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    (Original post by BJack)
    Suicide rates in general are higher among students. Are they any higher at Oxford & Cambridge than at most other universities?
    Suicide rates are high amongst Oxbridge totty who dont snag a rich guy.
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    (Original post by lissi08)
    I'm thinking about leaving Oxford.

    I've done two terms of my first year and have been unhappy from very early on. I am very lonely. I have no close friends and find my college very gossipy and cliquey. I'm friendly and sociable but most of the people in college are very indifferent to me. Some purposely choose not to include me. I find I go whole days without seeing a soul.

    Sometimes I wonder whether the world I come from and my outlook on life makes me unappealing as a friend to Oxford students. I've been brought up in a totally working-class family. I'm one of few in my family that did A Levels and the first to go on to higher education.

    Some little things that have happened are stupid but have really hurt me and knocked my confidence.
    Once I was talking to an American student about Strictly Come Dancing and a girl standing adjacent to our conversation suddenly butted in and said "In England we say DARNCE not dance."
    Another time I went to the college bar and ordered half a lager and the boy next to me rolled his eyes. He proceeded to sit down at the table I was sat at and make a speech about how girls should drink wine and how Carlsberg was the cheapest ****test drink he'd ever tasted. I've been drinking Carlsberg since I was 15 and funnily enough, I actually like the taste of it. But in saying something in situations like these maybe it just puts more people off including me rather than them realising that there is a world outside of middle-class London.

    It makes me very sad when I see my home friends at other places having the time of their life. More often now when I phone them they are always too busy for a chat. I feel like I am relying on them and they don't really need me any more.

    I am getting more and more depressed and downheared and I wish I had never applied to Oxford. Because once I got in I felt I couldn't possibly turn it down.

    I made a few phonecalls and I have a place at the University of Birmingham if I want it.

    Being honest with myself I know I would be much happier in the completely different atmosphere at Birmingham.

    But at the back of my mind...and my parents... is job prospects. People are telling me no matter how miserable I am I can't drop out because its oxford.

    I'm running out of time to tell Birmingham if I want the place. I have absolutely hated the time I have spent at Oxford but for job reasons only am hesitant to firm Birmingham. I don't know what to do.
    I'm at Aston and it's a lot more down to earth here and in the city of Birmingham with people from many different backgrounds, although University of Birmingham is still pretty 'upper-class'. Birmingham is a good city though. I'd say definitely move to Birmingham. And just so you know, employers care much more about your course content and grade than what ranking university you attended.
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    (Original post by innerhollow)
    Ah, but I never said you did. I was just pointing out that "running away" from problems, despite its negative connotations, can be the most sensible move.



    Trust me, not everyone's that keen on Oxford. If family pressure is compelling OP to stay at Oxford, then you can bet that it family pressure contributed in getting her there. And more importantly, graduating from Birmingham instead of Oxford most likely won't stop her from pursuing what she wants to in the future.

    Of course there's every possibility that the OP could hate Birmingham, but that's the risk you take. It's better to take a risk on your own grounds, rather than letting family pressure dictate your choices.




    Please refrain from being condescending, if you knew the first thing about my attitudes towards partying vs. my attitudes towards education you'd feel positively retarded for posting what you just wrote.

    Education and contentment go hand-in-hand- it's not about compromising one for the other. People who are content are able to muster the motivation and willpower to succeed in their education.
    Condascending? I was merely pinpointed your lack of experience if anything. You'll find that university life isn't always going to be enjoyable and this year being in the 4th year, it has been stressful and haven't had much time to go out as previously but when you have work to get on it whether or not you downed a yard of ale the night before is irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.

    And you say it's not about comprimising one for the other. Well if I was to go partying every night and turned up to clinics and lectures looking like some drugged up hobo, I don't think I'd be getting the most out of my studies. Yeah it sucks not being able to go out but clubbing and drinking ain't the most important thing in the world.

    Besides the issues highlighted by the OP are nothing new and many a student past and present have faced similar issues and dealt with them more often than not successful and gone onto fulfill or even exceed their potential. They are issues which can be rectified and I don't think uprooting to a different environment and being driven out by a select few is addressing the issue.
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    Just pull through it. You're strong enough.
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    (Original post by tite23)
    Just pull through it. You're strong enough.
    You know the OP?
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    (Original post by Warrior King)
    Condascending? I was merely pinpointed your lack of experience if anything.
    That's the part that is condescending! If anything I've said is dubious, then point that out. It's very embarassing when you just say comments which are tantamount to "You're young, what do you know?!", because you assume that I fit your preconceived notions of young people and treat me as such. That's proven by the fact that the rest of your post is centered around alcohol, because you appear to assume that my definition of "contentment" is getting ****-faced all the time. It's really not.

    Anyway, I won't pursue this because, like I said, we're here to help the OP.


    You'll find that university life isn't always going to be enjoyable and this year being in the 4th year, it has been stressful and haven't had much time to go out as previously but when you have work to get on it whether or not you downed a yard of ale the night before is irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.

    And you say it's not about comprimising one for the other. Well if I was to go partying every night and turned up to clinics and lectures looking like some drugged up hobo, I don't think I'd be getting the most out of my studies. Yeah it sucks not being able to go out but clubbing and drinking ain't the most important thing in the world.

    Besides the issues highlighted by the OP are nothing new and many a student past and present have faced similar issues and dealt with them more often than not successful and gone onto fulfill or even exceed their potential. They are issues which can be rectified and I don't think uprooting to a different environment and being driven out by a select few is addressing the issue.
    Why does this post revolve around drinking/clubbing?! I never even mentioned those things? I said being CONTENT helps you pursue your studies. Obviously if things like drinking/clubbing bring you contentment (as it does for many students), then you need to balance that with your studies. However, if you're not content at all, you may simply wilt away all the free time you have because you lack the motivation to pursue your studies. A moderate social life actually HELPS your education. TSR H&R is clogged up with people who are doing badly in their studies because they're unhappy with their social situation.

    No problems faced by ANYONE in this world are "anything new". People deal with things in different ways. The reason the majority is advising the OP one way is because it's clear what her desired option is, she is just afraid to follow it.
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    You've come this far, don't drop out now.
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    (Original post by BigFudamental)
    You know the OP?
    No, but everyone's got enough strength to grit their teeth and make it through.
    I once played on an upper-tier soccer team, and despite my love for soccer the whole thing was absolutely wretched. I didn't fit in with any of the girls, we played during the coldest, wettest, most bitter weather ever, and by the time I got home it was midnight and I still had studies on top of that. It was miserable and I wanted to quit so badly. But I pulled through. Anyone can do it.
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    (Original post by Warrior King)
    Condascending? I was merely pinpointed your lack of experience if anything. You'll find that university life isn't always going to be enjoyable and this year being in the 4th year, it has been stressful and haven't had much time to go out as previously but when you have work to get on it whether or not you downed a yard of ale the night before is irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.

    And you say it's not about comprimising one for the other. Well if I was to go partying every night and turned up to clinics and lectures looking like some drugged up hobo, I don't think I'd be getting the most out of my studies. Yeah it sucks not being able to go out but clubbing and drinking ain't the most important thing in the world.

    Besides the issues highlighted by the OP are nothing new and many a student past and present have faced similar issues and dealt with them more often than not successful and gone onto fulfill or even exceed their potential. They are issues which can be rectified and I don't think uprooting to a different environment and being driven out by a select few is addressing the issue.
    We're not talking about the OP's ability to go out and get lashed. We're talking about her ability to unwind with people who she gets on with, as opposed to people who are going to wind her up even more. And that becomes more important as uni goes on, not less.
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    As an undergraduate at Oriel College, I personally would advise staying at Oxford, but moving away from attempting to socialise purely within college.
    There are dozens of colleges and many more dozens of social, sport, interest, etc groups which you can join and participate in.
    I'm not sure if you've said which subject you're studying, but socialising along those lines may be another idea.

    I barely talk to anyone in my college these days, with the exception of a couple of the other engineers there, and when the annual college engineering socials come along. I'm involved in a number of sporting/interest groups, and used to involved in a lot more, TBH. Sports and the like help you to feel better too. (One I'd especially recommend is the beginner's alts ice hockey on Friday evenings. Great social atmosphere and very fun, just turn up and play a bit.)
    Not to mention activities that don't involve the university/Oxford.

    You've still not mentioned which college you're at, unless I've missed it. However some of the smallest colleges can be a bit claustrophobic, from what I gather.

    Either way I suggest you discuss with your tutors, and the college welfare team(s) before coming to *any* kind of decision.
    In my eyes, you would be well advised to not make such a significant life choice without proper thought and consideration.
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    (Original post by lissi08)
    I'm thinking about leaving Oxford.

    I've done two terms of my first year and have been unhappy from very early on. I am very lonely. I have no close friends and find my college very gossipy and cliquey. I'm friendly and sociable but most of the people in college are very indifferent to me. Some purposely choose not to include me. I find I go whole days without seeing a soul.

    Sometimes I wonder whether the world I come from and my outlook on life makes me unappealing as a friend to Oxford students. I've been brought up in a totally working-class family. I'm one of few in my family that did A Levels and the first to go on to higher education.

    Some little things that have happened are stupid but have really hurt me and knocked my confidence.
    Once I was talking to an American student about Strictly Come Dancing and a girl standing adjacent to our conversation suddenly butted in and said "In England we say DARNCE not dance."
    Another time I went to the college bar and ordered half a lager and the boy next to me rolled his eyes. He proceeded to sit down at the table I was sat at and make a speech about how girls should drink wine and how Carlsberg was the cheapest ****test drink he'd ever tasted. I've been drinking Carlsberg since I was 15 and funnily enough, I actually like the taste of it. But in saying something in situations like these maybe it just puts more people off including me rather than them realising that there is a world outside of middle-class London.

    It makes me very sad when I see my home friends at other places having the time of their life. More often now when I phone them they are always too busy for a chat. I feel like I am relying on them and they don't really need me any more.

    I am getting more and more depressed and downheared and I wish I had never applied to Oxford. Because once I got in I felt I couldn't possibly turn it down.

    I made a few phonecalls and I have a place at the University of Birmingham if I want it.

    Being honest with myself I know I would be much happier in the completely different atmosphere at Birmingham.

    But at the back of my mind...and my parents... is job prospects. People are telling me no matter how miserable I am I can't drop out because its oxford.

    I'm running out of time to tell Birmingham if I want the place. I have absolutely hated the time I have spent at Oxford but for job reasons only am hesitant to firm Birmingham. I don't know what to do.
    Stick it out. You've overcome so many barriers to get there and shouldn't worry about confirming to the entrecnhed privilige of many people here. Not having close friends is a shame but you can find them and this place is all about the education.It's important to keep trying and working hard and not get downhearted in your first year you'l have more natural ability than the intensively educated majoirity and can graduate with fantastic job prospects and the best grounding in your subject after three years.I found my first term horrible too, stick it out!
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    (Original post by innerhollow)
    That's the part that is condescending! If anything I've said is dubious, then point that out. It's very embarassing when you just say comments which are tantamount to "You're young, what do you know?!", because you assume that I fit your preconceived notions of young people and treat me as such. That's proven by the fact that the rest of your post is centered around alcohol, because you appear to assume that my definition of "contentment" is getting ****-faced all the time. It's really not.

    Anyway, I won't pursue this because, like I said, we're here to help the OP.




    Why does this post revolve around drinking/clubbing?! I never even mentioned those things? I said being CONTENT helps you pursue your studies. Obviously if things like drinking/clubbing bring you contentment (as it does for many students), then you need to balance that with your studies. However, if you're not content at all, you may simply wilt away all the free time you have because you lack the motivation to pursue your studies. A moderate social life actually HELPS your education. TSR H&R is clogged up with people who are doing badly in their studies because they're unhappy with their social situation.

    No problems faced by ANYONE in this world are "anything new". People deal with things in different ways. The reason the majority is advising the OP one way is because it's clear what her desired option is, she is just afraid to follow it.
    I hear what you're saying but my point is that I feel the OP would be wasting an opportunity by quitting Oxford when this is a problem that can certainly be rectified given time. Oxford is a large university with a diverse student population with lost of students from working-class background who may well be in a similar situation. Support is at hand. It may take a while for these problems to ressolve maybe longer than one academic year but they can be ressolved and only can be if the OP wants them to be ressolved.

    The impression I get is that she is allowing herself to be driven out by these morons.

    Now I appreciate the views of other users but I don't think simply telling her to leave and go to Birmingham is the solution to the problem. There will be many more obstacles to face in life in which university may well be the first of many.

    She is afraid to follow the so-called desired option because she fears it may be the wrong decision. I haven't said that it would be. All I'm saying is that there are solutions to the problem that involve staying at Oxford and if academic results are not an issue then this more than any factor is a huge positive reason to remain at Oxford.

    Not many people get to say they attended a university as famous or prestigious as Oxford and whilst that isn't the be all and end all, it is still something to be incredibly proud of. Birmingham whilst a great university cannot claim to match Oxford in terms of it's history and environment.

    What the OP described about Oxford, it doesn't have to be like that if she doesn't want it to be. There is nothing to fear in countering the views of a snotty few. You are amongst equals and you as much as they do, also have a right to express an opinion. Dance or darrrrnce who cares? It's the same word, same meaning it's not like you're speaking in Ancient Greek or something.

    Sometimes you just have to dig your heels into the ground, stand firm and show people that you mean business, that you have a right to be here and will continue to be here whether they like it or not and so they just have to learn to live with it. Also you will find that sometimes people will make comments without actually realising the hurt or distress it may cause. You could always approach them and tell them this and if they're decent human beings they will realise the mistakes they made and apologise.

    It just seems to me that the OP's dreams are being dashed by a select few and sometimes if you really want something in life you have to stand firm and let that passion carry you onwards despite the obstacles.
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    (Original post by Warrior King)
    I hear what you're saying but my point is that I feel the OP would be wasting an opportunity by quitting Oxford when this is a problem that can certainly be rectified given time. Oxford is a large university with a diverse student population with lost of students from working-class background who may well be in a similar situation. Support is at hand. It may take a while for these problems to ressolve maybe longer than one academic year but they can be ressolved and only can be if the OP wants them to be ressolved.

    The impression I get is that she is allowing herself to be driven out by these morons.

    Now I appreciate the views of other users but I don't think simply telling her to leave and go to Birmingham is the solution to the problem. There will be many more obstacles to face in life in which university may well be the first of many.

    She is afraid to follow the so-called desired option because she fears it may be the wrong decision. I haven't said that it would be. All I'm saying is that there are solutions to the problem that involve staying at Oxford and if academic results are not an issue then this more than any factor is a huge positive reason to remain at Oxford.

    Not many people get to say they attended a university as famous or prestigious as Oxford and whilst that isn't the be all and end all, it is still something to be incredibly proud of. Birmingham whilst a great university cannot claim to match Oxford in terms of it's history and environment.

    What the OP described about Oxford, it doesn't have to be like that if she doesn't want it to be. There is nothing to fear in countering the views of a snotty few. You are amongst equals and you as much as they do, also have a right to express an opinion. Dance or darrrrnce who cares? It's the same word, same meaning it's not like you're speaking in Ancient Greek or something.

    Sometimes you just have to dig your heels into the ground, stand firm and show people that you mean business, that you have a right to be here and will continue to be here whether they like it or not and so they just have to learn to live with it. Also you will find that sometimes people will make comments without actually realising the hurt or distress it may cause. You could always approach them and tell them this and if they're decent human beings they will realise the mistakes they made and apologise.

    It just seems to me that the OP's dreams are being dashed by a select few and sometimes if you really want something in life you have to stand firm and let that passion carry you onwards despite the obstacles.
    The point is it's got nothing to do with "a few people"! She states herself that the problem is that she has no close friends and hates the atmosphere of Oxford, NOT that she's being bullied. Who is she supposed to stand up to exactly? The OP was just giving examples of things that have made her feel alienated in the Oxford environment. Standing up to some girl who says "Darrnnnce" won't change a thing, because that's clearly not the issue at hand here. The issue is she feels isolated and lonely, and like she doesn't fit in with the atmosphere at her college.

    OP has been at Oxford for an entire year, it's hardly as if she gave up straight away. She's given it a shot, she's done her time. And yes, you do face problems throughout life, but she isn't a newborn baby who has never faced problems in life before! Sometimes you can tackle problems head-on, other times you need to know when to fold. This attitude of "I must tackle all problems head-on to toughen up for future problems" is wasteful.

    Seriously, in 5 years no one will give a crap whether she went to Oxford or not. And why are you assuming that her dreams are being dashed? Every post you have made has assumed that the OP was very passionate about going to Oxford in the first place. This is not necessarily true at all, and in fact I suspect the opposite is true.

    Anyway, I think the OP has enough information to make a decision so I'm going to go now.
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    There is no gaurantee Birmingham will be better.
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    (Original post by Zoedotdot)
    It's not a case of thoroughly convincing, it's more that I don't see any concrete evidence that the OP is a troll, and if they aren't then it's important that they get serious responses that aren't mixed in with loads of spam and offensive comments. And even if they are, there might be other people who are unhappy at Oxford reading this thread who do need serious advice.

    The only appropriate responses to this thread are constructive ones, which is why I requested that the spam be stopped, having already removed several posts from the thread.
    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. If it isn't, calling troll could be quite detrimental and the last thing the OP needs.

    I got accused of lying about my health for a whole academic year and people only started backtracking when my health exploded and no one could possibly deny it any longer. Some tutors ended up getting serious guilt complexes over that, which haven't gone even now I've left :nopity:
    Fair enough, I suppose it's safest to assume they're a real person
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    (Original post by lissi08)
    I'm thinking about leaving Oxford.

    I've done two terms of my first year and have been unhappy from very early on. I am very lonely. I have no close friends and find my college very gossipy and cliquey. I'm friendly and sociable but most of the people in college are very indifferent to me. Some purposely choose not to include me. I find I go whole days without seeing a soul.

    Sometimes I wonder whether the world I come from and my outlook on life makes me unappealing as a friend to Oxford students. I've been brought up in a totally working-class family. I'm one of few in my family that did A Levels and the first to go on to higher education.

    Some little things that have happened are stupid but have really hurt me and knocked my confidence.
    Once I was talking to an American student about Strictly Come Dancing and a girl standing adjacent to our conversation suddenly butted in and said "In England we say DARNCE not dance."
    Another time I went to the college bar and ordered half a lager and the boy next to me rolled his eyes. He proceeded to sit down at the table I was sat at and make a speech about how girls should drink wine and how Carlsberg was the cheapest ****test drink he'd ever tasted. I've been drinking Carlsberg since I was 15 and funnily enough, I actually like the taste of it. But in saying something in situations like these maybe it just puts more people off including me rather than them realising that there is a world outside of middle-class London.

    It makes me very sad when I see my home friends at other places having the time of their life. More often now when I phone them they are always too busy for a chat. I feel like I am relying on them and they don't really need me any more.

    I am getting more and more depressed and downheared and I wish I had never applied to Oxford. Because once I got in I felt I couldn't possibly turn it down.

    I made a few phonecalls and I have a place at the University of Birmingham if I want it.

    Being honest with myself I know I would be much happier in the completely different atmosphere at Birmingham.

    But at the back of my mind...and my parents... is job prospects. People are telling me no matter how miserable I am I can't drop out because its oxford.

    I'm running out of time to tell Birmingham if I want the place. I have absolutely hated the time I have spent at Oxford but for job reasons only am hesitant to firm Birmingham. I don't know what to do.
    I think you should stay on at Oxford. Leaving for Birmingham means escaping from reality. I'm sure you are stronger than that. It is an admirable achievement to get into Oxford university, are you going to let a few people ruin a once in a life-time chance for you? As some people have mentioned, switching colleges within Oxford may be a much better alternative. Having said that, can you really not find a single person in your whole college that you can get along with? If that is the case, then perhaps the problem lies with you, and this won't be alleviated by moving to Birmingham. Oxford has it's fair share of International students, so go ahead and make some friends. Don't be too caught up on what a couple of ignorant people say, by doing so you are making them more important than yourself and your own future. Aside from all this, you are going to Oxford with the primary objective of achieving world class education. Coming from your social background, you are taking a bold step forward for the people in your family. You should not let them and yourself down.

    Hope you will find the strength to continue
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    Being honest i would tough it out We all go through some very bad **** in our lives, take comfort in the fact once your finished your time at Oxford you'll never have to see those mother****ers again
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    Do it, the people where you are sound awful. You have to do what makes you happy. University should be an experience, not something you have to force yourself through.

    My 6th form tutor recommended I apply for Oxbridge but I didn't want to. I've never bought into the Oxbridge hype tbh (Don't get me wrong I respect them but no more than I respect my friends who go to ICL, KCL and UCL). Oxbridge would never of been the right fit for me. I love London and I don't think I could go for it. I had one last choice left and I decided to apply for another course at Kings.

    Staying because it's Oxford would be pointless for you based on what you say. Just like applying would of been pointless for me because even if I got in I wouldn't of gone and then I'd be "the guy who turned down Oxford" and I don't want to be known for that.
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    (Original post by Warrior King)
    I hear what you're saying but my point is that I feel the OP would be wasting an opportunity by quitting Oxford when this is a problem that can certainly be rectified given time. Oxford is a large university with a diverse student population with lost of students from working-class background who may well be in a similar situation. Support is at hand. It may take a while for these problems to ressolve maybe longer than one academic year but they can be ressolved and only can be if the OP wants them to be ressolved.

    The impression I get is that she is allowing herself to be driven out by these morons.

    Now I appreciate the views of other users but I don't think simply telling her to leave and go to Birmingham is the solution to the problem. There will be many more obstacles to face in life in which university may well be the first of many.

    She is afraid to follow the so-called desired option because she fears it may be the wrong decision. I haven't said that it would be. All I'm saying is that there are solutions to the problem that involve staying at Oxford and if academic results are not an issue then this more than any factor is a huge positive reason to remain at Oxford.

    Not many people get to say they attended a university as famous or prestigious as Oxford and whilst that isn't the be all and end all, it is still something to be incredibly proud of. Birmingham whilst a great university cannot claim to match Oxford in terms of it's history and environment.

    What the OP described about Oxford, it doesn't have to be like that if she doesn't want it to be. There is nothing to fear in countering the views of a snotty few. You are amongst equals and you as much as they do, also have a right to express an opinion. Dance or darrrrnce who cares? It's the same word, same meaning it's not like you're speaking in Ancient Greek or something.

    Sometimes you just have to dig your heels into the ground, stand firm and show people that you mean business, that you have a right to be here and will continue to be here whether they like it or not and so they just have to learn to live with it. Also you will find that sometimes people will make comments without actually realising the hurt or distress it may cause. You could always approach them and tell them this and if they're decent human beings they will realise the mistakes they made and apologise.

    It just seems to me that the OP's dreams are being dashed by a select few and sometimes if you really want something in life you have to stand firm and let that passion carry you onwards despite the obstacles.
    OP made it to Oxford coming from a family of people who mostly went no further than GCSE. I'm sure she recognises an obstacle when she sees one. I see your point, and it is a very regrettable thing to get so far only to be at odds with the place. But ultimately she won't do well if she's not happy. To be frank I don't think the kind of people who will actually butt into a conversation between two strangers to pass judgment on their accents will be very quick to apologise for the comment. Above all, it's not about the factual accuracy or significance of such a statement itself, it's the attitude of sheer arrogance that it carries. I'm not sure I myself could do well in an environment where I was being judged, openly or otherwise, every time I opened my mouth. If OP finds a way to make it work, that's obviously the best solution. But it's not as if she's at war with herself, she just feels pressured by the expectations placed on her by her family and friends.
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    Go to Birmingham, get a degree, drink as much Carlsberg as you like and have a good time.

    No point staying somewhere if you're unhappy.
 
 
 
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