Turn on thread page Beta
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    So OP what have you decided to do?
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by lissi08)
    I'm thinking about leaving Oxford.

    I've done two terms of my first year and have been unhappy from very early on. I am very lonely. I have no close friends and find my college very gossipy and cliquey. I'm friendly and sociable but most of the people in college are very indifferent to me. Some purposely choose not to include me. I find I go whole days without seeing a soul.

    Sometimes I wonder whether the world I come from and my outlook on life makes me unappealing as a friend to Oxford students. I've been brought up in a totally working-class family. I'm one of few in my family that did A Levels and the first to go on to higher education.

    Some little things that have happened are stupid but have really hurt me and knocked my confidence.
    Once I was talking to an American student about Strictly Come Dancing and a girl standing adjacent to our conversation suddenly butted in and said "In England we say DARNCE not dance."
    Another time I went to the college bar and ordered half a lager and the boy next to me rolled his eyes. He proceeded to sit down at the table I was sat at and make a speech about how girls should drink wine and how Carlsberg was the cheapest ****test drink he'd ever tasted. I've been drinking Carlsberg since I was 15 and funnily enough, I actually like the taste of it. But in saying something in situations like these maybe it just puts more people off including me rather than them realising that there is a world outside of middle-class London.

    It makes me very sad when I see my home friends at other places having the time of their life. More often now when I phone them they are always too busy for a chat. I feel like I am relying on them and they don't really need me any more.

    I am getting more and more depressed and downheared and I wish I had never applied to Oxford. Because once I got in I felt I couldn't possibly turn it down.

    I made a few phonecalls and I have a place at the University of Birmingham if I want it.

    Being honest with myself I know I would be much happier in the completely different atmosphere at Birmingham.

    But at the back of my mind...and my parents... is job prospects. People are telling me no matter how miserable I am I can't drop out because its oxford.

    I'm running out of time to tell Birmingham if I want the place. I have absolutely hated the time I have spent at Oxford but for job reasons only am hesitant to firm Birmingham. I don't know what to do.
    I understand that you are very unhappy because of the class divide. Believe me I felt it when I went to university. However Oxford is full of opportunities and you sometimes have to work really hard to make friends.

    Join plenty of societies because sometimes your friends aren't always in your close quarters.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Warrior King)
    So OP what have you decided to do?
    Don't know. I haven't got long to make my mind up but I'm trying to weigh up everything and not make a hasty decision...
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    I've figured I have five options.

    Try and push for a transfer to Birmingham in the second year (even though they have already said no).
    Start first year again at Birmingham.
    Rusticate and come back to Oxford next year.
    Stay on at Oxford, hoping that things might get better, but at the same time they might not.
    Pack the lot in, do another gap year and have a total rethink (which again is unlikely considering the huuuuge tuition fees next year)
    • PS Reviewer
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    PS Reviewer
    (Original post by lissi08)
    I've figured I have five options.

    Try and push for a transfer to Birmingham in the second year (even though they have already said no).
    Start first year again at Birmingham.
    Rusticate and come back to Oxford next year.
    Stay on at Oxford, hoping that things might get better, but at the same time they might not.
    Pack the lot in, do another gap year and have a total rethink (which again is unlikely considering the huuuuge tuition fees next year)
    I don't really think your situation would benefit at all by rusticating tbh :nah:
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    I don't really think your situation would benefit at all by rusticating tbh :nah:
    Neither do I tbf. It was just when I spoke to my tutor and told her I was unhappy, she suggested it and asked me if I wanted to come back next year.

    It's an option I guess... but I don't think coming back into a whole new year group who have already formed their friendships is going to be easy. There's a couple of people in my year that rusticated and most people in our year make little effort with them and just assume they have friends in the year above. Which clearly isn't the case with me!
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    OP...

    Oxford is great and all, and you should feel inspired and fulfilled just knowing you were accepted to go there. It's an incredible opportunity and it would be a shame to pass it up just because of a few pretentious, arsey snobs.

    That said, if it is making you unhappy, it's really not worth it. As said above, not only is Oxbridge not for everyone, it is not the be all and end all. All that talk of "oh but it's Oxford!" is nonsense. Sure it is an incredible uni, but a miserable time (and probably as a result) lower grade at Oxford would be superseded by a happier time at Birmingham with a better grade.

    If you really need to, then leave. Consider swapping colleges though, if it is an option?
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Eric Arthur)
    Although I've never had anyone be rude to me and the posh folk at my college are generally nice enough, I often feel a bit estranged from the whole thing due to being from a working class background. Especially when it comes to holiday time, oddly. You'd think being away from the place would help but seeing everyone off on their lovely holidays which I just can't afford with their pictures up on facebook makes things worse.

    I've been thinking for a while of trying to set up some sort of support group/society for working class people. I mean, there are societies for ethnic minorities and so on because they may feel alienated at Oxford and I think it's probably almost as big a culture shock, if not more, for a working class person going there as it would be for someone who was pretty well off but happened to be an ethnic minority. Jesus, that sounds a bit borderline BNP or something. Erm, I don't mean it like that, I'm not some staunch defender of the white working class or anything, it kind of looks that way as I've set the working class against ethnic minorities but obviously ethnic minorities are also contained within the working class too. I mean it more in a sense that working class people are a minority at Oxford and could probably do with some support/friends with people that have similar backgrounds.

    God, I hope some of that makes some sense to someone.

    Ah its so annoying when you know what you want to say but can't quite word it right! I do get your point though. I think its a really good idea and would give people the opportunity to mix with others they can probably relate to better
    • PS Reviewer
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    PS Reviewer
    (Original post by lissi08)
    Neither do I tbf. It was just when I spoke to my tutor and told her I was unhappy, she suggested it and asked me if I wanted to come back next year.

    It's an option I guess... but I don't think coming back into a whole new year group who have already formed their friendships is going to be easy. There's a couple of people in my year that rusticated and most people in our year make little effort with them and just assume they have friends in the year above. Which clearly isn't the case with me!
    Would you have to rusticate by a whole year? (Not that I think it would make huge amounts of difference. I was given the option of rusticating and coming back in October 2010, and that conversation was Jan 2010)
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Eric Arthur)
    Although I've never had anyone be rude to me and the posh folk at my college are generally nice enough, I often feel a bit estranged from the whole thing due to being from a working class background. Especially when it comes to holiday time, oddly. You'd think being away from the place would help but seeing everyone off on their lovely holidays which I just can't afford with their pictures up on facebook makes things worse.

    I've been thinking for a while of trying to set up some sort of support group/society for working class people. I mean, there are societies for ethnic minorities and so on because they may feel alienated at Oxford and I think it's probably almost as big a culture shock, if not more, for a working class person going there as it would be for someone who was pretty well off but happened to be an ethnic minority. Jesus, that sounds a bit borderline BNP or something. Erm, I don't mean it like that, I'm not some staunch defender of the white working class or anything, it kind of looks that way as I've set the working class against ethnic minorities but obviously ethnic minorities are also contained within the working class too. I mean it more in a sense that working class people are a minority at Oxford and could probably do with some support/friends with people that have similar backgrounds.

    God, I hope some of that makes some sense to someone.
    And I understand about the holidays. I have never been abroad. In fact, I've never been on holiday since I was about 12. When I told people at my college this, they were shocked, like never heard anyone say that before!
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    Would you have to rusticate by a whole year? (Not that I think it would make huge amounts of difference. I was given the option of rusticating and coming back in October 2010, and that conversation was Jan 2010)
    I don't think so. I've been given the option a couple of times with the opportunity to either come back a whole year later or come back next October. But even if I came back in October I'd be doing two whole terms worth of work all over again. And I don't think it would make that much of a difference social wise.
    • PS Reviewer
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    PS Reviewer
    (Original post by lissi08)
    I don't think so. I've been given the option a couple of times with the opportunity to either come back a whole year later or come back next October. But even if I came back in October I'd be doing two whole terms worth of work all over again. And I don't think it would make that much of a difference social wise.
    I tend to think of rustication as more helpful when it's a question of health, rather than social problems :yes:

    I think it's just a matter of finding like-minded people who you can get on with, and that could potentially be found at either institution. Does sound like you're in a rather rah college though :hugs:
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by lissi08)
    Don't know. I haven't got long to make my mind up but I'm trying to weigh up everything and not make a hasty decision...
    Did you read the post I wrote in one of the previous pages? Hope it could be of some help to you.

    Don't give up.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    I tend to think of rustication as more helpful when it's a question of health, rather than social problems :yes:

    I think it's just a matter of finding like-minded people who you can get on with, and that could potentially be found at either institution. Does sound like you're in a rather rah college though :hugs:

    I think it is. I guess I've just got unlucky with the mix of people in my year and not found anyone I can really relate to or who is interested in me
    • PS Reviewer
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    PS Reviewer
    (Original post by lissi08)
    I think it is. I guess I've just got unlucky with the mix of people in my year and not found anyone I can really relate to or who is interested in me
    You need to try some intercollegiate societies (I can't remember what you said about trying societies atm :o: ) if possible. That's a good way to make friends

    You can always PM me to have a rant btw :yes:
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    Go to birmingham! Shame on oxford
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by lissi08)
    Neither do I tbf. It was just when I spoke to my tutor and told her I was unhappy, she suggested it and asked me if I wanted to come back next year.

    It's an option I guess... but I don't think coming back into a whole new year group who have already formed their friendships is going to be easy. There's a couple of people in my year that rusticated and most people in our year make little effort with them and just assume they have friends in the year above. Which clearly isn't the case with me!
    I'm quite surprised that your tutor suggested rusticating for this issue at all, tbh - I agree it doesn't sound likely to be a massive help, and maybe she did not really understand what the problem is? Assuming that you are going back for Trinity I would seriously consider getting more support on the welfare side (university or college) as they are likely to have more ideas.

    I also second the suggestions to try out different societies, there are loads in Oxford - have a browse here. (Don't be put off by "sports & recreation" if you are not sporty, the category includes a really broad range of clubs.)

    PM me if you want to chat :hugs:
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by lissi08)
    I think it is. I guess I've just got unlucky with the mix of people in my year and not found anyone I can really relate to or who is interested in me
    It's a shame you haven't found anyone in your college who can really get on with, but I don't think you should feel like no friends in college = no friends in Oxford ever. Although I do have friends in my college, some of my closest friends are from other colleges, and as other people have suggested, joining societies is definitely a good idea if you want to meet new people. I also made friends at Oxford through talking on TSR first, so that's worth a go! There are so many different kinds of people at Oxford, and you shouldn't feel like there's no hope for you, even if you've found it difficult so far.

    I'd also be happy to talk to you and give advice through PMs.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by bysshe)
    It's a shame you haven't found anyone in your college who can really get on with, but I don't think you should feel like no friends in college = no friends in Oxford ever. Although I do have friends in my college, some of my closest friends are from other colleges, and as other people have suggested, joining societies is definitely a good idea if you want to meet new people. I also made friends at Oxford through talking on TSR first, so that's worth a go! There are so many different kinds of people at Oxford, and you shouldn't feel like there's no hope for you, even if you've found it difficult so far.

    I'd also be happy to talk to you and give advice through PMs.
    I think societies can be a good chance to get out of college and I think its a good idea to try and join some more. But at the end of the day your main life is in college. I have to live and eat in college :/
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    If it was me, I'd stay. Someone has to knock some sense into those prats you describe, think of it as your mission!

    Only other thing I'd say is that most unis do have a strong cliquey / middle class / arsey side to them, you may not end up much happier. Societies will help you find more like-minded people.
 
 
 
The home of Results and Clearing

2,141

people online now

1,567,000

students helped last year

University open days

  1. University of Oxford
    All undergraduate colleges and departments Undergraduate
    Fri, 14 Sep '18
Poll
A-level students - how do you feel about your results?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.