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what would you HONESTLY think if you saw self harm scars? watch

    • #5
    #5

    I am actually shocked by the people who think it's attention seeking. Looks like the only people who understand are fellow cutters :\

    Personally, If I saw someone with scars, I'd be curious as to why (obviously I wouldn't ask as I know that we often don't like talking about it) and I'd also empathise with them. This does only apply to me seeing the cuts by chance though, not some teenager waving his/her arms around in front of me.

    My advice to you though is if you are going to start wearing short sleeves, prepare your answers to the questions you will DEFINITELY be asked, whether they are excuses, lies or the truth, plan what you're going to say and everything should be ok
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    what would you HONESTLY think if you saw self harm scars on someone? Please don't sugar-coat things, I want honest opinions on if you saw obvious self harm scars (I'm talking lots of white faded scars with a few still very red, quite big and recent ones on top) on someone.

    If you guys want to be really helpful please say what your reaction would be on:
    - a stranger
    - a friend
    - a friend's girl/boyfriend
    - a family member
    If these different people provoke different reactions.

    Thanks.
    Why?
    I wish I could be that poetic, but the memories I have of self harmers are more like :eek:

    (Original post by ash92:))
    I'd think: "retard"
    Okay. Il wait until you get clinical depression and then abuse you for it.
    Dont be so insensitive.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    what would you HONESTLY think if you saw self harm scars on someone? Please don't sugar-coat things, I want honest opinions on if you saw obvious self harm scars (I'm talking lots of white faded scars with a few still very red, quite big and recent ones on top) on someone.

    If you guys want to be really helpful please say what your reaction would be on:
    - a stranger
    - a friend
    - a friend's girl/boyfriend
    - a family member
    If these different people provoke different reactions.

    Thanks.
    Stanger- ooo let me check for further signs of depression and make friends with this person
    A friend- assessfor suicidility, tell them to sterilise blades. Regularly check to see if theyre getting deeper
    A friend's girl/boyfriend- email/send links etc or see if they want help but mainly stay out of it if its not life threatening
    family member- depends which but mainly same as friend which alot more interrogation.
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    (Original post by DlightSwitch)
    Read the thread? OP wants to wear short sleeves and no longer hide her scars and he/she wants to know what people might think if he/she does.
    Im not asking her that question, thats why its in Italics. :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    what would you HONESTLY think if you saw self harm scars on someone? Please don't sugar-coat things, I want honest opinions on if you saw obvious self harm scars (I'm talking lots of white faded scars with a few still very red, quite big and recent ones on top) on someone.

    If you guys want to be really helpful please say what your reaction would be on:
    - a stranger
    - a friend
    - a friend's girl/boyfriend
    - a family member
    If these different people provoke different reactions.

    Thanks.
    A stranger nothing- not much you can do really
    Friend/Family- ask why and try to help
    Friend's gf/bf- tell the friend

    I've had a coupla friends who have had them (although mostly not new scars) so yeah I don't really judge or whatever.
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    (Original post by DlightSwitch)
    Well done for editing. :cool:
    Ive only got myself to blame for giving you cover..
    I always wipe my ass before leaving the bathroom.
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    Stranger - Nothing. I'm hardly going to bring it up! Talk about akward...

    Friend - I'd ask almost immediately. Don't know if I would probe too deeply, though, unless they asked.

    Friend's BF - Girl probably has issues. Unless I get on with her, let my friend deal with it.

    Family member - Confront them straight away. Arrange a meeting with a psychiatrist.

    In all honesty, I'm not the kinda' guy who would ever probes these sort of things.
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    Stanger: Aww, must have had a hard time of it in the earlier days.
    Friend: What the? *lots of worrying*
    Friend's partner: Aww, must have had a hard time of it in the earlier days.
    Family member: :O :O *an abundance of worrying and stressing..although if it was a family member I wouldn't have noticed the scars due to them being old, 'faded' scars, I would have noticed a heck of a lot before, I should hope.
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    I've got three really prominent scars which are bloody awful on my left arm, still really noticable. They're like, four years old now though. I have to wear a short sleeved t-shirt at work and no one's said anything, but I always get pretty self-conscious of what customers think and stuff.
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    Honestly, whether I knew you or not I would lose any respect I may have had for you. If there are only a couple of scars I may assume you may have just scratched yourself by accident but if there were lots and even some recent ones...well thats just pathetic.
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    i'd think... THE ****KKK!??
    • #6
    #6

    How can anyone say it's for attention? I had never come across anyone who had self-harmed untill I found out my sister was doing it, so it's been a pretty steep learning curve. These days she's doing better though, rolling her jumper sleeves up and so on, she seems to be feeling a bit more confident about showing her arms now that the cuts are getting older, and everytime I see her arms and there's no new ones, it reminds me how far she's come since that very lowest of days when I saw 'HELP' on her arm, and it reminds me that, one day, we'll get far enough away from this. So if I saw someone with self-harm scars, I'd feel so proud of them for getting past whatever it was that was going on in their life and having the confidence to not to have to hide their past.

    Apologies for the rambles.
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    only thing i'd think is the person has a story to tell/ not tell
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    Would have to be a hypocrite, wouldn't think any more or less. Hmm am tipsy but meh try talk to whoever it is but don't judge them already. It is noone else's business unless they wanna let someone in and trust them.
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    honestly, i would probably consider them weak for taking such an action and lose significant respect for them
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    I do understand that the odd few do it for attention but really those saying anyone who reveals them openly is doing it for attention isn't thinking properly. Do they expect them to wear long sleeves all of the time, even in blazing sun or on holiday on a beach or something?

    I have a few scars, none are self harm, just scars due to me being clumsy, I have two from when I had my finger and thumb cut open, the finger was on a railing, the thumb was on a sharp tin of chocolate peanuts. I have a scar on my wrist which is small but if noticed it could be mistake for a self harm one but it is in fact caused by something like ripping up a cardboard box or something for work and it cut me and caused a scar (I can't remember exactly but it was something along those lines). I also have a scar on my wrist caused by someone stabbing me with a pen when I was at school, not really a self harm one either but I guess it could get mistaken for that.

    So yeah the point is I do have a two scars on my wrist and two on my hands but they have nothing to do with self harm, they have nothing to do with me looking for attention and for the most part I actually forget they are even there until I think about it. So if someone did see them and think I was a self harmer or looking for attention they'd be putting 2 and 2 together to make 5, so not everyone who does have scars like that got them from self harming or did it for attention is my point.

    This is why if I see someone with a few scars on their hand or arm I don't pay too much attention, for all I know they could be clumsy, they might have a cat or something else along those lines. If it was totally obvious though I suppose I would be concerned but I wouldn't really know what to do. An ex of mine told me she used to self harm, I never saw any scars on her though and honestly it made me never want to upset her but then she'd always act horrible to me and pretty much use me and boss me around where it got to the point that I had no choice but to dump her as I couldn't take it anymore, then I found out that the self harm thing may not have been true and I think she actually just said all of it to me for attention. Me not knowing how to deal with it made me go around her like I was walking on eggshells though and I must say I felt an idiot after it all.

    I suppose if it was totally obvious I would maybe find a quiet place or a quiet time to just have a word with them, maybe just casually ask where they got their scars, I could just do it in a way where I get their attention to my hand and show my scars and give the back story, then ask about their's without sounding like someone who is quizzing them. Then they might open up and if I found out they were self harming I suppose I'd try and help them.

    If it was a family member I'd just ask straight out though as I am quite close to my family, I might also mention it to my parents.
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    ...not getting them a t shirt for their birthday.
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    I'd say if it's you, then it's really your decision whether to get your arms out or not. I mean, if you don't care what people think of you, then go for it, there's no reason to not enjoy your summer just because of what other people might think!

    If other's impressions do bother you, though, I'd say first try to sort out the issue itself and get past harming yourself if possible. Then wait for the fresher wounds to heal. Then you should be able to get your arms out - I don't tend to judge those with only old scars. After all, there is literally nothing you can do about the scars now, and if you are not obviously still self harming, it doesn't strike me as attention seeking.

    Alternatively for summer, just get some nice jackets/cardigans/even long gloves if you're altenative, there are lots of ways to hide them and still have a great summer.

    I wish you luck, and despite what I said, don't let what other people's opinions stop you from enjoying yourself, it's your life!
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    If you guys want to be really helpful please say what your reaction would be on:
    - a stranger - I would just ignore it, it doesn't affect me and I don't want to get into this person's personal life

    - a friend - would feel slightly sad / upset, and would try and bring it up one day in the future. I wouldn't think anything less of them, or anything bad about them, just offer my support if they want it.

    - a friend's girl/boyfriend - dunno

    - a family member - would feel slightly sad / upset, and would try and bring it up one day in the future. I wouldn't think anything less of them, or anything bad about them, just offer my support if they want it.
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    (Original post by Livesindreams)
    Honestly I don't really care if it's a stranger, I may have the occasionally 'wow they must be strong to get through what they did.'

    But if it was someone close to me, I'd ignore them but wonder why they never came to me for help.

    people who self harm are not strong, the exact opposite: they are mentally unstable. in layman's terms, they are crackers.
 
 
 
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