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Was recently raped, not coping, missing uni/placement - what to do? watch

    • #3
    #3

    Hi, I definitely think uni will be sympathetic about this one. I am doing the same degree as you and I know how worrying it can be, but I can't imagine that anybody would think badly of you for not immediately telling them. It's such a horrific thing to go through. If it helps, I'm sure you'll qualify for mitigations, and if not then you could just retake the placement in the summer.

    I'm so sorry to hear that this has happened, I hope you get the help you need.
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    (Original post by AreYouDizzeeBlud_x)
    Seriously, I'd rather be murdered than raped!

    I'd rather just be killed to put it bluntly. Maybe im just weak but I don't think emotionally I'd deal with being raped.

    Also, many men that get raped in America's prisons end up killing themselves due to emotional turmoil and not being able to deal with it.

    The 3 women in this thread who have been unfortunate enough to face such an ordeal, in my opinion, are a lot stronger than I would be in their situation, even as a man. My heart goes out to the 3 of them.

    If you're murdered you dont have to face what happened to you in your future life. If you're raped the likelihood is that you will which in my opinion is horrifying.

    That is why I deem rape a more sickening and vile crime than murder!
    Agree. I would rather die than being raped.

    It is just emotionally painful.
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    I can understand just wanting to forget about it. I was grabbed and molested once (fingered) rather than raped and I just 'forgot' about it. Though I think this is much, much easier to forget about than being pinned down and really hurt. I was drunk and managed to get away and the hazy memory just allowed me to file it in my mind without trauma.

    However, you are clearly reliving the memory over and over and not sleeping so you're not going to be able to just forget about it even if that is the more attractive option. Although it's a horrible thing always remember it's some scuzzy bloke that did this and you're far superior. Go to the GP, to your friends, to your university and to the police with your head held high, there is no need to be ashamed.
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    (Original post by Antonia87)
    Are you ****ing mad? EVERYBODY can get raped, women, children, men and the elderly. It has bugger all to do with looks. And to top it off, you imply that she "let" the rape happen and she shouldnt "let it happen" again.

    Jesus Christ.
    Hi tsr user,

    Sorry to see foolish buggers (im sorry to say) like you. I never mentioned raping is due solely to looks. I dnt know hw u survived wid ur worthless brain for atleast 2 years. You tend to make correlations easily. Test your IQ . Im being friendly. And, I never said that its ONLY girls that get raped.


    I appologize for saying this. You are a fool and according to Darwins theory people like u will soon cease to exist.

    Ofcourse, wats wrong wid saying, "dont let this happen". Any mad person (though u didnt) can understand that i didnt imply that she let it happen.

    I sympathise wid u for your cute peanut brain.
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    Have you been in touch with Rape Crisis? This is the link to their website - www.rapecrisis.org.uk - I have a feeling they may be more help than your GP, but that's just my opinion, I had an awful experience with the GP counsellor.

    Good luck.
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    (Original post by rangu2011)
    Hi tsr user,

    Sorry to see foolish buggers (im sorry to say) like you. I never mentioned raping is due solely to looks. I dnt know hw u survived wid ur worthless brain for atleast 2 years. You tend to make correlations easily. Test your IQ . Im being friendly. And, I never said that its ONLY girls that get raped.


    I appologize for saying this. You are a fool and according to Darwins theory people like u will soon cease to exist.

    Ofcourse, wats wrong wid saying, "dont let this happen". Any mad person (though u didnt) can understand that i didnt imply that she let it happen.

    I sympathise wid u for your cute peanut brain.
    "People who get raped are attractive. They are lucky people when it comes to their looks".

    Thats what you said and it was a stupid and totally ill-informed comment.

    And when you say "dont let this happen again" you imply that she let it happen the first time. Nobody lets it happen, it just happens.

    And considering you cant even spell (or actually make any sense), I really dont think you are in any place to insult my intelligence.

    Idiot.
    • #4
    #4

    Some/most of the comments in this thread have made me so so angry, honestly, my blood is boiling!

    I myself was raped just over 5 weeks ago. It was a stranger rape, at night, in the middle of nowhere abroad. I was volunteering, doing teaching. Force was involved and he threatened to kill me several times. Needless to say I got the first plane home to see my family again. What made things really bad for me was what he took away from me - my ambition to have 7 months teaching abroad before I started uni in September. In the end I only had nearly 2 months there.

    I tell you this not to scare you all, but so you realise by my background that I've been through rape myself.

    First off to that absolute idiot who implied rape is a woman's fault, IT IS NEVER EVER A WOMAN'S FAULT. FULL STOP. Often when people hear of women getting raped on the news they're like what was she doing out that late, oooh she was wearing a tight short dress, she had a lot of sexual history anyway, she was flirting with all the men, she was drunk, who walks home on their own etc. But why should any of this matter? Often rape doesn't happen in this type of situation but it annoys me when a woman gets raped and people blame her because of any of the above factors or something else. Why shouldn't a woman have a right to have a drink and a good time? Who's to say what's right and wrong for a woman to wear? A woman should have a right to do what she wants when she wants without having to fear a (I can't even use the word 'man' for them) beast attacking them. No one gives permission for that to happen. It is only the rapist's fault.

    And about the whole 'it kills you on the inside' and 'I'd rather be dead than be raped' - what kind of message do you think that sends out to survivors like myself and the OP? I might as well just throw myself off a multi-storey car park now then if that's the truth! I fully accept and understand that for some people they don't deal with it as well as I and other people are. We're all emotionally different. And I'm not saying at all that we should make rape out to be not a big deal and that it's not that bad, because it is in some ways. But lets not make it sound like there's no hope for rape survivors. I don't think emotionally dealing with rape has ever been easy for anyone. But just because it's not easy doesn't mean it's not possible. It is possible. It's possible to accept it, I'm not saying one day you'll completely forget it because I've been told I never will, but with help I'll remember it with less impact and so it doesn't hurt as much anymore.

    And to the person who knows a counsellor and said counselling helps put it to the back of their mind that is so false. Unless there's some really bad counselling out there! My counsellor said that's exactly what she's not there to do. It's way worse in the long run to put it to the back of your mind than it is to confront, accept it and live without it hurting so much. If you try and forget that it ever happened then one day, maybe months or even years and years later it'll come back. Something little may trigger off what happened and you'll be 10x worse than if you dealt with it to begin with. You can't ignore it.

    OP I'd suggest talking to your uni about it - I'm sure they'd totally understand your situation. They are human after all so I'm sure they'd be very supportive
    I had trouble sleeping for the first few weeks I returned home. I was confused too as one day I was teaching kids and 4 days later I was on a 21hours trip home when I should have been there for another 5 and a bit months. I sometimes cry and think about it more often at night when it's dark, but if you ever feel like having a good cry, do it! Don't hold back. It's what your body wants you to do. I found that talking to my mum/close friend whenever I feel down about it makes me feel better. Please find someone you can confide in like your mum or a close friend. I recommend it. And also, like someone else said, rapecrisis is good. I went for a first meeting with a counsellor 2 weeks ago. She asked me some questions about what happened and my thoughts and feeling now - I think she mostly asked all this to put me with the right counsellor that suits best. She said I'd get a call for my sessions to start 4 weeks from then as that's the waiting list, which she said was good. They're all women counsellors and it's free and they do it to a time that suits you. You can stop and come back again when you want and everything's confidential obviously. They know what they're doing, they see it all the time. Oh and also I found writing a journal about your thoughts and feeling help. It really does for me. I'm not saying it's easy at all, I'm only 5 weeks in from when it happened. I have good and bad days, sometimes I cry in my room at night. But it's all part of the healing process and I know things will get better. It's all in the mind. I'm told by the counsellor it's like a grieving process, like someone's died.

    Well done on seeking helo on here. It takes a lot of courage to realise when you need help. Also, I really hope you do sort your uni situation out and maybe think about going to the police about it. They say rape isn't about sexual desire, it's more about asserting power as you have no escape, no choice. So don't let him win, make sure you get what you want out of life - uni, seeing friends, travel, relationships or whatever it may be. It'd be good if you did see the police and he got caught as then you'd know he didn't get away scot free. It'd give you a bit more power back. But it's up to you at the end of the day. I don't know what the circumstances were and how you feel about it all. I saw the police straight away after, but to be fair I wasn't as worried about reporting it as I would have been over here as I'd be worried he know where I live etc. At least for me I helped the police out then I knew I'd be out of the country in a few days.

    I've done a lot of research about rape and dealing with it, some if it was painful to read but on the whole I found it helped a lot. If ever you want someone to talk to, just message me. (I'm not sure if you can private message me as I'm anonymous? If you can't let me know on here and I'll see what I can do). We could help each other through this.

    Stay strong. And remember we're not rape victims, we're rape survivors.
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    (Original post by Antonia87)
    "People who get raped are attractive. They are lucky people when it comes to their looks".

    Thats what you said and it was a stupid and totally ill-informed comment.

    And when you say "dont let this happen again" you imply that she let it happen the first time. Nobody lets it happen, it just happens.

    And considering you cant even spell (or actually make any sense), I really dont think you are in any place to insult my intelligence.

    Idiot.

    First of all thanks for choosing to point out any mistakes in my post.

    As I have said previously, it is rather disgusting to see people of low IQ.

    I sympathize with you again.

    When it comes to spelling, I'm posting these using my iPhone. I can not wait till I get to my PC, to address foolish people like you. Hence, the use of my phone.

    Unfortunately, it is rather disappointing that you can not realize that the main intention of my original post was to help the OP cope with the situation.

    As this was the case, it was very crucial that I say something to make the OP feel at ease.

    However, at the time of typing that post, I completely forgot that some people in TSR are complete idiots (not ONLY you) who find "errors" in others post.

    If I was one of your parents, I might have decided for an abortion, after finding out that my child got a small brain.

    I am sorry, I had to be "rude", to point out your mistake. But, dont worry, many people out there are just like you. Completely low IQ. It is not that you can not exist. You have to watch out for how you behave in society.

    Good.
    • #5
    #5

    (Original post by BambieWambie)
    Rape kills you on the inside.
    I'm a bloke and I have also been raped, and let me tell you, as a dude I thought I could handle anything, but I soon realised I wasn't getting anywhere without propper help.

    OP, get some professional counselling asap! Itw as the ONLY thing that really really helped me!

    And to any MALES out there that are afraid to get help (let's be honest, there's a reason why im posting anon), do seek the same professional help and don't feel ashamed like I did! This happens to men aswel as girls..don't think because your man u don' deserve the help either...

    Im sorry I feel very strongly about this, im considering taking my anon off so OP can pm me...but im not sure.. I get angry with myself sometimes, can't heed my own advice :mad:

    BUT PLEASE OP HANG IN THERE! X
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    I am shocked by the number of people here saying they were raped!! OMG I feel that probably 20% of British girls have had a rape experience :-/
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    (Original post by Frankio)
    Wow really? I think you're absolutely out of your mind on that one :confused:. I can't even think of a decent analogy here, except for the fact people can recover emotionally from rape but there is no recovery from being dead.
    right on brother!

    (Original post by BambieWambie)
    Myth? Do you think im making this up? Months after I was raped thats how I felt and I still fel dead. Im not the same person anymore because of 2 ****s. Im so ****ing angry, honestly. They have messed up my life.
    sometimes, the only thing more difficult than holding on is letting go.

    (Original post by AreYouDizzeeBlud_x)
    None of you are damaged goods.

    You are perfectly normal women who were taken advantage of by cowardly, vile and inhumane men.
    seriously bro, are you trying to score cool points?
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    Just Calm Down And have a few days or weeks away from it. i have been raped and it is not a good thing you will soon be okay. i was rapped a few years ago and i have been raped a few times also i did learn to cope but every time someone mentions the name rape i get upset and it makes me think. but dont worry you will be fine trust
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    You really should report this crime. This is so awful!

    With the exception of a male prison, I can't understand why a man would want rape a woman.

    If your friends and loved ones are aware of your situation, don't push them away!

    I pray for you and the perpetrator
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    OP here, just an update. I tried to make a post on friday but as I'm anonymous everything I post says it has to be approved by a moderator, and the last post I wrote didnt appear for some reason :confused:

    I managed to get a GP appointment on Friday morning, I was absolutely terrrified before I went in but the GP was really good. It was a male GP and when I told him he immediately apologised and asked if I wanted to see a female GP instead but I said it was okay. He gave me all the info on counselling and called up a rape counselling service who said I can call up anytime to arrange an initial appointment, and he said he could refer me to an nhs counsellor if I wanted but that a trained rape counsellor would probably be better. He gave me a short mental health assessment and said I'm suffering from post traumatic stress disorder, and prescribed me sertraline which is an AD also used to treat ptsd. I said I was a bit uneasy about going on it but I've decided to give it a go. He prescribed me beta blockers for if I get anxious, and a weeks prescription of diazepam, which has really helped with my sleep but makes me really drowsy during the day too. I managed to sleep alright last night without taking it He wrote me a medical certificate saying that I haven't been and still aren't fit to go to placement/uni, and encouraged me to talk to my personal tutor about what was going on.

    I went to see my personal tutor on Friday afternoon and she was great. She asked if she could get the cohort leader involved which I said was fine. They were both really kind and helpful and reassured me that my place on the course would not be jeopardised. They called up the placement department to say I haven't been and won't be on placement for a while, and that they had seen my medical certificate but wouldn't be giving a copy to the placement department for sensitive reasons, and they said they'd contact my module leaders to let them know I'll be off. They both told me I can take as much time off as I need, and depending on how long that is I can either stay with this year and they'll personalise the programme to me and help me catch up with everything, or if I feel I need longer off they'll defer me so I can start again in September. They asked if I just wanted to go back home to my family for a while, but I haven't told my parents about what has happened and I don't really want to as it would hurt them too much so I don't really know what to do.

    Anyway, just wanted to thank everyone who's replied to me with advice and reassurance as it gave me the extra push I needed to get help.
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    (Original post by rangu2011)
    First of all thanks for choosing to point out any mistakes in my post.

    As I have said previously, it is rather disgusting to see people of low IQ.

    I sympathize with you again.

    When it comes to spelling, I'm posting these using my iPhone. I can not wait till I get to my PC, to address foolish people like you. Hence, the use of my phone.

    Unfortunately, it is rather disappointing that you can not realize that the main intention of my original post was to help the OP cope with the situation.

    As this was the case, it was very crucial that I say something to make the OP feel at ease.

    However, at the time of typing that post, I completely forgot that some people in TSR are complete idiots (not ONLY you) who find "errors" in others post.

    If I was one of your parents, I might have decided for an abortion, after finding out that my child got a small brain.

    I am sorry, I had to be "rude", to point out your mistake. But, dont worry, many people out there are just like you. Completely low IQ. It is not that you can not exist. You have to watch out for how you behave in society.

    Good.
    YOU DONT MAKE ANY SENSE!

    You have absolutely nothing to argue back, so you just insult me, despite me not saying anything remotely stupid in my original post, because you have nothing to say!

    Again... YOU DONT MAKE ANY SENSE.

    Just go away please.
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    (Original post by Frankio)
    Wow really? I think you're absolutely out of your mind on that one :confused:. I can't even think of a decent analogy here, except for the fact people can recover emotionally from rape but there is no recovery from being dead.
    Actually, the truth is, you have to live with being raped. When you die, well... you're dead. It's horrible to end someone's life, but to live every day and know that you were violated, belittled in the worst possible way, and then to try and live happily after that, takes sooo much courage and strength.
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    (Original post by jryanas)
    right on brother!



    sometimes, the only thing more difficult than holding on is letting go.



    seriously bro, are you trying to score cool points?
    no lad!

    that is my honest opinion of a rapist. they are a disgrace to the human race! i know of people who have been through it so i know how devastating the effects can be and no im not trying to score points. quite frankly i couldn't give a flying **** about reputation on a forum, there is more to life then some green/red bars on a forum online.
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    (Original post by rangu2011)
    Hello, Often going to counselling service, looking for help from counselors, make the situation worse. As you constantly think, "I am unstable to cope with this alone myself". You eventually become dependent on them. But, you may also get their help, without this problem.

    I am sorry to hear what happened to you.

    I'm sure, you are feeling guilty for this and may think that you are the one to blame. If this feeling occurs, ignore it. This is very very usual to happen. Remember, when a feeling affects you (such as guilt), it can be very difficult to think outside that feeling. Therefore you will feel guilty or whatever the bad feeling you experiences, despite how much you understand that, this feeling is not "real". Keep that in mind.

    Try to be with people whom you love. Associate with them, accept their love, enjoy yourself. Despite this, the feeling you experience can come back continuously. But, there is a total solution, in that, this feeling never remains all your life. Will soon cease.

    But when this feeling conquers you: you may feel:

    * I am worthless
    * Something like this has not happened to others (many suffers from your problem)
    * I am now just "used"
    * I am in the wrong
    * My whole life has been wasted

    All the above feelings are just crazy thoughts and nothing is real. For you to understand that they are false, it will need you to come out of your problem. Then you will see reason. However, dont let something like this happen again.

    People who get raped are attractive, they are lucky people when it comes to their looks.

    I'm sure you will get over this. We are always there to reassure you (with real reasons), and good people are always with you.

    Is this a joke?
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    Wow...that there are so many people out there who had to go through this makes me sad and angry at the same time.
    I know how it feels to be traumatized, how much it changes you but if this trauma comes from a rape it must be a lot worse than mine ever was (an accident... it was pretty bad, but that's another thing and doesn't belong here). I am really so sorry, because I had this feeling of losing myself and who I was, and I know I will never be the same person. I went through therapy and it is a lot better, but still if I go to where it happened I feel it all coming back. So please, don`t try to just forget it. That will cause a lot of harm.
    There are people who are trained to help you. Seek them out.
    I am sorry that I can't tell you anymore because my case was very different from yours.
    I hope you will find the strenght to carry on.
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    (Original post by rangu2011)
    Hello, Often going to counselling service, looking for help from counselors, make the situation worse. As you constantly think, "I am unstable to cope with this alone myself". You eventually become dependent on them. But, you may also get their help, without this problem.

    I am sorry to hear what happened to you.

    I'm sure, you are feeling guilty for this and may think that you are the one to blame. If this feeling occurs, ignore it. This is very very usual to happen. Remember, when a feeling affects you (such as guilt), it can be very difficult to think outside that feeling. Therefore you will feel guilty or whatever the bad feeling you experiences, despite how much you understand that, this feeling is not "real". Keep that in mind.

    Try to be with people whom you love. Associate with them, accept their love, enjoy yourself. Despite this, the feeling you experience can come back continuously. But, there is a total solution, in that, this feeling never remains all your life. Will soon cease.

    But when this feeling conquers you: you may feel:

    * I am worthless
    * Something like this has not happened to others (many suffers from your problem)
    * I am now just "used"
    * I am in the wrong
    * My whole life has been wasted

    All the above feelings are just crazy thoughts and nothing is real. For you to understand that they are false, it will need you to come out of your problem. Then you will see reason. However, dont let something like this happen again.

    People who get raped are attractive, they are lucky people when it comes to their looks.

    I'm sure you will get over this. We are always there to reassure you (with real reasons), and good people are always with you.
    You are possibly the biggest retard I have ever come across on TSR and believe me, that takes some doing, given the troll population here on TSR!


    1st bold point) people do not let it happen. The attacker/rapist takes advantage of the victim using power/often strength to force the attack (im not going into detail because its sickening) on their victim. They make the victim feel powerless and this is why rape not only leads to physical injury but also emotional trauma.

    2nd bold point) rapist will attack anyone they think they can do it to and get away with it. A number of factors often come into play. Can the rapist overpower the victim easily enough and the location of the attack and are they likely to be disturbed or caught. They are opportunists and they prey on those that look vulnerable. That is why they are point blank sickening cowards that need to be put down.

    You are either terrible with your wording/putting your points across or seriously uneducated and disturbed individual.
 
 
 
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