I can imagine there are a number of these forums but I suppose I'm looking for reassurance more than anything about my possibly inconsequential life problem.
Basically, I should be going to university in September. If I get the grades of course but thats a different story. My boyfriend of 9 months is definitely going to university (hes a year older) this September and is going somewhere that is about 100 miles away from where I hope to go. I know, its not really 'long distance' compared to some of the difficulties other couples have to go through but I'm a massive worrier and I really, really, don't want to lose him. He is a lot more laidback than myself and says we should 'cross that bridge when we come to it' but I can't help thinking to the future, so much so that I've been looking at how much it will cost to visit eachother etc and talking to him about it. I'm scared he'll lose interest and that it will fade out like so many long distance relationships seem to have before, and though I haven't told him so, I really do want to spend a long time in a relationship, I'm not sure how long, but definitely past university and into adulthood.
Can anybody help me out? Should I simple stop worrying and enjoy the time we have? I'm finding it very hard to do so. And does anybody have any tips on how to make long distance relationships work? Any help would be appreciated
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Angsting about the thought of a long distance relationship. watch
- Thread Starter
- 06-04-2011 18:51
- 06-04-2011 19:50
Honestly, I would enjoy the time you have now and just try and push it to the side. If you're meant to be together, it will work out when you both go to uni, but you both have to be willing to put the effort in. Me and my ex broke up in November, and it was awful, but he wasn't putting the effort in to the relationship and personally I think he quit on it, but I do think I had pushed him away by worrying about it so much, especially over the summer! Just try not to worry because you could end up doing what I did and push him away!
- 06-04-2011 19:58
Try not to think about the future now, concentrate on the good things you have at the moment. Right now, you have a boyfriend who cares about you and who you care about. Spend time with him and focus on the positives.
When it comes time to go to uni, set yourselves a time each week when you can phone each other. Set up some form of communication that you both agree on and promise to keep up (I have a thread on facebook, but we're both pretty laid back). Make sure you communicate and that you always plan enough ahead that you always know when you'll next see each other - it's easier to say good bye when you KNOW that you'll see them again, and how long you have to wait.
Good luck, and don't panic. When you think you are, take a deep breath and remember what you have now.
- 06-04-2011 20:01
You won't really know how you personally will deal with it until you do it. It might not bother you as much as you think!
As the others have said I wouldn't worry about it for now If you both want it to work, it probably will.
- 06-04-2011 20:05
It's your relationship - it's up to you to decide if you want to make it long distance and continue it. It CAN work.
However, in 99% of cases it doesn't. I'm in one right now - I think it's important that mine was for only a year and then we'd be in the same city - there was an endgame where it wouldn't always be long distance. That's important.
Yours is for three years. Statistically it won't work. You won't see each other as much. After a while you will become bored. Communication can be hard. Travelling to see each other can be hard.
I think the best bet is to break up if you don't see it working - if you do, cross that bridge when you come to it, and if you decide to continue it take it one day at a time. If it gets too tough, or there is another guy in your life, break it off.