I'm putting this in health and relationships as I want it to be anonymous. Please delete if this isn't possible.
In the first half of 2010 I had a string of job offers for part time jobs that I messed up due to anxiety and depression. I've had years of eating disorders and my grandad passed away in the January which hit me hard. I had started a telesales part time job (did one shift) alongside uni and emailed them to explain what happened and that I needed a bit of time. I never went back to that and didn't hear from them again.
Although I was still having real problems, I know it was stupid but I then applied for and was offered a part time job for a catering agency (about last march). I don't think I signed a contract, and I started some online training thing which I didn't complete. I tried to call the employer to say that I was experiencing some real personal difficulties (eating disorder was taking over) but did not get an answer so I left it. I didn't hear from them again either.
The worst one was a hospital catering job that I was offered and I was really excited about. They paid for my uniform and CRB check and the process took about 3 months to complete and I was very eager to start. Because the process took so long i went home for a while where my anxiety really escalated. My employer called to say I could finally begin training but when I tried to inform him by telephone to say I could not make the date due to illness there was no answer and I left it because I was scared. I haven't heard from them since either.
I am on medication now but really struggling. I feel so, so guilty for letting these people down. Am I a bad person? Will this count badly for me in the future? I just didn't know what I wanted to do and wasn't well but I feel terrible now. Are there likely to be any repercussions from the employers now although it's a year in the future?
How do you think you'll do?