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Was recently raped, not coping, missing uni/placement - what to do? watch

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    (Original post by BambieWambie)
    Rape kills you on the inside.
    I agree and sorry to hear about what you've been through

    I dont think I'd be strong enough to cope with it personally, even as a male, and I would rather be murdered by the person carrying out the attack than left to live.

    All the girls in this thread are so strong mentally!
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    ... and it'll be able to help you more negotiating the uni's systems
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    (Original post by Joinedup)
    ... and it'll be able to help you more negotiating the uni's systems
    They do have a counselling service, and they also have the support worker service, which is the one I phoned up earlier. I looked on the university website earlier and it said the counselling service provided emotional support but not practical support, and that if you needed practical support to contact the support worker service as their mental health worker is the one who would liaise with departments/tutors if you were experiencing problems. In due time I might get involved with the counselling service, but at the moment I just want to get practical support so I don't get in trouble with my course. Thankyou for your reply
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    (Original post by BambieWambie)
    Rape kills you on the inside.
    This is such a dangerous and damaging myth that does no good to rape survivors. With the right support, plenty of victims go on to heal and live lives that might be different than they otherwise would have been, but are as fulfilling and meaningful. it doesn't have to be a definitive end to your happiness.
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    (Original post by AreYouDizzeeBlud_x)
    Seriously, I'd rather be murdered than raped!

    I'd rather just be killed to put it bluntly. Maybe im just weak but I don't think emotionally I'd deal with being raped.
    I do respect your opinion but I still think you're tapped! Surely life means more to you than a (quite) bad experience?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Bit of a complicated one...
    A month ago I was raped. I've only confided in a couple of friends, I didn't go to the police due to the circumstances of the rape plus I was just in shock and just trying to forget about it. This was a bad idea, I'm now having a lot of difficulty sleeping (I'll be awake most of the night even if I'm exhausted, if I do fall asleep it'll be for about half an hour then I wake up), and because of the lack of sleep I'm feeling irritable and just generally rotten. For the first couple of weeks I managed to just get on with things and push it out my mind, but now it seems to be sinking in what happened. I keep getting sudden memories of what happened, which are making me feel sick, and I'm just generally feeling really down and struggling to look after myself/get out of my flat.
    For the last week I've been trying to register and get an appointment with the local gp surgery as I've realised I need help however the reception staff there are very unhelpful (loads of people I know have complained about them in the past), and I've only just been able to register today, they said I might be able to get an appointment tomorrow if I call first thing but that it's unlikely. I feel that if I got my sleeping back on track then I'd be able to cope with everything a lot better - are they likely to offer me sleeping pills? I know most gps would rather not prescribe them due to the risk of tolerance/dependance if you take them for more than 2-4 weeks.
    I'm doing a mental health nursing degree, but because of how I've been feeling and due to tiredness I haven't been into placement in the last two weeks. I feel like if I go in I won't be able to hold myself together and pretend everything is okay, plus I'm not going to be any help to the service users when I feel like this. I haven't contacted uni or my placement to explain what is going on because I've felt unable to talk about it until now. I decided this morning to call up the student support worker as obviously I can't just miss so much placement without an explanation, but she wasn't available to I left a message with the member of staff who answered the phone and gave them my number so she can call me back.
    I realise I should have contacted the university a few weeks ago and that I've gone the wrong way about things, and I'm now getting really worried that when I do talk to uni it's going to jeopardise my degree. I think this because of the nature of my degree - they might think it's a bad idea for me to be doing mental health nurse training when I'm going through mental distress, and because I've missed loads of placement and probably won't feel up to going back for a few weeks, which will mean I'll fail the placement. I'm also worried that they'll question why I've left it so long to contact them and not take me seriously. How is my uni likely to react when I tell them this? I'm really scared I'll get kicked off the course or ask to defer for a year, and I don't want to do that.
    I know this is more of a rant than a specific question, but just looking for advice from anyone who has gone through something similar, and reassurance.
    The university can't kick you off a course for being raped. They should be there to offer you support. And at the end of the day, your experiences should really help to empathise with your patients. I understand that it's going to be difficult to explain the situation to anybody, but I think it's really important that you do. Maybe take a friend with you who will help you sort things out.

    It's also really important that you go to the police - you owe it to yourself to get this sorted out and your rapist punished, otherwise these things will just keep continuing. Please don't be embarrased.

    And good luck.
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    (Original post by chloemo14)
    This is such a dangerous and damaging myth that does no good to rape survivors. With the right support, plenty of victims go on to heal and live lives that might be different than they otherwise would have been, but are as fulfilling and meaningful. it doesn't have to be a definitive end to your happiness.

    Myth? Do you think im making this up? Months after I was raped thats how I felt and I still fel dead. Im not the same person anymore because of 2 ****s. Im so ****ing angry, honestly. They have messed up my life.
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    (Original post by Frankio)
    I do respect your opinion but I still think you're tapped! Surely life means more to you than a (quite) bad experience?
    I'd rather die than live being emotionally scarred!

    I know people who have been raped and its horrific the emotional difficulties they go through. One of them unfortunately killed themselves because of the ordeal.
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    (Original post by chloemo14)
    This is such a dangerous and damaging myth that does no good to rape survivors. With the right support, plenty of victims go on to heal and live lives that might be different than they otherwise would have been, but are as fulfilling and meaningful. it doesn't have to be a definitive end to your happiness.
    my auntie works as a counsellor and deals with rape victims every day.

    a survey done not so long ago showed that 87% of rape victims still think about the ordeal and suffer traumatic experiences due to the rape for years and years after the incident and it rarely goes away.

    Whilst many have counselling to push it to the back of their minds, it still remains there, so please do not try and dismiss such things as myths. They are not myths and until you experience such a horrific ordeal or have spoken to a number of people who have then you will not realise.

    A lot of victims cover up their trauma and put on a brave face!

    not only that but many victims can get STD's and can become pregnant and then face a dilemma of keeping the child or not. The emotional pain lives on and even if you did get counselling to a level that wiped it out totally, which is extremely rare, then you would not be the same person you once were as the counselling sessions would totally change you as a person.
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    This is a sad thread, sorry to hear about what happened. Talking about it will help I'm sure, when you are ready.
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    Raa, never knew rape was this common? Is it like random people or someone close getting carried away? Think i need to get my knife and start cutting off these uncontrolled penis'
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    (Original post by BambieWambie)
    Most of what you're saying is false
    He made a ranting thread about how disgustingly over-sexed British girls are, this guy is obviously a troll/from a background where women might as well be cattle.

    Ignore him, OP.



    OP, I get the impression you just want to ignore it and pretend it didn't happen to some extent but on another level you seem quite accepting of it.

    Fact of the matter is despite on one level just wanting to intellectually put it behind you, you need to sort it out, accept that it happened, accept it made you feel ****.

    Bah I'm no therapist any more than that other guy is, but please do seek help.

    If you can, press charges against the guy who did it. It's not an easy fix, but at least consider it as a means to help you come to terms with it.

    But most of all talk to your GP and find someone you can talk about all this with.
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    (Original post by BambieWambie)
    Myth? Do you think im making this up? Months after I was raped thats how I felt and I still fel dead. Im not the same person anymore because of 2 cxunts. Im so fxxking angry, honestly. They have messed up my life.

    (Original post by AreYouDizzeeBlud_x)
    my auntie works as a counsellor and deals with rape victims every day.

    a survey done not so long ago showed that 87% of rape victims still think about the ordeal and suffer traumatic experiences due to the rape for years and years after the incident and it rarely goes away.

    Whilst many have counselling to push it to the back of their minds, it still remains there, so please do not try and dismiss such things as myths. They are not myths and until you experience such a horrific ordeal or have spoken to a number of people who have then you will not realise.

    A lot of victims cover up their trauma and put on a brave face!

    not only that but many victims can get STD's and can become pregnant and then face a dilemma of keeping the child or not. The emotional pain lives on and even if you did get counselling to a level that wiped it out totally, which is extremely rare, then you would not be the same person you once were as the counselling sessions would totally change you as a person.
    I didn't post originally as anonymous so I really don't want to go into personal detail too much, but I do have a very good idea of what it is to deal with trauma from rape, albeit not in the context of an adult stranger rape.
    I wasn't meaning to erase or diminish the experience of victims who do feel that way as I can empathise with it myself, and if you look at the wording of my post, I was careful to phrase it in such a way that I wasn't referring to all as a monolith, nor was I claiming that there is a panacea that will make it all better.

    However, the original post I was responding to, that "rape kills you on the inside" is one I fundementally can't agree with, because that statement does erase the experiences of a lot of people, myself included. I don't appreciate being told that I have been "killed" inside. I am not for a second denying that it is an immense trauma that in the vast majority will remain to an extent throughout ones entire live. What it is not okay to claim however, is that it is not possible or even common, to recover to such a point that you recover a sense of self, meaning and happiness, which that statement essentially does. I honestly don't believe that presentation of rape survivors as permanently "damaged goods" so to speak is in any way useful or helpful, even if it is true in some cases, because for most people it simply isn't. Dealing with ongoing trauma is not the same thing as being "killed inside" for the rest of your life. For a victim whose assault is recent and whose trauma is at its fresh and most overpowering, I can't think of a message more damaging.
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    (Original post by chloemo14)
    I didn't post originally as anonymous so I really don't want to go into personal detail too much, but I do have a very good idea of what it is to deal with trauma from rape, albeit not in the context of an adult stranger rape.
    I wasn't meaning to erase or diminish the experience of victims who do feel that way as I can empathise with it myself, and if you look at the wording of my post, I was careful to phrase it in such a way that I wasn't referring to all as a monolith, nor was I claiming that there is a panacea that will make it all better.

    However, the original post I was responding to, that "rape kills you on the inside" is one I fundementally can't agree with, because that statement does erase the experiences of a lot of people, myself included. I don't appreciate being told that I have been "killed" inside. I am not for a second denying that it is an immense trauma that in the vast majority will remain to an extent throughout ones entire live. What it is not okay to claim however, is that it is not possible or even common, to recover to such a point that you recover a sense of self, meaning and happiness, which that statement essentially does. I honestly don't believe that presentation of rape survivors as permanently "damaged goods" so to speak is in any way useful or helpful, even if it is true in some cases, because for most people it simply isn't. Dealing with ongoing trauma is not the same thing as being "killed inside" for the rest of your life. For a victim whose assault is recent and whose trauma is at its fresh and most overpowering, I can't think of a message more damaging.

    Im not implying that we are damaged goods. I said that in rage last night. Im still dealing with it. Me and you are both at different stages.
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    None of you are damaged goods.

    You are perfectly normal women who were taken advantage of by cowardly, vile and inhumane men.
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    Op, your mind seems to be going into overdrive, I'm not surprised that you're not sleeping but it's hardly surprising given what's happened You REALLY need to talk to someone and fast, you are letting the piece of **** that did this to you win otherwise. Don't give up and keep fighting, you'll feel better about it in the long run.
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    (Original post by rangu2011)
    Hello, Often going to counselling service, looking for help from counselors, make the situation worse. As you constantly think, "I am unstable to cope with this alone myself". You eventually become dependent on them. But, you may also get their help, without this problem.

    I am sorry to hear what happened to you.

    I'm sure, you are feeling guilty for this and may think that you are the one to blame. If this feeling occurs, ignore it. This is very very usual to happen. Remember, when a feeling affects you (such as guilt), it can be very difficult to think outside that feeling. Therefore you will feel guilty or whatever the bad feeling you experiences, despite how much you understand that, this feeling is not "real". Keep that in mind.

    Try to be with people whom you love. Associate with them, accept their love, enjoy yourself. Despite this, the feeling you experience can come back continuously. But, there is a total solution, in that, this feeling never remains all your life. Will soon cease.

    But when this feeling conquers you: you may feel:

    * I am worthless
    * Something like this has not happened to others (many suffers from your problem)
    * I am now just "used"
    * I am in the wrong
    * My whole life has been wasted

    All the above feelings are just crazy thoughts and nothing is real. For you to understand that they are false, it will need you to come out of your problem. Then you will see reason. However, dont let something like this happen again.

    People who get raped are attractive, they are lucky people when it comes to their looks.

    I'm sure you will get over this. We are always there to reassure you (with real reasons), and good people are always with you.
    Are you ****ing mad? EVERYBODY can get raped, women, children, men and the elderly. It has bugger all to do with looks. And to top it off, you imply that she "let" the rape happen and she shouldnt "let it happen" again.

    Jesus Christ.
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    All of you should report your rapes to the police. Even though there may not be sufficient evidence to prosecute, if they are serial offenders then they'll get a history built up and eventually pay for what they did. It must be very difficult to report this sort of crime, but you almost have an obligation to.

    Obviously, I'm very sorry this happened to any of you.
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    (Original post by Antonia87)
    Are you ****ing mad? EVERYBODY can get raped, women, children, men and the elderly. It has bugger all to do with looks. And to top it off, you imply that she "let" the rape happen and she shouldnt "let it happen" again.

    Jesus Christ.
    I seriously hope rangu2011 has been misunderstood as English obviously isn't his/her first language I refuse to believe anyone would actually be that disturbed.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks to those of you who have replied. I am going to try and get a GP appointment tomorrow. When I registered with the GP surgery today I asked if I could book an appointment and they said they had no more pre-bookable appointments left but that if I phone tomorrow at 8am I might be able to get an appointment on the day. However I've heard from other people that it's really difficult to get an appointment there and that the admin/reception staff are awful, which I have experienced myself during this week. So fingers crossed I will get an appointment.

    I don't know whether to try phoning the student support worker again tomorrow (she didnt get back to me today) or to contact my personal tutor. My personal tutor is absolutely lovely and experienced in her role as a personal tutor, and she has been a mental health nurse for many years so would be understanding if I talked to her, however the prospect of talking to someone who knows me seems a lot more daunting than talking to the student support worker who I don't know and would feel less awkward talking to...
    Sorry to hear about your situation
    I work in a GP surgery out of term time so I know a bit about how they work. You could try registering at a different GP surgery? You are entitled to register at any one you like. The truth is, if you walk into the surgery the GP is OBLIGED to see you. They cannot turn you away. If it is that difficult to get an appointment by telephone, go up in the morning, tell the receptionist its an emergency and you need to see the GP today and they will fit you in. I think you can justify this as an emergency as its really negatively impacting upon your life.

    Don't let it ruin your life. Let your uni/placement know what happened. They will understand and be able to give you some time out to rest and recuperate. Speak to a councellor about whats happened. I wish you all the best xxxx
 
 
 
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