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what would you HONESTLY think if you saw self harm scars? watch

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    • #7
    #7

    I tend to think '****' pretty immediately because seeing others scars is a massive trigger for me. I dunno what I'd do after that.

    I have self harm scars on my wrists, forearms (suicide attempts), thighs and upper arms and whilst I only make a concerted effort to hide them from people close to me - my family, close friends, who would be upset to see them - I don't see why I should hide them from the public if I will be uncomfortable covering them. Having said that, I'm wary of swimming now as the scars on my thighs are quite extensive and red still despite being old. I should probably try harder to cover them with regards to my first sentence
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    obviously had a hard strugge at some point and at the time that was there coping mechanism
    • #8
    #8

    - a stranger - mild curiosity. Wouldn't say anything, it's not my place, but I'd be wondering what the story was.

    - a friend - Depends how good a friend they are. If I've known them long enough, I might ask about them, offer to talk or whatever.

    - a friend's girl/boyfriend - see 'stranger', unless said person is also my friend.

    - a family member - I like to think I'd already know, but I'd definitely ask about them.

    I have no issue with scars. One or two myself, from a bad patch a few years ago - they're faded enough that I don't worry about wearing short sleeves. I have a certain curiosity, but I don't judge other people who have them - we all have our reasons.
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    Someone I know has them, it's horrible.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks. I do really want to just wear short sleeves like everyone else and not be sweating all the time from the heat but I'm terrified of the response from people. I'll be honest, I don't really have many friends so I don't want to drive the people I do have away as it'd be awful. Hence the thread, I just want normal every day people's opinions. If it really is the prevailing opinion that I must be an attention seeking liar (as it seems to be so far) then obviously I won't do it, that's why I want honesty.

    None of the scars are fresh cuts, the newest are a few months old if that makes any difference to anyone.
    I am a self harmer and I have been doing it for around 7 years now. As I got older, I got fed up of covering up all the time and I just stopped bothering. I had just started uni at the time, so I was meeting a lot of new people and I was really surprised at the responses I got. A lot of people said nothing at all, which was fine by me, and didn't treat me any differently. Unless they said things behind my back which I'm unaware of, it didn't seem to put them off becoming friends with me. My flatmates asked me about it and were incredibly supportive when I later went through a hard time. Of all the people I have met since I gave up covering up, only one has made a nasty comment, and that was when they were really drunk, and they are a bit of an ass anyway.

    My point is, if you feel comfortable with your scars, and will be more comfortable in a t shirt in warm weather, then you really shouldn't feel the need to cover up, and what's more, I'm sure you will be surprised at how people respond . I think it's a real shame when SIers feel the need to continue to hide themselves away when they are recovering. Whilst the people you are close to may have questions about your scars, I'm sure that it will be in a supportive way Good luck, feel free to PM me if you want to talk x
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    Anyone that voluntarily inflicts pain on themselves is, in my mind, stupid, at the very least.
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    I have a few scars (not cuts or burns) on my arm but lots on my legs. I dont care about my arms. If people are going to make negative judgements of who I am as a person (only) based on a coping mechanism I have used, then I wouldnt really want to waste my time anyways.

    I dont think self harming is 'right' , but its certainly not just as simple as sticking someone on antidepressants (which by the way increase the chance of self harm / suicide in people younger than 25.) I understand that since society deem it unacceptable, and it can appear in a way of 'ughhh how can anyone do that to themselves?' , but pain releases endorphins thus causing the 'addictive' entity that comes with self harm.
    Coincidently, I was in this position today. I noticed someone I knew on facebook had some scars just in a picture, so I asked if she was okay and fancied a chat etc.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    what would you HONESTLY think if you saw self harm scars on someone? Please don't sugar-coat things, I want honest opinions on if you saw obvious self harm scars (I'm talking lots of white faded scars with a few still very red, quite big and recent ones on top) on someone.

    If you guys want to be really helpful please say what your reaction would be on:
    - a stranger
    - a friend
    - a friend's girl/boyfriend
    - a family member
    If these different people provoke different reactions.

    Thanks.
    If I saw them on anyone then I'd just be all "wow, it is more common than I thought, I'm not alone."
    I was terrified when I started uni and with people seeing mine. But no one has ever said anything or acted weirdly around me
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    If it was a hot girl that I don't know, I'd be thinking low self esteem!

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    Easy prey! :awesome:
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    (Original post by Redreynard)
    people who self harm are not strong, the exact opposite: they are mentally unstable. in layman's terms, they are crackers.
    People who get through it are probably the strongest people you'll ever meet! Ever day is a struggle and you'll hopefully never know how hard it is. My family thought I would never even get to sit my GCSEs. I ended up getting A*A*AA at A level and now I'm at uni. Everyday is hard to try and get through and not do it again as somedays I feel weak. But then I think about what I've accomplished and that is strength. Something you will never understand
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    scar is good. everyone have scar. visible or not
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    (Original post by ChelseyElla)
    People who get through it are probably the strongest people you'll ever meet! Ever day is a struggle and you'll hopefully never know how hard it is. My family thought I would never even get to sit my GCSEs. I ended up getting A*A*AA at A level and now I'm at uni. Everyday is hard to try and get through and not do it again as somedays I feel weak. But then I think about what I've accomplished and that is strength. Something you will never understand

    wow, top A levels! you're probably doubly bright, because psychological distress is not good for concentration.
    as for strength, there are many kinds of strength. there is a story "journey's end" about soldiers in the first world war. one, stanhope, was the school hero, the captain of cricket, that sort of guy. and when raleigh joins him on the front line he can't believe that stanhope has fallen prey to shell shock and turned to the bottle. osborne is the guy who points out that some people are brave and heroic in one circumstance, others in another.
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    the attention seeking commments people have made are a little annoying.... is someone supposed to live in shame their entire life because of something they got over, the word "scar" was used a scar has happened has healed is done with now

    but then i feel the op was a little wishy washy .... a scar is a scar .... a recent scar? does that not make it a cut?

    i self harmed for about 4 years which stopped about 4 years ago, i stopped wearin long sleaves not long after, i still wear them at home, i live in cardigans, but when im not with family, like when im at uni, i think part of getting over it is being able to not be ashamed of the scars, i let them rule my life for a long time, now there just a part of who i am everyone has a history.
    x
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    (Original post by littleshambles)
    what if it was a guy
    Needs to man the **** up.
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    I saw it on a friend when she moved her bracelets by mistake...it was a moment of shock and confusion and I'm still not exactly sure what to think of it...even after we talked about it
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    I used to have a friend who did little chicken scratches everywhere and at every opportunity she'd whip out her wrist and say "I was so stupid..." while we were all supposed to stare at the tiny little scar there.
    People who show their scars are either confident and not bothered, in which case great, but if they keep drawing attention to it...I don't think much of them or it.
    Of course scarification is something quite different!

    But if I knew that someone was doing it seriously, I'd think they were unhappy. I often 'self harm' but it's Aspie self harm, I smack myself and get bruises, and it just means I was unhappy at the time- I'm not always miserable or frustrated, and it's a good way of releasing all that energy. Don't really go in for cutting, doesn't do much for me.
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    (Original post by Redreynard)
    people who self harm are not strong, the exact opposite: they are mentally unstable. in layman's terms, they are crackers.
    I mean in the sense of being able to stop. For any addiction being able to stop takes a lot of strength.
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    (Original post by Oh my Ms. Coffey)
    Needs to man the **** up.
    both misogynist AND misandrist! nice.
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    These are based on past experiences.

    On a stranger or friend I'd think they were attention seeking, they want someone to come up to them and ask how they are and if they're alright. Especially so if the friend started wearing short sleeve tshirts a day or 2 after they start self harming :rolleyes:

    Boyfriend, I think they're doing it because it's the only way they could let their emotions out. As their girlfriend, I'd make sure that they were open about their self and also our relationship, but when things get too much they may see it as their only option. I wouldn't like to be in another relationship with a self harmer; it makes things very awkward and hard for me knowing I couldn't help them.

    Family member I'd also think were attention seeking, mixed with being clumsy. My family is notoriously clumsy (and a little emotional too) so I'm sure a couple have self harmed by accident; ie, poked their finger on a knife in the washing bowl without looking, cut their self with a potato peeler etc etc. Combine that with the want to self harm and there's blood everywhere and a panicking person pretending to have cut their self accidentally with a razor... Messy stuff.
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    I would be disgusted. How can you have such a weak character?

    Life's not always sunshine, fair enough. However there are people all over the world who are in situations a million times worse than those who self-harm over their appearance or rejection in a relationship etc...but who would never dream of self-harming.

    It's called endurance and strength of character. I have very little respect for those who do drugs, but I would say that I have even less for those who self harm.
 
 
 
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