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    I'm thinking about leaving Oxford.

    I've done two terms of my first year and have been unhappy from very early on. I am very lonely. I have no close friends and find my college very gossipy and cliquey. I'm friendly and sociable but most of the people in college are very indifferent to me. Some purposely choose not to include me. I find I go whole days without seeing a soul.

    Sometimes I wonder whether the world I come from and my outlook on life makes me unappealing as a friend to Oxford students. I've been brought up in a totally working-class family. I'm one of few in my family that did A Levels and the first to go on to higher education.

    Some little things that have happened are stupid but have really hurt me and knocked my confidence.
    Once I was talking to an American student about Strictly Come Dancing and a girl standing adjacent to our conversation suddenly butted in and said "In England we say DARNCE not dance."
    Another time I went to the college bar and ordered half a lager and the boy next to me rolled his eyes. He proceeded to sit down at the table I was sat at and make a speech about how girls should drink wine and how Carlsberg was the cheapest ****test drink he'd ever tasted. I've been drinking Carlsberg since I was 15 and funnily enough, I actually like the taste of it. But in saying something in situations like these maybe it just puts more people off including me rather than them realising that there is a world outside of middle-class London.

    It makes me very sad when I see my home friends at other places having the time of their life. More often now when I phone them they are always too busy for a chat. I feel like I am relying on them and they don't really need me any more.

    I am getting more and more depressed and downheared and I wish I had never applied to Oxford. Because once I got in I felt I couldn't possibly turn it down.

    I made a few phonecalls and I have a place at the University of Birmingham if I want it.

    Being honest with myself I know I would be much happier in the completely different atmosphere at Birmingham.

    But at the back of my mind...and my parents... is job prospects. People are telling me no matter how miserable I am I can't drop out because its oxford.

    I'm running out of time to tell Birmingham if I want the place. I have absolutely hated the time I have spent at Oxford but for job reasons only am hesitant to firm Birmingham. I don't know what to do.
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    If you really aren't enjoying yourself and you can't see the situation improving, go to Birmingham. Oxbridge is not the be all and end all, if you hate it there then you are unlikely to do well.
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    (Original post by Blackspur)
    If you really aren't enjoying yourself and you can't see the situation improving, go to Birmingham. Oxbridge is not the be all and end all, if you hate it there then you are unlikely to do well.
    This.

    If your not happy then you won't get a good degree. And ignore all the people who'll tell you you'll never get a job if you don't get your degree from Oxbridge or that your education is more importance than your happiness.
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    Leave.

    It's not worth staying there if you're miserable, even if it is Oxford. There's nothing wrong with Birmingham :nah:
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    If you're truly that miserable, leave. There's no point making yourself unhappy. Better to leave a uni like Birmingham with a healthy mind than one like Oxford completely frazzled.
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    Sorry to hear that. The comments made are a bit out of order, but did you not stick up for yourself? You can't let somebody criticize what you do and how you talk without at least setting them straight otherwise you're letting people know you're a pushover and it's OK, when it obviously isn't because the comments have made you feel rejected and lonely. I've never been to Oxford but we all know the stereotypes and generalizations that are there, which many posts made my people on this forum easily disprove by giving first hand accounts from current or former students, but you will still get idiots at any university.

    Have you tried joining societies or local groups to make some friends? I really don't know what to suggest. If you are feeling that you have done everything possible in order to make it work and enjoy your time there, then there is no point in putting yourself through misery just to get the name of Oxford on your degree, I imagine the constant feeling of being downtrodden and miserable would crush you before you graduate, anyway.
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    (Original post by lissi08)
    I'm thinking about leaving Oxford.

    I've done two terms of my first year and have been unhappy from very early on. I am very lonely. I have no close friends and find my college very gossipy and cliquey. I'm friendly and sociable but most of the people in college are very indifferent to me. Some purposely choose not to include me. I find I go whole days without seeing a soul.

    Sometimes I wonder whether the world I come from and my outlook on life makes me unappealing as a friend to Oxford students. I've been brought up in a totally working-class family. I'm one of few in my family that did A Levels and the first to go on to higher education.

    Some little things that have happened are stupid but have really hurt me and knocked my confidence.
    Once I was talking to an American student about Strictly Come Dancing and a girl standing adjacent to our conversation suddenly butted in and said "In England we say DARNCE not dance."
    Another time I went to the college bar and ordered half a lager and the boy next to me rolled his eyes. He proceeded to sit down at the table I was sat at and make a speech about how girls should drink wine and how Carlsberg was the cheapest ****test drink he'd ever tasted. I've been drinking Carlsberg since I was 15 and funnily enough, I actually like the taste of it. But in saying something in situations like these maybe it just puts more people off including me rather than them realising that there is a world outside of middle-class London.

    It makes me very sad when I see my home friends at other places having the time of their life. More often now when I phone them they are always too busy for a chat. I feel like I am relying on them and they don't really need me any more.

    I am getting more and more depressed and downheared and I wish I had never applied to Oxford. Because once I got in I felt I couldn't possibly turn it down.

    I made a few phonecalls and I have a place at the University of Birmingham if I want it.

    Being honest with myself I know I would be much happier in the completely different atmosphere at Birmingham.

    But at the back of my mind...and my parents... is job prospects. People are telling me no matter how miserable I am I can't drop out because its oxford.

    I'm running out of time to tell Birmingham if I want the place. I have absolutely hated the time I have spent at Oxford but for job reasons only am hesitant to firm Birmingham. I don't know what to do.
    This was saddening to read. It's difficult to fathom the insularity of some people. Which college is this?

    It seems difficult to believe that you'd flourish somewhere you feel this out of place. If you can get into Oxford without expensive tuition, chances are you could get top grades at Birmingham, and a 1st from Birmingham will look better on your CV to most employers than a 2.2 from Oxford, which I wouldn't be surprised to get if I were as low-spirited as you seem to be.

    There's this 'holy grail' aura around Oxford, which can cloud people's judgment when it comes to choices like this. It wouldn't seem such a shocking idea to transfer to Birmingham from one of the top London colleges, so the advice of your friends to stay in a place you hate for another two years betrays a pretty two-dimensional viewpoint. It's not all about the reputation, you want to get an actual experience out of university and Oxford isn't for everyone.

    Just my two cents.

    EDIT: As an afterthought, have you explored the idea of switching colleges, given the circumstances? I don't know whether that's possible. There's a risk it'd be a similar story, but you may find other colleges to have a different atmosphere.
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    i'd say don't leave. yea you might be lonely but that doesn't mean ur gonna be miserable. just concentrate on your studies 100% and get a first. its only 3 years anyway. i come from a uni similar to birmingham and yea i did get a job but it was still difficult. you'll find it much easier from oxford. so in summary: 3 years of hell still worth it for 40 - 50 years of your career. uni isn't about fun its about getting a good first job! if u wanna have fun go for a gap year...
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    (Original post by lissi08)
    I'm thinking about leaving Oxford.

    I've done two terms of my first year and have been unhappy from very early on. I am very lonely. I have no close friends and find my college very gossipy and cliquey. I'm friendly and sociable but most of the people in college are very indifferent to me. Some purposely choose not to include me. I find I go whole days without seeing a soul.

    Sometimes I wonder whether the world I come from and my outlook on life makes me unappealing as a friend to Oxford students. I've been brought up in a totally working-class family. I'm one of few in my family that did A Levels and the first to go on to higher education.

    Some little things that have happened are stupid but have really hurt me and knocked my confidence.
    Once I was talking to an American student about Strictly Come Dancing and a girl standing adjacent to our conversation suddenly butted in and said "In England we say DARNCE not dance."
    Another time I went to the college bar and ordered half a lager and the boy next to me rolled his eyes. He proceeded to sit down at the table I was sat at and make a speech about how girls should drink wine and how Carlsberg was the cheapest ****test drink he'd ever tasted. I've been drinking Carlsberg since I was 15 and funnily enough, I actually like the taste of it. But in saying something in situations like these maybe it just puts more people off including me rather than them realising that there is a world outside of middle-class London.

    It makes me very sad when I see my home friends at other places having the time of their life. More often now when I phone them they are always too busy for a chat. I feel like I am relying on them and they don't really need me any more.

    I am getting more and more depressed and downheared and I wish I had never applied to Oxford. Because once I got in I felt I couldn't possibly turn it down.

    I made a few phonecalls and I have a place at the University of Birmingham if I want it.

    Being honest with myself I know I would be much happier in the completely different atmosphere at Birmingham.

    But at the back of my mind...and my parents... is job prospects. People are telling me no matter how miserable I am I can't drop out because its oxford.

    I'm running out of time to tell Birmingham if I want the place. I have absolutely hated the time I have spent at Oxford but for job reasons only am hesitant to firm Birmingham. I don't know what to do.
    Out of interest what college are you at? I come from a similar background and I've had no such problems.

    If it's not the place for you then there's little point you continuing - being happy is important.
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    I'd say go for it. If it makes you feel that unhappy, then leave - you'd be doing yourself a favour. If you're bright enough to get into Oxford, then chances are you're bright enough to do well at Birmingham and graduate with at least a 2:1.
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    You got in that's enough now go and try to find happiness somewhere else. Basing your self worth on other people's opinions of where you studied isn't healthy in the long run.
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    Swap?
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    That's public school kids for you.
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    (Original post by emac1987)
    i'd say don't leave. yea you might be lonely but that doesn't mean ur gonna be miserable. just concentrate on your studies 100% and get a first. its only 3 years anyway. i come from a uni similar to birmingham and yea i did get a job but it was still difficult. you'll find it much easier from oxford. so in summary: 3 years of hell still worth it for 40 - 50 years of your career. uni isn't about fun its about getting a good first job! if u wanna have fun go for a gap year...
    I clicked on this thread ready to post "go", but then I read this post and it made so much sense. Honestly, I'd say stay if you have a supporting family and you have no need for friends, although it's obvious that you're not happy without someone close to talk to. So I stand by my initial verdict.
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    Go to Birmingham, you sound like you'd be much happier there. Birmingham is still a very well-respected university. Sorry you've encountered so many *****y people along the way. :console:
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    I think someone last year posted a similar thing - they were studying physics at Oxford and left to go to Manchester.

    The Oxford degree has some cachet but you are not going to perform your best if you are completely miserable. It's horses for courses - go where you think you will fit in, perform to the best standard, and leave feeling that you got the best out of your university years.

    Hope it works out for you whatever you decide.
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    I left Cambridge and it was probably the best decision I made-if it feels like it's not right for you you're probably right. It's better to leave before you get even more depressed. If you need any more advice feel free to pm me
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    Hmm, you sound like me, except, if someone had said that to me, I'd have laughed in their face and told them where to put their ideas.

    I'd say you just need to meet new people in your college, I assume there will be other working-class kids there, and let's not forget, even at Birmingham, there will be those types of people there.

    So basically, I would advise, think hard about just jumping ship, as Birmingham may not be much better.
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    This is why I hate Oxford~
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    You know, I realize that being happy should be your main concern and exactly because of that I would say stay. Someone has already said it, it's two more crappy years and they give you a way greater opportunity for an excellent career afterwards than Birmingham. Birmingham is a great university (I did my Erasmus there and I loved it) but it is not Oxford. I am not saying Oxford is the one and only way to find a job, I am saying though that despite your background, despite not being privately educated like many people there, you got in. This is a great opportunity for you!
    I think two more crappy years are worth it. And in the end of the day, it's not too late to make friends. Why don't you join a society or something?
    What are you studying btw?
 
 
 
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