what would you HONESTLY think if you saw self harm scars?

what would you HONESTLY think if you saw self harm scars on someone? Please don't sugar-coat things, I want honest opinions on if you saw obvious self harm scars (I'm talking lots of white faded scars with a few still very red, quite big and recent ones on top) on someone.

If you guys want to be really helpful please say what your reaction would be on:
- a stranger
- a friend
- a friend's girl/boyfriend
- a family member
If these different people provoke different reactions.

Thanks.

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Reply 1

Peachykeen09

if i saw it randomly then i'd just think they want attention. most people hide it and don't want others to know so if they're out in the open and clearly visible...

Reply 2

Danielle89

Its more common than you'd think, so if it was on a stranger's arms, then I'd feel vaguely sorry for them but sort of move on quite quickly (I work in pharmacy and saw someone with quite horrific scars the other day, but if they're a fleeting stranger then there's not much you can do/feel beyond "oh dear, wonder what the story is with that?")

If it was a friend or family member then I'd feel sad that I couldn't/hadn't done anything to help them through an unknown difficult period in their lives. My best friend phoned me up in the middle of the night after a night out and asked me to talk to her because she felt she needed to cut but didn't want to. I still felt sad that she felt the need to cut but happy that she'd stopped herself and that I could help her through it. If I found out someone had been cutting and I hadn't noticed it, I'd feel guilty for not being there for them, although someone who's cutting as a release will keep it a very good secret compared to someone cutting for attention...

Reply 3

Jennet

Likewise, if I saw them, I would assume the person wanted me to see them so they could get attention.
Much like, if someone had left depression pills out in the open for all to see, I would assume they were attention seeking.
If I got to know them very well, and then I accidentally saw some scars, it would be very different, and I would take it seriously.
People who seriously have problems with self harming don't tend to want others to know, and you won't see it unless they want you to.

Reply 4

Oh my Ms. Coffey

Messed up/obsessive girl.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by Jennet

Thanks for the honesty. :smile:

I see where you're coming from and I've been hiding them for the last 7 years but it's coming up to summer and tbh it's hot wearing sleeves all the time. :tongue:

How long would you need to know the person before "accidentally" seeing them to come to a different conclusion than that they were attention seeking? As I said in the OP, a lot of the scars (the majority) are clearly quite old, would that change your perspective at all? Thanks.

Reply 6

rachelkeira

If you guys want to be really helpful please say what your reaction would be on:
- a stranger - not a lot really, I've seen people with them before. I also used to have them myself a few years ago, so I wouldn't stare or anything.
- a friend - Be concerned, and try and hint to them that I saw so they'll talk to me, but I wouldn't push them on it at all.
- a friend's girl/boyfriend - Maybe mention it to my friend, but unless I knew them personally, wouldn't approach the subject with them.
- a family member - Probably the same as with a friend, but also maybe mention it to my parents.

Reply 7

Horsedobbin

will helP?

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 8

ScarlettDangerfield

I think I'd be a bit concerned but if they didn't seem to be recent and I knew the person well enough to know that they weren't still doing it (although I'm aware that a lot of people are very secretive about it) I wouldn't think about it too much. Everyone makes mistakes in their lives.

Reply 9

Livesindreams

Honestly I don't really care if it's a stranger, I may have the occasionally 'wow they must be strong to get through what they did.'

But if it was someone close to me, I'd ignore them but wonder why they never came to me for help.

Reply 10

Cinamon

Old scars = it's in the past and is something they probably want to forget about.
New scars = try and find a way to help.

Honestly @ the people who think 'they are showing me them for attention'. It's a scar on their body..... their body. Are they supposed to cover their arms/legs all the time and feel even more uncomfortable?

Reply 11

pigwigeon

I don't really understand the viewpoint that seeing the scars are an indication that someone wants attention. Fair enough if someone purposely draws attention to them, or gets their fresh cuts out, but scars? Really? Are you saying that anyone who's ever self harmed should cover up their scars forever?

Maybe I'm a minority, but I'm really not bothered what people think of mine any more. They're a part of me now, people can think I'm attention seeking ( :rolleyes:

) or they can just get over it and get on with their lives. Likewise, I don't really bat an eyelid when I see other peoples'. If they're open cuts, I often think to myself 'I hope they're getting help', but apart from that, nothing.

OP, covering up for 7 years is impressive. I say get 'em out. You can't keep them hidden for the rest of your life. People might ask you about them if they notice, but you'll find that a lot of people will notice and not say anything.

Reply 12

n65uk

- a stranger: Don't care
- a friend: Be helpful but not pushy, i.e they are a friend, I cannot make them do anything.
- a friend's girl/boyfriend and a family member: ensure something is done about it, i.e go to doctors & get the person on antidepressants.

Was severely depressed for a few years and known a person who did go through with suicide because of bullying, problem is that it takes a lot for someone to reach out for help.

Reply 13

Anonymous #2

I have a number of prominent scars (predominately on my upper arms- lower arms are now nicely disguised by my freckles :tongue:

) and although I haven't self harmed for a good 6 years they're still noticeable. I've never had a negative reaction when I wear short sleeves- ocasionally (particularly on nights out when people are a bit drunk) I'll be asked about them but I'd far rather that then people just presuming wrongly :smile:

. I'm a trainee primary school teacher now and I always cover up at school- because although adults can comprehend my scars I would never want to impose that kind of thing on smaller kids... my younger brother has asked a few times and I've jut told him they were 'cat scratches' and it's never been a big deal.

People are far kinder than I think you'd realise sometimes though :smile:

Reply 14

The Polar Dude

Original post by n65uk

This.

Reply 15

Fallen

Original post by n65uk

Same as this, although I probably wouldn't get too involved if it was a friend's friend. Just tell our mutual friend and make sure they try to do something.

Reply 16

Meh.

Original post by Jennet

This. I only know one friend who I truly believe battles with real depression, and her cutting/suicidal thoughts worries me deeply. Everyone else is just glamorising their pain, some of the things are unbelievably trivial. It kind of makes me really angry, because of people like them, there are those with real problems who's uncomfortable to speak out about it.

Edit: Not too surprised about the neg reps :rolleyes:

but I'm just answering honestly. Maybe it's just my friends when they were teenagers, who cut over boyfriends and parents dishing petty punishments; and now that they're older, they all admit they had perfect upbringings. On the other hand, my family has just gone from bad to worse to the absolutely ridiculous - and still I never seriously considered cutting. Tried once or twice, it did bugger all. For me, I just wanted to be dead, to not feel at all; and I found cutting kind of proved the opposite.

OP Do whatever you want. To be honest, they're your scars, they're your past, even if there are people who think like me in the world - so what? You know what you went through, how you felt, you don't need to care what I think. I certainly don't what others think of my now, ugly or not.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 17

chemical_bex

I was in hospital last week and my doctor had really bad scars on her arms, old, but very noticeable. I really didn't care but my mum was mouthing at me "OMG, look at that!" I think it kinda showed my doctor was like, a person too, if you get me :p:

If I see like a 14 year old going round town with their freshly cut arms out I'd assume they were attention seeking.
I don't care though. I'd only care if it was someone close to me, because that would upset me.

Reply 18

~ Purple Rose ~

PS Reviewer

Showing scars does not equal attention-seeking. Especially in summer it is hard to keep them hidden, I hide mine and get more looks for wearing long sleeves in 30 degree weather, not to mention a top when swimming.
On some occasions you just can't avoid it - I once did first aid training which involved putting bandages on each others arms and it would have been more obvious to refuse.

If I see someone with scars I just think 'oh, they have done it too' and I actually respect them for having the courage to wear what they want, despite how some ignorant people might react.