusing until last February when I finally agreed to go out with him. Every time I say no to him whenever he asked me to meet up with him, I'd refuse and he gets mad/sad and keeps telling me that me and him will never see each other again anymore because I keep making excuses not to see him :mmm:



    Yeah that's it. It ALWAYS begins with the kiss.

    If the guy can get the kiss, he is half way in with the girl and is definitely out of the friends zone, because for most girls psychologically when they kiss the guy, well true in my gf case, she knows something more can happen because the guy has the balls to be sexual with her, so it is hard to "friend zone" him.

    Most guys who get FZ dont even go for the kiss, or if they do they leave the kiss till really late when the foundations of the r/ship/f/ship have already been set. At which point it is very weird for the girl to kiss the guy, because often in her head the thought:

    "Oh no, he is trying to kiss me now. This is freaky, I better not in case I ruin our friendship"

    comes into play. And thus the classic line is dished out to the boy:

    "X I really think you are a nice guy. But I don't want to ruin our friendship"

    Leaving the guy to become bitter and angry with the world. Wondering why a nice guy like him has been FZ, whilst his mate Frodo has got the girl after 2 dates lol



    I'm in a long distance r/ship atm, so it can be done.

    It really depends on what you both want. I don't suggest a LDR unless you are both serious about each other. It's a lot of work, you have to communicate with each other everyday. You also have to control your emotions because you will both miss touching each other, and spend money going back and forth between countries for r/ship maintainence.
    Furthermore I don't really suggest friendship if you are not serious about each other; it is best to let each other go on a positive note. Otherwise, one person will get really infatuated with the other and it will be painful when he or you move onto the next person. Most likely that will be you first given his inexperience with women.



    You both need to at one point, I suggest near the end, (June) NOT NOW have a proper discussion about the future.

    For now tell your boy to enjoy the moment and that you will both revisit the topic in June.



    lol, she had so many reasons not to be with me, leaving the country for one.

    The other was that my GF, was also stuck up with her ex funnily enough. For the wrong reasons - she came out of a terrible r/ship with him, so distrusted men in general. Furthermore she also couldn't wait to leave the country. As a result I had real time constraints, 1-2 months to pull her despite all odds. Plus, her not finding me physically attractive at the start made things harder, as I couldn't rely on my looks which 999999% of guys do...

    Which is why not only did I compliment her beauty, hence signiling my intent, but I also made sure we spent a **** load of time together out and about in the city exploring it in ways she didn't before. By showing her all the cool spots I know as I am a native. That as a result, helped her forget about negative things like her ex; leaving the country, by helping her appreciate life a lot more in the sense that I showed her that it is all an adventure. An awesome adventure with me. Whilst I was doing that, I also built a mental connection with her. To the point she misses just being with me right now because I left such a positive impact on her mentally in many different ways. She'll be back in a few weeks.

    I wanted to do the same! The thing is, I'm too shy to ask him out because I don't want to feel like I'm bothering him or I feel like he should be the one to ask me first cos he's the guy. :sad: Can you tell me what are the things you did when you took her out? I want to take him out as much as I can. I know he is busy with uni and stuff but I'm also trying to make sure he doesn't spend every free time he has only with me. He needs time for his friends too or for himself. Basically, I want to do what you did to your girl. Spending much time on each other that being far for just a bit makes one of us miss each other already. :p: Did you spend time with each other like everyday or once a week?

    I take it your boy had a hard time asking you on a proper date and as a result sounded desperate, because in a way he was seeking for your approval first before he could do that. Rather what he should have done is ask you if you wanted to join him to do something cool as soon as he got your number. And then make the move after the 1st,2nd date, once he has shown his intent.

    That comes across as less desperate, and more manly.
    The first answers are in BOLD.

    We are actually serious with each other. It's just that he has so many things in mind that is stressing him about me and him being together. I guess it's also because he has OCD in which case when you have OCD you have recurrent or intrusive thoughts, like you literally cannot stop thinking about something. So that may be the cause of him thinking too much about everything that is making him worried. We don't want to let go of each other. Even I am starting to over think of things between me and him. I just didn't want to show him how stressed I am with it.

    I guess I'm going to have to tell him again to just grab and enjoy the moment me and him have right now and just talk about this thing once we are ready or a month before he leave. Argh, I hate over thinking. It makes me really sad about the what ifs and especially that I think of things negatively.

    At some point, me and your ex went through the same problem with our exes. I was stuck up with him cos I came out of a bad relationship and same as your ex too. Which made me have trust issues but working on it. :p:

    I must say your girl is pretty lucky for having a guy who worked so hard to be with her. :love:
    That is really inspiring. And you're lucky all your hard work came out with something worth it
    Where is your gf btw? Do you guys talk/chat everyday?
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    Interesting thread is interesting.
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    (Original post by kristinaalovesu)
    The first answers are in BOLD.

    We are actually serious with each other. It's just that he has so many things in mind that is stressing him about me and him being together. I guess it's also because he has OCD in which case when you have OCD you have recurrent or intrusive thoughts, like you literally cannot stop thinking about something. So that may be the cause of him thinking too much about everything that is making him worried. We don't want to let go of each other. Even I am starting to over think of things between me and him. I just didn't want to show him how stressed I am with it.
    Communication is key here. Basically you just have to reassure him a lot that everything is OK whenever you see your partner is mentally affected by something. Same goes with him to you.

    Finally, you both have to keep on being honest with each other, tell each other exactly how things are at all times, even if it is something your partner/or you don't want to hear.
    It pays in the long run, because it helps build trust between you both, and as a result makes your r/ship more secure. As eventually what happens, you both feel that you can be yourselves with each other without the fear of being perceived differently, hence become not only "lovers" but "best friends" too. A lot of people get into r/ships but do not express themselves fully, so often feel unfulfilled emotionally, which leads couples to break up - because they find that sense of fulfilment elseware. When a good r/ship imo is one where you both can accept the good and bad qualities of each other. It's about team work , compromise, respecting each other and being understanding.

    I guess I'm going to have to tell him again to just grab and enjoy the moment me and him have right now and just talk about this thing once we are ready or a month before he leave. Argh, I hate over thinking. It makes me really sad about the what ifs and especially that I think of things negatively.
    It's normal, I do it too. So does my girl. When you find yourself in a rut like that, best thing to do is to talk to your bf about your feelings - if you are unable to deal with them alone. Same goes for him.

    If misunderstandings arise from expressing yourself, which can happen, you work through them. Misunderstandings are always good btw, because they test the strength of the r/ship and once you work through them together, you will find that your r/ship becomes stronger as you both start to feel confident in knowing that you can go through difficult times and survive.

    At some point, me and your ex went through the same problem with our exes. I was stuck up with him cos I came out of a bad relationship and same as your ex too. Which made me have trust issues but working on it. :p:
    Yeah, way I dealt with that was easy. I never spoke about her ex (as I didn't want her to start associating me with her ex), and I didn't convey my interest too early aside from flirting here and there, keeping thing's a bit sexual. Rather what I did was, I got her out for one or 2 dates where I basically showed her another side to the city which left her with positive emotions when thinking about me. This resulted in her to keep coming back for more, a bit like a drug. In the early days (and even now for that point) if she spoke about her ex, or leaving the country, or something negative. I will reframe her thought patterns with things like:

    "Forget about your ex, you are with the coolest guy ever right now. Enjoy the night with me"

    And back it up with actually taking to her a REAL COOL place.

    I must say your girl is pretty lucky for having a guy who worked so hard to be with her. :love:
    That is really inspiring. And you're lucky all your hard work came out with something worth it
    Where is your gf btw? Do you guys talk/chat everyday?
    Russia atm.

    Yeah she was very hard work, but it's paid off. Even if we never ended up hooking up, by being with me during that period I basically rebuilt this girl's confidence. She went from being a girl who hated her life, to one that is now loving life and is keeping herself busy trying to accomplish as many personal goals as possible. Complete transformation. And that alone gave me a lot of happiness, because of the way I could change someone's life for the better, gave me confidence with women and people in general.
    Getting into a r/ship with her was just a bonus tbh, I first saw it as a fling. But I have stayed with her because we click immensely, and are pretty similar personality wise.

    Yeah we speak everyday, SMSing, Skype. Even over the distance, we never get bored of each other because of the way our dynamic is. Although being away is frustrating sexually at times, isn't so bad now, as she will be back in a couple of weeks.

    I wanted to do the same! The thing is, I'm too shy to ask him out because I don't want to feel like I'm bothering him or I feel like he should be the one to ask me first cos he's the guy. Can you tell me what are the things you did when you took her out? I want to take him out as much as I can. I know he is busy with uni and stuff but I'm also trying to make sure he doesn't spend every free time he has only with me. He needs time for his friends too or for himself. Basically, I want to do what you did to your girl. Spending much time on each other that being far for just a bit makes one of us miss each other already. Did you spend time with each other like everyday or once a week?
    Yeah, normally it is the guy who leads the girl, not the other way round. From dates, to making the move. One of the differences between men and women. But this aint set to stone. In my case with my girl I used to be the one that always set up the "dates". But at the same time the way I did it, was I would basically send her one (maximum two) SMSes, and typically it would go like this:

    "Hey babe, I feel like going to the movies on the weekend to watch <insert name of movie here>, want to join me? Should be a blast "

    Then I will basically leave the ball in her court. She can either reply with a yes or no, or ignore. In which case the way I saw it, it was her loss if she declined, because I know I am an awesome guy anyway.

    She never did decline, because as written previously, she knew we would have an awesome time together, so we used to hang out 2 times a week when dating. More after officially hooking up.

    Typical things I would do, would be:

    - movies (choose a movie you know you will BOTH like rather then what you will like. Can't see your boy surviving "Bridget Jones Diary", "never say never" justin beiber)

    But bare in mind you can't talk in the cinema, so it's better to use bodylanguage when conveying your sexuality. Like with your boy you could get your legs and put it on him, like if you are sitting on the couch at home with him watching a dvd.

    If I wanted to have a chat:

    - walking around the city; I would take my girl to romantic spots in the city that only natives know about. By the river (thames), parks overlooking the city, buildings where you can go up to the top, and you can see the whole scenery of the city.

    And then romance her under the right setting. Keeps me out of the FZ and more in the dating/r/ship zone, whilst blowing her mind away.

    That kind of thing. You can still do this in a r/ship, but it's more effective in the courting phase, because she is still trying to figure out how much she likes you.

    -Dinner

    Not McDonalds, but in our case we for a period basically played a game up where we tried every type of food around the world.

    - Take a trip away from the city. Your in the US, so maybe checking out another state with him?

    - Shopping.

    Always a laugh. You can play a game where you can dress each other up by picking out outfits for each other.

    - Staying in and cooking.

    Cooking together, romantic. Creating a bigger bond that way.

    - dancing, salsa etc.
    - bars - going to different types of bars, from your local pub, to a classy bar drinking cocktails.
    - strip clubs , yes for a laugh I went to one with my girl. I can't remember the strippers tits,. attention was diverted elseware

    Just be imaginative. Only rule I go by with my girl, is to make sure when we do things together we are both actively involved; and doing something that I know we will both like/or are curious about. So for example; I probably won't take her to a football/soccer match for example. (although knowing me I probably would) That is more of a guy thing, unless the girl is into it. In which case you need to figure out what your preferences are, and which one's of those you share.
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    (Original post by fat_hobbit)
    Communication is key here. Basically you just have to reassure him a lot that everything is OK whenever you see your partner is mentally affected by something. Same goes with him to you.

    Finally, you both have to keep on being honest with each other, tell each other exactly how things are at all times, even if it is something your partner/or you don't want to hear.
    It pays in the long run, because it helps build trust between you both, and as a result makes your r/ship more secure. As eventually what happens, you both feel that you can be yourselves with each other without the fear of being perceived differently, hence become not only &quot;lovers&quot; but &quot;best friends&quot; too. A lot of people get into r/ships but do not express themselves fully, so often feel unfulfilled emotionally, which leads couples to break up - because they find that sense of fulfilment elseware. When a good r/ship imo is one where you both can accept the good and bad qualities of each other. It's about team work , compromise, respecting each other and being understanding.



    It's normal, I do it too. So does my girl. When you find yourself in a rut like that, best thing to do is to talk to your bf about your feelings - if you are unable to deal with them alone. Same goes for him.

    If misunderstandings arise from expressing yourself, which can happen, you work through them. Misunderstandings are always good btw, because they test the strength of the r/ship and once you work through them together, you will find that your r/ship becomes stronger as you both start to feel confident in knowing that you can go through difficult times and survive.


    I'm still shy and awkward around him, mainly because we only started going out this february and only see each other once a week. Hopefully I'd be comfortable around him soon though, maybe if we spend more time together. He's leaving this May and also busy with school so I might have to figure things out soon. Its just hard to ask him out first really, my confidence is really low so it kinda backs me off a bit but I'll give it a shot.

    Yeah, way I dealt with that was easy. I never spoke about her ex (as I didn't want her to start associating me with her ex), and I didn't convey my interest too early aside from flirting here and there, keeping thing's a bit sexual. Rather what I did was, I got her out for one or 2 dates where I basically showed her another side to the city which left her with positive emotions when thinking about me. This resulted in her to keep coming back for more, a bit like a drug. In the early days (and even now for that point) if she spoke about her ex, or leaving the country, or something negative. I will reframe her thought patterns with things like:

    &quot;Forget about your ex, you are with the coolest guy ever right now. Enjoy the night with me&quot;

    And back it up with actually taking to her a REAL COOL place.

    Ok here's the thing, I may want to bring him to a cool place but I don't know if he would like it or not. Like, I don't know if that's his cup of tea if you know what I mean. We're still getting to know each other and so thats making me think like crazy because I don't know that much about him, I know almost half of him but not completely yet though and I'm a negative thinker so I'm still trying to work that out.



    Russia atm.

    Yeah she was very hard work, but it's paid off. Even if we never ended up hooking up, by being with me during that period I basically rebuilt this girl's confidence. She went from being a girl who hated her life, to one that is now loving life and is keeping herself busy trying to accomplish as many personal goals as possible. Complete transformation. And that alone gave me a lot of happiness, because of the way I could change someone's life for the better, gave me confidence with women and people in general.
    Getting into a r/ship with her was just a bonus tbh, I first saw it as a fling. But I have stayed with her because we click immensely, and are pretty similar personality wise.

    Yeah we speak everyday, SMSing, Skype. Even over the distance, we never get bored of each other because of the way our dynamic is. Although being away is frustrating sexually at times, isn't so bad now, as she will be back in a couple of weeks.



    Yeah, normally it is the guy who leads the girl, not the other way round. From dates, to making the move. One of the differences between men and women. But this aint set to stone. In my case with my girl I used to be the one that always set up the &quot;dates&quot;. But at the same time the way I did it, was I would basically send her one (maximum two) SMSes, and typically it would go like this:

    &quot;Hey babe, I feel like going to the movies on the weekend to watch &lt;insert name of movie here&gt;, want to join me? Should be a blast &quot;

    Then I will basically leave the ball in her court. She can either reply with a yes or no, or ignore. In which case the way I saw it, it was her loss if she declined, because I know I am an awesome guy anyway.

    She never did decline, because as written previously, she knew we would have an awesome time together, so we used to hang out 2 times a week when dating. More after officially hooking up.

    Typical things I would do, would be:

    - movies (choose a movie you know you will BOTH like rather then what you will like. Can't see your boy surviving &quot;Bridget Jones Diary&quot;, &quot;never say never&quot; justin beiber)

    Been to movies twice now, you know what's bothering me? Like what if he doesn't want to see the movie with me? :p: I know i know, I'm overthinking things again but omfg it's killing my brain like crazy!! haha Idk, inside me feels like maybe he's not completely falling for me yet so maybe I should just wait for him to ask me out whenever. What do you think? Do you think what I'm thinking right now is normal or should I stop it?

    But bare in mind you can't talk in the cinema, so it's better to use bodylanguage when conveying your sexuality. Like with your boy you could get your legs and put it on him, like if you are sitting on the couch at home with him watching a dvd.

    If I wanted to have a chat:

    - walking around the city; I would take my girl to romantic spots in the city that only natives know about. By the river (thames), parks overlooking the city, buildings where you can go up to the top, and you can see the whole scenery of the city.

    Okay, whenever we're walking going somewhere it's a bit awkward. We wouldn't hold hands or something like that. He would try and reach for my hand but once it touches his hands after a minute he would take it off and we would just continue walking. I'm like left there thinking what the hell was that about? :confused: Even while he's driving, he'd touch my hand and once I get to hold it he would take it back and continue back on driving. Isn't that odd? I asked him before why he wouldn't hug me or kiss me whenever I meet up with him like you know when you see your girl and kiss them once they are close to you? He told me it's rude. I'm like how is that rude? :confused: Idk, maybe he's just not used to that because he's never had anything like that before. :sigh:

    And then romance her under the right setting. Keeps me out of the FZ and more in the dating/r/ship zone, whilst blowing her mind away.

    That kind of thing. You can still do this in a r/ship, but it's more effective in the courting phase, because she is still trying to figure out how much she likes you.

    -Dinner

    Not McDonalds, but in our case we for a period basically played a game up where we tried every type of food around the world.

    - Take a trip away from the city. Your in the US, so maybe checking out another state with him?

    I wish I could, maybe idk. We'll see. I have to figure it out first though because he's leaving pretty soon.

    - Shopping.

    Always a laugh. You can play a game where you can dress each other up by picking out outfits for each other.

    - Staying in and cooking.

    Cooking together, romantic. Creating a bigger bond that way.

    - dancing, salsa etc.
    - bars - going to different types of bars, from your local pub, to a classy bar drinking cocktails.
    - strip clubs , yes for a laugh I went to one with my girl. I can't remember the strippers tits,. attention was diverted elseware

    hahaha!thats funny, how did it go for her? lol Was she surprised?

    Just be imaginative. Only rule I go by with my girl, is to make sure when we do things together we are both actively involved; and doing something that I know we will both like/or are curious about. So for example; I probably won't take her to a football/soccer match for example. (although knowing me I probably would) That is more of a guy thing, unless the girl is into it. In which case you need to figure out what your preferences are, and which one's of those you share.

    Here's the thing, he's a sports obsessed type of guy and I feel terrible because I know nothing about baseball. :sad: The only sports we both like is golf and we played one last week. But thats about it. I just hate the way he thinks sometimes. He thinks that relationships should be based on similarities. Like a couple should be COMPLETELY similar.I'm not even kidding. I mean, i just want him to at least change that mind set and open up his mind to other things and not just full on himself. I'm not a Californian girl, where almost all the girls here are sports obsessed. :sad: I guess I'm gonna have to figure it out by myself and see if he'd like what I do to him once we meet up. Thanks for all of the list btw, it's really helpful and thanks for your time writing all of that for me If I ever need something, I'll pm you :p:
    Answers in bold.
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    (Original post by kristinaalovesu)
    I'm still shy and awkward around him, mainly because we only started going out this february and only see each other once a week. Hopefully I'd be comfortable around him soon though, maybe if we spend more time together. He's leaving this May and also busy with school so I might have to figure things out soon. Its just hard to ask him out first really, my confidence is really low so it kinda backs me off a bit but I'll give it a shot.
    You need to up your meet ups from once, to 3 times a week the very least. When I officially hooked up with my girl I was really hanging out with her nearly everyday, since I knew she was leaving the place - turning the r/ship into a LDR for a while...Which I hate btw.

    The way you have to look at it, if you have "kissed" and you both are "going out with one another", treat the guy like your boyfriend:

    "hey BF, let's check out x thing on friday night, if not we can do something else like do Y thing"

    That is what my GF did.

    Ok here's the thing, I may want to bring him to a cool place but I don't know if he would like it or not. Like, I don't know if that's his cup of tea if you know what I mean. We're still getting to know each other and so thats making me think like crazy because I don't know that much about him, I know almost half of him but not completely yet though and I'm a negative thinker so I'm still trying to work that out.
    Yeah I know the feeling. Issue here is self confidence.

    I remember feeling the same way when I started taking my girl out, but to get out of the rut, I would basically think to myself:

    "If she doesn't like it, it doesn't matter anyway, at least I have shown her something new and that is what counts"

    She ended up liking A LOT of the things I introduced her too, like Jazz clubs etc.

    If you want to play it safe there are ways around this; for example, talk to him about what he likes doing, build general rapport over this and do activities that you know that you both like doing. That is what r/ships are about imo, getting to know each other and finding out how compatible you are in the process.

    Been to movies twice now, you know what's bothering me? Like what if he doesn't want to see the movie with me? I know i know, I'm overthinking things again but omfg it's killing my brain like crazy!! haha Idk, inside me feels like maybe he's not completely falling for me yet so maybe I should just wait for him to ask me out whenever. What do you think? Do you think what I'm thinking right now is normal or should I stop it?
    He is your boyfriend, I wouldn't worry about it, at worst he will probably say:

    "Hey hun, I am not in the mood to see that movie" and maybe he will suggest an alternative movie/activity.

    At least that is what I did with my GF when she wanted to go to the opera, I was like "nahhh, let's just walk around the city". She normally followed, but if for whatever reason she wasn't up for that on that particular day, we would always reach a compromise.

    Okay, whenever we're walking going somewhere it's a bit awkward. We wouldn't hold hands or something like that. He would try and reach for my hand but once it touches his hands after a minute he would take it off and we would just continue walking.
    He is feeling uncomfortable that's why, not because of you, but is generally shy.

    When that happens again, get your hand and hold his, to reassure him that holding your hand is ok. He will start doing it more often. Maybe drop:

    "I like it when you hold my hand, you should hold it more often "

    Then hold it, maybe give him a little kiss.

    Bodylanguage plus saying the right words - powerful combination.

    I'm like left there thinking what the hell was that about? Even while he's driving, he'd touch my hand and once I get to hold it he would take it back and continue back on driving. Isn't that odd? I asked him before why he wouldn't hug me or kiss me whenever I meet up with him like you know when you see your girl and kiss them once they are close to you? He told me it's rude.
    Yeah reminds me of my girl, she hates it when I kiss her heavily in public. But I do it anyway. Smack her arse too, she always says "stop it", but secretly loves it because I am taking control.

    Maybe in this case you could do something similar, next time you both meet up, smile then go straight in with the kiss. Not a big kiss, but a small kiss (first one is always small). Keep on doing that, until it becomes normal for both of you.

    By doing this, you are taking the guy out of his comfort zone. If you do it enough, he will get used to doing it, to the point not doing it becomes weird as ****.

    I'm like how is that rude? Idk, maybe he's just not used to that because he's never had anything like that before.
    Honestly, he sounds sexually inexperienced from what you have described so far. That or he is just conservative.

    But he can be changed. :sneakydevil:

    hahaha!thats funny, how did it go for her? lol Was she surprised?
    We are both quiet adventurous as you have probably gathered, for a laugh I mentioned we go to a strip club. She was like "let's do it, never been with my bf before"...haha.

    We both found it boring the strip club, best part of the night was us fooling around. Strippers kept interrupting us when we were kissing heavily saying "oiiiiii oiiiiiiiii"

    Here's the thing, he's a sports obsessed type of guy and I feel terrible because I know nothing about baseball. The only sports we both like is golf and we played one last week. But thats about it.
    My GF loves dancing, I hate it. Happens.

    I just hate the way he thinks sometimes. He thinks that relationships should be based on similarities. Like a couple should be COMPLETELY similar.I'm not even kidding.
    Well you both do have similarities, you just dont realise it.

    Also differences are good too, because you can learn from each other about different things you are passionate about.

    If you find that you are both not compatible AT ALL, then you need to question if the r/ship is really for you.

    I mean, i just want him to at least change that mind set and open up his mind to other things and not just full on himself. I'm not a Californian girl, where almost all the girls here are sports obsessed. I guess I'm gonna have to figure it out by myself and see if he'd like what I do to him once we meet up. Thanks for all of the list btw, it's really helpful and thanks for your time writing all of that for me If I ever need something, I'll pm you
    No problem
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    (Original post by fat_hobbit)
    You need to up your meet ups from once, to 3 times a week the very least. When I officially hooked up with my girl I was really hanging out with her nearly everyday, since I knew she was leaving the place - turning the r/ship into a LDR for a while...Which I hate btw.

    The way you have to look at it, if you have &quot;kissed&quot; and you both are &quot;going out with one another&quot;, treat the guy like your boyfriend:

    &quot;hey BF, let's check out x thing on friday night, if not we can do something else like do Y thing&quot;

    That is what my GF did.

    I would, last night we were talking and he mentioned that this coming week theres gonna be loads of things to do for school because it's almost the end of semester (which means we can't go out together because he's busy at school ) So I didn't ask him out anymore when he mentioned that but I did ask him that I want to hang out with him before he leave.


    Yeah I know the feeling. Issue here is self confidence.

    I remember feeling the same way when I started taking my girl out, but to get out of the rut, I would basically think to myself:

    &quot;If she doesn't like it, it doesn't matter anyway, at least I have shown her something new and that is what counts&quot;

    She ended up liking A LOT of the things I introduced her too, like Jazz clubs etc.

    If you want to play it safe there are ways around this; for example, talk to him about what he likes doing, build general rapport over this and do activities that you know that you both like doing. That is what r/ships are about imo, getting to know each other and finding out how compatible you are in the process.



    He is your boyfriend, I wouldn't worry about it, at worst he will probably say:

    We're not bf/gf yet though, he wouldn't even declare to some of his friends that he is seeing someone or sleeping with me. Like when somebody asked him on fb who's the special girl he said I dont know. See, thats the thing about us not being together. I don't have the right to get jealous even though we like each other. I mean, knowing that me and him are not official or anything is the only thing that's backing me out when it comes to asking him out or something like that.

    &quot;Hey hun, I am not in the mood to see that movie&quot; and maybe he will suggest an alternative movie/activity.

    At least that is what I did with my GF when she wanted to go to the opera, I was like &quot;nahhh, let's just walk around the city&quot;. She normally followed, but if for whatever reason she wasn't up for that on that particular day, we would always reach a compromise.



    He is feeling uncomfortable that's why, not because of you, but is generally shy.

    When that happens again, get your hand and hold his, to reassure him that holding your hand is ok. He will start doing it more often. Maybe drop:

    &quot;I like it when you hold my hand, you should hold it more often &quot;

    Then hold it, maybe give him a little kiss.

    Bodylanguage plus saying the right words - powerful combination.



    Yeah reminds me of my girl, she hates it when I kiss her heavily in public. But I do it anyway. Smack her arse too, she always says &quot;stop it&quot;, but secretly loves it because I am taking control.

    Maybe in this case you could do something similar, next time you both meet up, smile then go straight in with the kiss. Not a big kiss, but a small kiss (first one is always small). Keep on doing that, until it becomes normal for both of you.

    By doing this, you are taking the guy out of his comfort zone. If you do it enough, he will get used to doing it, to the point not doing it becomes weird as ****.



    Honestly, he sounds sexually inexperienced from what you have described so far. That or he is just conservative.

    But he can be changed. :sneakydevil:

    haha! I hope I can but I doubt it. I'm planning on bringing him somewhere though. Let me ask you one thing, do you feel bad when your gf pays for you when you go out together even if when both of you were not together yet? Cos he always feel bad whenever I pay for something, like I really insist that I pay but he just wont stop feeling guilty. I want him to stop that but it's quite hard because thats just the way he is.



    We are both quiet adventurous as you have probably gathered, for a laugh I mentioned we go to a strip club. She was like &quot;let's do it, never been with my bf before&quot;...haha.

    We both found it boring the strip club, best part of the night was us fooling around. Strippers kept interrupting us when we were kissing heavily saying &quot;oiiiiii oiiiiiiiii&quot;




    My GF loves dancing, I hate it. Happens.

    Lol haha Will you ever dance with her if she invite you again though?


    Well you both do have similarities, you just dont realise it.

    I hope so we both like golf and I like some of the shows that he watch, I mean were still in the process of getting to know each other but on a different level where sleeping is involve.

    Also differences are good too, because you can learn from each other about different things you are passionate about.

    Exactly my poiint! I just really do hope he put it inside his head and think out of the box. Idk, I feel like maybe I should just give up but deep inside me tells me that I shouldn't because I have deep feelings for him and I don't want to give up, I just feel hopeless majority of the time.


    If you find that you are both not compatible AT ALL, then you need to question if the r/ship is really for you.



    No problem

    Ola!:p:
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    (Original post by Pink Bullets)
    The term "friend zone" is a term used by self-described "nice guys" to describe the state of being friends with a girl who isn't sexually attracted to them. The rest of us use the term "friendship" to describe this particular state.

    It seems to make them feel better to think of it as a "zone" (i.e. something you can move in and out of) rather than facing the fact that some girls just don't find them attractive enough to date.
    Exactly (+repped!)

    Girl: "I'm not sure I can date you, because I don't want to lie to you or myself. We'd both end up more miserable in the long run. But I do like you as person, genuinely."

    'Nice guy' translation: "You're going to my special friend zone and I'll keep you around as an emotional booty call!"

    Whereas the rejectee (i.e. a guy who isn't immature and bitter) will just accept friendship or move on. Whatever both people think the best course of action is.

    I have never believed in the friend zone, I think it's really immature. I've clocked up so many rejections that I've actually lost count. I'm still friends with some of them and others I'm not. But I'm not complaining about it because I've moved the **** on. Yeah I've drowned myself in a lot of alcohol and partying when rejected but that's all part of it really, for me at least.

    If you're rejected, well hanging around and hoping won't do anything. Either accept their friendship or don't and get on with life.
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    (Original post by kristinaalovesu)
    I would, last night we were talking and he mentioned that this coming week theres gonna be loads of things to do for school because it's almost the end of semester (which means we can't go out together because he's busy at school ) So I didn't ask him out anymore when he mentioned that but I did ask him that I want to hang out with him before he leave.
    Does he ever ask you out? Or are you the one doing all of the chasing?

    haha! I hope I can but I doubt it. I'm planning on bringing him somewhere though. Let me ask you one thing, do you feel bad when your gf pays for you when you go out together even if when both of you were not together yet?
    No. Not at all. Because sometimes I do pay for her, so it's only fair that she pays for me...we normally split.

    If anything it says a lot about her character, she is not selfish and generous. Which is one of the things I like about her.

    Cos he always feel bad whenever I pay for something, like I really insist that I pay but he just wont stop feeling guilty. I want him to stop that but it's quite hard because thats just the way he is.
    Well why don't you say to him, ok i will pay for this, you can pay for lunch. Or if you don't expect anything in return do as you are doing, tell him not to worry about it.

    We're not bf/gf yet though, he wouldn't even declare to some of his friends that he is seeing someone or sleeping with me. Like when somebody asked him on fb who's the special girl he said I dont know. See, thats the thing about us not being together. I don't have the right to get jealous even though we like each other. I mean, knowing that me and him are not official or anything is the only thing that's backing me out when it comes to asking him out or something like that.
    Ok this raises alarm bells. Your relationship is not stable. Basically, you have to make it official. That is the next step. So ask him straight next time you see him, "How do you feel about us becoming official?"

    I hid my gf at this stage from my friends too because I didn't know where we stood, and secondly, if it went tits up, I could easily get rid of her without her being tied into my social network. Now that we are official, my friends know. As do some of hers.

    Lol haha Will you ever dance with her if she invite you again though?
    Yeah lol I told her tonight, you are so becoming my dancing instructor. She was like "sure, but why don't you look for classes if you are really serious?", I was like "no need, got you innit."

    hope so we both like golf and I like some of the shows that he watch, I mean were still in the process of getting to know each other but on a different level where sleeping is involve.
    Yeah, the 'fling' stage. Talk seriously about a relationship now.

    Exactly my poiint! I just really do hope he put it inside his head and think out of the box. Idk, I feel like maybe I should just give up but deep inside me tells me that I shouldn't because I have deep feelings for him and I don't want to give up, I just feel hopeless majority of the time.
    Talk to him.

    Just remember one thing and this is GOLD, I tell this to my girlfriend all the time. Things always have to go both ways, if someone gives more then the other person then that's where problems begin. Because the person giving too much ends up becoming frustrated, and feels unappreciated by their other partner. I'm very direct with her, I talk to her like I talk to you on here. And she loves it, because she finds it easy to connect with me.

    Hence, if you want your relationship to grow and really see if this guy is right for you, you have to be vulnerable with him, and basically tell him what is bothering you. This breeds openness, trust and a strong relationship. You will then know if he is worth it...if he can't understand you or reach a compromise of some nature, then he is not worth it. This is a very good way of testing your partner for men or women alike.
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    (Original post by MagicNMedicine)
    Girls generally enjoy the fact that (from about the ages of 16-26) they enjoy social power of selection when it comes to a mate. During this age the average girl is going to get a lot more male attention, than the average male gets female attention, so she can exercise this power in a lot of ways. So as a male you have to wise up to this and retain your self respect.

    Unfortunately social interaction has some harsh truths. Males in the ages 16-26 generally don't have much power of selection, unless they are at least two out of the three of: good looking/self-confident/high social status. By high social status I mean they are 'something' which gets them respect from other men as well as women, ie in a band, have a good job, in a professional sports club's junior teams and so on. If a man does have two of those (and there are quite a lot who have the first two) then he will have a lot of power of selection over women, he will usually be able to sleep around and have women hanging round texting him scrapping for his attention.

    But unfortunately for our fellow male bretheren there are many men who don't have any of those things, they are just ordinary blokes who would like to have a girlfriend. Sometimes they act in a manipulative way and get bitter when their female friends don't reciprocate their feelings....this is just them lashing out at the frustration of never being able to get in a relationship. And this is the key point for the type of guy who gets friend zoned, he pretty much never gets with girls, EVER.

    By and large males prefer the friendship and company of other males, so it's not as common to get girls in a guy's "friend zone". Guys will hang around girls who they find attractive, but in general guys find girls boring, they don't have interest in talking about the general gossip and chit chat that girls do, they will only maintain a female friendship if there is some level of sexual spark and banter. Now its possible to have female friends even if the guy has a girlfriend, if he finds the girls semi attractive because he can have that slight undertone of playful flirtatiousness, but if he doesn't find the girl attractive on any level then he won't be motivated to flirt with her so he won't bother befriending her. If a guy meets a girl who he is not attracted to, who he senses is interested in him, he will run for the hills, he can't be doing with that, what if his mates find out and take the mick out of it.

    Girls on the other hand have a different concept of friendship and are more open to friendships with the opposite sex so they will happily accept a male friend who they are not attracted to. It will be an easy uncomplicated friendship because she won't need to worry about him being *****y in the way girls have issues with their female friends, and also as she doesn't fancy him, she won't feel nervous or uncomfortable round him. If she senses he fancies her then she will be even more motivated to keep him around, as long as he isn't too full on and put her in an embarrassing situation. Secretly she will find his attention an ego boost and all girls suffer from self confidence issues sometimes so having a friend-zoned admirer helps keep her confidence levels up.

    Most girls have some form of friend-zoned male admirer in their lives at some point. The ideal one is one who is either too shy to ever confess his true feelings, or socially astute enough to realise he doesn't have a chance and will just accept friendship from the girl.

    In some cases the friend zone arrangement suits the guy as well, if he's not very sexually experienced he will be nervous and worried about anything escalating with a girl, but if he's got some female who he fancies, who is willing to spend time with him, he can be almost as happy as though he had a real girlfriend because he gets to do all those 'hanging out' companionship things without exposing his sexual nervousness. But that will be a temporary arrangement at best as in time the girl is going to find a proper boyfriend and that will be a crushing blow to the friend-zoned guy who will feel like he has had a relationship break up of sorts.

    That is the sum of my social observation on the friend-zone.
    This explanation could have been said any better.
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    (Original post by fat_hobbit)
    Does he ever ask you out? Or are you the one doing all of the chasing?


    He's the one who ask me out all the time, the first time I ask him out was when I told you like 2 days ago. I'm a bit shy to ask him out, but now I told him I wanted to hang out with him and he didn't said anything and he kept going on the conversation. Although he asked me out the next day even though I'm the one who asked him out first. :lolwut: :p:


    No. Not at all. Because sometimes I do pay for her, so it's only fair that she pays for me...we normally split.

    If anything it says a lot about her character, she is not selfish and generous. Which is one of the things I like about her.



    Well why don't you say to him, ok i will pay for this, you can pay for lunch. Or if you don't expect anything in return do as you are doing, tell him not to worry about it.



    Ok this raises alarm bells. Your relationship is not stable. Basically, you have to make it official. That is the next step. So ask him straight next time you see him, &quot;How do you feel about us becoming official?&quot;

    How the hell do I ask him that? Wasn't he supposed to be the one asking me that though? Im confused. :confused: What if he doesn't like me because he's not asking me yet? :sad:

    I hid my gf at this stage from my friends too because I didn't know where we stood, and secondly, if it went tits up, I could easily get rid of her without her being tied into my social network. Now that we are official, my friends know. As do some of hers.

    Oh I see, at first I thought maybe he's embarrassed of me. However, he told one or two of his friends about me and on my side, I told my best friend and some of my friends like 2-3 of them.


    Yeah lol I told her tonight, you are so becoming my dancing instructor. She was like &quot;sure, but why don't you look for classes if you are really serious?&quot;, I was like &quot;no need, got you innit.&quot;



    Yeah, the 'fling' stage. Talk seriously about a relationship now.



    Talk to him.

    Just remember one thing and this is GOLD, I tell this to my girlfriend all the time. Things always have to go both ways, if someone gives more then the other person then that's where problems begin. Because the person giving too much ends up becoming frustrated, and feels unappreciated by their other partner. I'm very direct with her, I talk to her like I talk to you on here. And she loves it, because she finds it easy to connect with me.

    Hence, if you want your relationship to grow and really see if this guy is right for you, you have to be vulnerable with him, and basically tell him what is bothering you. This breeds openness, trust and a strong relationship. You will then know if he is worth it...if he can't understand you or reach a compromise of some nature, then he is not worth it. This is a very good way of testing your partner for men or women alike.

    That's a good one, I'm trying to open up for him little by little because I'm still shy around him sometimes but at least I'm trying. Although I should change that I shouldn't wait for him to message me first on chat, because even if we're both online I can't message him first so I basically wait for him to talk to me first with everything. Like you said, we should be equal and that I should also put effort.


    You know whats odd today though, he asked me if my ex boyfriend called me today and I said yes. And he asked me what did he said, and I told him my ex wanted to see me even though he has a new girlfriend now. And this is his response 'aaaaaw, u should see him'

    I'm like wtf? You're encouraging him to cheat or something just to see me? and then after an hour or so we went to skype and talk there and I told him about it again just to clarify and he said he shouldn't and he pretty much took everything that he said back. :confused: guys are weird lol like seriously
    Hey!
 
 
 
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