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    (Original post by Tufts)
    I like the idea of putting the newborn in a sling so he can help himself to boob whenever we're out and about.

    btw I have a question about co-sleeping. I've just bought one of those "bedside cribs" that attaches directly to the bed. They're designed to be useful for nighttime breastfeeds. The theory is that you sleep close to the baby and they can help themselves to boob through the night without waking you too much. I can see how this would work with the boob closest to the crib, but what about the other one? For instance I will be attaching the crib to the right-hand side of the bed and lying on my right. So baba can have easy access to right boob. But the left boob will still be hard to reach. :confused: Does this mean I'll still have to lift baby and place him on the left for the left boob?


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    (Original post by HerRoyalHighness)
    Ive read there has beens everal baby death in traditonal slings, because baba has been suffocated.
    I've found http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2010/...n6292012.shtml Mostly about one type of sling..
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    (Original post by Tufts)
    I like the idea of putting the newborn in a sling so he can help himself to boob whenever we're out and about.

    btw I have a question about co-sleeping. I've just bought one of those "bedside cribs" that attaches directly to the bed. They're designed to be useful for nighttime breastfeeds. The theory is that you sleep close to the baby and they can help themselves to boob through the night without waking you too much. I can see how this would work with the boob closest to the crib, but what about the other one? For instance I will be attaching the crib to the right-hand side of the bed and lying on my right. So baba can have easy access to right boob. But the left boob will still be hard to reach. :confused: Does this mean I'll still have to lift baby and place him on the left for the left boob?
    When baby is tiny I always found it difficult to feed whilst co-sleeping without moving the baby over to the other side of me when I wanted to switch boobs. When the baby got bigger and I got the knack of things more, I was able to feed from either boob without moving the baby....it's a matter of sort of jiggling yourself around a bit!
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    Question : Which do you think is worse?

    A : A Dad that is home in the evenings after school for 2 weeks a month but away for the rest of the month.

    B : A Dad that is home from 4pm Friday till 6pm Sunday every week.

    Helpful if could state why and the pros and cons.
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    (Original post by Erich Hartmann)
    Question : Which do you think is worse?

    A : A Dad that is home in the evenings after school for 2 weeks a month but away for the rest of the month.

    B : A Dad that is home from 4pm Friday till 6pm Sunday every week.

    Helpful if could state why and the pros and cons.
    Neither.
    I have some very strong opinions on this which I'll keep to myself. All I'll add is that both my parents sorted out ways with their jobs to work at home a few days a week each while they had small children and I am still forever grateful; later on my mum also refused a few jobs where they stated they wouldn't allow her to work at home, and my dad sometimes brought me to work with him (but I was a very quiet child). I really still benefit from the attention they tried to give me.
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    (Original post by Erich Hartmann)
    Question : Which do you think is worse?

    A : A Dad that is home in the evenings after school for 2 weeks a month but away for the rest of the month.

    B : A Dad that is home from 4pm Friday till 6pm Sunday every week.

    Helpful if could state why and the pros and cons.
    I don't feel it's helpful to say, you just have to do what works for you as a family and try not to feel guilty. Which would YOU prefer? Balancing work and family life is very difficult and you shouldn't have to justify your choices.
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    p.s I got married on Sat! It was fantastic! I shall post a few sneaky pictures later x

    (Original post by Erich Hartmann)
    Question : Which do you think is worse?

    A : A Dad that is home in the evenings after school for 2 weeks a month but away for the rest of the month.

    B : A Dad that is home from 4pm Friday till 6pm Sunday every week.

    Helpful if could state why and the pros and cons.
    Neither is right and you know you have to do what you have to do to provide for your family. Me and my partner both work and Dave works 7 days a week right now but it is neccessary due to the nature of his job in agriculture and its potato lifting season. Ella has a fab relationship with him.

    (Original post by Zenobia)
    Neither.
    I have some very strong opinions on this which I'll keep to myself. All I'll add is that both my parents sorted out ways with their jobs to work at home a few days a week each while they had small children and I am still forever grateful; later on my mum also refused a few jobs where they stated they wouldn't allow her to work at home, and my dad sometimes brought me to work with him (but I was a very quiet child). I really still benefit from the attention they tried to give me.
    Yes thats very good, but in this day and age where jobs are sparse (particularly in my part of the country), you cannot be too picky. Spending all day with Ella wont pay the rent, the council tax, utilities and keep food in our belly. In an Ideal world, this would be the case and your parents were lucky they could do so. My Mum was a full time mum till I was 16 but we just cant do that and it makes me sad that Ella does not see Dave very much at all right now.
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    (Original post by HerRoyalHighness)
    Yes thats very good, but in this day and age where jobs are sparse (particularly in my part of the country), you cannot be too picky. Spending all day with Ella wont pay the rent, the council tax, utilities and keep food in our belly. In an Ideal world, this would be the case and your parents were lucky they could do so. My Mum was a full time mum till I was 16 but we just cant do that and it makes me sad that Ella does not see Dave very much at all right now.
    To be fair, my parents didn't just get lucky. They made sure they could work that way before deciding to have children.
    Edit: of course keeping in mind they decided that themselves; naturally not everyone plans it that way.
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    (Original post by balloon_parade)
    p.s I got married on Sat! It was fantastic! I shall post a few sneaky pictures later x

    Congrats! Would love to see some pics, i always love weddings photos. My cousin is getting married in the summer next year and i am helping her with everything, so much organising!
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    (Original post by Erich Hartmann)
    Question : Which do you think is worse?

    A : A Dad that is home in the evenings after school for 2 weeks a month but away for the rest of the month.

    B : A Dad that is home from 4pm Friday till 6pm Sunday every week.

    Helpful if could state why and the pros and cons.
    I feel like Zenobia does to be honest so I wont say how exactly I feel, but basically your kids need a dad in their life. My dad worked 8am-7pm Mon-fri when I was a kid as he runs his own 3 businesses, but my mum made him come home at 5pm one night during the week and take me out some place, just me and him. And it made our relationship stronger...
    Dad time is important, and I understand dads have to work, as do all parents...and some work long awful hours, but then, (and I dont mean this towards anyone at all), but why have kids if you're going to be a part time dad? I'd have loved to have spent more time with my dad when i was kid if i could have....

    well I dont want to upset anyone, but Dave has an amazing relationship with Ella and its not like this all the time. Its a massive responsibility you feel. That child needs to be fed, watered, provided for. You would soon complain if I was a benefit thieving person. sometimes in life, the ideal is not reality. I am proud of him for working for us as a family and to say we should not have kids or he is less of a father insults me deeply.
    I hope ella grows up to appreciate all we did for her and our family. the time daddy has with her is quality and she adores him.

    (Original post by Zenobia)
    To be fair, my parents didn't just get lucky. They made sure they could work that way before deciding to have children.
    Edit: of course keeping in mind they decided that themselves; naturally not everyone plans it that way.
    They are lucky they could have that choice. Most parents have to take what ever work they can. My parents live in a half a million pound house and i had a privillaged upbringing, but my father worked a lot and i didnt see him much. However, i have learnt the value of work and we have a good relationship. You will learn your ideal is not always possible in life and sacrafices have to be made. We hate the fact Dave works lots but we would not afford this house (and you know its a 2 up 2 down, nothing fancy as Katherine will confirm), shopping, council tax the lot.
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    (Original post by Zenobia)
    Neither.
    I have some very strong opinions on this which I'll keep to myself. All I'll add is that both my parents sorted out ways with their jobs to work at home a few days a week each while they had small children and I am still forever grateful; later on my mum also refused a few jobs where they stated they wouldn't allow her to work at home, and my dad sometimes brought me to work with him (but I was a very quiet child). I really still benefit from the attention they tried to give me.
    (Original post by Zenobia)
    To be fair, my parents didn't just get lucky. They made sure they could work that way before deciding to have children.
    Edit: of course keeping in mind they decided that themselves; naturally not everyone plans it that way.
    You were fortunate your parents had jobs that allowed them to do that. Your parents are fortunate things went according to plan. For millions of families this is simply not the case.


    (Original post by **CutiePie**)
    I feel like Zenobia does to be honest so I wont say how exactly I feel, but basically your kids need a dad in their life. My dad worked 8am-7pm Mon-fri when I was a kid as he runs his own 3 businesses, but my mum made him come home at 5pm one night during the week and take me out some place, just me and him. And it made our relationship stronger...
    Dad time is important, and I understand dads have to work, as do all parents...and some work long awful hours, but then, (and I dont mean this towards anyone at all), but why have kids if you're going to be a part time dad? I'd have loved to have spent more time with my dad when i was kid if i could have....
    I would love to have a job that allows me to be home every night in time for dinner. I would love it if I could spend more time with my family and I'd love it if I could have control over such things.

    (Original post by HerRoyalHighness)
    Yes thats very good, but in this day and age where jobs are sparse (particularly in my part of the country), you cannot be too picky. Spending all day with Ella wont pay the rent, the council tax, utilities and keep food in our belly. In an Ideal world, this would be the case and your parents were lucky they could do so. My Mum was a full time mum till I was 16 but we just cant do that and it makes me sad that Ella does not see Dave very much at all right now.
    You couldn't have put reality any better.

    (Original post by balloon_parade)
    I don't feel it's helpful to say, you just have to do what works for you as a family and try not to feel guilty. Which would YOU prefer? Balancing work and family life is very difficult and you shouldn't have to justify your choices.
    Congratulations on your wedding.

    TBH I would love to leave this job and industry, but am too old to make a switch and it's not fair on my family if they have to go through a downgrade because of a decrease in income levels through choice.

    But most likely I will take being based permanently in Zurich for the next 5 years or so and return every weekend.
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    EH: if your job is so good, why can't your family come to Zurich? Germans schools are good and an international upbringing could only come with advantages.
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    (Original post by Nynyflower)
    I personally think kids are way more important than money, but there you go.
    agreed, they are, but without money you end up with one hungry kid!
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    (Original post by Erich Hartmann)
    Question : Which do you think is worse?

    A : A Dad that is home in the evenings after school for 2 weeks a month but away for the rest of the month.

    B : A Dad that is home from 4pm Friday till 6pm Sunday every week.

    Helpful if could state why and the pros and cons.
    Hello, I was checking this thread out of boredom and I happened to come across your question. I would say B is better, because you get to be there for the entire weekend, which is when most families get to do things together anyway. The kids have school etc during the week so you get to see them in their free time.

    To everyone saying things like "kids need their fathers" etc, you have a very idealistic view about modern households and I hope that life won't prove to you that sometimes things are not perfect. Some of you have been quite judgemental but in my opinion a parent needs to provide for their children and that entails everything from a decent house, food, a good education to a vacation once in a while. Personally, if I reached the age of 18 and wasn't able to go to a good university because my parents had decided to work less, I would feel pretty bad about it. And opportunities like that can affect someone's life forever.

    On the other hand, having a good relationship with your kids does not mean being there 24/7. It means actually communicating with them when you are there, and trying your best to be there as much as you can.

    I don't even want to imagine what some of you must think of divorced parents and of the relationship the parent living out can have with their children.
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    This is an interesting one, as i can see both sides to the discussion.

    Obviously your children are more important to you than money, but as someone has said money is needed for you all to live. To be honest i feel if you have to be away, that is just the way it has to be. My dad was around every evening and weekends and didn't really bother with us too much, although now i am older he does a lot more. I believe if you came home at weekends and the weekends were just family time, so you were there and definitely not working that this could be a good comprimise. I would much rather had a Dad that comes home at weekends and makes lots of effort. Just make sure you engage with them lots when you are around, which i am sure you do. Maybe have some kinda routine with them when you are home so it doesn't feel like a flying visit each time, not really sure what i mean, i dunno like stories or special days out. I think your children would grow up to appreciate your work ethic but also still adore you. I believe there isn't a right or wrong way to parent, everyone just has to do what is right for them, every way has negative and postive consequences.
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    Sorry, I'd had a bit to drink last night before posting that. I was brought up on a low income with just my Dad working to start with and then my mum working as a school cook subsequently. We had 3 (sun newspaper and camping) holidays a year, and whilst we didn't have expensive clothes or anything, we ate well and having a lot of contact with my mum has meant I am very close to her now. My dad I am not so close to simply because when he wasn't at work he would be drunk, but that kind of moves away from my point. I don't think you can ever replace time spent with your children, even if this sacrifices having a high income job. I know I'm probably not qualified to comment as I'm not a parent but it's also not that long since I was a child. My parents are now divorced and I don't get to see my Dad as much as I'd like to, but we're all a bit older now.

    I think you need to do what's best given your situation (speaking to Erich now), and since you will be working away, make sure you spend as much time with your children as is possible when you are home. Don't buy guilt presents, there was a girl in my year at school who was horrendous, she was spoilt as her dad worked away and bought her things rather than spending time with her.
 
 
 
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