not talking to ex bf Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#1
i've finally decided to stop talking to my ex and move on with my life.

we're 24, and broke up in oct after a 3 year relationship. up until 3 weeks ago, i was still calling him constantly and hoping that we would get back together.

i decided to stop talking to him for my own sanity, but i didn't tell him. just stopped. he had been away for these weeks, and only just got back.

he's called me a couple times and texted me since he's been back and i haven't picked up the phone. is it mean to just ignore him?

i know he would never ignore me, but i want him to think of potential reasons why i would not want to speak to him. he treated me quite badly, especially after we broke up, but i still kept crawling back to him. i think he honestly does not think he did anything wrong. in not talking to him, i'm trying to regain some self respect back. i'm also worried that i will lose all the progress i've made in the last few weeks if i hear his voice again.

just want some encouragement that i'm doing the right thing. scared i'm going to fall off the wagon!

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JIRAIYA-ERO-SENNIN
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#2
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have some decency. don't ignore him, just tell him that you don't want to speak anymore.
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Ilora-Danon
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#3
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You're doing amazingly. Hang in there, it really does get easier.

I haven't spoken to my ex for about 5 months and the cliche goes 'time is a healer' and it's true.
Out of sight doesn't necessarily mean out of mind, but it sure does help.

Hang in there, you're doing really really well.

You may however, want to send him a last text message or whatever, telling him that you're cutting contact. He should respect that and leave you alone.
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petitflam
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#4
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i think it's cruel just to leave him hanging, send him a message saying you need some space or something.
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moshing-fairy
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#5
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hmmmmmmmmm im in a similar situation. except my ex wants to get back with me or did a month ago (i really dont understand him anymore so he may have changed his mind)

I think the best thing is to stop. and I don't think you have to tell him.

I completely cut my ex out... (or pretty much, deleted his number, ignored calls) but now it's even worse because I nearly forgave him and now I feel I have to do the process all over again.

So seriously keep going I don't know your whole situation but it sounds like you've made the right choice.

It is the right thing to move on with your life and not spend it dwelling on how you treat your ex- as you said he's treated you bad and hasn't learnt from it- so you are definitely right to cut him out.

I hope it works for you. I know i'm finding it impossible atm. but it'll happen lol ! xxxx
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bananabrain
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(Original post by Anonymous)
i've finally decided to stop talking to my ex and move on with my life.

we're 24, and broke up in oct after a 3 year relationship. up until 3 weeks ago, i was still calling him constantly and hoping that we would get back together.

i decided to stop talking to him for my own sanity, but i didn't tell him. just stopped. he had been away for these weeks, and only just got back.

he's called me a couple times and texted me since he's been back and i haven't picked up the phone. is it mean to just ignore him?

i know he would never ignore me, but i want him to think of potential reasons why i would not want to speak to him. he treated me quite badly, especially after we broke up, but i still kept crawling back to him. i think he honestly does not think he did anything wrong. in not talking to him, i'm trying to regain some self respect back. i'm also worried that i will lose all the progress i've made in the last few weeks if i hear his voice again.

just want some encouragement that i'm doing the right thing. scared i'm going to fall off the wagon!

x
If I were you, just text him and tell him you want some time and space away from him just to allow you to get over it, and then start talking to him again when you're ready. At least that way, he knows why you're not talking to him and it won't seem so bad.
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DiZZeeKiD
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If what you're doing is making you feel better about yourself, continue doing that. You owe him nothing. If in time, you feel better about the situation and comfortable enough to talk to him again, reestablish contact. Until then, concentrate on doing what's right for you - sometimes you have to think about Number 1.
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God Himself
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#8
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(Original post by Anonymous)
i've finally decided to stop talking to my ex and move on with my life.

we're 24, and broke up in oct after a 3 year relationship. up until 3 weeks ago, i was still calling him constantly and hoping that we would get back together.

i decided to stop talking to him for my own sanity, but i didn't tell him. just stopped. he had been away for these weeks, and only just got back.

he's called me a couple times and texted me since he's been back and i haven't picked up the phone. is it mean to just ignore him?

i know he would never ignore me, but i want him to think of potential reasons why i would not want to speak to him. he treated me quite badly, especially after we broke up, but i still kept crawling back to him. i think he honestly does not think he did anything wrong. in not talking to him, i'm trying to regain some self respect back. i'm also worried that i will lose all the progress i've made in the last few weeks if i hear his voice again.

just want some encouragement that i'm doing the right thing. scared i'm going to fall off the wagon!

x

Just don't moan and beg forhim back when he finds someone else, like some tart did with me once.
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littlehobbit
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I think you need to tell him that you aren't willing to talk to him anymore, otherwise he will keep calling and texting you, even if it is less regularly! If you tell him this, hopefully, he'll give you the time you need to be by yourself and get over him. You don't want to have him still ring you though, so tell him this, be honest with him
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Georgiahoneybee
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#10
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I can completely see why you just stopped contact with him and didn't tell him why; as you've said he'll probably be wondering what is going on and I can imagine that is pretty satisfying considering his past behaviour. I think the only problem with that though is that he may (obviously he might not, I don't know) try harder to get in contact which in turn will make it harder for you to say no. If you are serious about moving on, then you should tell him that you need to cut contact in order to move on. Obviously doing this means you completely have to give up on the idea of you two getting back together, which you may/may not be ready to do but which is probably the first step really!
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EmmaJayne.x
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Tell him that you want space, because ignoring him could backfire. You're doing well not speaking to him. Try and distract yourself if you can when you feel tempted to contact him.
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Anonymous #1
#12
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(Original post by Georgiahoneybee)
I can completely see why you just stopped contact with him and didn't tell him why; as you've said he'll probably be wondering what is going on and I can imagine that is pretty satisfying considering his past behaviour. I think the only problem with that though is that he may (obviously he might not, I don't know) try harder to get in contact which in turn will make it harder for you to say no. If you are serious about moving on, then you should tell him that you need to cut contact in order to move on. Obviously doing this means you completely have to give up on the idea of you two getting back together, which you may/may not be ready to do but which is probably the first step really!
this is exactly how i am thinking. it sounds awful but i don't want to tell him, because i want him to wonder why, and think about it.

i think i'm at a wobbly stage where if i see him or talk to him, i'll move backwards.

the problem is we are going to be working at the same place in august so i really need my head sorted out by then. i don't want him or my work colleagues to think i'm some sort of deluded psycho who isn't over her ex bf and is still pining for a lost cause.

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Georgiahoneybee
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#13
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(Original post by Anonymous)
this is exactly how i am thinking. it sounds awful but i don't want to tell him, because i want him to wonder why, and think about it.

i think i'm at a wobbly stage where if i see him or talk to him, i'll move backwards.

the problem is we are going to be working at the same place in august so i really need my head sorted out by then. i don't want him or my work colleagues to think i'm some sort of deluded psycho who isn't over her ex bf and is still pining for a lost cause.

x
I completey get what you're saying, I imagine I would be very similar.

I think you know you're not over him which telling him you're cutting all contact suggests. In which case, maybe don't say anything- but then you need to be strong enough to not answer his calls/texts even if they become quite persistent. It depends what you'll find easier- him potentially ringing/wanting to talk but knowing at least he's thinking about you or him not ringing at all because you've told him you want to move on. Obviously the first one is going to be easier in the short term and who knows maybe you will reach a point where you really are over him, but if you think there's any chance you'll cave then it's safer to tell him you need time apart.

It's also difficult because (understandably) you feel like you have this time limit to be "over it", but these things do take time. In my experience I have been able to get on with my exes and be friendly, but I needed a complete cut from them for a while first. Unless it's a mutual and amicable break up, I don't know many couples who go straight to being friends. I'm not saying there's any set amount of time to have moved on, but it's been 6 months and I very much doubt the constant contact has helped the process. It gives you, perhaps unfairly, constant hope.
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