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    So for a month or so I've been living abroad teaching English with some people I never knew before coming here. There is a guy amongst these individuals, and we sort of are having a weird 'thing'.

    Basically, we are quite good friends, but he knows that I'm interested in him more than that. Sometimes he lets me hug and cuddle him, and also stroke his arms/face/neck/chest etc. He won't let me touch him under his clothes (beyond upper back), but I'm not sure whether that's because of body confidence issues (he claims he has a lot of body hair) or things mentioned below. Yesterday we were by ourselves and in the evening I ended up cuddling him in his bed (fully clothed). Before that I was snuggling up to him on the sofa. However, he never ever has tried to touch me, only allows me to do this to him.

    He claims that there are parts of my personality he doesn't like, which stops him from wanting to do anything back to me!! He also was hinting that he was potentially not that physically attracted to me, but sometimes it's confusing as to whether he's joking or not because we have a lot of banter. I figure he can't find me too horrendous as he continues to let me touch him in a way that he knows is beyond friendly.

    I'm really confused, as we are both clear that it's highly unlikely anything will happen after we leave this country (because we are very dissimilar), so I don't think he's holding back for fear of me getting attached.

    Sorry to sound stereotypical, but I thought most men were up for reasonably casual stuff. I know that he has one night stands in the past, but he claims that he can't behave in a similar way as he is living with me and it would make things too awkward. I've also made it clear that I won't be sleeping with him anyway.

    Can anyone shed any extra light on this from a male perspective?
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    i did this to someone. though i liked him on the whole, i wouldnt reciprocate. had to do with lack of self confidence related to my body also, but mostly with the fact that though he was sexy as **** and many of the girls i knew were into him secretly or otherwise, i found he had more flaws than good points, in interaction with me..

    i know this sounds very shrewd, but he'd kiss me for minutes together and id just stand there, not doing anythign back. id open my mouth if he asked, but no kissing back i know the feeling must hurt, but try talking things out. he will speak about it if you ask him whats up> all the best!
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    Oh for Heaven's sake. If he was touching you you'd be making a thread asking, "Where are all the gentlemen?!' Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
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    Could be that HE is worried about getting too attached because he knows you won't work out.
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    Thanks everyone for their replies.

    (Original post by goddogit)
    i know the feeling must hurt, but try talking things out. he will speak about it if you ask him whats up> all the best!
    We have spoken about it, but he clams up loads about certain topics. I know he's only had one girlfriend in the past, but he won't talk about her directly, although some things have come out. He has some things that he doesn't like having done to him (doesn't like holding hands and wouldn't do that with his girlfriend) but he also said that he never slept with her in the same bed, as he can't sleep with another person, and he just did that with me yesterday! In fact, he had to 'kick me out' because he was falling asleep.

    I don't know -- I think I just find it confusing because it seems as if he must be able to separate emotional relationship feelings from physical ones if he's had casual sex. For , in a way, I am sort of glad that he's holding back because it proves he is a gentleman (or at least able to see the difficulties in just indulging sexual urges when you're living with someone).

    , I wish that he felt that way, but I've said to him "You don't have to worry about me wanting to be your girlfriend" and he said "Yeah, I know that" and I felt that he meant it. But you might have a point; he generally finds it quite difficult to talk about feelings with me.

    We are basically chalk and cheese -- when I first met him, I thought he was a proper 'lad', into sport, drinking etc, and he thought I was really posh. Some of those assumptions were true, but the fact is we're able to get along well. I think I just can't get my head around why someone would let someone touch them (even though he's claimed he's not physically attracted to me) and yet not want to reciprocate, because for me, if you're allowing someone to touch you = you like them therefore, you want to do the same to them.
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    Grab his hand and shove it in your hole.
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    Maybe he's just not that into you?
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    Kinda obvious you're nothing more than booty call to him.
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    Yeah OP it doesnt sound good. Any man who doesnt do anything back is a man who isnt very attacted to you. There's no passion there. I would stop if I were you. It's a bit humiliating to keep doing that with no response.
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    pull out the naked man technique. guaranteed to work
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    It sounds like he's not into you and you feeling him up is making him cringe.
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    Stand in front of him naked.

    If he still does nothing...he's gay but is too scared to tell you
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've also made it clear that I won't be sleeping with him anyway.
    So what do you actually want from him, if anything? And why?
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    He isnt in to you but doesnt want to hurt your feelings.
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    Argh, that response above had more people quoted in it, but I must've edited the HTML links wrong. The commas and the weird gaps were previous posters' names. Oh well, never mind.

    Yeah, I agree with what lots of people have said that he might not be into me in that way. We had a discussion about how it's difficult for guys to say "No" to women without coming across as aggressive/dicks/negative imagery, whereas it's much more accepted for women to reject men. One possibility could that be he lets me do it because it's less hassle for him.

    However, sometimes he does little things to me - like last night when I was in his room, I was standing in front of him and he randomly said "I bet I could pick you up" (we had been talking about this a few days ago) and then he did. He also put his arm around me when we were in bed.

    It's confusing -- would a man let someone he thought had a revolting appearance and character touch him? I know he must like me at some level, even if it's only tolerance.


    (Original post by cttp_ngaf)
    So what do you actually want from him, if anything? And why?
    I just like physical intimacy and touching without needing to have actual sex. I think it can be nice to have something like that if you can keep emotions relatively controlled (which can be difficult granted).
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks everyone for their replies.



    We have spoken about it, but he clams up loads about certain topics. I know he's only had one girlfriend in the past, but he won't talk about her directly, although some things have come out. He has some things that he doesn't like having done to him (doesn't like holding hands and wouldn't do that with his girlfriend) but he also said that he never slept with her in the same bed, as he can't sleep with another person, and he just did that with me yesterday! In fact, he had to 'kick me out' because he was falling asleep.

    I don't know -- I think I just find it confusing because it seems as if he must be able to separate emotional relationship feelings from physical ones if he's had casual sex. For , in a way, I am sort of glad that he's holding back because it proves he is a gentleman (or at least able to see the difficulties in just indulging sexual urges when you're living with someone).

    , I wish that he felt that way, but I've said to him "You don't have to worry about me wanting to be your girlfriend" and he said "Yeah, I know that" and I felt that he meant it. But you might have a point; he generally finds it quite difficult to talk about feelings with me.

    We are basically chalk and cheese -- when I first met him, I thought he was a proper 'lad', into sport, drinking etc, and he thought I was really posh. Some of those assumptions were true, but the fact is we're able to get along well. I think I just can't get my head around why someone would let someone touch them (even though he's claimed he's not physically attracted to me) and yet not want to reciprocate, because for me, if you're allowing someone to touch you = you like them therefore, you want to do the same to them.
    okay wait, lets go slow on this.
    has he ever told you not to cuddle him and all? whats his reaction to it. does he get stiff or does he just be normal but not do anything back?

    he just seems to have deep seated issues tbh.

    or he just doesnt see any point doing anything with someone he sees no future with.

    or like someone pointed out, he likes you and doesnt want to get disappointed later when you leave. guys tend to do this alot. *the nice ones* theyd rather stay away than know for sure that theyre going to be hurt later.
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    (Original post by goddogit)
    okay wait, lets go slow on this.
    has he ever told you not to cuddle him and all? whats his reaction to it. does he get stiff or does he just be normal but not do anything back?

    he just seems to have deep seated issues tbh.

    or he just doesnt see any point doing anything with someone he sees no future with.

    or like someone pointed out, he likes you and doesnt want to get disappointed later when you leave. guys tend to do this alot. *the nice ones* theyd rather stay away than know for sure that theyre going to be hurt later.
    He doesn't tell me not to touch him: i.e. yesterday, he was lying on the sofa, and I said "Can I come and sit by you?" and he won't answer, but from the way his face looks (smiling), I know it's OK. Whenever we are hugging/touching, it's normally always him that moves away first though. However, he is relaxed, and not tense when I'm doing whatever. He is comfortable around me.

    There are definitely some personal/emotional issues with him: he is a very private person, and there is some stuff going on with his family as well I think. There are some areas of his life he doesn't like to talk about, and he's said that he doesn't even discuss them with his close friends: he also told me that I know more stuff than some of his friends back home (whom he's known for a long time) know.

    We are definitely good friends; it's just this physical thing that's confusing.
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    I'd probably stop. Sounds like he's using you for physical affection.
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    he definitely has "physicality issues", probably just shyness. i have had similar problems around women. id just talk to him about it.
 
 
 
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