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    (Original post by Antigone89)
    Hello, thanks for your answers.
    Well since I met him (in hospital about one and a half years ago) he has gone throght mostly depressed phases. I know they can be hard, becaus I was there because of Depression myself. But I worked on my problems and on myself, which was pretty hard, but I am fine now.
    Hmmm... ok. Maybe he is still having his mental issues... hope none of it is hereditary.

    (Original post by Antigone89)
    I wrote a lot of SMS with him today. And he told me he was fired on Wednesday again. He must have been talking to his parents (wich i havent met yet:mad:) and they seem to have told him what an ass he was yesterday.
    You really should call him and ask him to come over to where you are and sit down and talk it over with him.... deal with it like adults do. Well it is his problem too, (if you want to view it as a problem) my guess is he is trying his utmost best to get out of it. But the choice to keep or not is always yours' alone.

    (Original post by Antigone89)
    But he really hurt me, he wrote me all the time, that he would kill himself, that my little baby would never see his father. That I had to choose betwen an abortion or him killing himself. That was all I got from him yesterday. That I misused his trust (wich I DIDENT), that I cheated him into all this. I just told him, that he had the choice, to make the Pill more "secure" he could have used condoms aswell, and that if he didnt want children he should stay away from sex completely.
    Sounds like he has been reading too many stories and recycling excuses...... most of which doesn't work on the vast majority of girls

    Asking you to choose to abort or him killing himself...... LOL this is the oldest trick in the book.... you should tell him to come over you will give him a knife. Some years back I did something nearly similar... not something to be proud of but I told the girl if the baby is mine to abort it or she isn't hearing from me again..... well we are married now. Usually such threats are empty.

    Misusing trust..... another old trick in the book.... I tried that too, as long as you were clear to him that you were on the pill and you were indeed on the pill then you didn't do anything wrong..... he took the risk and well it wasn't the best of moves on his part....... he will just have to deal with it.

    (Original post by Antigone89)
    Now today he is totally different. We could go throgh this together......
    But on the other hand now he is surprised, that I am hurt, and suspicios towards him
    He says I never loved him properly, if I choose to break up now. But how can I trust this unstable person? Its not me hwo threatend to jump off a skyscraper.
    Its not me who turned away from him. I feel like I cant trust him anymore. How is someone in his state of mind going to take care of a baby?
    You probably might want to be prepared for the eventuality that you will be in this alone.

    He probably realized you would not be giving into his empty threats and he is finally trying to find for an easier way out..... so he is hoping to get on your "good side" and get what he wants.

    As for whether he is fit to be a father.... only you can decide if he is... but personally speaking someone at 39 should definitely know better....regardless of whether he had lost his job the previous minute... either he lacks the maturity of a 39 year old, or he is genuinely an idiot..... can't decide which one he is. I doubt the depression has anything to do with anything.

    (Original post by Antigone89)
    And he still says, that If I really loved him, I would fight for him, not merely let him walk away. He told me, that I was just after ruining his life and getting money for the Baby out of him. That I used him.
    But thats not true. I was always there for him. I reassured him, when he called in tears in the middle of the night. I was always the one who came all the way to his flat by train/car. Never did he come to me.
    It just makes me so sad. And now he makes tries to make me feel bad. All is my fault. I wouldnt love him. I would take all this so "cool".
    I dont know what to do next.
    Tell him to grow up.

    It's one thing to do so when you are 19, but at 39 such excuses just don't work.

    He is emotionally blackmailing you, plain and simple.

    Telling you that you are using him for money etc..... well you can always retort that he doesn't have a job anyway so there is no money

    Oh yes, I also tried that trick before.... IF you loved me you will....... I guess I should be thankful I'm still alive.

    (Original post by Antigone89)
    We said to phone this evening. But I dont want anymore threats or be told again, what a BAD person I am and how I am ruining my life.
    How can he tell me that???
    An abortin would be a 08/15 thing. Until the tenth week, it would just be a tiny operation, he already asked his doctor.
    I feel so sad about it. I am keeping the Baby, I just dont know what to to with the father. I really loved him, but with his behaviour he now destrojes all my feelings for him.
    And then he has the nerve to make me responsible for it
    Tell him to put his energy towards finding a job...... personally I would tell him if he is sincere he should be on a train coming to see you rather than the other way round.

    Finally, it's your decision what you want to do.... it's your body so you should decide what is best given the circumstances.......and even if you didn't want the baby, abortion isn't the only way out of it.

    Alles gute.
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    (Original post by Zenobia)
    Oh shoot me x.x I was so happy with my 64% average. Then all my friends got 1sts. Then a girl has a baby and still gets a higher average than me? I really thought I'd done well. Not just ok or average but actually well. My Cambridge application is so doomed...
    There's more to life than academics and Cambridge

    I much rather hire someone who graduated from Cambridge rather than study at Cambridge

    (Original post by HerRoyalHighness)
    All very well if its a normal birth. I had a c section and in for 3 days and definately not in no state to do anything. You cant assume anything especially with such important exams. I didnt expect a section and had one at fully dilated. In most cases of course a vaginal birth is the "norm" but I just think women need to be open minded to complications.
    Certainly!!
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    He sounds very immature for his age. I'm sorry you're going through this.
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    (Original post by Erich Hartmann)
    There's more to life than academics and Cambridge

    I much rather hire someone who graduated from Cambridge rather than study at Cambridge
    Thanks. Unfortunately I study Archaeology so really academics is one of my main career routes, and the MA I want to do is only offered at Cambridge - if I could just apply to Edinburgh or York I would. I hate the whole judging process.
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    Hello all you,
    When I came back from work yesterday, I called my "boyfriend". But he didnt pick up the phone. So either he was not home or he didnt bother talking to me. Despite us agreeing on the call, to sort a few things out. So I ll probably call HIS parents today. So that they know my part of the story and how he treats me. It is their first grandchild as I understand it and whatever the FATHER does, they will be grandparents. I dont want to take that away from them! If they want to take part in the babys life I will support that. Feel a little awkward right now. But I hope, that gets better.
    Many greetings to all of you, Antigone
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    Good luck Antigone.
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    (Original post by Zenobia)
    Thanks. Unfortunately I study Archaeology so really academics is one of my main career routes, and the MA I want to do is only offered at Cambridge - if I could just apply to Edinburgh or York I would. I hate the whole judging process.
    What kind of MA is that?
    What do you intend to do with such a unique qualification?

    I would have loved to do an Oxford Executive MBA, but it would have cost me £32k after the subsidy, that type of money I could have paid the deposit for 2 flats in a nice area of London and rented it out at a profit of £500 a month. In any case, I did not have that type of money sitting around and I couldn't see the economic benefit to such a qualification that couldn't be had with something cheaper.. so I took the Nottingham MBA which after the corporate sponsorship made it to £1.5k out of pocket... though it does mean I have to stay with the same company for 5 years.

    (Original post by Erich Hartmann)
    What kind of MA is that?
    What do you intend to do with such a unique qualification?

    I would have loved to do an Oxford Executive MBA, but it would have cost me £32k after the subsidy, that type of money I could have paid the deposit for 2 flats in a nice area of London and rented it out at a profit of £500 a month. In any case, I did not have that type of money sitting around and I couldn't see the economic benefit to such a qualification that couldn't be had with something cheaper.. so I took the Nottingham MBA which after the corporate sponsorship made it to £1.5k out of pocket... though it does mean I have to stay with the same company for 5 years.
    Masters dont cost that much! Also really what business is it of yours. I think you are taking a very sneering and snobby tone. Personally if I was Zenobia, I would politely ask you to mind your Ps and Qs.
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    (Original post by HerRoyalHighness)
    Masters dont cost that much! Also really what business is it of yours. I think you are taking a very sneering and snobby tone. Personally if I was Zenobia, I would politely ask you to mind your Ps and Qs.
    Either you're out of touch or you're just not there yet.... an Oxford Executive MBA will set you back £52,000 and that is just in fees alone. Not sure why you have the idea it doesn't cost that much. You have an avenue (legal ones only please) for it to be cheaper? If so please share.......else.

    What part of it sounded snobby to you? I asked her what type of Masters is it she was after since she mentioned only Cambridge offered one, could only be a highly unusual one if it is only Cambridge that offers it..... and it is hardly snobby to ask someone what they would do with an unusual Masters.
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    Just to keeo you all updated. We didnt talk yesterday. He "forgot" his mobile and wasnt home. Sure. We just agreed on a phonecall and than he is conveniantely unavailable. But whatever.

    We wrote a few SMS back and forth. I would have prefered a Phonecall, but I was out all day and really busy...

    So finally he got me so mad, because he STILL wants an abortion. Wich I am absolutely NOT getting. He just dosent get that fact in his head.

    So I called him and he "pushed me out of the line?"..., I tried again, and again. So he switched his phone off. *******.
    Then I tried his homenumber. He didnt pick up. So maybe wasnt home.

    So I told him, if he insists on the abortion, I am out of his life. That I dont want anything to do with a guy who blackmails and threatens me emotianaly. That when I found out that I am pregnant, I needed a shoulder to lean on, or just a hug. A few nice words. Not someone who gets so mental about it...

    I think essentially I broke up with him. I know, doing it through sms wasent the sensibel thing to do, but I was so mad and hurt, that I just wanted to get it over with.

    He actually had the nerve, to tell me, that an abortion would be "good" for me, that I had to look out for my body and health. Sure now he is suddenly concerned about my health. Great chess move.

    I dont understand this guy anymore.
    I really loved him apart from all his problems. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him... but how he treated me the last few days, its like a totally different person. Such a jerk. It just hurts so much and I think I will need quite some time to get over it...

    Thanx for all your support!!!
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    Hi everyone Just popping by to say hi - I'm still pregnant, 41 weeks today - my little man's obviously comfy!
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    (Original post by PrincessAriadne)
    Hi everyone Just popping by to say hi - I'm still pregnant, 41 weeks today - my little man's obviously comfy!
    Hope you are feeling alright Enjoy sleeping while you can!
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    (Original post by Antigone89)
    XX
    Definitely sounds like he is trying to escape responsibility or take the easy way out.

    Most likely he will disappear for awhile, then he will show up again pretending all nice and when he thinks you're in a weak position or he has an upper hand, then he will ask you to abort again.. Very old tricks in the book which more than likely if he has any friends is telling him what to do.

    Just take care of yourself and make sure you don't let him pressure or sweet talk you into doing something you don't want.

    (Original post by PrincessAriadne)
    Hi everyone Just popping by to say hi - I'm still pregnant, 41 weeks today - my little man's obviously comfy!
    Hope all is well...

    (Original post by h82think)
    Hope you are feeling alright Enjoy sleeping while you can!
    I wish someone told me this before
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    (Original post by Erich Hartmann)
    I wish someone told me this before
    :ditto: I was so impatient to have the baby that I did not enjoy all the rest at all
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    (Original post by h82think)
    :ditto: I was so impatient to have the baby that I did not enjoy all the rest at all
    Aw I also didn't particularly enjoy my pregnancies either, not completely sure why.

    I think it's important to spend some quality time with the other half, because it's hard to get time together afterwards, even things like going to the cinema or out for lunch, just nice to be with each other when you're not ridiculously tired or clock watching for feed times!

    Hope all is well Princess A! x
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    (Original post by balloon_parade)
    even things like going to the cinema or out for lunch
    Definitely do those things!!! Although I love my son to pieces, I do miss going to the cinema
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    Hello everyone, next update.
    yesterday I told my mother, that I am pregnant, she already suspected so....
    Today I told my employer (she got a little shock) and the first thing she said was: I dont think I have baby cloth, we gave all away
    So at least my Family and workplace are very supportive.

    As to the FATHER. he makes me responsible for everything. He even wrote to my twinsister on facebook:eek: . A lot of crap, how sick he his, how all this is hurting him, how cold I am....... the list is endless

    Whatever. The thing that hurts me most is, that he says things like, "You never loved anyone in your life", "you got what you wanted, and now you dump me"... thats so horrible. And he makes me feel bad, even though I didnt do anything wrong.

    He now makes me down for breaking up with him. But I could no longer stay with someone, who makes everyone else responsible apart from himself:mad: ...
    He told my sister that he had another accute hearing loss yesterday and that he is in a clinic now. I dont even know if I should believe him this...
    Well he has Tinnitus, several prolapsed intervertebral discs and a few other things, Depression also.

    Just now he makes me mad.
    He wrote my sister, that we needed to tell my parents (wich I already have), that I am too young, ruining both our lives. I could just throw up at what he writes :mad:

    With all this stuff going on I start to feel I would be better of without him. And I suppose the child too. I dont want the baby to ever feel unwanted or unwelcome in this world.

    But the FATHER is just getting on my nerves now.
    I did everything for him for the last 1 1/2 years, and this is what I get back????
    Thanks but no.
    I am going to see a social worker tomorrow, to discuss my next stept.

    I cant stay with somebody who has the nerve to tell me I am a cheater, liar, unresponisble and selfish person. That I am cold and unloving. Because all these things are SO NOT TRUE. That makes me so mad.

    And now I am the coldblooded ***** that destroyed his live. I just cant believe he calls me that.
    Greets Antigone
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    Sorry I've not been on in a while, been really busy with the kids

    I'll do a catch up when I can but for now I really need some advise.

    Xander doesn't seem to be gaining any weight, last time he got weighed was in Jan 11, as a pre op thing. He weighed 22lbs and was aged 19months. I weighed him today on my mums scales, which given aren't very accurate but it came up as 1.5st: 21lbs. This means he's lost weight in the last 6 months My Oh doesn't think there is a problem and that Xander will fill out eventually, but I'm not too sure, he doesn't seem to be eating much never has really, but less so than usual. Has lots of energy during the day, doesn't stop bouncing

    I know he was prem and at birth was on the 25th centile, he then dropped to 9th which he stayed steady on and now is on the 5th

    I do try to feed him a variety of foods, but he's so used to what he knows he refuses to even look at it. I don't force him to eat as I believe that will only make it worse, which is not what I need.

    It started off that he'd eat/try basically anything we gave him. Then it was just potato based things like waffles, smiley faces etc with chicken nuggets/dinosaurs and a side order of beans. He decided about 3 months ago that all he'd eat would be just the nuggets and beans. Then only the nuggets with ketchup or another type of sauce. But now it's got to point that he just eats the sauce and only the sauce!

    Maybe he's bored I honestly don't know But yet he won't try anything else!

    And then here's my big problem!!! The foods he will eat and plenty of it are the likes of spaghetti bolognese, lasagne, chilli con carne, curry, chinese, indian (which he ate tonight and you can see it on facebook, dreading that nappy!!) even gave him Heinz spaghetti and some mince other day, seems to go right through him I've tend to make meal using different types of ingreidents i.e replacing jarred bolognese sauce with fresh tomato, tinned, puree, ketchup. Now I'm not a doctor but I believe that having diarrhea isn't healthy, so I tend not to give him that kind of food often. It's like catch 22: keep my child malnourished or give him food he likes that doesn't agree which him.

    I'm going to take him doctors and talk to my unhelpful Hv, also going to get him weighed accurately at clinic on Friday. But until then do you ladies have any advise?

    (Original post by Dream_Catcher)
    Sorry I've not been on in a while, been really busy with the kids

    I'll do a catch up when I can but for now I really need some advise.

    Xander doesn't seem to be gaining any weight, last time he got weighed was in Jan 11, as a pre op thing. He weighed 22lbs and was aged 19months. I weighed him today on my mums scales, which given aren't very accurate but it came up as 1.5st: 21lbs. This means he's lost weight in the last 6 months My Oh doesn't think there is a problem and that Xander will fill out eventually, but I'm not too sure, he doesn't seem to be eating much never has really, but less so than usual. Has lots of energy during the day, doesn't stop bouncing

    I know he was prem and at birth was on the 25th centile, he then dropped to 9th which he stayed steady on and now is on the 5th

    I do try to feed him a variety of foods, but he's so used to what he knows he refuses to even look at it. I don't force him to eat as I believe that will only make it worse, which is not what I need.

    It started off that he'd eat/try basically anything we gave him. Then it was just potato based things like waffles, smiley faces etc with chicken nuggets/dinosaurs and a side order of beans. He decided about 3 months ago that all he'd eat would be just the nuggets and beans. Then only the nuggets with ketchup or another type of sauce. But now it's got to point that he just eats the sauce and only the sauce!

    Maybe he's bored I honestly don't know But yet he won't try anything else!

    And then here's my big problem!!! The foods he will eat and plenty of it are the likes of spaghetti bolognese, lasagne, chilli con carne, curry, chinese, indian (which he ate tonight and you can see it on facebook, dreading that nappy!!) even gave him Heinz spaghetti and some mince other day, seems to go right through him I've tend to make meal using different types of ingreidents i.e replacing jarred bolognese sauce with fresh tomato, tinned, puree, ketchup. Now I'm not a doctor but I believe that having diarrhea isn't healthy, so I tend not to give him that kind of food often. It's like catch 22: keep my child malnourished or give him food he likes that doesn't agree which him.

    I'm going to take him doctors and talk to my unhelpful Hv, also going to get him weighed accurately at clinic on Friday. But until then do you ladies have any advise?
    Ella is similar shes 32 months so a bit older and only 26 lbs and has lost 2lbs since November. NOw below the 9th percentile the line she has remained on since birth. The difference I have is Ella eats absolutely anything, loves her veg and hasnt turned her nose up at anything. Id go to say she would carry on eating if I let her. I wouldnt try to give him big meals, just offer food often not 3 times a day traditional meal times. Also what about disguising foods, making mash with veg in it or something like that. I find if I offer Ella fruit and make a fuss of her eating it at snacktime, she will eat all of it. Stuff like making fresh gruit smooties might help too. But not meaning to worry you, my god son was the same, very upset tummy and it turns out he is latouse intolerent and dairy intolerent. now they know he is fine. He might not be eating because he associates eating with a poorly tumyx
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    There is absolutely no way I could disguise food for Xander. He doesn't miss a trick! I have food on plates laying around for him carrots, apple, cheese, breadsticks etc. Yet he just nibbles so certainly isn't refusing food because he's full :confused: Most of the time he eats his meals with us as a family so we encourage healthy eating habits, which is another thing I told the Hv when she last visited 8 weeks ago.

    I've recently been asking Xander "do you want mummy to help?" and he allows me to feed him 3/4 his yogurt and then I let him get remaining bit out. Seeing as there's not much left he doesn't spill it over himself accidently and end up with none going in his mouth.

    Xander would happily eat high riched food all day long, but my concern is that it's doing his bowels no good. Xander doesn't even know he's passing stools so any upset tummy is no worry to him. It's me thinking that it will cause problems later on in his life i.e IBS
 
 
 
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