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Should I tell my current boyfriend I cheated on my ex? watch

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    #1

    I'm 21. 3 years ago I cheated on my boyfriend of a year (with a stranger on a one-night basis). It was a horrible thing to do and I massively regret it. At the time we'd been having problems and I got ridiculously drunk. We didn't split up as a direct result of the cheating, but it was never the same and we split up shortly afterwards.

    I've been with my current boyfriend 4-5 months and it's getting serious - we've said I love you, gone away together etc. My boyfriend is OBSESSED with me not lying to him and wants to know everything. He also got really upset when I told him I'd had a one night stand in the past. He has never asked me directly if I have ever cheated on anyone so I've not 'lied' but tbh I have had plenty of opportunities to mention it and I haven't.

    Should I tell him?
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    To be honest, it sounds like he'll break up with you if he hears it. Its your choice though.
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    Good god no. Learn the art of lying convincingly if it does come up.
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    (Original post by vpsycho)
    To be honest, it sounds like he'll break up with you if he hears it. Its your choice though.
    As said my vpsycho, i think that he will break up with you possibly if he hears you say it, as he seems a little pushy/obsessive. Also, if he didnt like it that you have a ons, you cheating will not be able to put his mind at ease. But you dont want to lie to him either, its up to you really?
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    Hmm tricky, tbh i think i would keep quiet. What happened has nothing to do with your relationship and obviously you;re not a serial cheater so he has nothing to worry about and telling him would probably cause problems
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    your bf sounds a bit of tit and judgemental one at that. Getting very upset over a ONS that had nothing do with him - thats just ridiculous.

    Id say no dont tell him it sounds like more agro than its worth.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm 21. 3 years ago I cheated on my boyfriend of a year (with a stranger on a one-night basis). It was a horrible thing to do and I massively regret it. At the time we'd been having problems and I got ridiculously drunk. We didn't split up as a direct result of the cheating, but it was never the same and we split up shortly afterwards.

    I've been with my current boyfriend 4-5 months and it's getting serious - we've said I love you, gone away together etc. My boyfriend is OBSESSED with me not lying to him and wants to know everything. He also got really upset when I told him I'd had a one night stand in the past. He has never asked me directly if I have ever cheated on anyone so I've not 'lied' but tbh I have had plenty of opportunities to mention it and I haven't.

    Should I tell him?
    No. Don't do it...
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    I wouldn't unless he asks you directly. I don't really think it's his business though.
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    Yes. It's the right thing to do and if you two are meant to be then he'll be fine with it, if not? Meh you'll have to move on.
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    no, you have a right to withold that, don't feel bad for not telling him. From the sounds of it it will just cause more unnecessary insecurity which will be damaging to the relationship. He does NOT need to know this. Saying that, yesterday I told my bf I had cheated on a guy I was seeing 3 years ago which i hugely regret but I too was beyond drunk. I told him cos I just found out this guy was a mutual friend. he wasn't that bothered and told me more shocking things like he'd had totally lost count of how many people he'd slept with cos he used to pull nearly everytime he went out... lovely
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    I don't believe the saying 'once a cheater, always a cheater'. You obviously feel awful about what you did and regret it hugely - suggesting you may actually be less likely than someone who have never done it to do it again. Sometimes it takes a mistake to realise it's a mistake.

    Honestly? I can't imagine this will never get out in the open. If you're boyfriend is open-minded enough, he should see how sorry you are to have done it and not judge you forever for it. Otherwise it may just a matter of time before this materialises and then he'll feel cheated because you didn't tell him earlier.
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    If he asks don't lie about it, but don't bring it up unless if he does.
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    It sounds like he would react badly which would make me inclined to keep quiet. It's not like you always cheat and have no conscience about it. I wouldn't lie if he directly asked me, but I wouldn't bring it up spontaneously.
    • #1
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    What do people think of telling him but 'watering it down'? I.e. saying it was just kissing, or that my ex cheated on me first? Etc?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    What do people think of telling him but 'watering it down'? I.e. saying it was just kissing, or that my ex cheated on me first? Etc?
    Ahhh, so more lying? Way to go OP.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    What do people think of telling him but 'watering it down'? I.e. saying it was just kissing, or that my ex cheated on me first? Etc?
    Why bother telling him?
    What happened in the past is irrelevant unless you do it again, in which case you would just make bad gf material.

    People shouldn't cheat
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm 21. 3 years ago I cheated on my boyfriend of a year (with a stranger on a one-night basis). It was a horrible thing to do and I massively regret it. At the time we'd been having problems and I got ridiculously drunk. We didn't split up as a direct result of the cheating, but it was never the same and we split up shortly afterwards.

    I've been with my current boyfriend 4-5 months and it's getting serious - we've said I love you, gone away together etc. My boyfriend is OBSESSED with me not lying to him and wants to know everything. He also got really upset when I told him I'd had a one night stand in the past. He has never asked me directly if I have ever cheated on anyone so I've not 'lied' but tbh I have had plenty of opportunities to mention it and I haven't.

    Should I tell him?
    Personally i would say that you should run a mile from your present relationship ,and as far as possible. The fact you are in love at the moment will blind you from the fact that anyone who is obsessed by a partner's behaviour,particularly prior behaviour,has all the hallmarks of a control freak. Control freaks rarely bring happiness to anyone-they are essentially obsessed with themselves-,and sadly they rarely change. I hope i am wrong ,and i wish you well.
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    your in a bit of a situation. just remeber, that skeletons don't like being locked up in closets. you sound like you want to tell him, but are worried you will lose him if he finds out. this will build up on you and will come out eventually if he is so fussed about things like that. i personally agree with peace'n'love man. he is either a total control freak or he is obsessed with knowing everything because he loves you and is terrified of losing you. he may be a control freak for that reason, or he may just be a control freak of the freak variety. but you need to find that out, and the problems in your relationship will only continue until it is sorted. you need to have a sit-down talk with him. although it is none of his buisiness because it was a previous relationship, you may want to get the one-nite stand off your chest and explain that you really regretted it. however, he may use your past actions to justify the control or insecurities. if it is something that upsets him, just as it is getting serious is when you should tell him. when it is causal, he doesn't need to know. when it is serious, its something that you should have told him before, as it may alter his opinion of you. you've done what you've done, it cant be undone and you are sorry for it. everyone make mistakes or ****s up occasionally. if he can't accept that, the relationship will never work as he will always hold everything against you it is less painful to talk to him now. hope that helps hun x
 
 
 
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