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Was recently raped, not coping, missing uni/placement - what to do? Watch

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    Bit of a complicated one...
    A month ago I was raped. I've only confided in a couple of friends, I didn't go to the police due to the circumstances of the rape plus I was just in shock and just trying to forget about it. This was a bad idea, I'm now having a lot of difficulty sleeping (I'll be awake most of the night even if I'm exhausted, if I do fall asleep it'll be for about half an hour then I wake up), and because of the lack of sleep I'm feeling irritable and just generally rotten. For the first couple of weeks I managed to just get on with things and push it out my mind, but now it seems to be sinking in what happened. I keep getting sudden memories of what happened, which are making me feel sick, and I'm just generally feeling really down and struggling to look after myself/get out of my flat.
    For the last week I've been trying to register and get an appointment with the local gp surgery as I've realised I need help however the reception staff there are very unhelpful (loads of people I know have complained about them in the past), and I've only just been able to register today, they said I might be able to get an appointment tomorrow if I call first thing but that it's unlikely. I feel that if I got my sleeping back on track then I'd be able to cope with everything a lot better - are they likely to offer me sleeping pills? I know most gps would rather not prescribe them due to the risk of tolerance/dependance if you take them for more than 2-4 weeks.
    I'm doing a mental health nursing degree, but because of how I've been feeling and due to tiredness I haven't been into placement in the last two weeks. I feel like if I go in I won't be able to hold myself together and pretend everything is okay, plus I'm not going to be any help to the service users when I feel like this. I haven't contacted uni or my placement to explain what is going on because I've felt unable to talk about it until now. I decided this morning to call up the student support worker as obviously I can't just miss so much placement without an explanation, but she wasn't available to I left a message with the member of staff who answered the phone and gave them my number so she can call me back.
    I realise I should have contacted the university a few weeks ago and that I've gone the wrong way about things, and I'm now getting really worried that when I do talk to uni it's going to jeopardise my degree. I think this because of the nature of my degree - they might think it's a bad idea for me to be doing mental health nurse training when I'm going through mental distress, and because I've missed loads of placement and probably won't feel up to going back for a few weeks, which will mean I'll fail the placement. I'm also worried that they'll question why I've left it so long to contact them and not take me seriously. How is my uni likely to react when I tell them this? I'm really scared I'll get kicked off the course or ask to defer for a year, and I don't want to do that.
    I know this is more of a rant than a specific question, but just looking for advice from anyone who has gone through something similar, and reassurance.
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    anyone?
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    if this is true which i think it is, this is so sad go talk to your GP and see what they think, talk to your friends and get things of your chest. send me a private message if you like if you want someone to talk to in confidence
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    I've luckily never been in this situation so I can only sympathise with you but say that keeping it all hidden is not doing you any good at all, both with your health and your uni. You need to talk to them and explain - they'll be able to help but just make it clear that you're dedicated to the course and the placement and just needed some time to sort your head out but you're wanting to continue. It'll be hard but just going and getting through each day will show that you won't let the douchebag win, as you're stronger than that. Go see the GP asap for peace of mind and they may also be able to sort out counselling - it sounds quite heavy but at the same time it could be a good option to have someone impartial (who's heard it all before) to talk to and let it all out. Good luck!
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    I was raped in the summer of 2008, just before I went into Year 13. My story is very much the same as yours, I was obviously traumatized but was capable of functioning for about three weeks until I went back to school, and it was then that everything fell apart. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't concentrate on anything as there was only one thing on my mind, all the time.
    I eventually broke down in school and they got me help, took me to the doctors when I told them I hadn't slept for three days (literally) and they got me sleeping pills. I can remember what it was like not being able to sleep, and waking up after that first night was absolutely amazing! As soon as I started getting some shut eye at night, things did get a little easier - however that alone did not make the situation better. Your university will have a guidance counsellor, please please please do confide in them! You may not be ready now, it was eight months before I finally went into counselling, but I can't even explain how much it helped me. You can't do this alone, it's impossible.

    If you want to know anything else, don't hesitate to PM me.
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    I know it'll be difficult but you definitely need to try and talk to people (especially your GP/Uni). Although it might feel like the lasat thing you want to do at the moment, leaving things can end up with repurcussions. Once you get the initial talk with people out of the way, people can begin to help you piece things back together and give you some piece of mind (particularly about your course). Right now your main priority is to give yourself lots of TLC and make sure you seek out the right people around you who can support you best through this really difficult time.
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    I hope you are able to talk to your uni people now, I'm sure they'll understand why it took you so long! Maybe you could take a bit of time off to get yourself sorted. Your health is most important, you can always start your degree again (that sounded really condescending but I was in a similar position and had to leave, but there's always time to go back)
    If you're looking for others to talk to, try Pandora's Aqarium Forum it's really helpful.
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    Wow this has really upset me stay strong! i feel for you spend as much time as you need time heals everything believe me!
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    I have a mild idea of what you're going through. I would definitely go to your GP. Keep at them to get an appointment and tell them your whole situation. If anything, it will be nice to just talk to someone knowing that being confidential is in their job description. They can prescirbe you with the correct things, or even direct you to someone else to talk things through and help you move on with your life. You need to get it sorted ASAP and not let that pathetic rapist ruin your life. And make sure you talk to your uni! I'm sure they will be perfectly understanding due to the circumstances and extra credits will always be available to you when you get back on track.
    Hope you're ok, internet person
    • #2
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    (Original post by beatrixface)
    I was raped in the summer of 2008, just before I went into Year 13.
    I have to say, you should be very proud that you're talking about this openly - I know how traumatic an experience rape is and how difficult it is to talk about, so good on you for not being anonymous with this. (... I'm not as strong )

    OP, I would recommend trying to get an appointment with your GP so you can sort counselling/therapy out. I've had horrible experiences with this myself as a rape victim, but they're very much the exception and the vast majority of people are helped to move on and cope by the mental health services.
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    bloody hell!!!

    3 people raped in this thread alone is sickening!

    What is the world coming to?

    Rape is far more disgusting a crime than murder in my opinion yet the government or judicial system to **** all about it.

    I sympathise with all those who have been subjected to such an ordeal and wish you all the best in the future.
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    Thanks to those of you who have replied. I am going to try and get a GP appointment tomorrow. When I registered with the GP surgery today I asked if I could book an appointment and they said they had no more pre-bookable appointments left but that if I phone tomorrow at 8am I might be able to get an appointment on the day. However I've heard from other people that it's really difficult to get an appointment there and that the admin/reception staff are awful, which I have experienced myself during this week. So fingers crossed I will get an appointment.

    I don't know whether to try phoning the student support worker again tomorrow (she didnt get back to me today) or to contact my personal tutor. My personal tutor is absolutely lovely and experienced in her role as a personal tutor, and she has been a mental health nurse for many years so would be understanding if I talked to her, however the prospect of talking to someone who knows me seems a lot more daunting than talking to the student support worker who I don't know and would feel less awkward talking to...
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    (Original post by AreYouDizzeeBlud_x)
    Rape is far more disgusting a crime than murder in my opinion
    Wow really? I think you're absolutely out of your mind on that one :confused:. I can't even think of a decent analogy here, except for the fact people can recover emotionally from rape but there is no recovery from being dead.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Bit of a complicated one...
    A month ago I was raped. I've only confided in a couple of friends, I didn't go to the police due to the circumstances of the rape plus I was just in shock and just trying to forget about it. This was a bad idea, I'm now having a lot of difficulty sleeping (I'll be awake most of the night even if I'm exhausted, if I do fall asleep it'll be for about half an hour then I wake up), and because of the lack of sleep I'm feeling irritable and just generally rotten. For the first couple of weeks I managed to just get on with things and push it out my mind, but now it seems to be sinking in what happened. I keep getting sudden memories of what happened, which are making me feel sick, and I'm just generally feeling really down and struggling to look after myself/get out of my flat.
    For the last week I've been trying to register and get an appointment with the local gp surgery as I've realised I need help however the reception staff there are very unhelpful (loads of people I know have complained about them in the past), and I've only just been able to register today, they said I might be able to get an appointment tomorrow if I call first thing but that it's unlikely. I feel that if I got my sleeping back on track then I'd be able to cope with everything a lot better - are they likely to offer me sleeping pills? I know most gps would rather not prescribe them due to the risk of tolerance/dependance if you take them for more than 2-4 weeks.
    I'm doing a mental health nursing degree, but because of how I've been feeling and due to tiredness I haven't been into placement in the last two weeks. I feel like if I go in I won't be able to hold myself together and pretend everything is okay, plus I'm not going to be any help to the service users when I feel like this. I haven't contacted uni or my placement to explain what is going on because I've felt unable to talk about it until now. I decided this morning to call up the student support worker as obviously I can't just miss so much placement without an explanation, but she wasn't available to I left a message with the member of staff who answered the phone and gave them my number so she can call me back.
    I realise I should have contacted the university a few weeks ago and that I've gone the wrong way about things, and I'm now getting really worried that when I do talk to uni it's going to jeopardise my degree. I think this because of the nature of my degree - they might think it's a bad idea for me to be doing mental health nurse training when I'm going through mental distress, and because I've missed loads of placement and probably won't feel up to going back for a few weeks, which will mean I'll fail the placement. I'm also worried that they'll question why I've left it so long to contact them and not take me seriously. How is my uni likely to react when I tell them this? I'm really scared I'll get kicked off the course or ask to defer for a year, and I don't want to do that.
    I know this is more of a rant than a specific question, but just looking for advice from anyone who has gone through something similar, and reassurance.
    Hope everything gets better soon, pm if you ever feel like a chat. Try and stay positive.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Bit of a complicated one...
    A month ago I was raped. I've only confided in a couple of friends, I didn't go to the police due to the circumstances of the rape plus I was just in shock and just trying to forget about it. This was a bad idea, I'm now having a lot of difficulty sleeping (I'll be awake most of the night even if I'm exhausted, if I do fall asleep it'll be for about half an hour then I wake up), and because of the lack of sleep I'm feeling irritable and just generally rotten. For the first couple of weeks I managed to just get on with things and push it out my mind, but now it seems to be sinking in what happened. I keep getting sudden memories of what happened, which are making me feel sick, and I'm just generally feeling really down and struggling to look after myself/get out of my flat.
    For the last week I've been trying to register and get an appointment with the local gp surgery as I've realised I need help however the reception staff there are very unhelpful (loads of people I know have complained about them in the past), and I've only just been able to register today, they said I might be able to get an appointment tomorrow if I call first thing but that it's unlikely. I feel that if I got my sleeping back on track then I'd be able to cope with everything a lot better - are they likely to offer me sleeping pills? I know most gps would rather not prescribe them due to the risk of tolerance/dependance if you take them for more than 2-4 weeks.
    I'm doing a mental health nursing degree, but because of how I've been feeling and due to tiredness I haven't been into placement in the last two weeks. I feel like if I go in I won't be able to hold myself together and pretend everything is okay, plus I'm not going to be any help to the service users when I feel like this. I haven't contacted uni or my placement to explain what is going on because I've felt unable to talk about it until now. I decided this morning to call up the student support worker as obviously I can't just miss so much placement without an explanation, but she wasn't available to I left a message with the member of staff who answered the phone and gave them my number so she can call me back.
    I realise I should have contacted the university a few weeks ago and that I've gone the wrong way about things, and I'm now getting really worried that when I do talk to uni it's going to jeopardise my degree. I think this because of the nature of my degree - they might think it's a bad idea for me to be doing mental health nurse training when I'm going through mental distress, and because I've missed loads of placement and probably won't feel up to going back for a few weeks, which will mean I'll fail the placement. I'm also worried that they'll question why I've left it so long to contact them and not take me seriously. How is my uni likely to react when I tell them this? I'm really scared I'll get kicked off the course or ask to defer for a year, and I don't want to do that.
    I know this is more of a rant than a specific question, but just looking for advice from anyone who has gone through something similar, and reassurance.
    What happened to you was awful and very likely not your fault, don't let it ruin your life. I know it probably seems like life is overwhelming you right now, which is probably understandable, but you do need to take responsibility for your degree and placement (or if you can't, get someone else to do it for you) otherwise you risk it falling apart when you could have got help etc.

    People may right now be asking questions as to where you are etc as this is only human nature. But believe me, most people will really feel your pain if you explain the circumstances etc. Can you not fire off an email to your head of course or placement organiser or get the student support worker to do it?

    I had minor (in comparison) problems at uni and they really bent over backwards for me as best as they could. I found it really difficult to talk to my personal tutor, but he couldn't have been more helpful. Most uni's don't want their students to fail, so put your worries aside, they won't judge you, but will be on your side. They probably won't be able to change things like final deadlines etc, but they should in any case be flexible. Give it your best shot, but if you are really struggling to cope deferring wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if you needed the time to recover.

    Best of luck op x
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    (Original post by Frankio)
    Wow really? I think you're absolutely out of your mind on that one :confused:. I can't even think of a decent analogy here, except for the fact people can recover emotionally from rape but there is no recovery from being dead.
    Seriously, I'd rather be murdered than raped!

    I'd rather just be killed to put it bluntly. Maybe im just weak but I don't think emotionally I'd deal with being raped.

    Also, many men that get raped in America's prisons end up killing themselves due to emotional turmoil and not being able to deal with it.

    The 3 women in this thread who have been unfortunate enough to face such an ordeal, in my opinion, are a lot stronger than I would be in their situation, even as a man. My heart goes out to the 3 of them.

    If you're murdered you dont have to face what happened to you in your future life. If you're raped the likelihood is that you will which in my opinion is horrifying.

    That is why I deem rape a more sickening and vile crime than murder!
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    Hey, I was raped january last year. I really hope you have more courage than me to talk to a counselor about this. Its so effing painful. But im sure you can pull through it. Good luck xx I have a lump in my throat from writing this
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    (Original post by AreYouDizzeeBlud_x)
    Seriously, I'd rather be murdered than raped!

    I'd rather just be killed to put it bluntly. Maybe im just weak but I don't think emotionally I'd deal with being raped.

    Also, many men that get raped in America's prisons end up killing themselves due to emotional turmoil and not being able to deal with it.

    The 3 women in this thread who have been unfortunate enough to face such an ordeal, in my opinion, are a lot stronger than I would be in their situation, even as a man. My heart goes out to the 3 of them.

    If you're murdered you dont have to face what happened to you in your future life. If you're raped the likelihood is that you will which in my opinion is horrifying.

    That is why I deem rape a more sickening and vile crime than murder!

    Rape kills you on the inside.
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    The uni's got a counselling service? probably get seen quicker than getting a GP referral.
 
 
 
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