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Very unhappy at Oxford :(
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Original post by lissi08
Hello everyone!
I have two essays in for next week and am majorly procrastinating, hence why I logged back on here and found this thread again. I decided to drop out in May last year and I can honestly say it's the best thing I've ever done. I'm studying at an amazing university in my hometown and I'm the happiest I've ever been.
I feel like I've finally found the place where I belong and I am having the time of my life. Even though uni is very close to home, I decided to stay in halls and get the full experience. I've made a massive group of friends, I've had so many opportunities and everything is so much fun. And I'm loving my new course
Life is so different to how it was last year and I think that anyone who is miserable at university to the point where things just cannot get any worse should have the guts to make a change because things are very likely to work out for the better!
For a few days after I dropped out I was in complete shock at myself and fretted that I'd done the wrong thing. But after I'd calmed down I really saw that it was a weight lifted off my shoulders and I started to get so excited about my new start. I was never that excited about going to Oxford. The day I left home for there I was crying my eyes out...the week before I started this year I was bouncing round the house with excitement chatting to my new block mates on Facebook and buying fancy dress for Fresher's Week.
My experience has showed me that there is a lot more to life then an Oxbridge education. By the time you have graduated and go into full time work your youth is really over. If you want to go to London after you've graduated, work very long and hard hours at a top firm in whatever you decide you want to do, then an Oxbridge background may well help you. And I'm not saying the financial rewards aren't great. But then you get to 50, look back on things, and think 'What have I done with my life? Well I've worked.' And by then it's too late to be young and live again. If you want to live to work, then by all means go for it and good luck to you. But if you decide that kind of thing isn't for you - like me - then whether you've been to Oxbridge or a top Russell Group uni somewhere else really isn't going to make a difference.
I'm not going to sit and put Oxbridge down and say that my uni is great and everyone should just come there, but I think it is completely fair enough to say that it isn't for you. At my new uni I have met many people with better A level results than those I knew at Oxford, who never even contemplated applying. Or contemplated it and decided not to. Or applied and got in and decided not to take up the offer.
When you are a sixth former deciding about what you're going to do next, I think you really have to consider whether you want Oxbridge or University. From my experience, having been there done both, they are two totally different things.
I wanted University and that's exactly what I've got. And I know that in ten year's time I am going to look back on uni and look back on something good, the best three years of my life.
I have two essays in for next week and am majorly procrastinating, hence why I logged back on here and found this thread again. I decided to drop out in May last year and I can honestly say it's the best thing I've ever done. I'm studying at an amazing university in my hometown and I'm the happiest I've ever been.
I feel like I've finally found the place where I belong and I am having the time of my life. Even though uni is very close to home, I decided to stay in halls and get the full experience. I've made a massive group of friends, I've had so many opportunities and everything is so much fun. And I'm loving my new course
Life is so different to how it was last year and I think that anyone who is miserable at university to the point where things just cannot get any worse should have the guts to make a change because things are very likely to work out for the better!
For a few days after I dropped out I was in complete shock at myself and fretted that I'd done the wrong thing. But after I'd calmed down I really saw that it was a weight lifted off my shoulders and I started to get so excited about my new start. I was never that excited about going to Oxford. The day I left home for there I was crying my eyes out...the week before I started this year I was bouncing round the house with excitement chatting to my new block mates on Facebook and buying fancy dress for Fresher's Week.
My experience has showed me that there is a lot more to life then an Oxbridge education. By the time you have graduated and go into full time work your youth is really over. If you want to go to London after you've graduated, work very long and hard hours at a top firm in whatever you decide you want to do, then an Oxbridge background may well help you. And I'm not saying the financial rewards aren't great. But then you get to 50, look back on things, and think 'What have I done with my life? Well I've worked.' And by then it's too late to be young and live again. If you want to live to work, then by all means go for it and good luck to you. But if you decide that kind of thing isn't for you - like me - then whether you've been to Oxbridge or a top Russell Group uni somewhere else really isn't going to make a difference.
I'm not going to sit and put Oxbridge down and say that my uni is great and everyone should just come there, but I think it is completely fair enough to say that it isn't for you. At my new uni I have met many people with better A level results than those I knew at Oxford, who never even contemplated applying. Or contemplated it and decided not to. Or applied and got in and decided not to take up the offer.
When you are a sixth former deciding about what you're going to do next, I think you really have to consider whether you want Oxbridge or University. From my experience, having been there done both, they are two totally different things.
I wanted University and that's exactly what I've got. And I know that in ten year's time I am going to look back on uni and look back on something good, the best three years of my life.
I'm glad you're really enjoying your experience at the new university. May I ask which uni' it is? You're quite right that Oxford isn't the 'be all and end all' and that if you're looking for a well-rounded overall undergraduate experience, Oxbridge may well not be for you. It's good to hear you're happier now. Best to luck for the future.
Original post by emac1987
i'd say don't leave. yea you might be lonely but that doesn't mean ur gonna be miserable. just concentrate on your studies 100% and get a first. its only 3 years anyway. i come from a uni similar to birmingham and yea i did get a job but it was still difficult. you'll find it much easier from oxford. so in summary: 3 years of hell still worth it for 40 - 50 years of your career. uni isn't about fun its about getting a good first job! if u wanna have fun go for a gap year...
She's not talking about fun, she's talking about 'peace of mind'.
I previously posted in this thread as a different thread, though I'm not the OP *mystery* I thought about dropping out and didn't AND I'M GLAD OF IT. Now I'm taking some of the hardest courses in Oxford, and doing well. This level of academia, if you include actual feedback from academics, can only be equalled by a handful of universities. Don't waste it because of the preponderance of brats here, I'm glad I didn't.
Original post by Liam_G
Leave.
It's not worth staying there if you're miserable, even if it is Oxford. There's nothing wrong with Birmingham
It's not worth staying there if you're miserable, even if it is Oxford. There's nothing wrong with Birmingham
This.
After all, the degree is an element of university life, but the actual university experience is something far greater and your happiness is of paramount importance. Unhappy mind= unhappy degree result, and even if you stick it out and remain miserable everytime you looked back on your degree you'd probably still feel a bit sad and bitter toward it? Good Luck OP! I hope you find some more like-minded people and that university is everything you deserve it to be.
Original post by soutioirsim
Just to add, the OPs original experience is definitely not typical of Oxford. You definitely do not need to be middle/upper class to have a fantastic time and make friends. I think the OP was unfortunate.
I just don't want people seeing this thread and putting them off.
I just don't want people seeing this thread and putting them off.
@Soutioirism: You're quite right. I'm born and raised in the city and am currently studying with the Department for Continuing Education, hoping to progress into New College upon completion of my current foundation course. I know that those within the DoCE are of a more mature background, as it were, but this is nice because I've met a real cross-section of students from all walks of life - sorry, the cliches will stop at some stage! - and across a staggering age range who aren't your 'typical' Oxford undergraduate. (Though I'd dispute the existence of such a person, frankly.) Oxford is undoubtedly elitist in that they actively do all they can to attract the intellectual elite, but that's where the selection ends. Oxford works hard, as far as I'm aware, to operate as close to a 'needs blind' admissions system as it's possible to get to without adopting the Ivy League admissions practices utilised in the US. By this I mean that socio-economic background is treating as nigh-on irrelevant; it really is just about academic performance and potential. 'nuff said.
Original post by writergirl
This.
After all, the degree is an element of university life, but the actual university experience is something far greater and your happiness is of paramount importance. Unhappy mind= unhappy degree result, and even if you stick it out and remain miserable everytime you looked back on your degree you'd probably still feel a bit sad and bitter toward it? Good Luck OP! I hope you find some more like-minded people and that university is everything you deserve it to be.
After all, the degree is an element of university life, but the actual university experience is something far greater and your happiness is of paramount importance. Unhappy mind= unhappy degree result, and even if you stick it out and remain miserable everytime you looked back on your degree you'd probably still feel a bit sad and bitter toward it? Good Luck OP! I hope you find some more like-minded people and that university is everything you deserve it to be.
Quite right. The Oxford 'brand name' in and of itself isn't going to make up for being unhappy with the other aspects of university life. I'm glad that the OP acted on her feelings, knowing in her heart-of-hearts that it wasn't for her, rather than just sticking it out because 'it's Oxford' and feeling that leaving would be some kind of shameful thing. Too many people treat the notion of an Oxford undergraduate experience with so much reverence that any mention of withdrawing is greeted with disbelief. That isn't right: everyone's different, so people should respond to their individual circumstances and react to what's going on in their lives. If you're unhappy where you are, change it.
Holy ****. If it's like that at Oxford, I'm now dreading Durham with their "highest percentage of public school kids".
Original post by vedderfan94
Holy ****. If it's like that at Oxford, I'm now dreading Durham with their "highest percentage of public school kids".
We're not all the bad. I'm public school and loathe when people say "barth grarss or darnce". It's not spelt with an R after the A so refrain from saying it as such. Also, DURHAM WOOOOO.
I kinda wish someone would close this thread. People keep coming back and trying to solve a problem that was sorted out over a year ago, and the discussion just keeps going in circles.
I guess I shouldn't be such a thread-fascist, though...
I guess I shouldn't be such a thread-fascist, though...
Original post by Calllu-m
We're not all the bad. I'm public school and loathe when people say "barth grarss or darnce". It's not spelt with an R after the A so refrain from saying it as such. Also, DURHAM WOOOOO.
It isn't spelt like that, but it is pronounced like that
Original post by LtCommanderData
I kinda wish someone would close this thread. People keep coming back and trying to solve a problem that was sorted out over a year ago, and the discussion just keeps going in circles.
I guess I shouldn't be such a thread-fascist, though...
I guess I shouldn't be such a thread-fascist, though...
I could close it, but I want to leave it open in case someone else pops up who needs similar support but doesn't feel comfortable making their own thread for it
I agree that the discussion is circular though. If it pops up again with the same futile discussion I'll think about closing it.
Original post by vedderfan94
Holy ****. If it's like that at Oxford, I'm now dreading Durham with their "highest percentage of public school kids".
It's not as bad because you have less work.
Original post by Reaganyee
If i were in Oxford, i would be-friend her and she would have a peaceful mind and a great friend! We need genuine friends around all the time! =)
Indeed, but how does one tell a true friend from someone who's, well, not?
Original post by soutioirsim
Just to add, the OPs original experience is definitely not typical of Oxford. You definitely do not need to be middle/upper class to have a fantastic time and make friends. I think the OP was unfortunate.
I just don't want people seeing this thread and putting them off.
I just don't want people seeing this thread and putting them off.
+1
I've just finished my third year here and have NEVER been made fun of or talked down to because of my background. I'm not saying it doesn't ever happen to anyone, but it's certainly not the norm.
Original post by Calllu-m
We're not all the bad. I'm public school and loathe when people say "barth grarss or darnce". It's not spelt with an R after the A so refrain from saying it as such. Also, DURHAM WOOOOO.
Quite right. And Durham's awesome, yeah.
Original post by Calllu-m
We're not all the bad. I'm public school and loathe when people say "barth grarss or darnce". It's not spelt with an R after the A so refrain from saying it as such. Also, DURHAM WOOOOO.
To make something clear, saying "darnce" is not a bad thing, it is only when you are snotty about it and correct people with a difference pronunciation.
We all are given our pronunciation from where we grow up. It isn't my choice that I saw "darnce" any more than it is someone from a different regions choice to say "dance".
You don't sound better than the snotty people who look down on "dance"-ers, you are just the same on the other side of the argument!
Original post by CS Greg
To make something clear, saying "darnce" is not a bad thing, it is only when you are snotty about it and correct people with a difference pronunciation.
We all are given our pronunciation from where we grow up. It isn't my choice that I saw "darnce" any more than it is someone from a different regions choice to say "dance".
You don't sound better than the snotty people who look down on "dance"-ers, you are just the same on the other side of the argument!
We all are given our pronunciation from where we grow up. It isn't my choice that I saw "darnce" any more than it is someone from a different regions choice to say "dance".
You don't sound better than the snotty people who look down on "dance"-ers, you are just the same on the other side of the argument!
This is a fair point. I would point out, though, that elocution schools would get no custom if people weren't afraid of discrimination (particularly by employers perceived as 'posh') because of their regional accents. I totally agree that this often-held view (certainly where I'm from) that anyone who doesn't speak in Received Pronunciation is an imbecile is quite wrong, but a great many people where I hail from hold the kind of snobbish views to which the OP refers. It's a sad fact of life, but social attitudes only ever change gradually, I'm afraid. It may be some years yet until we have a Liverpudlian, for instance, reading the Ten O'Clock News.
Original post by SebCross
Indeed, but how does one tell a true friend from someone who's, well, not?
Over the years, I've learnt to put in my best to make friends. But sometimes, the frequencies just ain't right. When I feel that happens, I'd distance myself away from these people.
Just use your earnest heart in interaction and this world would be a better place...
This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
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