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"It's not your place to interfere" watch

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    This is brought on by the fact that my best friend got pregnant and so she's getting married at the end of the month. (She told me this on Friday so it's obviously spur of the moment)

    Friends and family make choices all the time that you think are wrong (I'm guessing it's not just me) and when you talk to someone else about it they say, "stay out of it. It's not your place interfere." If you can't interfere then who can? Are you just supposed to leave them to mess up their life?

    I'm wondering what you guys think. Are there certain situations where you can give your opinion and where you can't or do you just leave them to make their mistakes?
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    For close friends and family I think it's important and valuable to them that you say your opinion, even if it may not be what they want to hear.
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    You probably won't be able to stop anything, and it would just cause hostility if you say anything.
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    Ugh mind your own business. If thats the decision she's made then accept it. Maybe it would be better if you support her and be there IF it does all go wrong. People have to make their own mistakes to learn from them.

    And it might not have been a spur of the moment, for all you know they could have been talking about it for ages, doesn't mean they would announce it within 5 mins.

    And yes you can give your opinion, but don't pressure or force your views on others. Theres nothing worse than pushy mates.
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    (Original post by MovingOn)
    For close friends and family I think it's important and valuable to them that you say your opinion, even if it may not be what they want to hear.
    This, pretty much. Although don't keep going on about it, ultimately it's their decision, if they choose to ignore you then so be it.
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    I agree with you. People always say "if you're happy, I'm happy". Well actually, *******s, if I think you're doing the wrong thing, I'll tell you. The reason I interfere is because I care and I don't want you to mess your life up. I'd rather someone be pissed at me for telling them something they don't want to hear then to go ahead and make the wrong decision.
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    Most people have an ulterior motive and generally don't care about the person in question when it comes to interfereing with life choices/relationships/work etc.
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    You can give your opinion all you like and try to push it on her [not saying that's the right thing], but at the end of the day, it's still her decision. You can influence her but it's still her making the choice.
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    I think there is a difference between stating your opinion and really interfering. Saying you think your mate is making a mistake is stating your opinion on your situation (obviously it is the opposite of how she feels and yes it may lead to some hostility), but I think interfering involves more actively trying to enforce your thoughts/belief e.g. going behind her back and telling her fiancee she cheated on him (obviously I realise you wouldn't do this, but you get the point). So I think stating your opinion (even if it is conflicting) is what good friends and families should do, but actively doing something about this it I disagree with.
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    Thanks for all the advice.
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    I think it would be best to go about it in less of a 'You're runining your life!!!' way. Tell her that it seems really sudden, and ask if any of it was actually planned in advance. (Sometimes people tell you they're NOT planning for a baby and later on you realise that they were all along and they just knew that they wouldn't get any support until it was too late). If not, then ask what has made her want to get married so soon, it is a very different commitment to a baby after all. If you're supportive and understanding people are a bit more likely to open up, and then if there are doubts in your mind that this is what they want then you are in a place to talk about them without the person getting too defensive.

    I'd hate for someone to demand that I rethink my life before hearing me out, but equally, if someone gave me a nudge and said, have you considered x, y and z... I would probably be mighty grateful. But the way in which someone went about it would possibly have more of an effect on how much I wanted to listen to them and confide in them. At the end of the day, it's not your decision, but you CAN help.

    Just my thoughts
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    (Original post by MovingOn)
    For close friends and family I think it's important and valuable to them that you say your opinion, even if it may not be what they want to hear.
    I second this. You can't force someone to do something but if you truly care about that person, you cannot stand back and watch them do something which they may regret for the rest of their life. That's the cheap and easy route to take.

    Even if it risks losing a friendship, I'd talk to her about how serious the decision she's taking is.
 
 
 
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